Chapter 7

The production team ambushed Ji Nuo precisely to quell the online rejection against him. So, the staff conducting the pre-interview treated Ji Nuo politely, addressing him repeatedly as Teacher Ji.

Ji Nuo felt rather embarrassed by the formality: “Just call me Little Ji.”

The staff member smiled and nodded, pointing at the table full of dishes for the camera to capture: “Did Teacher Little Ji make all these himself?”

Ji Nuo: “…Yes.”

“You’re just incredible! To make such a huge spread.” In the entertainment industry, everyone was practically a little ancestor. Even obscure D-listers like Ji Nuo typically had assistants running around for them.

And Ji Nuo not only knew how to cook, but could prepare a table of “grand dishes” that were appealing to all senses, easily chef-level.

Ji Nuo subconsciously wanted to explain this was for today and tomorrow. Fearing tomorrow’s pre-studio interview would be busy, he’d prepared in advance: some for tonight, some to cool and refrigerate directly.

But recalling the public’s intense disgust towards the ‘2.08-million’ phenomenon in showbiz, Ji Nuo’s thoughts pivoted. He immediately owned his extravagant behavior: “Right! All made by me. Just one dinner, that’s all.”

Just one dinner, and he’d wasted food making so much!

An obscure D-lister like him having such a lavish dinner, while Han Cheng, when filming a charity movie and playing a homeless man, had disguised himself as a beggar to eat and sleep among them for three days. Afterwards, he’d even led by example, advocating for cherishing food and opposing waste.

The lowly versus the lofty, everyone could see which was superior.

As a result, the staff member just swallowed their saliva: “Teacher Han is so lucky. The aroma of this food is so good I can’t move my legs.”

“?”

Ji Nuo tried hinting: “Although there are only two adults and one child, we’re used to…”

The staff member gave a thumbs up: “You’re really thoughtful. This table must have taken three to five hours, right? Look at this steamer full of custard buns, each one has a different shape. And these shrimp meatballs look hand-pounded. Can I try one?”

Ji Nuo: “…You can.”

The staff member laughed: “I was just joking. We can’t eat during work.” After speaking, they wiped the corner of their mouth away from the camera.

Ji Nuo: “…”

The staff member asked Ji Nuo many more questions about his expectations for the day-after-tomorrow’s trip and his confidence in caring for a child. All were light, harmless little questions.

The barrage was a chorus of jeers:

[Gotta say, this host acts more naturally than Ji Nuo, practically blowing smoke with eyes closed, but I still warn all you 208’s with a house full of nannies and assistants: don’t try to play the hardworking commoner persona.]

[Can this guy ask anything of substance? Who cares about Ji Nuo’s parenting tips!]

[I just want to know how these two got together, OK?]

[Sucking up to the Best Actor must feel great. Look at this, Ji Nuo’s practically become Mangosteen Entertainment’s golden boy →_→]

…

The production team knew exactly what the viewers wanted to see most. But if they fully satiated the audience in one go, how would they generate ratings later?

If not for the huge online stir, they hadn’t even planned to reveal Ji Nuo’s heroic rescue of the child so early.

Anti-fans had guessed beforehand what preparations the production team and Han Cheng might make to whitewash Ji Nuo, but they never anticipated such a bizarre kid appearing.

They wanted to attack Ji Nuo’s face, but the kid’s face, cast from the same mold as Han Cheng, had even more trending power than Ji Nuo’s old scandals.

They wanted to attack Ji Nuo’s weakling body, but the little brat brazenly claimed he had taken down the human trafficker. A large portion of the mocking firepower naturally shifted onto the child.

Whether netizens believed Lu Aotian’s words or not, they were passionately dissing and arguing amongst themselves. For a moment, they completely forgot about uniting against Ji Nuo. The production team’s ambush live pre-interview not only achieved its goal but, thanks to Lu Aotian’s “outstanding” performance, propelled the kid variety show’s online buzz even further.

Moreover, a silent majority in the world just wanted to quietly watch variety shows. Watching others hopping around, first fighting over Ji Nuo, then a kid appears the next day and they start fighting over criticizing the child, it was hard for passersby not to think, “Where did all these drama-seekers come from?” and develop the rebellious mindset of “watch it if you like it, leave if you don’t.”

Given Han Cheng’s national popularity, even more people were looking forward to his variety show debut. If their outrage eventually caused Han Cheng’s appearance to be canceled, they’d have nowhere to cry. Thus, a subtle equilibrium was reached on the boiling internet.

~

By the time they saw off the production staff, the dishes on the table had cooled considerably. Ji Nuo put the first few cooked dishes into the steamer to reheat.

Xue Xiaoshan was responsible for washing the child’s hands and putting on his bib—a precautionary measure Ji Nuo had crammed from search engines upon learning he’d be on a childcare variety show.

Though no match for actual young fathers, he now knew that children’s bodies were much weaker than adults’, and environmental and personal hygiene were especially important.

Lu Aotian looked askance at the oaf preparing to tie a bib on him, and refused in a deep voice: “I don’t need it.”

Despite his burly physique, Xue Xiaoshan was actually soft-natured and easygoing. Facing Lu Aotian’s stern little face, he scratched his head: “But you need to wash your hands, right?”

“I can do it myself.” With that, Lu Aotian gave a curt, cool toss of his head and walked straight into the bathroom.

But he’d overlooked that after leaving the orphanage, everything around him was set to adult height. Standing before the sink, he wasn’t even as tall as the counter.

Lu Aotian’s face darkened. From the corner of his eye, he saw the oaf waiting nearby, ready at any moment to come and lift him to wash his hands. Without hesitation, he shut the door.

Xue Xiaoshan waited outside for a moment. First, he heard the harsh grating noise of plastic stool legs scraping the floor, followed immediately by a muffled “thud.” He quickly approached and asked if the child was alright.

“Fine.” Lu Aotian’s voice remained deep and authoritative.

After a long while, the little one walked out, back ramrod straight.

Xue Xiaoshan looked at his small, stubborn figure and felt the child’s walking posture was slightly off. Or was this kid just naturally uneven-legged?

~

Lu Aotian was quite satisfied with the dishes on the table.

In his final mission world before returning, his Innate Divine Body reached Foundation Establishment Stage at age one. He’d devoted himself to cultivation, long missing the delicacies of the human world. He had fond memories of the three meals a day during his life in the Lu Family.

But after transmigrating back, he was immediately sent to the orphanage. Too many kids, a noisy environment aside, the orphanage’s slop bucket meals were, in his view, worse than the swill dumped by the Lu Family. Otherwise, he’d have looked down on even these home-cooked stir-fries from Ji Nuo… Lu Aotian swallowed his saliva and thought so.

Ji Nuo handed him a spoon and asked gently, “Ao’ao, really don’t need the bib? Want uncle to feed you?”

Lu Aotian clicked his tongue. He was already too lazy to argue with these people who kept calling themselves uncles and aunties.

Waving away the bib Ji Nuo was holding, Lu Aotian scooped a spoonful of crab meat egg custard. Bringing it back to his mouth, his little black hand couldn’t quite grip the spoon steadily. His hand wobbled, and the fragrant, tender, springy custard went splat onto his collar.

Lu Aotian: “…”

During his two days at the orphanage, he’d disdained the slop-level meals and only eaten some cookies and bread. He hadn’t yet fully recognized how useless his tiny body was, still treating the temporary burst of potential against the trafficker as the norm.

Lu Aotian’s dark little face instantly grew darker. Gripping the spoon, body rigid, he stared at the custard corpse on his chest. From the strain, his nostrils flared slightly.

“Pfft—” Xue Xiaoshan tried hard to press his lips together.

Seeing the deeply shocked little guy, Ji Nuo also wanted to laugh. But sensing this child had an exceptionally strong sense of pride, he forcibly suppressed his laughter and pulled out a wet wipe to clean up.

Then, amidst Lu Aotian’s icy silence, he helped him tie on the little bear baby bib. Sensing the kid’s persistent animosity, Xue Xiaoshan didn’t dare laugh out loud but almost burst a lung holding it in.

Ji Nuo then fetched a small soup bowl. He portioned a bit of every child-suitable dish into it, placing it near the boy’s hand for easy access.

Lu Aotian, dark-faced, fiercely gulped a large bite of crab meat egg custard. His body immediately paused, his grey-blue, cold eyes flashing a quick, dark glint.

Perhaps it was because he’d gone too long without earthly food, but in that instant, only seven large characters filled Lu Aotian’s mind: This Ji Nuo, he’s got some skill!

Half an hour later, Lu Aotian, stuffed to the point of bursting, sprawled on the children’s bed. Dressed in a dark green little outfit, his belly was bulging high like an overturned little frog.

Xue Xiaoshan was also stuffed, but how could an assistant like him brazenly freeload? He forced himself to throw the dishes into the dishwasher and hand-washed what couldn’t go in.

Ji Nuo still hadn’t forgotten to take the child to the community clinic for his throat. He also wanted to consult a professional: a nearly four-year-old unable to hold a spoon steady—besides calcium deficiency, what else might need attention?

Afraid the community clinic would close if he delayed, Ji Nuo patted the little frog’s bulging belly and coaxed gently: “Ao’ao, let’s go see the doctor with uncle first, then come back and sleep, okay?”

In reality, Lu Aotian hadn’t only eaten poorly at the orphanage; he’d also slept badly in a dorm room full of small fry. Now his appetite was satisfied, drowsiness naturally hit him.

Hearing Ji Nuo wanted to take him to the doctor in his sleepy haze, he instantly jolted awake, scrambling to sit up: “No!”

Fearing Ji Nuo would just pick him up and leave, Lu Aotian shifted his little bottom backward to escape while suppressing his baby voice, enunciating each word: “I’m not sick. Don’t disturb my sleep.”

The more Ji Nuo heard that rough, deep voice so mismatched with his age, the more grating it felt. The handbook for new fathers also mentioned kids are universally afraid of hospitals, even hiding symptoms because of it.

Ji Nuo tried to persuade him: “But it sounds like your throat inflammation is quite serious. Uncle will go with you to hear what the doctor says. Maybe just a couple of pills will ease it, and we won’t need an injection.”

Hearing this, Lu Aotian’s face darkened like a pot’s bottom. He realized this new underling of his was just too stubborn. Unable to reason with him, Lu Aotian simply rolled over and climbed off the bed.

Ji Nuo watched as the little one crossed his arms in front of his chest to form an X, his grey-blue eyes wide and round: “My throat isn’t sick!”

After saying this, he turned his head away and ran towards the toilet, his short legs pumping incredibly fast as if afraid of being caught.

But Lu Aotian had only reached the living room before Ji Nuo caught up in two steps, effortlessly scooping him up by the armpits again.

Ji Nuo didn’t want to provoke the child’s rebellious streak and spoke to him gently and reasonably: “Ao’ao, when Uncle first met you, your voice wasn’t like this. Now it should be inflamed or some other issue. We need to see a doctor to know for sure, hmm.”

Lu Aotian was furious, momentarily unsure what to say to him.

Ji Nuo carried the child effortlessly and started walking towards the front door.

Lu Aotian’s small face puffed up, almost ballooning into an African Little Pufferfish. Finally, left with no choice, he could only grit his teeth and unleash his baby voice: “I’m not sick!”

“My throat is perfectly fine! Put me down right now!”

Not only was it soft and milky, but it was also lisped from speaking too fast, exactly the same as his voice when Ji Nuo first met him.

Ji Nuo’s hold was instantly unlocked by the familiar sound. He genuinely never expected a three-or-four-year-old child could use a fake voice.

Lu Aotian was furious, kicking his short legs wildly in the air. Damn stinky little brother, you deserve to be scolded.

But then he thought, since this humiliation was already done, he might as well take the opportunity to plan ahead. After all, transformed into a kid with no human rights, even as Long Aotian, he had to make some small concessions.

The moment he was set on the ground, Lu Aotian immediately crossed his arms, domineeringly yet milkyly opening: “Understand now?”

Ji Nuo looked down, seeing the little one puffing out his round little frog belly. His crossed arms were perched right above the protruding tummy, and his comically serious little demeanor was rather cute.

Ji Nuo nodded: “I understand. Your throat really isn’t sick.”

Lu Aotian was just about to lay down some ground rules, to make the other respect his choices, let him make whatever voice he wanted, and not undermine him in public.

But before he could build up to it, he heard Ji Nuo exclaim thoughtfully, “Oh, so you were putting on that little baby voice?”

Lu Aotian: …?

Ji Nuo patted the child’s fluffy head and gently consoled him: “Uncle thinks, little baby voice or not, it’s not important. No one stipulates that children must have that sweet, milky voice.

Whatever voice you want to make is your freedom. No need to deliberately force a different voice just for others’ opinions. What’s wrong with a child having a slightly rough voice? It’s very distinctive.”

Lu Aotian: ???

Lu Aotian fell silent for a moment, swatted Ji Nuo’s hand away, and walked straight into the bathroom.

A stifled anger was stuck in his chest, unable to rise or fall, stoked alongside the fury from the System mistakenly stuffing him into a toddler’s body.

What did he mean, ‘putting on’ that little baby voice? Was that stupid voice something that needed to be faked?! He was the majestic Long Aotian; what did they take him for!

What did he mean, ‘a slightly rough voice is distinctive’? That was clearly called domineering aura! Ignorant weaklings, truly… He clearly hated the little baby voice, okay! What kind of idiot brain did Ji Nuo have?!

This was absolutely the worst underling he’d ever taken on!!!

Lu Aotian stomped all the way into the bathroom, using all his little black hand’s strength to slam the door. He wanted Ji Nuo to feel his fury!

He was unaware, however, that the door edge had a clear, soft silicone silencer strip. Twice, Lu Aotian’s slams produced no sound, which made him even angrier. He felt the entire world was against him!

But in Long Aotian’s dictionary, there was no word for surrender. Lu Aotian opened the door again, and right in front of Ji Nuo, slammed it fiercely one last time.

Simultaneously, from the inside, he clenched both fists at his waist, gathered his qi in his dantian, and let out an exceptionally high-pitched and resounding “BAANG—!” to make up for the soundproofed door’s deficiency.

Ji Nuo slowly typed a question mark in his mind: ?