Chapter 40
Lu Yichuan couldn’t pinpoint when those feelings had begun.
He had raised Jiang Heng, but their personalities were polar opposites.
At fifteen or sixteen, though still growing, the boy’s features already held a bright, unrestrained beauty.
Beautiful, yet non-threatening, drawing people in effortlessly.
Lu Yichuan always saw people surrounding Jiang Heng, boys and girls… He could befriend anyone he wanted.
Lu Yichuan was special to him, but not that special.
The Lu family was a cage for Lu Yichuan. Under his mother’s oppressive control, he might have appeared normal, but the tension inside him was stretched taut, like a string about to snap.
Only when he was with Jiang Heng could he find a moment of respite.
Lu Yichuan couldn’t understand how someone could be so cheerful and bright, like a resilient weed, thriving even under his parents’ neglect.
Now, the weed had blossomed into a radiant flower, its beauty attracting countless admiring glances.
Lu Yichuan had thought he would be happy, but the truth was, seeing Jiang Heng’s increasing popularity only made him feel worse.
Because there were always others vying for his attention, but he wanted him to only look at him.
This feeling hadn’t appeared suddenly but had grown steadily over time, and now it was almost overwhelming.
Lu Yichuan didn’t understand what was happening to him; he could only sense his own abnormality through the lens of normal behavior.
In the normal world, no one would feel such possessiveness towards someone of the same sex. Lu Yichuan knew Jiang Heng’s gaze wouldn’t be limited to him, so he could only suppress his feelings, again and again, remaining silent, again and again.
Surprisingly, it was his mother who first noticed.
Those people who had insulted him in high school were right; Qian Lu was a mistress.
Before Qian Lu, Lu Cheng had been married.
But his first wife hadn’t been in good health, and even after a long illness and hospitalization, she hadn’t borne him any children.
Qian Lu had seen her opportunity and, using some underhanded methods, became pregnant with Lu Yichuan’s older brother. She had even moved into the Lu family villa, flaunting her pregnancy, while Lu Cheng’s first wife was still in the hospital.
She knew her methods weren’t honorable, and she knew, more than anyone, that if she could use this method to rise to power, so could others.
So, after marrying Lu Cheng, she kept a close watch on him. Afraid of angering him directly, she could only observe his emotional state through subtle cues.
Her sensitivity to men’s emotions had become almost terrifyingly acute.
Lu Yichuan’s change in demeanor didn’t escape her notice.
A seventeen or eighteen-year-old boy, the age of first love.
Qian Lu wasn’t surprised that Lu Yichuan had developed feelings for someone, but she hadn’t expected the object of his suppressed affection to be Jiang Heng.
A…boy.
Since Lu Yichuan had grown up, Qian Lu rarely lost control in front of him. While she couldn’t completely control him yet, she maintained a semblance of composure in his presence, even if it was a flimsy facade.
For the first time, Lu Yichuan saw undisguised disgust in her eyes. Unlike the previous hatred mixed with a twisted maternal love, this time, Qian Lu looked at him as if she regretted giving birth to him.
Whenever Qian Lu hit him, she would use whatever was at hand, regardless of whether it was sharp or not.
A porcelain plate crashed against Lu Yichuan’s shoulder, and a few seconds later, a bright red stain bloomed on his white shirt.
“Lu Yichuan, I let you play with Jiang Heng so you could gain favor with the Jiang family! I’ve tolerated your devotion to him all these years, turning a blind eye.”
“And this is how you repay me? After all this time, you’ve developed feelings for him?”
“How could I give birth to such a pervert!”
Lu Yichuan lowered his eyes, listening to her rant quietly. After Qian Lu finally finished, his expression changed.
Not because she had called him a pervert, but because he finally understood the source of his strange emotions.
It was…love.
Before he could process this realization, a tea tray with sharp edges came hurtling towards him.
Lu Yichuan turned his head slightly, but he couldn’t dodge it completely. The tray hit his temple with a dull thud.
Blood trickled down his forehead, the red momentarily triggering a flicker of maternal concern in Qian Lu.
She squatted down beside him and wiped the blood away with a handkerchief, her expression mournful. “Tell me, he seduced you, didn’t he?”
Lu Yichuan remained silent.
Qian Lu’s breathing quickened, and she pressed the handkerchief against the bleeding wound. “Tell me! Was it him who seduced you?!”
They were so close, their posture intimate like any mother and son, but there was no love in their eyes.
Lu Yichuan didn’t seem to feel the pain. After a long while, he said softly, “Who seduced whom, Mother? Aren’t you well aware?”
“Me? Aware?” Qian Lu stared at him. “Why would I be aware? I only know that my son has become a disgusting, perverted homosexual!”
She pressed down harder, and the wound bled more profusely, staining half of Lu Yichuan’s face with blood, droplets clinging to his long eyelashes.
Through the blood-stained lashes, Qian Lu’s delicate face looked even more distorted.
“Haven’t you always known? Known what kind of person I am? You were the one who taught me to pretend, to act innocent and harmless, to gain Jiang Heng’s favor, so I could stay by his side.”
“You taught me all this…”
He knew what Jiang Heng liked, so he had become that person.
He had worn the mask for so long that he had almost forgotten his true nature.
And today, he had taken off the mask himself.
Standing beneath the two-meter-high wall, less than half a meter away from Jiang Heng, Lu Yichuan gripped the collar tightly, suppressing the rage within him.
He thought, he shouldn’t have given him so much freedom. The villa was too big, so big that in just a few days, a certain cat had started to have its own ideas.
He should lock him up in a room, keep him under his watchful eye, prevent him from going anywhere, so he could only look at him.
This feeling didn’t lessen even after the cat jumped into his arms.
Lu Yichuan turned and walked away, ignoring the white cat still trying to climb the wall.
Jiang Heng looked up at him. The murderous look in Lu Yichuan’s eyes from just a moment ago seemed like an illusion. He had regained his usual gentle expression in the blink of an eye.
But the smile on his lips was stiff, like a mask.
Jiang Heng paused and gently touched his arm with his paw.
“Meow?”
Lu Yichuan, are you angry?
Lu Yichuan didn’t react.
He carried the cat back to the villa. The kitten food he had just made was still on the dining table, the freshly fried fish now cold.
The sun had set, shadows stretching across the garden, and the previously warm house now felt cold.
Jiang Heng finally realized something was wrong with Lu Yichuan. He struggled to get out of his arms, but the man’s fingers tightened around his scruff.
He looked up and met the man’s downcast gaze.
His eyes were dark and bottomless, like a cold pool.
Seeing Jiang Heng looking at him, Lu Yichuan smiled, the smile not reaching his eyes.
He held Jiang Heng by the scruff of his neck with one hand, the other tracing the inscription on the collar. His voice was soft, almost gentle. “I was just making dinner, and Rongrong disappeared. Where were you planning to go without telling me?”
Jiang Heng meowed weakly, his expression pitiful.
Lu Yichuan simply looked at him, neither angry nor questioning. He put down the collar and picked up a piece of the cold, fried fish.
He took a bite, smiling as he commented, “It’s a bit cold, but still crispy. You must be hungry after playing outside for so long, Rongrong.”
He then offered another piece of fish to Jiang Heng. “Time to eat.”
Seeing this, Jiang Heng felt a chill run down his spine.
He tried calling Lu Yichuan’s name, but there was no response.
The man lowered his eyes and asked, “Don’t you like dried fish? It’s okay, I also made kitten food.”
Just as Jiang Heng opened his mouth, Lu Yichuan asked again, “What? You don’t like kitten food either?”
After staring at him for a few seconds, Jiang Heng finally took a bite of the dried fish.
Seeing him eat, Lu Yichuan smiled slowly, a chillingly beautiful smile that made Jiang Heng’s heart tremble.
A strange, unsettling warmth filled the room.
Lu Yichuan picked up a particularly nice-looking piece of fish, leaned back on the sofa, half his face hidden in the shadows.
“This is perfect, just the two of us, no one to disturb us.”
Jiang Heng quickly swallowed the dried fish, and another piece was immediately offered to him.
Lu Yichuan smiled. “Does Rongrong know why I can understand what you’re saying?”
He picked up the collar, his fingers toying with the red string, identical to the one around his neck. “Because of this. I can understand what Rongrong is saying, but I’ve been listening for so long, and I haven’t heard Rongrong tell me the truth.”
“What are you worried about?”
“Or…”
He paused.
“Did you never intend to tell me?”
Jiang Heng froze.
Seeing his expression, Lu Yichuan’s smile widened. “It seems I guessed right.”
He said, “Rongrong is so cruel. You came to me, but you wouldn’t tell me, watching me suffer.”
No…
That’s not it.
Jiang Heng, overwhelmed, jumped into his arms, pawing at his shoulder, meowing and purring, trying to explain.
It’s not like that.
I wasn’t watching you suffer, I just didn’t want to bother you.
Without the red string, Lu Yichuan couldn’t understand him.
He stroked the kitten’s head. “Sometimes, I even think this is all a dream. God knows how much I miss you, so he gave me a beautiful dream.”
“But you always try to leave me.”
I’m not…
Jiang Heng cried out in frustration, then, noticing the collar, nudged Lu Yichuan’s hand with his paw, urging him to put it back on.
Lu Yichuan saw it, but he ignored him.
He lowered his eyes, his expression calm, his breathing shallow.
“I don’t want to hear what Rongrong has to say anymore. I don’t want anything, I just want you by my side.”
Even if it was just his own wishful thinking…
…
The last rays of light faded, and the man was enveloped in shadows.
He remembered his first love, at seventeen, when Qian Lu had cruelly shattered his innocent affection.
Before he could even savor the bittersweet taste of young love, his mother had dragged him into a bottomless pit.
“Do you think he’ll like you? Who is Jiang Heng? And who are you? A heartless monster, deserving of love?”
“Even if he’s willing to be close to you, is that the real you?”
“Lu Yichuan, have you worn the mask for so long that you’ve forgotten who you really are?”
“Selfish, cold-blooded, ruthless…”
“Even your own mother doesn’t love you, who else would?”
What a horrible mother….