Chapter 2
Xie Zhang did glance back.
And his gaze lingered on the shadow flailing dramatically in the mirror.
After washing up, Xie Zhang’s damp hair fell in strands across his forehead, his skin pale and unhealthy from prolonged lack of sunlight.
But Xie Zhang had striking features. As Song Jingmo had once said, with a touch of playful jealousy, it was a beautiful face wasted on a man with the personality of a computer programmer, always stern and aloof, a waste of those upturned phoenix eyes.
Those phoenix eyes were now slightly lowered, seemingly lost in thought, but actually focused on the shadow, which had extended a thin, long tendril, pointing at the rows of bottles and jars on the bathroom shelf, as if choosing its next target.
Few people would normally pay attention to the silent, unobtrusive shadow trailing behind them, unless it came to life.
The shadow hanging from the shelf seemed agonizingly indecisive, twisting itself into the shape of a towel, unable to choose which bottle to knock over.
Xie Zhang looked up at himself in the mirror again, his eyes unnervingly calm.
Or perhaps, he was simply losing his mind.
Xie Zhang turned on the faucet, dried his hands with a towel, his movements slow, his gaze fixed on the indecisive shadow behind him.
Then he saw the shadow lift its head, quickly slide down from the shelf, and settle obediently by the door, as if waiting for him to open it and leave.
It even seemed a little smug.
An unfamiliar presence, yet exhibiting the little quirks he knew so well.
Xie Zhang froze for a few seconds, a flicker of confusion in his eyes.
Song Jingmo, initially preoccupied with deciding what to break, noticed Xie Zhang drying his hands and knew he was about to leave. He quickly slid down from the shelf, composing himself, determined not to give Xie Zhang another chance to stretch him into a glitching mess.
What if he accidentally knocked over all the precious little bottles on the shelf?!
As expected, after hanging up the towel, Xie Zhang turned and left the bathroom.
Song Jingmo followed dutifully, gradually mastering the art of being a normal shadow.
If Xie Zhang’s shadow had a tail, Song Jingmo would have been wagging it furiously.
Xie Zhang stumbled slightly but quickly regained his composure. After taking a deep breath, he walked resolutely back to the bedroom.
Song Jingmo swayed back and forth at Xie Zhang’s feet. The bedroom, unlike the bathroom, was pitch black. No matter how much the shadow acted up, the blind-as-a-bat Xie Zhang wouldn’t see a thing—
“Click!”
The bedroom light flickered on, illuminating the room and Xie Zhang, who stood by the switch.
Song Jingmo instinctively recoiled to Xie Zhang’s feet.
But a second later, he realized his mistake.
Wait, why was he hiding?!
He wanted Xie Zhang to notice him!
With this in mind, Song Jingmo boldly stretched himself out, wriggling on the floor in front of Xie Zhang like a dancing seaweed toy.
Staring at the abstractly dancing shadow, Xie Zhang was inexplicably reminded of the seaweed toy Song Jingmo had bought online a few years ago.
It was originally a cat toy, with annoyingly catchy music and a faulty on/off switch. But for some reason, Song Jingmo had found the wriggling, bright green thing endearingly ugly and let it dance around the house for a week.
During that time, all Xie Zhang could hear was “like a seaweed, seaweed, dancing in the waves,” and he almost developed a PTSD-like aversion to the color green.
But now…
Xie Zhang suddenly thought the inky black, flailing seaweed was rather cute.
Emboldened by the darkness, Song Jingmo looked up at Xie Zhang and saw him smile unexpectedly.
It was the same smile Song Jingmo had seen so often, warm and indulgent, truly beautiful.
But the problem was…
Song Jingmo discreetly twisted himself 360 degrees, confirming that there was indeed only Xie Zhang, a single upright human, in the room.
So, what was he smiling at?
Could there be something else, something unseen, in the room with them?
It was embarrassing to admit, but Song Jingmo was afraid of the dark, afraid of ghosts, and he fainted at the sight of blood. He embodied all three elements of horror movie vulnerability.
Fearful people tend to overthink. Xie Zhang’s single smile conjured up a whole horror movie in Song Jingmo’s mind, and he curled up in fear.
Seeing the previously flailing shadow shrink into a trembling ball, trying to hide under a discarded pillow, Xie Zhang quickly realized it was afraid.
The corners of Xie Zhang’s lips twitched. He wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t help but sigh.
“You… even in my hallucinations, you’re still so timid?”
Song Jingmo, who had puffed up into an inky black pufferfish, desperately trying to merge with the pillow: “?”
He kicked the pillow away.
Xie Zhang chuckled again.
Song Jingmo: “…”
Good news: Xie Zhang wasn’t blind; he knew his shadow was acting up.
Bad news: Xie Zhang’s mind was playing tricks on him; he thought he was hallucinating.
Song Jingmo stared up blankly at Xie Zhang, who crouched down and poked the shadow with his finger, a smile on his face. The entire shadow went numb.
Xie Zhang poked for a while. Seeing the shadow freeze, his smile vanished, his expression instantly reverting to the lifeless state of the past few days. He stared intently at the shadow, his gaze deep.
Song Jingmo: “…”
He wouldn’t watch the next season of “Face Off” without Xie Zhang.
Song Jingmo initially wanted to wiggle a bit, to remind Xie Zhang of his identity.
But as soon as he moved a shadow tendril, he heard Xie Zhang’s low, husky voice: “I can’t sleep. I can’t find you in my dreams.”
“If these hallucinations can let me see you…”
Oh, great, just great!
So he was planning to starve himself to death to see hallucinations, was he?
Song Jingmo immediately froze.
Playing a game of “Red Light, Green Light” with Xie Zhang.
Xie Zhang stared at the shadow for a while longer. Seeing that it remained still, he slowly stood up, sat down at the table, and stared at the violin case, lost in thought.
Song Jingmo burrowed into the carpet, sighing sadly.
Compared to making Xie Zhang aware of and accepting his existence, Song Jingmo felt the most urgent matter was to get Xie Zhang to, well, live.
Otherwise, with Xie Zhang being drained of his essence while refusing to eat or drink, in a few days, they’d probably be a pair of tragic shadow ghosts, hand in hand.
As Song Jingmo frowned in thought, he suddenly felt a wave of scorching heat wash over him, as if he’d been brushed by a torch. His non-existent hair felt like it was curling into tight ringlets.
Song Jingmo recognized this sensation.
He’d felt it earlier, downstairs, when the doorbell rang and Xie Zhang suddenly stood up. Only this time, the heat was ten times more intense.
Song Jingmo immediately turned to look at Xie Zhang, wondering what he was up to.
Xie Zhang had opened the violin case and was tracing Song Jingmo’s violin with trembling fingers.
The inky black Song Jingmo peered in, looking at his beloved violin, his companion for ten years.
The violin must have been taken to a highly skilled craftsman. In such a short time, the restringing and repairs were impeccable.
Unable to resist, Song Jingmo extended a thin shadow tendril, mimicking a bow, and gently drew it across the strings.
Xie Zhang looked down. He first saw the shadow, previously curled into a ball, crawl up his leg and peek into the violin case, and now it was attempting to play the violin right before his eyes.
Unfortunately, hallucinations were just hallucinations. No sound came forth.
Xie Zhang closed his eyes.
He longed to see his lover in his dreams, where he could at least hold him, ask if his darling was in pain, if he was cold.
Just as he was about to “play” the strings, Song Jingmo caught a glimpse of Xie Zhang’s unguarded expression and the longing in his eyes reflected in the polished surface of the violin.
A flash of inspiration struck him.
Why was he overthinking this?!
Whether Xie Zhang thought he was a hallucination or a ghost, as long as he could lure him into eating and drinking, staying alive, the rest could be dealt with later.
Song Jingmo immediately perked up. He experimented. Although he could control Xie Zhang’s shadow, he could only twist, move, and touch objects. Forming words was too delicate a task. He was new to this shadow business; his skills were still developing.
So Song Jingmo began rummaging around, but he couldn’t find a pen or paper anywhere in the violin case, on the table, or even in the entire bedroom.
—There was only Xie Zhang’s dead phone and Song Jingmo’s game console and tablet hidden under the pillow.
The formerly internet-addicted Song Jingmo angrily clawed at the floor.
The digital age was a curse!
Xie Zhang watched his shadow flitting around the room, like a frustrated but harmless kitten, a flicker of confusion in his eyes.
Xie Zhang thought for a moment, then walked over, pulled out the game console from under the pillow, inserted the cartridge, and placed it in front of the deflated shadow.
The sight of the game console only irritated Song Jingmo further. He wanted to swat it away but couldn’t bring himself to do it, so he just shifted to a different spot, still deflated.
Xie Zhang then pushed the tablet, with a short video app open, towards the shadow.
The flattened shadow immediately curled into a question mark, then straightened into an exclamation point.
—Did you want to fight?!
Song Jingmo glared at Xie Zhang. If shadows had teeth, he would have bitten Xie Zhang’s hand.
Xie Zhang paused, then said softly: “You don’t like either of those? That’s right… there should be a new game cartridge out, the one you’ve been waiting for.”
“I’m sorry, I… forgot.”
Song Jingmo’s anger instantly dissipated, replaced by a wave of guilt and heartache for Xie Zhang.
He forced himself to sit up, briefly becoming a three-dimensional shadow. Holding his breath, he reached out and gently touched Xie Zhang’s cheek.
Although there was no physical sensation, Xie Zhang froze.
Song Jingmo tried again, realizing he couldn’t actually touch Xie Zhang. But this time, he didn’t give up easily. He tried touching Xie Zhang’s hair, his collar, the hem of his clothes, finally managing to hook onto the metal cufflink on Xie Zhang’s sleeve.
It seemed he couldn’t touch anything that carried Xie Zhang’s warmth. The cufflink was the only accessory on Xie Zhang that hadn’t been warmed by his body.
The inky black shadow, overjoyed, hooked onto Xie Zhang’s cufflink and pulled him towards the study with all its might.
As he pulled, Song Jingmo glanced back, giggling.
He extended another shadow tendril and, emboldened, traced Xie Zhang’s chin.
Hee hee, hee hee hee.
He, Song Jingmo, had finally pulled off a move straight out of an 18+ manga!
If only he and Xie Zhang were compatible in that way, and if he wasn’t so afraid of pain, Song Jingmo would have already put his 70GB of online stash to practical use with Xie Zhang.
Song Jingmo sighed wistfully.
Ah, if only he’d known he wouldn’t even be able to touch him now, he would have endured it while he was still alive.
As Song Jingmo pulled Xie Zhang along, he suddenly felt like a rapidly draining battery. Not only did his movement slow, but the shadow tendril holding onto Xie Zhang’s cufflink threatened to slip through.
Song Jingmo quickly banished the inappropriate thoughts from his mind, focusing all his attention on Xie Zhang’s cufflink, feeling the object solidify, and breathed a sigh of relief.
Xie Zhang remained silent, watching his sleeve being tugged forward by the shadow.
This should have been a sensual, tension-filled, flirtatious interaction.
Song Jingmo wasn’t particularly enthusiastic in that area, even crying and resisting during their intimate moments.
So, in their seven years together, they hadn’t been intimate very often.
Did he… subconsciously harbor such fantasies about Momo?
Following the shadow’s pull towards the study, Xie Zhang’s face was mostly hidden in the shadows of the corridor.
He stared intently at the cufflink being tugged forward, as if it represented all his desire and obsession, his eyes burning.
He really must be losing his mind.
He no longer wanted to suppress his longing and unhealthy obsession with Momo.
Heave-ho, heave-ho, Song Jingmo, pulling Xie Zhang along with all his might, felt another surge of heat.
Song the Shadow immediately perked up, seizing the opportunity. With a powerful yank, he pulled Xie Zhang into the study and slammed the door shut.
