Chapter 20: Sunflower Bookmark Part 2

Ren Xinxin remembered her parents’ repeated reminders not to bring up her father in front of Li Yao, because Li Yao would be very sad.

So Ren Xinxin said, “I’ll be as sad as you are!”

Li Yao didn’t answer. She seemed not to have processed the words.

“When I, when I grow to be seven, I’ll like you as much as you liked your dad!” Ren Xinxin expressed herself with all her effort. “And then I’ll be as sad as you!”

She didn’t know that the depth of feeling can’t be measured by time alone. But this was the most accurate expression she could manage.

Li Yao blinked. She still felt dazed.

Thirteen-year-old Li Yao also hadn’t yet integrated into the adult world.

Her life had been turned upside down in an instant. Everyone started to change.

Her father was gone. Her mother became busier to earn money.

She couldn’t do anything. She was just a child. She still had to go to school. She couldn’t help anyone share the burden.

Just like Ren Xinxin standing before her now.

Did Ren Xinxin not knowing the full picture mean her pain was definitely smaller? Could this young child’s pain be dismissed?

“Sorry.” Li Yao glanced at the Candied Hawthorn Stick in her hand, its sugar coating already shattered.

“Sorry. I… scared you.” Li Yao pulled a wet wipe from her pocket, tore open the package, and wiped Ren Xinxin’s mouth. “Sorry.”

She took Ren Xinxin’s hand again.

“No more examples?” Ren Xinxin was still wary.

“No more examples.” Li Yao led Ren Xinxin forward again. Her expression grew more and more lost.

After midnight today, she would die. She would leave this place.

Unlike her father, this was her choice.

Or rather, she had a choice.

Her pain made her no longer fear death. She even looked forward to its arrival.

Li Yao looked down and saw the top of Ren Xinxin’s head.

Then what was pain like for this child?

In a daze, Li Yao accompanied Ren Xinxin through the entire animated movie. Then they went home.

Ren Xinxin chattered excitedly about the movie’s plot. She truly seemed to have forgotten the unhappiness.

When it was time for bed, Li Yao sat on her bed, hands propped on her knees.

Facing her was Tao Fangyi. She had borrowed the doll from Ren Xinxin.

“Mr. Tao.” Li Yao called out.

“I’m here!” Tao Fangyi moved. He raised his hand.

“What time is it now?” Li Yao asked him.

“Let me check.” Tao Fangyi pulled out his phone. “Ten forty-three. Almost eleven.”

Li Yao nodded. “Just over an hour left.”

She fell silent.

Tao Fangyi didn’t speak either.

After a long while, Li Yao hugged her legs tightly and buried her face in them. She began to cry. “I have so many things I want to say, but I can’t express them.”

Tao Fangyi walked forward and gently patted her arm.

“I’m not strong at all.” Li Yao choked out. “I’m a coward. I just want to run away.”

Tao Fangyi hugged her.

“I can’t even express the sadness in my heart.” Li Yao thought of the animated movie she had seen today. “I wish I were like the creator of that movie. At least then I could tell you what I’m struggling with right now.”

Li Yao raised her head. Tao Fangyi had already grabbed onto her pant leg and climbed up to her knee. “The creator of that animated movie isn’t as strong as you.”

“Are you comforting me?” Li Yao knew Tao Fangyi was coaxing a child.

“No, I mean it.” Tao Fangyi gently patted Li Yao’s head. “No literary artist in this world, throughout all of history, is as strong as you.”

“Why?” Li Yao felt his comfort was too exaggerated. “I can’t even score forty points on an essay.”

“But for you, the only one who can truly move you is yourself.” Tao Fangyi explained. “Same goes for me.”

“I can move you?” Li Yao asked.

“No, I meant I can move myself.” Tao Fangyi very decisively denied Li Yao’s guess.

“Language processes our feelings a second time. Everyone’s life is different. I can comfort you, but I can’t fully understand you. I’m a block of wood. I’m slower than other people. Remember?” Tao Fangyi knocked on his cotton head.

“Even if you said it all, I might not fully understand.”

Li Yao wanted to lower her head again.

But that round, cotton-filled hand gently rested on her head.

Tao Fangyi didn’t use much force. But he successfully interrupted Li Yao’s movement.

“But you poured everything out for yourself to hear, didn’t you?” Tao Fangyi asked her. “You can understand what you’re thinking. That’s why you’re crying. Right?”

Li Yao tugged at the corner of her mouth. Her tears fell even harder.

Li Yao reached up to wipe the tears. “Mr. Tao, what’s the point of living?”

“The greatest point of living is simply to be alive.”

“But I don’t have any dreams. I don’t have any special talents. My life is probably the most meaningless, the most boring.” Li Yao continued.

“But no matter what dreams a person has, no matter how incredible their talents are, no matter how much they can change this world… before the moment of death arrives, all a person can ever harvest is a memoir.” Tao Fangyi rolled down to Li Yao’s bedside. “Or rather, a Life Flashback.”

Wang looked at Tao Fangyi.

“Just like you. All you can harvest are the first twelve years of your life.” Tao Fangyi imitated Li Yao’s posture and hugged his own knees. “You’ve watched many TV dramas, many stories.”

“What’s popular now? Oh, right. Powerful female characters. Outstanding careers. Steadfast and unyielding. But none of that has anything to do with you.” Tao Fangyi said.

“And love stories. Those have nothing to do with you either.”

“All the countless branching paths of your future will never have the chance to grow. All encounters will vanish.”

“Everything of yours will be marked with a rest symbol on this day. But luckily, the dead don’t feel regret.”

Li Yao’s eyes were wide open.

She wasn’t moving anymore.

For some reason, she suddenly remembered what Ren Xinxin had said earlier: “When I grow to be seven, I’ll like you as much as you liked your dad.”

And she would never know whether that love would actually reach her.

Tao Fangyi didn’t know what she was thinking about. He waited for a while, then pulled out his phone again to glance at it. “Oh, it’s eleven fifty-nine.”

A semi-transparent Human Form appeared at the head of Li Yao’s bed. Li Yao was badly startled.

“Yaoyao, are you coming?” The man asked her.

Li Yao’s breathing grew heavier. Her body trembled.

She grabbed onto Tao Fangyi beside her.

After calming down for a long moment, Li Yao asked through her tears, “The dead have no regrets, so why do I already feel regret right now?”

“Because you haven’t died yet.” Tao Fangyi answered very quickly.

“Only the living can feel regret. Only the living can curse ‘this fucked-up life.'”

The man by the bed stood there for a very long time. Li Yao was locked in a standoff with her own father.

Midnight passed. One o’clock passed. Two o’clock passed…

Finally, as the sky began to lighten with the first hints of dawn, the figure by the bed gradually faded.

Li Yao seemed to see him smiling faintly just before he vanished.

It was only after he had completely disappeared that Li Yao came back to her senses.

And at that moment, Tao Fangyi let out an “Oh.” “Looks like we don’t need to light those fourteen candles for now. They can wait until your actual fourteenth birthday.”

Li Yao covered her face and began to wail.

Her crying startled Yang Hongling and Ren Ying. The two adults rushed over to check on her.

【Starting today, she’ll begin living her own life.】 Tao Fangyi said to Wang.

“Her living environment isn’t much to speak of.” Wang surveyed the shabby, run-down house.

【It’s true, it’s not perfect. But there’s no perfect place in this world.】 Tao Fangyi’s tone was quite cheerful. 【Ready?】

“Ready for what?” Wang didn’t understand.

【Yesterday, Li Yao scared Ren Xinxin. Frightened that child quite badly. I was nearby at the time. I absorbed some Fear Value.】 Tao Fangyi said. 【My Fear Value is full. It’s time for us to leave.】

Wang paused. “…So soon?”

【Reluctant to go? Spent too long with two kids and grew attached?】 Tao Fangyi asked.

“I’ll say it again! I don’t like children!” What Wang hated most was that Little Screaming Kettle.

【Yeah, children are the worst.】 Tao Fangyi chimed in.

Wang didn’t want to bother with Tao Fangyi anymore.

【I’ll take you back to my place first. After that, I’ll submit the work report.】 Tao Fangyi was effectively Wang’s guardian now.

“Your place? Your dwelling on The Nineteenth Level?”

【Yeah, it’s a good place there. You’ll like it.】

The two adults were anxiously busy comforting Li Yao. Meanwhile, Tao Fangyi was humming a tune in his consciousness.

The whole scene was complex and noisy.

“No matter how special the dwelling is, it’s still just a place to stay.” Wang retorted to Tao Fangyi.

【You’re right about that.】 Tao Fangyi didn’t usually spend much time at his own place either.

Li Yao’s crying gradually subsided.

Wang suddenly felt the quiet.

That line from Tao Fangyi surfaced inexplicably in his mind: 【No matter how incredible a person is, all they can harvest in the end is a memoir.】

Was it the same for Tao Fangyi?

Would Tao Fangyi’s memoir be especially strange? Because he was a weird little wooden doll to begin with.

What about himself?

Wang felt a bit annoyed. He wanted to find something to talk about. “Didn’t you buy sunflower seeds online before? Are you planning to plant sunflowers when you go back this time?”

【Wow! You still remember that!】 Tao Fangyi was pleasantly surprised.

Wang: …

He really shouldn’t have tried to chat with Tao Fangyi.

【But I don’t know if my courtyard is suitable for growing sunflowers. I also bought other flower seeds.】 Tao Fangyi began rambling on.

Forget it. Tao Fangyi’s voice was rather pleasant anyway. He could use it as background music.

He could mull over his own matters.

…

… …

Just what was Tao Fangyi’s courtyard like?

A ballpoint pen scratched across paper. Wenren Fu propped his head with one hand and doodled idly on a useless sheet of A4 paper with the other.

“Huh? Sunflowers?” A colleague passing by glanced over and asked in surprise.

Wenren Fu jolted awake. He looked at the sunflowers blooming one after another across the paper, caught off guard himself.

But it was too late to stop now. The sunflowers had long since bloomed all over this A4 sheet.