“Yes and no.” Yun Huizhou frowned in thought, seemingly unsure of how to put it into words.
Qu Tingquan saw his hesitation and understood the meaning behind his words. He wasn’t resisting these feelings; rather, there were some issues in the middle that left him at a loss for what to do.
Thus, Qu Tingquan said, “To be honest, I didn’t expect Brother Yun to come and ask me, but… if Brother Yun doesn’t mind, could you explain in detail? Otherwise, if I don’t know the specifics, I might end up doing more harm than good.”
Seeing Qu Tingquan offer an opening, Yun Huizhou stopped hesitating and simply voiced the matters that were troubling him.
“I don’t know exactly when my feelings for him changed. I’ll start from after we returned to Drunken Dream Island together last year.”
“Alright.” Qu Tingquan did not show any impatience at Yun Huizhou stretching out the timeline; instead, she maintained an expression of attentive listening.
“For the past year on Drunken Dream Island, Lian Li wore women’s clothing. He was very beautiful in them. To be honest, I was stunned the first moment I saw him.”
“His personality is quite lively. After he changed into women’s clothes back then, he kept pestering me. Anyway, he kept it up for a long time, probably over half a year.”
“At the time, I didn’t have any particular thoughts. In fact, under his constant pestering, although that initial spark of amazement didn’t disappear, my heart eventually became as still as water.”
“But just a while ago, some things happened. I don’t want to go into too much detail about exactly what happened, but regardless, I realized that my feelings for him might not be pure brotherly affection anymore.”
“This is also the point that confuses me. I am certain that I liked women before. Even when I felt that first spark of amazement, it was toward Lian Li’s female appearance.”
“So now, I can’t figure out where these feelings originate. Do I only like that non-existent woman? Is it just because that woman and Lian Li share the same face that I’ve developed the illusion of having feelings for Lian Li himself?”
Qu Tingquan completely hadn’t expected that this was the problem troubling Yun Huizhou.
She had originally thought he was troubled because he couldn’t accept liking a man, or perhaps he realized Lian Li didn’t like men at all, or that Lian Li was repulsed by such things between men.
Now it seemed she had been thinking in the wrong direction.
Qu Tingquan also frowned, and after thinking seriously for a moment, she said, “But wasn’t that always Junior Brother Lian? Why are you obsessing over this?”
“It’s different,” Yun Huizhou answered very seriously. “If my feelings originate from that non-existent woman, then it means the one I like isn’t Lian Li himself. If I were to get close to the real Lian Li just because I feel that woman was his disguise anyway, it would be unfair to him.”
He pursed his lips, thought for a moment, and then used a term Lian Li had mentioned when writing his storybooks.
“It would be like treating the real Lian Li as a substitute for that non-existent woman. I remember in the storybooks, Lian Li mentioned something called ‘Substitute Literature.’ Its essence is that the love isn’t pure. Whether it’s the feelings for some ‘White Moonlight’ or the feelings for the later substitute, it insults two people at once.”
After he said all that, Qu Tingquan finally understood what he was agonizing over.
The problem was that he couldn’t distinguish who he actually liked—the non-existent woman, or the real Lian Li who was a man.
This question stumped Qu Tingquan for a moment, and she couldn’t think of how to answer.
Seeing Qu Tingquan fall silent, a flash of disappointment crossed Yun Huizhou’s eyes. He sighed softly. It made sense; Miss Qu was a woman, and although she and Brother Zhao had a happy relationship, they were, after all, a man and a woman.
Since he and Lian Li were two men, the situations naturally couldn’t be lumped together.
Since he couldn’t get an answer, he didn’t plan to stay any longer and prepared to stand up and take his leave.
“Brother Yun, but your care and indulgence toward Junior Brother Lian himself are real,” Qu Tingquan said after thinking for a long time. She finally decided to bring up Zhao Honglan and his junior brothers for comparison. “At the very least, Honglan wouldn’t be so meticulous toward the junior brothers in the Qinghong Sword Sect.”
Yun Huizhou pursed his lips, wanting to say it was different. Zhao Honglan had a whole crowd of junior brothers and sisters; if he were as meticulous to all of them as Yun Huizhou was to Lian Li, Zhao Honglan wouldn’t be able to finish being meticulous to everyone even in twelve double-hours a day.
“I only have this one junior brother,” he said.
Qu Tingquan smiled and pointed to herself. “He’s probably only that meticulous toward me.”
“But…” Yun Huizhou was still very conflicted. “That only proves I have unusual feelings for Lian Li; it doesn’t determine who those feelings are directed toward.”
Qu Tingquan sighed inwardly. She was already certain. Whether Brother Yun had feelings for that non-existent woman was unclear, but his feelings for Junior Brother Lian himself were definitely not pure.
However, it was useless for her to see it clearly; she had to find a way for Brother Yun to see it for himself.
“Brother Yun, you say you’re afraid you were moved by Junior Brother Lian’s female disguise and that you essentially still like women. Why don’t you think of it this way?” A smile curled at the corner of Qu Tingquan’s mouth. “If Honglan dressed up as a woman, how would you feel seeing him?”
Yun Huizhou: “…”
He imagined Zhao Honglan in women’s clothing. Zhao Honglan didn’t have a coarse appearance; his entire aura was like a clear breeze and a bright moon, his face like carved jade—a standard handsome man.
If he were dressed up properly, he would definitely look like a great beauty.
But the moment Yun Huizhou replaced Lian Li’s face with Zhao Honglan’s, the expression on his face became extremely distorted. He felt it was truly terrifying.
Watching his face change with her own eyes, Qu Tingquan couldn’t help but turn her head away and chuckle. “The difference between imagination and reality might be quite large. Junior Brother Lian is your fellow disciple, and Honglan is also like a brother to you. It just so happens Honglan is here, and his build is similar to Senior Xi’s. Why don’t we go borrow a set of clothes from Senior Xi? How about you see it with your own eyes? With a comparison, perhaps the thoughts in your heart will become clearer.”
Yun Huizhou’s face instantly shifted from distorted to confused, then bewildered, then shocked.
Then, in an instant, it returned to calm.
He answered, “Alright.”
In the evening, Zhao Honglan, who was waiting to eat with Qu Tingquan, was met by Yun Huizhou, Qu Tingquan, and a full set of women’s clothing.
Zhao Honglan’s face stiffened slightly. “Tingquan, Brother Yun, what is the meaning of this?”
Qu Tingquan walked over with a beaming smile and adjusted Zhao Honglan’s collar. “Don’t ask. Just put it on. Brother Yun and I definitely won’t tell anyone about this.”
Zhao Honglan’s face became a mask of pain.
However, Qu Tingquan was unwilling to explain the reason; she just looked at him with a beaming smile, her eyes brooking no refusal.
He looked at Yun Huizhou, but Yun Huizhou turned his head away, unwilling to meet his gaze.
He had only been away from Tingquan for one afternoon—what on earth had happened?!
