Chapter 63

Shen Xinian leaned against the window, his gaze utterly sincere, his expression perfectly obedient.

Pei Du stood in the room, his eyes scrutinizing Shen Xinian.

Their gazes locked. Shen Xinian didn’t back down, and Pei Du didn’t look away.

Neither of them shifted their eyes.

After a long moment, Pei Du took two steps back. “You’re turning the methods I taught you right back on me?”

How to gauge an opponent’s bottom line, how to negotiate, how to get a proper read on them—these were all things Pei Du had once taught Shen Jiujiu.

Back then, Pei Du had taken the little bird around the mansion to observe people. One would guess at the other’s personality and current troubles, while the other offered answers, generous with both praise and corrections.

Now Pei Du knew: Shen Xinian had learned exceptionally well.

Well enough to turn those lessons on him.

“Putting knowledge into practice.” There wasn’t a trace of embarrassment in Shen Xinian’s voice. If anything, it carried a note of quiet certainty. “Is Benefactor unhappy about it?”

Pei Du was the sort who wouldn’t acknowledge it even if someone called out his most repressed desires. He simply turned away from the window.

Shen Xinian reached back to close the window for him, then darted smoothly to the doorway and planted himself there, a small bundle slung over his arm.

The moment Pei Du opened the door, Shen Xinian ducked under his arm and slipped inside.

“Shut the door quick! The evening wind’s chilly, and you’re not dressed warmly enough.”

Pei Du paused at the threshold for a moment, as if hesitating one final time, before closing the door and turning around.

His gaze fell on the bundle slung over Shen Xinian’s arm. “What’s that?”

Shen Xinian set the bundle on the table and unpacked it, introducing each item to Pei Du one by one. “This is the Little Bird Quilt Mother made. This is the Little Bird Pillow Mother made. This is the Little Bird Doll Mother made. This is another Little Bird thing Mother made…”

Pei Du’s mind filled with little birds as he stared at the neatly arranged line of little bird accessories on the table. His eyes held a dazed expression.

Shen Xinian perched on the edge of a chair by the table, Mother’s little bird merchandise arrayed before him. He watched Pei Du with eager anticipation. “Benefactor, looking at all these little birds—doesn’t it give you a clear, unmistakable urge to turn me back into one?”

Pei Du: “…”

Truth be told, Pei Du didn’t really want to.

But he wasn’t entirely against it, either.

Mostly, he didn’t dare entertain the thought.

And he felt he shouldn’t.

All in all…

Pei Du sank into a chair at the table, his expression conflicted. “Xinian…”

Shen Xinian set the Little Bird Pillow atop the Little Bird Quilt. “Look, Benefactor! I brought my own Little Bird Pillow. When I sleep, it’ll only touch you with the very tip of my wing.”

Alas, things were different now.

In the past, the little bird had those firm pecs and abs to pillow on, and it ate like a king—picky at times, sure, but now all that was out of reach for the foreseeable future.

No matter. Persistence would pay off.

Shen Xinian poked at the Little Bird Pillow and made a silent vow in his heart.

It would happen.

Someday, it all would.

Pei Du’s breath caught as he recalled how the little bird would wriggle into his inner robes while they slept. “No, what I mean is…”

“See? I even have my own quilt.” Shen Xinian lifted the Little Bird Quilt. “Even if I get cold or feel insecure in my sleep, I won’t burrow into Benefactor’s quilt or clothes.”

With the second excuse sealed off, Pei Du’s expression turned pained.

All of a sudden, he felt as though he hadn’t let a person—or even a bird—into his room.

No, it was something far more primal: a creature deep in the throes of courtship.

Shen Xinian picked up the Little Bird Doll last of all and thrust it firmly into Pei Du’s hands. The fair-skinned youth squatted before him, knees hugged to his chest, gazing up with wide, pleading eyes. “Benefactor, look at this little bird. Doesn’t it make you miss Jiujiu? Are you really so quick to fall for the new and cast aside the old? Now that you’ve got Shen Xinian, you don’t want Shen Jiujiu anymore?”

Every argument—fair, foul, real, or imagined—had been laid out. All reason seemed to stand squarely on Shen Xinian’s side.

Pei Du: “…”

Shen Xinian’s features carried an innate softness that melted hearts, and when he leaned into that advantage deliberately, it hit certain people—like Pei Du or Xie Jingtang—with double the force.

A killing blow.

Spotting the turmoil on Pei Du’s face, Shen Xinian poured oil on the flames, his expression turning deliberately crestfallen. “You saved my life and helped me turn human again. If I can’t even help you with something as simple as curing your illness, what’s the point of me sticking around?”

“I eat a ton, too. Just this afternoon, I polished off a whole pot of stewed Big Goose, plus a plate of Cui Cui’s tender greens. That’s gotta be pricey, right?”

Shen Xinian let out a long, drawn-out sigh.

“The sparrows in the mansion have to stand guard just to eat their grain. I’m the boss of all the little birds—how could I mooch off the house like this?”

Now every point had been covered, black and white alike. It had even escalated: if Pei Du refused, Shen Xinian would have no place in Pei Mansion.

Pei Du spoke in a low, wistful tone. “You’d fit right in at the Ministry of Rites.”

Such a silver tongue.

“Really?”

Shen Xinian’s eyes lit up like moonlight shimmering in a pond, fragments of light dancing across the surface.

“Then I’ll head to the Ministry of Rites.”

Pei Du backtracked. “No, the Ministry of Rites won’t do.”

It might sound like an easy posting, but the ministry handled all manner of rituals and celebrations, along with the Imperial Examinations. When things got busy, they never let up—and standout achievements were hard to come by.

“Oh~” The corners of Shen Xinian’s mouth curved up, revealing a tiny pear dimple. “Then how about the Hanlin Academy?”

If he wasn’t relying on noble connections, then the Imperial Examinations it was.

The Hanlin Academy had always been the top pick for the exam’s first three ranks. It held no real administrative power, but its scholars rubbed elbows with the ministers of the Six Ministries, building vast networks and swift promotions. It was known as the “cradle of prime ministers.”

Pei Du himself had started there before rising to the Cabinet.

Most importantly… the Hanlin Academy was the department closest to both the Emperor and the Cabinet, with constant official interactions.

Pei Du nodded. “Yes. The Hanlin Academy would suit you perfectly.”

“Mm-hm, great!”

Shen Xinian didn’t call out Benefactor’s little scheme. Seizing the moment when Pei Du had relaxed just a fraction, he lobbed another straight pitch.

“Business is done, and it’s getting late. Time to turn me into a little bird and hit the hay!”

Pei Du: “…”

Maybe turning into a little bird wasn’t such a bad idea.

It would be far easier than facing the young man head-on.

Pei Du felt restless, his mind unusually scattered and unable to focus.

Then, suddenly, he heard Shen Xinian’s soft voice. “Benefactor… could you accept it if I one day took a wife and had children?”

Pei Du lifted his eyelids. In an instant, his gaze darkened.

His heart wasn’t pure. He knew that.

If his heart were truly pure, he wouldn’t have indulged himself by drawing close in his dreams, nor hesitated to advance in reality.

He couldn’t even deceive himself—how could he possibly fool Xinian?

If he truly regarded Xinian as merely a student, even if Xinian overstepped his bounds, he should have sternly rebuked him, taught him to respect his teacher and revere the way of propriety, and then found a suitable young lady from a distinguished family to arrange a marriage for Xinian—

Or even, if Xinian preferred men, he could step forward and seek a concubine’s son from a great aristocratic house, one with good birth, fine looks, and solid scholarship, to wed Xinian.

The students of Pei Du could marry anyone, even princes and nobles.

With his influence, even if Xinian only formed a sworn brotherhood and had no heirs, he could still shelter Xinian and his companion through a peaceful life.

Even after his own death, he would arrange the best path forward for Xinian, allowing him to live out his years in Chang’an without a care.

…But have you ever truly imagined it that way?

Pei Fuguang, could you really accept that the little bird who once gazed at you with eyes full of nothing but you—the boy who confessed his ardent, sincere love—turning to spend the rest of his life hand in hand with someone else, whispering intimacies, wrapped in each other’s arms?

Could you bear it?

Could you watch?

Could you accept it?

A deep, inky gloom suddenly exploded in Pei Du’s heart.

He lowered his gaze slightly, his Adam’s apple bobbing slowly as he forcibly suppressed the metallic tang rising in his throat. His expression grew all the calmer and more composed.

Seeing that his harsh medicine had elicited only a single glance from his benefactor, with no great emotional shift, Shen Xinian felt puzzled and muttered to himself. He prepared to fan the flames further. “Benefactor, I—”

Before he could finish, Shen Xinian felt his head spin, his vision blur, and the world turn soft and warm around him, nearly suffocating him.

“…Chirp?”

Shen Jiujiu dangled his wings limply, his little bird face blank for a moment. Then he began flapping furiously inside the clothes.

“Chirp chirp chirp! Chirp chirp chirp chirp!”

I’m suffocating! Benefactor, save the bird!

Pei Du didn’t rush forward at once. Instead, he watched the little lumps bulging one after another from the pile of clothes, his palm pressing lightly on the table beside him as he murmured softly, “Jiujiu, be good and wait a little longer, alright?”

The words were spoken too softly, and Shen Jiujiu, still struggling inside the clothes to find an exit, didn’t hear them.

Pei Du closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, that momentary loss of control had been fully reined in, and he was once more the gentle, refined scholar of old.

He rummaged through the scattered clothes on the floor and fished out the tiny bird bundle. As he cradled Shen Jiujiu and lifted him out, surprise flickered in his eyes, soon turning to a smile.

“Xinian.”

“Chirp!”

Shen Jiujiu’s world finally emerged from the darkness. In high spirits, he flapped his wings and shook his tail feathers, then nuzzled Pei Du’s palm with practiced ease, tilting his head sideways.

Pei Du said warmly, “You’ve been dyed.”

The little bird cocked his head, his beady black eyes blinking.

Realizing what that meant, Shen Jiujiu shot into the air, hovering at eye level with Pei Du. He leaned in close and caught sight of his pitch-black self reflected in Pei Du’s eyes.

Dyed? He was more like he’d been dunked headfirst in an ink vat and rinsed through.

Refusing to believe it, Shen Jiujiu lifted a wing and saw that even the downy fluff at the base was uniformly black.

He plucked at the feathers on his belly.

Perfect. The only parts that weren’t black were his originally dark brown claws.

He twisted his head back with effort and confirmed, without surprise, that even the tail feathers fanning out like a little fan were evenly dyed.

Good news: Mother’s dyeing skills were top-notch.

Bad news: The bird was black.

Pitch black.

The kind of black you couldn’t find even after blowing out the candles at night.

Shen Jiujiu hooked his claw into the collar of Pei Du’s undergarment and rubbed himself against it vigorously.

At least it didn’t rub off.

The black was set solid.

This bed-warmer was still good to go.

Shen Jiujiu propped up his little bird head with his wings and gazed at his benefactor expectantly, hopefully.

The little bird was black now—did Benefactor still like him?

Black was cute too, right?

“Black is an auspicious omen. It looks good.”

Pei Du stroked the little bird’s head and smoothed the roots of his wings, then set Shen Jiujiu on his shoulder. He bent down to pick up the clothes from the floor, folding them neatly and stacking them aside.

Shen Jiujiu gently pecked a kiss on Pei Du’s earlobe with his beak.

Pei Du paused in his movements.

Shen Jiujiu chirped at once: “Chirp chirp chirp chirp!”

This is gratitude!

Pei Du didn’t understand the chirp language this time.

He extended a finger toward his shoulder.

Shen Jiujiu hopped onto Pei Du’s finger and tilted his head back to admire the up-close striking beauty of his beloved.

Pei Du held the pitch-black little bird and examined him closely. After a moment’s contemplation, he suggested, “Next time you dye… how about trying a color that’s not quite so black?”

A bird this color was a bit too black.

So black he had no expression left.

Before Shen Jiujiu could figure it out and flush with embarrassed anger, Pei Du tucked the little bird away and turned toward the inner chamber.

Shen Jiujiu sprawled in Pei Du’s palm, twisting his head around. He stretched his wingtips toward the table in the outer room as far as they would go, calling out loudly: “Chirp chirp chirp! Chirp chirp chirp chirp—chirp chirp!”

My bird pillow! My bird blanket! My plush bird hug!

The gesture was so obvious that no facial expression was needed to convey his meaning.

Pei Du, who had reached the bed, stopped and looked down at the little black bird. “Do you really want them?”

Shen Jiujiu, who had just been putting on a show moments before, immediately shut his beak and folded his wings. He lay obediently in Pei Du’s palm, wings tucked neatly at his sides, claws sticking up, and formed a pitch-black heart toward Pei Du with his body.

The little bird didn’t really want them.

The little bird was just upholding his vow not to take advantage of Benefactor.

But if Benefactor offered, of course the little bird wouldn’t insist otherwise.

Little Bird loves you.

Heart.