Gu Shiying had known Fu Huan liked him far earlier than Fu Huan probably thought he did.
But he hadn’t expected Fu Huan to break the silence at this moment.
Admittedly, Fu Huan’s feelings for him had become especially obvious lately. Pretending not to notice was difficult, and Gu Shiying had similarly tried to avoid contact with Fu Huan. Some subconscious evasive actions and glances couldn’t be hidden.
It took Gu Shiying only three seconds to figure out why Fu Huan knew that he knew about the crush. Fu Huan was acutely aware of the fact that Gu Shiying would skip the canteen to eat snacks in the dorm—his observations were incredibly meticulous. His recent avoidance of Fu Huan couldn’t fool him at all.
Fu Huan was more sensitive and perceptive than Gu Shiying had ever realized.
He had probably gotten used to just listening to Fu Huan’s inner voice—it only required hearing, not facing it directly. He could just mentally complain and digest it on his own. And just when he had almost convinced himself to get used to it, Fu Huan suddenly put his secret crush out in the open, laying his cards on the table. He was no longer pining in secret; he was playing for keeps.
Gu Shiying was caught completely off guard.
His hand gripping the door handle involuntarily tightened. His palm seemed to sweat with nervousness.
“Wha… what?” Gu Shiying didn’t even dare to look directly at Fu Huan. He knew the look in Fu Huan’s eyes. Meeting his gaze would only make him more flustered.
But Fu Huan stated it even more clearly: “I like you, Gu Shiying.”
Gu Shiying had no way to avoid it.
If they weren’t in this enclosed space of the car, perhaps Gu Shiying would have had an excuse to pretend he hadn’t heard, to scurry back to the dorm and bury his head in the sand like an ostrich.
Fu Huan knew him well, choosing to confess in the sealed, perfectly soundproofed interior of the car.
Why couldn’t Fu Huan just bear it? What had gone wrong?
Gu Shiying didn’t know how to respond. He kept his lips shut, one hand gripping the handle, the other clutching his shirt—the very clothes Fu Huan had bought yesterday. How had he not realized? Last night, they wore matching pajamas. Today, they wore matching clothes. In other words, couple outfits.
Maybe Fu Huan hadn’t expected an immediate response from Gu Shiying. He was already mentally prepared for the situation he’d have to face.
“I know you know I like you. Since you know I’m gay, I don’t want to pretend in front of you anymore.”
“I’m sorry for troubling you.”
Gu Shiying let out a soft sigh. “I thought we could be friends.” He hadn’t expected Fu Huan’s confession to come so casually.
Fu Huan paused. He hadn’t expected Gu Shiying to respond so quickly, hadn’t expected him not to be frightened by his sudden confession.
He lowered his head. Without realizing it, his nails dug into the flesh of his palm, and he felt no pain.
“Because I like you, I can’t just be friends with you. I want to tell you, my intentions toward you aren’t innocent.”
Fu Huan paused for two seconds and then emphasized again: “Gu Shiying, I’m sorry. I can’t just be friends with you.” In truth, he was also saying this for himself.
Once, he had fantasized countless times in his mind about confessing to Gu Shiying. Scenes like idol dramas, holding a bouquet of flowers with both hands. Scenes like domineering CEO novels, a kabedon-style forced confession. Standing on a rooftop, slowly pouring out his feelings.
Yet, all of that had been abandoned after Gu Shiying hadn’t gotten angry at him for following him yesterday. Gu Shiying had given him courage, and at the same time, it had brought his secret crush back to reality.
The person he liked was the living, breathing Gu Shiying, not the Gu Shiying from his fantasies. Only after getting close did he understand that he liked the real person even more than he had imagined.
He couldn’t hold it in. One reason was that he wanted to tell Gu Shiying he liked him; he didn’t want his feelings to end in regret. The second reason was that he couldn’t move forward anymore. If Gu Shiying couldn’t accept it, their contact would have to end here. He couldn’t bear the thought of Gu Shiying one day dating a girl, getting married, having children.
He thought he would go mad.
Gu Shiying couldn’t give Fu Huan an answer. Fu Huan knew this very well himself. “Fu Huan, I…”
Click.
The car door unlocked.
The bitterness on Fu Huan’s face was impossible to hide. His vocal cords tightened. “You probably didn’t sleep well last night. Go back and get some good rest.”
Gu Shiying nodded, saying nothing more.
Of course, he knew the one who really needed rest was Fu Huan.
The tearing of that paper barrier had been so sudden. Gu Shiying felt that no matter what he said, it would be wrong.
Fu Huan’s confession was nothing like his inner voice.
This wasn’t a confession. He was just laying his feelings bare, clarifying his thoughts. There wasn’t a shred of expectation or hope for a possible positive response.
The boldness Gu Shiying heard in Fu Huan’s inner voice was a stark contrast to the near-despair he outwardly displayed.
He could feel Fu Huan’s despair.
A confession without a happy ending, once spoken, became a tragedy.
They had been having so much fun just yesterday. Being friends was great, wasn’t it? Friends could hang out together too.
Gu Shiying thought this with extreme regret.
He got out of the car, gently closed the door, then turned and slowly walked upstairs. He tried hard to act composed, but he himself didn’t feel as indifferent as he pretended. He couldn’t just brush it off like he had with girls’ confessions in the past, immediately wondering what the next math quiz would be about.
Behind Gu Shiying, the car’s lights came on. Fu Huan didn’t return to the dorm. He left.
That day, for some, the ordinary became extraordinary. That night, for some, sleep would be elusive.
Exam week arrived on campus.
The elective courses wrapped up first. Gu Shiying aced his swimming exam without much effort; the teacher even praised his rapid improvement.
“Ying’er, your speed today almost matched mine. Fu Huan taught you really well,” Zhang Zhi remarked. He knew Fu Huan had been coaching Gu Shiying. Whenever Gu Shiying wasn’t eating with him, he was usually with Fu Huan.
The corner of Gu Shiying’s lips stiffened. He couldn’t muster much enthusiasm. “He is pretty impressive.”
Zhang Zhi asked, “Why haven’t you been hanging out with him these past couple of days?”
Gu Shiying said, “We’re roommates, but we have our own things to do. Exams are coming up; everyone’s busy.”
Zhang Zhi didn’t think much of it. He rubbed his shoulder. “Library tonight? I’ll go grab seats early. If I don’t cram, I’m totally screwed this semester.”
Gu Shiying agreed without a second thought. “Let’s go.”
Ever since Fu Huan had laid his cards on the table, Gu Shiying wasn’t sure if Fu Huan had even been back to the dorm. But they hadn’t seen each other. They had returned to the dynamic they had before Gu Shiying could hear Fu Huan’s inner voice.
If they couldn’t be friends, then all that remained was being roommates.
Gu Shiying didn’t want their relationship to become this awkward, but he had no choice. This was Fu Huan’s decision, and he had to respect it. Besides, he couldn’t just keep enjoying Fu Huan’s kindness without reservation, especially when that kindness came with an ulterior motive. Not only couldn’t Fu Huan handle it, but Gu Shiying probably couldn’t bear it either.
Right now, he was at a loss. Keeping distance was the best outcome. And this was what Gu Shiying had wanted all along. It was just that their relationship had plummeted off a cliff; he needed some time to adjust.
In the evening, Zhang Zhi went to the library after dinner to reserve seats. Gu Shiying went back to the dorm to grab his tablet before heading over.
【Zhang Zhi: Hurry up! Got your favorite aloe vera coconut water.】
【Zhang Zhi: [picture.jpg]】
【Gu Shiying: Be right there.】
Zhang Zhi had actually gotten the aloe vera coconut water he’d recently grown fond of. He had some good taste after all.
When Gu Shiying found the seats Zhang Zhi had saved, he saw Liang Qi sitting nearby, waving at him.
Zhang Zhi lowered his voice. “Total coincidence. Our Brother Liang happened to be saving seats here too. The aloe vera coconut water is on him.”
Liang Qi wagged his index finger. “No, no, no. It’s not on me. Your Brother Huan bought it. He’s been buying several cups a day lately. When he can’t finish them, he makes me help him out.”
Gu Shiying stared silently at the pale green aloe vera coconut water in front of him, water droplets clinging to the cup from condensation.
Liang Qi pointed behind Gu Shiying. “And there’s the actual big spender.”
Gu Shiying turned his head and met Fu Huan’s gaze. The latter’s approaching footsteps faltered for a moment, then, saying nothing, he sat down at the seat next to Gu Shiying. So the books and the other cup of aloe vera coconut water were his.
Four days had passed since they’d last seen each other.
In the blink of an eye, they had gone from close roommates to the most awkward strangers. Gu Shiying didn’t know how to face Fu Huan either, so he simply didn’t speak.
The thought of changing seats didn’t cross his mind. Knowing Fu Huan liked him wasn’t exactly breaking news, and he had known far longer than Fu Huan knew he knew.
The library, at least, gave them a reason for the silence: diligently studying for exams.
Gu Shiying read for a while, then put on his earphones to watch a lecture. He wanted to jot down key points but realized he hadn’t brought a pen. Just as he was about to ask Zhang Zhi, a pen appeared on the desk to his right. Fu Huan had pushed it over, but he didn’t look at Gu Shiying at all.
Gu Shiying wasn’t one to be overly fastidious. He picked up the pen and used it. He’d already drunk the coconut water; borrowing a pen was nothing.
Liang Qi and Fu Huan didn’t stay long at the library; they left around nine. Gu Shiying and Zhang Zhi stayed until ten. When he was packing up to head back to the dorm, he saw the pen still in his hand and let out a helpless laugh.
After leaving the library, Zhang Zhi rubbed his stomach. “Ying’er, I’m hungry.”
Gu Shiying hadn’t eaten much for dinner and was also a bit hungry. “Supermarket for some oden?”
Zhang Zhi slung an arm over Gu Shiying’s shoulder. “Let’s go, let’s go!”
Gu Shiying shrugged him off. “It’s so hot. Don’t cling to me.”
Zhang Zhi said, “What’s the big deal? Just a little bro-hug. Can’t even hug your bro anymore?”
Gu Shiying rolled his eyes. “Get lost. You reek of sweat.” Fu Huan always smelled nice. He could now understand why girls complained about guys smelling bad.
Zhang Zhi sniffed himself. “No way. That’s pure manly scent.”
Gu Shiying still wouldn’t let Zhang Zhi stick to him. “Go take a good shower. Your crush will love you more.”
So he preferred brothers who were cleaner.
Zhang Zhi clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Why are you suddenly so obsessed with cleanliness, like some gay guy?”
The comment made Gu Shiying’s heart skip a beat, but he still laughed and kicked at Zhang Zhi. “Get outta here. I’ve always been clean.”
What they didn’t know, as they walked away, was that in a parked car nearby, a pair of eyes was intently following Gu Shiying’s retreating figure.
He murmured softly, “Gu Shiying.”
Two weeks of exam week passed, and just like that, the scorching summer was here, along with the long-awaited summer break for college students.
Some students stayed on campus for part-time jobs; some went home the moment their exams were over.
In Dorm 504, the first to finish exams was Yang Shuheng. He had left campus a week early to participate in a reality talent show. Fu Huan had long since stopped coming back to the dorm. Only Guan Yu and Gu Shiying remained.
They both left on the same day. Guan Yu took a morning flight home. Gu Shiying had a high-speed train ticket for the afternoon.
Gu Shiying did a final check of the things he needed to bring. His eyes fell on the GoPro sitting on his desk. He hesitated, wondering whether to take it home, and finally stuffed it into his suitcase.
So, Fu Huan could completely avoid him. If you couldn’t be friends, you really couldn’t.
After checking the dorm’s water and electricity, he locked the door and dragged his suitcase toward the high-speed rail station.
Just as he went downstairs, he ran into Liang Qi, spinning car keys on his finger.
Liang Qi asked with feigned casualness, “Heading home?”
Gu Shiying said, “Yeah.”
Liang Qi asked, “Train station or airport?”
Gu Shiying said, “High-speed rail station.”
Liang Qi said, “Perfect, it’s on my way. Let me give you a ride.”
Gu Shiying smiled but declined. “Thanks, but no need. I already called a DiDi.”
Liang Qi said, “Alright then. Safe travels.”
Since Fu Huan had decided to avoid him, he should respect that decision and keep his distance in every way, returning to how they were before: two parallel lines.
The moment Gu Shiying’s figure disappeared, someone stepped out from behind the campus bus stop.
Liang Qi said, “He knows.”
Fu Huan said, “Yeah.”
Liang Qi said, “Don’t you cry. I’m not going to console you.”
Fu Huan said, “Piss off.”
