Chapter 38
“Aunt?”
He was surprised to see her, her arms laden with grocery bags, as if she had just returned from the market.
“Xiaoying! Help me with these,” she said.
He put down the feather duster and took the bags, placing them on the table.
“What’s all this?” he asked, unpacking the bags.
Cured meat, pickled vegetables, honey, a thermos… and freshly steamed buns, still warm.
“What do you think? Your favorite things,” she said, opening his refrigerator with a knowing look. “Look at this! Empty again! How many times do I have to tell you to stop eating takeout? Cook at home! It’s healthier! But you never listen. You’re such a worrywart.”
She started putting the groceries away.
“These buns are freshly steamed. I’ll leave a few in the refrigerator for you; just reheat them. The rest I’ll put in the freezer. I also made some pickled vegetables: radish, cucumber, garlic. All your favorites. And some wild mushrooms. Someone gave them to me; they’re delicious. I brought the rest for you. And the cured meats…”
“You just steamed these buns? What time did you get up?” he interrupted.
“It doesn’t matter. Just eat them.”
She picked up the thermos, her face beaming. “I was worried I’d miss you before you left for work. Here, eat this while it’s hot.”
He opened the thermos and saw shrimp congee with mushrooms.
It was still steaming. He stared at it, speechless, then she handed him a red bean steamed bun.
“What are you waiting for? Eat!” she said, sitting down across from him, her eyes filled with concern. “You’ve lost weight again.”
His first thought was that she knew about his illness.
But her cheerful demeanor confused him. She wouldn’t be acting like this if she knew.
But why else would she be here? It was so unexpected.
“Aunt, why are you here?” he asked.
“Just missed you. Wanted to see you. I worry about you being alone here.”
She sighed, then quickly changed the subject, as if fearing her own emotions would upset him. “Eat up. You’ll be late for work.”
“Okay.” He started eating the congee.
The warmth spread through him, giving him strength.
“Maybe…” his aunt started to say, then stopped, hesitating.
“What is it, Aunt?”
“Maybe you should come home, Xiaoying. Come home with me. I’ll take care of you. What’s the point of earning so much money? You can find another job back home, something less stressful, even if it pays less. You’re working too hard.”
She sighed again, her eyes filled with concern. “Big cities are… not for us. Come home with me.”
He didn’t respond, just continued eating, then asked, “Did someone tell you something, Aunt?”
“No, no,” she denied quickly. “I just worry about you. And Ruoruo misses you too.”
He couldn’t get any answers from her, so he finished his breakfast, forcing himself to eat despite the growing discomfort in his stomach.
“I’m finished, Aunt,” he said, standing up. “I have to go to work now. We’ll talk later.”
“Okay.” She stood up as well. “What do you want for lunch? I’ll make it and bring it to you.”
“No need, Aunt,” he said, not wanting to trouble her.
But she insisted. “Nonsense. Tell me. I’m leaving tomorrow. I won’t have many chances to cook for you.”
“Stir-fried pork with chili peppers, then.”
“Okay.” She beamed, finally letting him leave.
He stepped outside, rubbing his stomach. He wasn’t used to eating so much; it felt uncomfortable.
He paused for a moment before pulling out his phone and calling Pei Songji.
Pei Songji answered after a long while, as if he had been busy.
“Hello,” he said.
“Did you send my aunt here?” Jing Ciying asked directly.
Silence.
He knew the answer.
“Did you tell her about my illness?” he asked, his voice laced with anger.
“No,” Pei Songji said quickly. “I just told her you weren’t feeling well and sent someone to pick her up.”
Jing Ciying was relieved. His aunt wouldn’t be so calm if she knew the truth.
It was better this way. He wasn’t sure she could handle it.
“Why did you tell her I wasn’t well?” he asked, although he had a suspicion.
Pei Songji didn’t answer. “I bought Happy some new toys. I’ll give them to you later.”
“Later? What do you…”
He saw Pei Songji standing at the intersection.
He knew Pei Songji had been waiting for him, so he didn’t try to avoid him. He hung up and walked towards him.
“Going to work?” Pei Songji asked casually, as if their argument at the hospital had never happened.
“Yes,” Jing Ciying nodded, looking at him.
Although Pei Songji was dressed impeccably, he looked exhausted, as if he hadn’t slept all night.
“I’ll give you a ride,” Pei Songji said, opening the car door for him.
Jing Ciying got in, surprised by his solicitousness but too tired to comment.
Pei Songji handed him a bag filled with cat toys and miniature dresses for Happy.
“Thank you,” Jing Ciying said, his heart softening.
“You’re welcome.” Pei Songji started the car.
Jing Ciying examined the tiny dresses, beautifully crafted, with delicate lace and tiny pearl buttons.
He loved them and wanted to dress Happy up immediately.
But then he remembered his illness.
If he were gone, who would take care of Happy? He suddenly understood Pei Songji’s intentions.
“You…” he turned to Pei Songji.
“What is it?”
“What if I…”
Pei Songji interrupted him, as if knowing what he was about to say. “You take care of your own cat. I’m not taking over.”
Jing Ciying fell silent, looking out the window.
Pei Songji knew he was upset but didn’t offer any comfort, just continued driving.
They didn’t speak until they arrived at Huaisi.
As Jing Ciying was about to get out of the car, Pei Songji stopped him. “Wait.”
“What is it?”
Pei Songji looked at him for a moment. “I know I’m not enough of a reason for you to keep fighting, but you have your aunt, you have Happy. For them… you have to keep going.”
“Don’t give up.”
“Please.”
It was the second time he had heard Pei Songji plead.
He had never imagined such humility from him.
Why was he being so subservient?
He didn’t have to.
Was he really that important?
He didn’t know how to respond, clutching the bag of cat toys, the only tangible thing he had left.
When he first received the diagnosis, he had felt indifferent, even relieved. Perhaps it was a way out, a chance to reunite with his family.
He hadn’t seen a reason to keep fighting.
But Pei Songji had just given him one.
Yes, he had his aunt, he had Happy. He couldn’t give up.
They were waiting for him.
“Okay,” he said finally. “I’ll talk to my boss and get hospitalized.”
“Really?” Pei Songji’s eyes lit up, his voice filled with relief. “I’ll go with you. We’ll go to the hospital right now. I’ll find the best doctors. Don’t worry.”
Jing Ciying looked at him for a long moment. “Thank you,” he said softly.
“Don’t mention it. You took care of me for years. It’s my turn now.”
Jing Ciying smiled, the words he had been holding back finally escaping.
“I knew you were concerned about me yesterday. I was just… scared.”
“Scared?”
“Yes. You know… my sister was in the hospital for so long. I thought I was used to it, but I’m not. I’m still terrified of hospitals.”
“I hate the cold corridors, the smell of disinfectant, the needles, the beeping machines, the doctors, the nurses… that feeling of helplessness, like being toyed with by fate, knowing that no matter how hard you try, the ending is always the same.”
“So I didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want to end up like my sister, fighting a losing battle, lying there with tubes and wires attached to my body.”
“I was so scared.”
He lost control, his voice rising, his suppressed emotions finally erupting. “I haven’t done anything wrong! I’ve tried so hard! Why is this happening to me?”
“I didn’t do anything wrong! I’m just… so sad. I’ve tried so hard. Why? Why can’t I just be happy?”
“Why?”
As he spoke, he felt arms around him, pulling him into a warm embrace.
For the first time in years, he wasn’t alone.
“It’ll be alright. I’m here,” Pei Songji whispered in his ear.
The warmth of the embrace was comforting, and he didn’t pull away, resting his head against Pei Songji’s chest, tears finally streaming down his face.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.
Pei Songji’s shirt was getting wet.
“I didn’t mean to refuse hospitalization yesterday. I was just… sad. I couldn’t see a reason to keep fighting.”
“I know,” Pei Songji said, stroking his back gently. “It’ll be alright.”
“Will it?” he asked, his voice weak, wanting to believe him but lacking the strength.
Pei Songji held him tighter. “Yes,” he said firmly.
“Trust me. Everything will be alright.”
