Chapter 44: Cat Shit Melon

Thanks to the System Cat shopping around online for the best deals, the construction crew worked with impressive speed. In just one afternoon, they had fixed up several walls for Chen Ji. The putty they scraped on was perfectly smooth and even. The foreman had even thrown in some of his special tricks, leaving the walls with a soft, delicate rice-white finish. He grinned and said, “In a couple of days, once the putty dries, we can slap on the vermilion paint.”

“Can’t slack off these next couple of days, boss. The plaster’s peeling off in the East Side Hall and West Side Hall. We’ll fix those up for you too—it’s no big deal.” The foreman gestured casually, but even Chen Ji, who knew nothing about renovations, could tell it was anything but a simple task.

Chen Ji offered to pay extra, but the foreman waved him off, insisting money was off the table. Chen Ji figured he’d treat them to a couple of good meals instead. Most of his food was pre-made, sure, but there was a world of difference between the five-buck packs and the fifty-buck ones.

The System Cat had even splurged on a Jinhua ham—pricey as hell, but undeniably delicious. He could slice some off for steamed ham slices and whip up a ham and winter melon soup. It’d be so savory it could make your eyebrows fall off.

Not sure if Grandpa White Tiger liked that sort of thing, though. Chen Ji decided to ask.

Grandpa White Tiger was dozing in the side chamber, but his senses were sharp as ever. Every time Chen Ji tried sneaking in quietly, the tiger woke right up. This time was no different. As Chen Ji pushed open the door, he saw Grandpa White Tiger already lifting his head to peer toward the entrance. Chen Ji asked, “Grandpa White Tiger, I’m here to tidy up for you. How about some steamed ham tomorrow?”

He couldn’t help chuckling after saying it. Grandpa White Tiger probably had no clue what ham was. Softly, he added, “It’s cured pork hind leg…”

He paused. Given the tiger’s appetite, a palm-sized piece of ham would just be a taste. To actually fill him up, he’d probably have to devour a whole leg… which might just choke him to death.

Grandpa White Tiger watched him intently, as if waiting for him to continue. Chen Ji had no choice but to say, “Forget I said anything.”

Question marks seemed to pop up over the big tiger’s head—or at least that’s how Chen Ji imagined it.

“I’ll make whatever, and you’ll eat it.” With that, Chen Ji walked to the bedside. “Grandpa White Tiger, lift your legs a bit.”

Grandpa White Tiger obediently raised his legs. Chen Ji smoothly pulled out the quilt pinned underneath, then tucked in the fresh one he’d aired out all day—soft and fluffy. He folded the extra half over the tiger, swapped out the pillow for a longer, more comfortable one suited for animals, perfect for hugging or resting against.

He skipped the bedsheet; it’d only been changed yesterday and could last a couple more days. Grandpa White Tiger was an animal, true, but remarkably clean—no foul odors at all. He even carried a faint scent of pine wood. Probably from all those pine nuts he used to snack on?

There was this fancy ham out there, sold for a fortune because the pigs roamed free in oak groves, gorging on acorns. The fat marbled perfectly into the meat, infused with that nutty aroma. If he cured Grandpa White Tiger’s hind leg the same way, would it pick up that pine fragrance too?

…Cough, cough. What a sinful thought.

Chen Ji absentmindedly patted Grandpa White Tiger’s hind leg. “Don’t sleep yet, Grandpa. Dinner in half an hour.”

The crew didn’t stick around for dinner—that had been agreed upfront. They’d eat lunch at the temple and head down the mountain in the evening. Most mountain jobs meant staying onsite, but this was the Mountain Lord Temple. Maybe there were taboos; the foreman never brought it up.

Chen Ji stewed the huangjing Second Master Huang had given him with a free-range chicken. With Grandpa White Tiger around, he made a full pot. As usual, he set aside a portion first to offer Grandpa Mountain Lord, then divided up the rest.

Chen Ji took to it fine, but Grandpa White Tiger turned up his nose at the soft, glutinous huangjing. He tolerated the soup but ignored the chunks entirely. Helpless, Chen Ji mashed the huangjing into a paste behind the tiger’s back, stuffed it into the chicken breast, wrapped that in heaps of seaweed meat floss, and coated the whole thing in a thick slice of bread. Somehow, he coaxed the tiger into finishing it.

Chen Ji himself slurped down three big bowls of soup. When he stood up, he could hear the water sloshing in his belly. Soon enough, the huangjing must have kicked in—he broke out in a hot sweat, his whole body warming up. He definitely felt more energized.

【Baby, let’s do the mission tomorrow!】 The System Cat drawled. 【Ten pounds of herbs, five kinds of minerals…】

【Too lazy to move.】 Chen Ji shot back. He felt drained and had zero interest in hiking.

【So?】 The System Cat came back all righteous, stern, and dripping with sarcasm. 【You’ll clear the land and deep-clean everything yourself once the renovations are done? Chen Ji, you’re so diligent~!】

The System Cat could order stuff online for free—anything Chen Ji could manage with a few clicks himself. The Main System wouldn’t notice. But actual real-world cheats, like conjuring fire from nothing or one-click cleaning? Those cost a point each, no matter how small.

Chen Ji mulled it over between clearing the land solo or running the mission for points to cheat. “As long as I dig it up myself, it’ll count, right?”

The System Cat shot him a disdainful look. It knew exactly what he was scheming. 【Yeah, sure!】

That put Chen Ji’s mind at ease.

The next day, Chen Ji set out with the Yellow Weasel (Second Master Huang) slung over his left shoulder and the Tianhao Drone in his right hand! Second Master Huang eyed him skeptically. 【This thing actually useful?】

“Let’s find out. I shelled out a ton for it.” Chen Ji had the software all set up and was about to launch the drone remotely when a thought struck him. He turned to Second Master Huang. “Second Grandpa, you think someone might shoot down my drone?”

If it were a normal mountain, Chen Ji wouldn’t worry—odds of bird strikes weren’t that high. But this place crawled with spirits. What if his drone buzzed out, and they spotted it? “Oho, newfangled magic treasure!” Down it comes…

Second Master Huang scratched his head. 【Probably not? Who’s that bored?】

The thing screamed “human tech.” Shoot it down, and humans would come collect the wreckage. One or two? Fine, chow down. But last time some guy swatted one, a squad of soldiers showed up, reeking of sha qi. Nobody dared touch it.

Chen Ji eyed his expensive new toy and pulled out the evil-warding talismans he’d just learned. He plastered them all over the drone, sealing every gap tight. Life had its funny moments—he’d been practicing five thunder talismans, with these right beside them. Hadn’t mastered thunder yet, but somehow nailed the evil-warding ones.

Second Master Huang stared at the ring of yellow talismans. 【…Yeah, nobody’s touching that now.】

Chen Ji programmed the drone to scout water sources first—no need for the distant Back Mountain Carp Pond. Head to the Mountain Top Terrace instead. He rode Second Master Huang, who trailed the drone. Before long, Second Master Huang grumbled, 【…It’s flying slower than I run.】

Chen Ji: “…” Right—he’d never imagined riding a Yellow Weasel immortal across the hills like this.

Grinning, Chen Ji patted Second Master Huang’s neck and pointed at a tree by the woods. “Aw, don’t say that… Hey, hey, Second Grandpa Huang! Wild fruit over there!”

Second Grandpa Huang glanced where he pointed. Sure enough, the tree drooped with finger-length wild fruits—what they called cat shit melons around here, or ghost fingers. The bluish-purple skins looked a bit spooky, but they were plump, some split open to reveal the black-and-white marbled flesh. He said, 【Hold on tight!】

Chen Ji gripped him instinctively. Second Grandpa Huang leaped, snagging the trunk and landing on a sturdy branch in seconds. Chen Ji flashed a thumbs-up, then clambered down carefully. Second Grandpa Huang dispersed his dharma image, his small body darting along the branch. In a blink, he dragged back a twig in his mouth.

The twig wasn’t broken—just towed by the tip. Chen Ji whipped out a little knife and harvested a bunch of cat shit melons. Second Grandpa Huang let go, and the twig snapped back, nearly smacking Chen Ji.

“I thought cat shit melons weren’t in season yet?” Chen Ji peeled one and handed it to Second Grandpa Huang, then popped a seed-spitting mouthful of his own. The flesh was crisp yet fluffy, with mild sweetness and rich fruit aroma. Eyes squinting in delight, he spat out the seeds.

The seeds were edible, but Chen Ji hated the crunch—dental work was pricey, and out here in the mountains, a hassle.

【Wasn’t it around this time last year? Maybe a month early?】 Second Grandpa Huang muttered, spitting seeds like a machine gun.

The System Cat tumbled excitedly in his mind. 【I want some too, I want some, I want some!】

Chen Ji tossed a few into his backpack for it to help itself. Wild ones in this sheltered valley must ripen early from the warmth, he figured. He’d scarfed several and was about to head down when his sharp eyes caught movement in the dry leaves nearby. He froze.

Second Grandpa Huang noticed and peered over. Casually, he said, 【Well, well, if it isn’t you!】

The “leaves” rustled, slowly raising a triangular head. The upturned snout radiated menace. A pleasant voice drawled slowly, 【Yellow-Skinned Weasel… it’s you…】

Chen Ji burst out laughing. Second Grandpa Huang whipped around and glared. Chen Ji waved his hands frantically. “Sorry, Second Grandpa! Couldn’t help it!”

Second Grandpa Huang bounded past Chen Ji, putting himself between him and the five-step snake. He flicked his long tail. 【Get lost! What do you want?】

The five-step snake said slowly, 【Food…】

Second Master Huang blinked in surprise. 【A snake going vegetarian now?! What, aiming for immortality?】

【I…】 The snake barely started before Second Master Huang cut in. 【Two melons, and you’re this stingy? Listen up—this human’s under my protection. Touch him, and Second Grandpa’s coming for you…】

His body swelled rapidly, revealing his two-meter-eight dharma image. The five-step snake, cornered, unleashed its own massive form.

In the next instant, with a sharp screech, the Yellow Weasel and snake vanished from sight—leaving nothing but empty ground.

Chen Ji silently lowered his head. Down below sprawled Second Master Huang and the Five-Step Snake, who had crashed down in a tangled heap.

Chen Ji: “……”

A barrage of thoughts flooded Chen Ji’s mind all at once. “So even a Dharma Image has weight?”, “Who’s stronger between it and Second Master Huang?”, “If those two started fighting, should he jump in or stay up here?”, “…If he laughed out loud right now, would they both chase him down and kill him?”

……

He couldn’t hold it back.

“Pfft—”