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Chapter 36


【To be fair, I’ve been Qian Xingzhi’s piggy bank for seven years. Now I just wanna ask—what the hell is Qian Xingzhi up to? [wiping sweat]】

【No clue [wiping sweat]. But ever since this variety show started airing, I feel like my bro’s been possessed or something [wiping sweat]. He’s so unfamiliar now [wiping sweat]】

【What’s wrong with it? Looks pretty normal to me. He’s still got that coldly aloof face, right?】

【The guy upstairs must just be a passerby…】

【Only fans can tell how off Qian Xingzhi’s been acting lately. He’s like he’s drunk on bad booze these past few days!】

【Men are half-drunk actors, bringing tears to your eyes.】

【Especially someone with Qian Xingzhi’s acting chops. Who knows, maybe he’s scripted himself to play the brooding romantic this time?】

【Makes sense. If he wanted to remarry, he’d have done it ages ago. Dragging out an ex who’s never been in the spotlight to stage this whole drama? No way that logic screams true love.】

【Forget true love for a sec. I still haven’t wrapped my head around Qian Xingzhi getting married once—and then divorced.】

Yang Zhiqi eyed Qian Xingzhi, who was seated diagonally across from him. “Haha, I’m still kinda reeling from this! You showed up so suddenly!”

Ke Jiujiu glanced at the half-eaten dishes on the table, her voice sweet as honey. “Aw, Brother Qian, if we’d known you were coming at this time, we’d have waited to eat together. Sorry about that.”

Qian Xingzhi lifted his eyelids slightly, his tone polite yet distant. “No need. The show wants the surprise entrance effect. Don’t go out of your way for me.”

But before the words had even settled, Qian Xingzhi’s head tilted. He pulled his gaze back from the overly ornate fine dining dishes on the table.

Leaning slightly toward Shen Li, he lowered his voice to a near-whisper. “Are you full?”

It looked like if Shen Li said no, he’d hop up and whip up two more dishes on the spot.

Shen Li fought back his unease and gave a small shake of his head, feeling a twinge of discomfort deep inside.

Truth be told, Shen Li had never been a fan of this kind of atmosphere.

Whether it was back in their senior year of high school when they first got together, or later after they both had jobs and got married—every drinking party or gathering they attended with Qian Xingzhi always left Shen Li feeling some degree of awkwardness.

Qian Xingzhi was too much of a show-off, like a peacock fanning its tail feathers.

No one else at the table peeled shrimp for their partner—but him. If there were shrimp on the table, he’d shell enough to build a little mountain and plop it right in front of his guy.

No one else blocked drinks for their partner—but him. The moment Guan Ning said, “Let me raise a glass,” before he could even get the toast out, Qian Xingzhi had swapped his booze for sparkling water. The boss’s eyes nearly rolled right out of his head, but Qian Xingzhi just carried on blissfully oblivious.

Compared to being touched, Shen Li mostly felt embarrassed.

Like just now—

He could’ve just sat next to Shen Li, but no, he had to snatch Lin Xu’s seat.

He could’ve just answered Ke Jiujiu’s question, but no, he had to follow up asking if Shen Li was full.

With everyone’s eyes suddenly zeroing in on him, Shen Li—cut from the cloth of an introvert with zero romantic flair—had zero desire to respond.

Of course, Shen Li had never voiced his dislike to anyone. Say it out loud, and Qian Xingzhi would get upset. Most folks would just see it as bragging. The only ones who might get it were probably the likes of Guan Ning or Zhou Yulin.

But from the looks of it, Qian Xingzhi’s peacock tendencies…

Hadn’t changed much over the years. The symptom was fully intact, preserved right up to now.

Still, Shen Li didn’t dwell on it.

Trivial stuff like this, and these fleeting emotions? They barely rippled the surface of his mind.

Shen Li glanced right at Qian Xingzhi. The man sat ramrod straight, like a towering pine, posture impeccable and elegant. His shoulders were pulled slightly back, exuding an innate confidence and poise.

Flawless bearing.

As if he were about to walk a red carpet at an awards gala.

Shen Li quietly shifted his gaze away. By now, everyone at the table had settled back into their seats.

Yang Zhiqi picked up his wineglass and stood once more, like the attention hog at a company party suddenly called on to speak again.

“Come on, since we’ve got a new member today, as the oldest guy here, I’ll take the liberty—let’s all officially welcome Xingzhi to our little cottage! Here’s hoping we get along great in the days ahead, haha. And may everyone leave here having snagged true love if that’s what fate brings—or at least kick off a fresh chapter in life!”

“Good!”

The moment Yang Zhiqi finished, Ke Jiujiu burst into enthusiastic applause.

Her claps sparked the whole room into a wave of applause.

Before it even died down, Yang Zhiqi had knocked back his entire glass, earning even rowdier cheers.

Right then, music swelled through the cottage.

With the upbeat tune came the glow of the massive screen across from the long table at Xitulan Ya Restaurant, displaying a brand-new “Cottage Notice.”

【Cottage Notice】

Residents of the cottage, please take note of the following:

1. Jiang Nan is on leave today. Qian Xingzhi officially moves in starting now;

2. Previous room terms are void. Rent increases effective immediately. The butler encourages more co-living or outright purchases;

3. Today’s daytime activity starts at 15:00. But before that, there’s a limited-time vote: 【In 2 hours, cottage residents and off-site viewers will vote, guessing Qian Xingzhi’s ex is Kris or Shen Li. After 2 hours, the system takes a weighted average for the answer: If correct, butler gifts new resident Qian Xingzhi 10,000 personal funds; if wrong, no gift.】

Once viewers made out the 【Cottage Notice】 on screen, the online comments exploded with mockery:

【Come on [sobbing] at least try to fool us a little [sobbing]. What’s the difference between this and an open-book test? [sobbing]】

【This rigging is so blatant, I wanna pick wrong just to spite it, but everyone’d think I’m an idiot [wiping sweat]】

【Does the voting have to be entertaining? Can’t it just be funny?】

【That second rule? Road-to-Rome intentions if I’ve ever seen ’em [eyeroll]】

【Who’s dying to cuddle up with his wife? I won’t say.】

【Aaaah, can’t stand the fake act anymore. Everyone vote Kris, okay? I’m terrified Qian Dog’ll use the cash to force Little Li into co-living!!】

【Relax. If he wants it, he’ll make it happen funds or no [shattered]】

“Whoa, rent’s already this steep, and now it’s going up?” Li Weiwei set down her porridge spoon and rolled her eyes at the notice. “Those who don’t wanna share or can’t afford to buy—do we crash on the living room couch or the street?”

The system stayed silent.

Today’s system voice hadn’t chimed in yet. It had only played some music and flashed the notice on screen.

But Yang Zhiqi chimed in. “Hey, Xiao Wei, co-living doesn’t have to mean with an ex. It didn’t say it has to be—look at you and Little Ke, or Little K. Two girls teaming up? Eh, that works great too.”

Li Weiwei rolled her eyes even harder, refusing to engage.

Shen Li stared blankly at the notice.

After reading it, his gaze flicked over Qian Xingzhi—only to catch Qian Xingzhi staring right back.

Their eyes met.

Qian Xingzhi’s gaze remained icy, his deep black eyes like bottomless pools.

Shen Li’s thin lips parted slightly, then pressed shut.

For some reason, instinct made him look away, his peripheral vision landing unintentionally on the right—

Qian Xingzhi picked up his knife and fork, took a bite, then lifted his teacup for a sip. Every move was graceful and composed.

Shen Li’s mind blanked. He sat there zoning out for a bit, listening to Yang Zhiqi and the others hash out the new rules and prices.

Then Qian Xingzhi’s low, steady voice—tinged with a husky edge—drew closer. “If I snag that ten grand later, which do you think suits me better—Room 3 or Room 7?”

Shen Li recalled the two unrented room types.

Room 3: Kinky couples’ suite.

Room 7: Opulent antique four-poster bedchamber.

Both fit Qian Xingzhi to a T.

One was extravagantly wasteful, the other phoenix-level indulgent.

One suited the surface, the other the substance.

So Shen Li took a sip of tea. “Either works.”

But Qian Xingzhi’s voice inched even closer.

Shen Li could even feel the man’s warm breath, hot against his ear. “What if I skip both… and just add a bed to your room?”

Shen Li: ?

Shen Li’s brows shot up in surprise as he turned to look. He’d hoped to spot a hint of jest on Qian Xingzhi’s face, but it remained chiseled stone—lips pressed thin, nose straight and proud, brow bones sharp, eyes profound and piercing with unyielding chill. Not a trace of kidding.

Even if the cameras caught it, his voice was so low, no one would make out the words.

Shen Li couldn’t quite read the man anymore.

Qian Xingzhi had gotten weird. Like split personality or something. From afar, aloof as a peak blossom; up close, cheeky and smug with baffling arrogance. What was he on about?

If it was acting…

Sure, there was probably some of that.

Otherwise, the words and actions were too mismatched.

But drawing on his expertise, Shen Li scrutinized every move—and still couldn’t parse which words were fake, which expressions real.

Truth and lies all tangled up.

Like last night in 219, blurting “one kiss” out of nowhere, then quick-saving with “just kidding.” Not the sort of line a seven-years-divorced ex drops.

But Qian Xingzhi had always been a jerk.

Shen Li still remembered high school, back when they were desk mates and barely knew each other. Qian Xingzhi pulled the same stunts.

More punchable than a dog begging for a beating.

“Say something. Co-living—yes or no? I’ll move into your room.” Qian Xingzhi’s tone ramped up the teasing, like a smooth-talking playboy right at home with flirty banter.

Utterly casual, no skin off his nose either way.

Shen Li’s frown deepened. Sure, he couldn’t control what Qian Xingzhi got up to in their seven years apart—inviting folks over or whatever. But they were divorced. Done. Split.

Relationships set the tone, tone shapes behavior.

Shen Li wasn’t the casual type himself, so he shot back without mincing words.

“You’re dreaming. No way.”

The instant the words left his mouth, Qian Xingzhi gave a small nod, then straightened up.

It looked like he smiled. Or maybe not.

Just a second ago, Qian Xingzhi had been baring his teeth and raising his tail in a show of threat. Now, in the next second, all of that was gone.

He tucked away his tail and even more carefully hid his fangs.

It was as if the provoking words from moments before had come from some illusion in a parallel world, or perhaps from memories of all those too-frequent questions and rejections…

“Want me to pick you up after work?”

“No need.”

“Then tonight…?”

“You’re thinking too much.”

“This time, can we skip the condom?”

“No way.”

“How about I stay still?”

“…Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Shen Li wasn’t deliberately comparing the past to the present, but if he imagined putting this in the context of before…

Questions and refusals were indeed the most common pattern in their interactions, so hearing it now felt both familiar and strange to him.

Familiar enough that it seemed to bridge the vast seven years, finally bringing back a tiny fragment of memory.

Strange enough that Shen Li couldn’t figure out what grounds there were for this trivial similarity—barely even related—to keep turning over in his mind.

He took a few more bites of food, rinsed off his bowl, and returned to his room. There, he rested on his small bed for quite a while.

After being rejected, Qian Xingzhi hadn’t spoken up again on his own. It was as though he’d sunk entirely into a gloomy sorrow.

That lasted until two hours later.

Shen Li vaguely heard the system’s prompt tone. It announced that free chat time was over, which also meant the livestream sales session had ended. Production activities for the day were about to begin, marking the official start of this rotten shift.

Incidentally, the Butler System also revealed the unsurprising voting results.

As for who Qian Xingzhi’s ex was, both viewers and guests had guessed correctly, with a whopping 99.9 percent of viewers picking the right one.

Thus, the 10,000 units of virtual currency went straight to Qian Xingzhi’s account without a hitch.

Shen Li rubbed his eyes expressionlessly and thought to himself, Nice. Not bad for my own investment—he starts with 10k in assets.

Unlike most people, who slog through to day four either crushed under rent debt or scraping by with just two or three thousand left.

Even someone like him, who’d held on to a bit more, only had four thousand on the books.

With those thoughts in mind, Shen Li casually grabbed the iPad from the bedside table. He planned to check the cabin’s communal system for the current member asset rankings.

But before he could even pull up the rankings, he spotted a fresh roommate recruitment post in the cabin’s public feed, sent by one of the cabin members:

[Lin Xu]: Aaaah, rent really went up 20%?! WTF?! No way! I seriously need to find someone!!! Sharing my double-bed standard room!! I’m clean, good sleep habits, currently only using the bed by the window—the other one’s untouched! Just has my bag on it! Rent now at 5280/day, so 2640 each!

[Ke Jiujiu]: Roommate wanted~ Looking for a big sis or little sis~

Replying to [Zhao Yunzhi]: Can I?

Replying to [Ke Jiujiu]: Sure!!!

Shen Li kept scrolling, thinking that was it, but then a new message refreshed in real time…

Once he made out the words, though, Shen Li’s eyes widened slightly. He frowned deeply and double-checked the sentence several times.

Such unfamiliar Chinese.


Salted Fish Rectifies the Remarriage Variety Show

Salted Fish Rectifies the Remarriage Variety Show

咸鱼摆烂复婚综艺[娱乐圈]
Status: Completed Native Language: Chinese

Male Supporting Lead No. 2: "Oh, I went to LA last year for my EMBA. The sea breeze there was just divine. What about you?"

Shen Li: "Me? I got nine years of compulsory education back in China."

Female Lead No. 1: "Haha, you're hilarious. This little cake is amazing—the subtle milk flavor hits your mouth, your nose, even your pelvis and the roof of your mouth... Want to try a piece?"

Shen Li: "Nah, doesn't fill you up. You done with that potato?"

Male Supporting Lead No. 3: "What do you do for work?"

Shen Li: "Just your average office drone on a fixed salary."

Female Supporting Lead No. 4: "You're so gorgeous—ever done escort work?"

Shen Li: "Yeah, full-face stuff, like 99% of it."

Male Supporting Lead No. 2: "Mind if I ask something I probably shouldn't—where's your most sensitive spot?"

Shen Li shot him a cold side-eye, his pretty eyes flat with disdain. "Backdoor, I guess. You got nothing else to ask?"

The remarriage reality show *Broke Defense? Ex-Husband Bro* brings a bold new format like nothing before.

【Swap-and-Remarry Cabin】

Eight civilian guests:

From afar, they seem like shining stars from every elite profession—radiant, charismatic.

Up close, they're scheming mushrooms, chasing fame and fortune while playing dumb.

Remarry if you can remarry. Swap partners if you can swap.

Games wrap up, and it's a chaotic stew—who's really falling for whom?

The unique twist? Two of the civilians in the cabin are exes of guests in the live commentary booth—

Later in the show, viewers vote. Guess who Ex-Husband Bro is, and he gets a shot to enter the cabin and win back his ex!

Shen Li hadn't wanted to come at first.

No point.

Qian Xingzhi had pulled strings to get him in, insisting he join.

But wasn't this show just like hindsight being 20/20? You crash the car into the wall before remembering to swerve, buy the stock after it moons, flick the snot only when it hits your lips?

Divorced already—now they panic?

He was the first to check into the Swap-and-Remarry Cabin, a.k.a. Male Lead No. 1.

His profile was the weakest among all the guests. Unlike the rich kids tossing around fluent English and waxing poetic about cake flavors resonating in their noses and pelvises, he was just one of the masses—stuck on a dead-end salary, with a limp to boot. Bluntly put, a cripple.

He figured showing up would get him nowhere—no one would pick him, and there was zero chance of reconciling with Qian Xingzhi.

Shen Li used to be a cop.

He'd served in SWAT, in homicide, earned a second-class merit award. One leg got busted, until he couldn't run anymore. They sidelined him to a desk job. Unable to let go of the remote mountain village that had once saved his life, he retired to help build it up.

Shen Li wasn't here to remarry or even date.

He just wanted to plug the village elementary school, attract some top teachers, and maybe drum up his anti-scam social media account.

So why not ride Ex-Husband Bro's coattails? Free publicity.

Besides, their breakup...

No sordid drama. Just incompatibility.

Different worlds, both swamped with work, barely seeing each other twice a year.

Even the hottest high school romance cools off eventually, leaving two people from separate universes.

He couldn't give Qian Xingzhi what he needed.

Better to let go early.

These past years, Shen Li didn't know if Qian Xingzhi had found someone new.

He only saw Qian Xingzhi on screens, climbing higher podiums, smiling as he thanked the crew and his family—like he'd embraced the world. But Qian Xingzhi's world no longer needed him.

Whatever.

Shen Li treated the show like just another workday, slacking off without a care.

Influencers really had it easy making bank. Better to milk some cash for village projects—that was practical.

Qian Xingzhi was panicking for real.

What happened to Shen Li's leg? How'd he get hurt? Could it heal?

Why did everyone want to date Shen Li?!

What kind of freaks were these—cracked dates, goblins, and ghouls? You think you deserve him?

That was *his* wife! *His*!

If he'd known it'd come to this, he never would've clung to Shen Li like a pathetic crybaby every day. Shen Li hated lovesick idiots and interruptions at work. All his fault for being immature and clingy.

Now, after seven years divorced, Qian Xingzhi had evolved from lovesick, clingy sex addict top to aloof ice-queen celibate top. Shen Li should like this version, right? QAQ...

Few words.

Stomach-friendly.

Cool and distant.

Shen Li's type.

No, couldn't keep up the act much longer. Vote for him already!

Were the viewers blind? Why not vote?!

Let me in—my wife is Shen Li!

Fine, let him into the cabin first, then he could keep playing aloof ice-queen top. Deal?

Qian Xingzhi paced the commentary booth like a hot dog on a sizzling grill.

Fans: ...So this divorced dude's been faking the aloof ice prince vibe all these years?

Qian Xingzhi (teary-eyed, fragile, shattered, deathly pale): I'm fishing for my wife here, got it?

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