Chapter 39
As soon as Jing Ciying’s aunt left, Pei Songji arranged for his hospitalization, helped him request leave from work, and then checked himself into the same hospital.
Ji Shuhuai, learning about Jing Ciying’s illness, visited him.
The hospital setting triggered memories of their previous encounters, when they had both been caring for loved ones. Now, Jing Ciying was the patient.
Ji Shuhuai’s expression was a mixture of concern and sadness.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have given you so much work…”
“It’s not your fault, Mr. Ji,” Jing Ciying said quickly. “It’s years of neglecting my health.”
There was no point in arguing about it now. “Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Anything at all,” Ji Shuhuai offered.
“Thank you, Mr. Ji,” Jing Ciying said gratefully.
Ji Shuhuai shook his head, glancing at Pei Songji, who was talking to the doctor in the hallway. “Are you two… together now?”
“No,” Jing Ciying denied immediately.
“Oh, I apologize. I misunderstood. I thought…” he paused. “Mr. Pei seems very concerned about you. But that’s not important right now. Focus on getting better.”
“Yes.” Jing Ciying nodded, looking at Pei Songji, who noticed his gaze and offered a reassuring smile.
The smile made Jing Ciying’s heart ache. He clutched the sheets, a strange feeling washing over him.
Ji Shuhuai didn’t stay long, Pei Songji escorting him out.
He returned with a thermos of pork rib soup.
“You must be hungry. Eat something,” he said, serving him a bowl.
Jing Ciying took the bowl but didn’t eat. “What did the doctor say?”
Pei Songji hesitated, trying to change the subject. “Eat first. We’ll talk later.”
“Is it serious?” Jing Ciying asked, sensing his reluctance.
“No,” Pei Songji said quickly, his voice lacking conviction. He looked down, fussing with Jing Ciying’s blankets. “Don’t worry. I’ve consulted the best specialists. You’ll be fine.”
Jing Ciying, seeing his evasiveness, put down the bowl.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you want soup?” Pei Songji asked quickly.
Jing Ciying poured him a bowl. “It smells delicious. Let’s eat together.”
Pei Songji, surprised, took the bowl, smiled at him, and they ate in silence.
After the meal, Jing Ciying felt sleepy and drifted off to sleep.
Perhaps because of Pei Songji’s presence, the hospital wasn’t as terrifying as he had imagined.
It was strangely peaceful.
He didn’t have to worry about anything, food appeared whenever he was hungry, and he could sleep whenever he felt tired.
The rest and regular meals improved his complexion; he hadn’t vomited again and almost looked healthy.
He woke up in the darkness, the room lit only by the faint glow from the hallway.
He looked around; Pei Songji wasn’t there. The cot was empty.
He checked his phone. Almost midnight. Had Pei Songji gone home?
Surely not.
Since his hospitalization, Pei Songji had barely left his side. He got out of bed and went looking for him.
The hospital corridor was quiet and deserted, the fluorescent lights casting long shadows.
He couldn’t find him. He was about to go back and call him when he passed the stairwell.
He remembered hiding in stairwells during his sister’s illness, seeking refuge in their quiet corners.
He had a feeling Pei Songji might be there.
He opened the door and saw Pei Songji standing by the window, looking out at the night.
Pei Songji turned, seeing him, and forced a smile. “You’re awake. Are you thirsty? Do you want some water?”
Jing Ciying shook his head, approaching him, catching a faint whiff of cigarette smoke.
“Have you been smoking?”
“No…” Pei Songji tried to deny it, then, realizing it was pointless, admitted, “Just one.”
“Smoking is bad for you. Take care of your health, or you’ll end up like me…” He stopped himself, realizing the inappropriateness of his words.
Pei Songji fell silent, as if hurt by his remark.
Jing Ciying tried to salvage the situation, but Pei Songji spoke first.
“I wish it were me lying in that bed.”
“Don’t say that!” Jing Ciying said sharply.
Pei Songji, seeing his anger, forced a smile.
But his smile only made Jing Ciying feel worse. “Don’t smile if you don’t mean it. You look worse when you’re forcing a smile.”
“Do I?” Pei Songji touched his face.
“Yes. You’re making me feel like I’m about to die…”
Pei Songji covered his mouth, stopping his words.
He quickly removed his hand, but the warmth lingered, a subtle, persistent reminder of their touch.
Jing Ciying stared at him, speechless, then turned away, seeing Pei Songji’s intense gaze, as if fearing he would utter more ominous words.
He chuckled, amused by Pei Songji’s reaction.
“What’s so funny?” Pei Songji asked, puzzled.
Jing Ciying rubbed his eyes, still smiling. “Nothing. Just… life is strange. I never imagined you taking care of me, especially like this.”
“You took care of me too. We’re even,” Pei Songji said quickly.
“That’s true,” Jing Ciying agreed.
Although it wasn’t autumn yet, the night air was cool. “It’s cold out here. Let’s go back inside,” Pei Songji said, concerned.
“Okay.” He looked at the moon, then asked, “Is my condition… very serious?”
“No,” Pei Songji said immediately.
Jing Ciying sighed. “Mr. Pei, you’re a terrible liar.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. You never look people in the eye when you lie.”
Pei Songji realized he had been staring at the wall. He looked at Jing Ciying, then quickly looked away again.
He couldn’t lie to him. He sighed and admitted the truth.
“It’s mid-stage, but the doctor said the cancer hasn’t spread. The surgery will cure you. I’m not lying. I’ll find the best surgeon. You’ll be fine.”
Jing Ciying had expected worse. The news, although not good, was better than he had anticipated. He accepted it calmly. “I see…”
Pei Songji, still worried, said, “Don’t be afraid.”
Jing Ciying chuckled. “I’m not afraid. You don’t have to treat me like I’m made of glass. You weren’t like this before.”
“Before?” Pei Songji seemed to be searching his memory, then asked, “What was I like before?”
Jing Ciying had plenty to say. He was no longer Pei Songji’s employee; he could speak freely.
“You were a heartless boss who treated me like a slave, expecting me to be on call 24/7, capable of anything and everything, anticipating your every whim, ensuring your environment was perfectly tailored to your preferences, all while maintaining a cheerful disposition and never complaining. You even made me bring you a pen on New Year’s Eve! I had you listed as ‘Pei Skinflint’ in my contacts.”
“Pei Skinflint?” Pei Songji didn’t seem offended, just thoughtful.
Jing Ciying stopped, seeing his silence. “Are you angry?”
“No,” Pei Songji said. “I’m just… realizing how badly I treated you.”
“Yes,” Jing Ciying agreed. “You were terrible.”
Pei Songji’s expression darkened.
Jing Ciying, fearing he had upset him, added quickly, “But you were also… better than most bosses.”
“Better how?” Pei Songji asked.
“Generous. Although you were demanding, you paid me well. And that money… it helped me take care of my sister. So, I’m grateful for that.”
He had expected Pei Songji to be pleased, but he just looked at him, his eyes filled with an emotion Jing Ciying couldn’t decipher.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Pei Songji said, looking away.
But Jing Ciying persisted. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” Pei Songji repeated. “Just… regret.”
“Regret what?” Jing Ciying asked, curious.
“Regretting not treating you better. Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t be ill. None of this would have happened. You’ve always been so frail, with your hypoglycemia, and I never even noticed. Why? Why didn’t I…”
His words became jumbled, his voice filled with emotion.
He stopped himself, taking a deep breath. “What I mean is…”
“What I mean is… I wish I had realized my feelings for you sooner.”
