Chapter 8: Gaze

Chi Lanyi kept trembling. His ears buzzed; he felt that his screaming was too ugly, too ungraceful.

But he kept screaming.

He knew he must look like a madman in front of the few teachers. He should be quiet, elegant, introverted, silent—a clean, brilliantly talented fashion designer focused solely on his craft. He should be a good student.

He should be living in a beautiful, clean world. Yet his current situation, the F University before his eyes, was so ugly and chaotic, devoid of order. He could no longer control his emotions; he could only scream.

Amidst his screaming, several teachers clearly found him troublesome. Some were comforting him, while others were evaluating him, judging whether his sudden mental state would cause massive trouble for the school.

But no one gave him a promise to resolve this matter.

Chi Lanyi broke down even further. Desperately, he thought: he couldn’t handle these things. Everyone would see him as a mental case. He could only let himself live amidst this chaos.

In the endless standoff and noise, someone pushed the door open and entered. After that person entered, all the teachers stood up straight and looked at him.

“Vice-Chancellor.”

The Vice-Chancellor. Chi Lanyi stopped. A sentence his father had repeatedly drilled into him suddenly surfaced in his mind: In front of authoritative, powerful elders, one must always, always maintain politeness.

At a time like this, remembering such a thing… it was truly absurd and laughable. Chi Lanyi turned his head and saw his reflection in the window glass.

Disheveled hair, red-rimmed eyes—not absurd, just laughable.

Just like his own reflection he’d seen many times in the glass when hesitating at the door of the psychology center. He couldn’t accept himself becoming like this. That was why, even though he’d wandered to its entrance so many times, he’d never gone inside to find a doctor.

“Student Chi, hello,” the Vice-Chancellor said kindly. “The school and I deeply apologize for what you’ve suffered.”

Chi Lanyi kept his head lowered, silent. He was intensely skeptical of this sudden friendliness. The Vice-Chancellor continued: “The school will do its utmost to restore your reputation and provide some assistance to your career. Coincidentally, the student truly involved is at the school today.”

Chi Lanyi paused, realizing the Vice-Chancellor meant Renault’s actual lover. The Chancellor went on: “He’s in the office next door. He said he very much wants to apologize to you.”

“…”

In the silence, Chi Lanyi first straightened out his appearance.

He molded himself back into that cold, pristine image. Only then, with complex emotions, did he follow the Vice-Chancellor into the adjacent office.

Upon seeing the person on the sofa, Chi Lanyi paused again. At that moment, a fierce feeling of being humiliated once more washed over him.

He wanted to retreat, but ultimately stood there, unmoving. The young man on the sofa saw him enter and immediately rose, walking towards him enthusiastically: “You must be classmate Chi Lanyi?”

“I’m Gao Yuanzhou. I’m very, very sorry for bringing you so much trouble. You should know me, right? I’m the one who was dating Renault. I’m in some temporary spring program or whatever at F University. I originally came to get a certificate. I never expected to get involved with Renault, let alone expect he even had another boyfriend…”

Chi Lanyi remained silent.

“I really didn’t think things would turn out this way. Renault told me he no longer had feelings for his ex and would break up with him soon. I didn’t know his ex would blow the matter up and even jump in the river… After that, I was too scared, so I hid. I didn’t know they’d find you and assume you were the one dating Renault.”

Chi Lanyi still said nothing.

Shifting blame, talking nonstop about his own affairs. Chi Lanyi felt as if his soul had floated up to the ceiling. He coldly looked at this youth as slender as himself, clearly remembering seeing him in the bar’s private room several days ago.

At that time, Gao Yuanzhou had been playing on his phone in the corner and even blocked a few drinks for him—but so what?

Had Gao Yuanzhou never heard that he was an F University student? Had Gao Yuanzhou not realized that he sought out Zou Jun to prove his innocence? Adding together a few clues, even if Gao Yuanzhou wasn’t close to Zou Jun, a single brain cell would have sufficed to understand who had pushed Chi Lanyi to this state.

Yet Gao Yuanzhou never bothered to think.

Gao Yuanzhou had thus, so matter-of-factly, dragged him into his own mess.

“I’ve already explained to them. I am that person. They said they’ll issue a public notice to resolve this matter, clarifying your complete innocence. Just now, my uncle also said that taking responsibility shouldn’t just stop here. I have to make the school publicly state that the student involved with Renault was a spring program member. Only such a specific designation can ensure you aren’t the one people misunderstand… Ah, but this way, the media can easily pinpoint me… Forgive me, will you? I’m going to suffer a lot too…”

“Your uncle?”

Gao Yuanzhou rambled on at length, but Chi Lanyi caught this word.

“Yeah, he’s the one who dragged me to the school. I am really, especially, enormously sorry towards you,” Gao Yuanzhou put his hands together in supplication.

Chi Lanyi fell silent again.

A strange man, without Chi Lanyi knowing the inside story, had successfully taken control of everything needed to prove Chi Lanyi’s innocence.

In Gao Yuanzhou’s words, that man was forceful, composed, and thoroughly thoughtful.

That man could instantly resolve all the chaos surrounding him.

Just like… that person at the bar that night.

Gao Yuanzhou acutely sensed Chi Lanyi’s silence. His eyes darted, planning to use this as a breakthrough to gain more capital for Chi Lanyi’s forgiveness: “Actually, my uncle also helped you out. A few days ago, when you were at the bar and almost got… by Zou Jun…”

Just before Chi Lanyi’s face could turn deathly pale, a cough sounded from the inner room.

Followed by a cold: “Gao Yuanzhou, say what you need to say.”

The man interrupted Gao Yuanzhou. Because he wanted to preserve Gao Yuanzhou’s face… or perhaps, Chi Lanyi’s own face.

Yet upon hearing that voice, Chi Lanyi trembled violently. He looked toward the inner room, where, shaded by potted plants, a forceful figure resided.

That person was clearly in this office too, yet didn’t appear directly. He merely controlled the rhythm of the conversation effortlessly from behind the scenes. His deep, cold voice made him seem even more absolute, perpetually in control, than an active participant in the discussion.

It was a composed orderliness starkly different from Chi Lanyi’s chaotic fragility.

But Chi Lanyi felt as if a million ants were crawling on his back. He couldn’t help but lower his head to look at his own reflection on the desk’s glass surface.

He saw that he’d just been crying; his eye rims were red, disheveled and pathetic. What made him feel that sudden plummeting sensation wasn’t just that man’s cold, authoritative power capable of suppressing all chaos.

It was also because he recognized the man’s voice.

“So… haha, that’s how it is.” Gao Yuanzhou didn’t know what else to say either. “You’re studying fashion design, right? Our family is very wealthy. If there are any programs you’d like to participate in… coincidentally, I also know some people in the entertainment industry…”

“No need. I don’t want to participate in any programs.”

Chi Lanyi’s voice was very soft.

His breathing became dry and sluggish again. In his mind echoed once more the sentence that had been repeating for days.

“Have you done it before?”

Cold, dry, and deep—the same timbre as the man behind the plants.

The sound of the man saying that phrase and the sound of him coldly interrupting Gao Yuanzhou just now intertwined in Chi Lanyi’s mind.

Chi Lanyi’s waist and abdomen tightened, went numb. He pinched his fingers until they turned white, feeling he must be crazy.

Ignorantly, Gao Yuanzhou said: “Don’t be like this, I’ll feel really guilty. Rest assured, I will definitely compensate you. The school will too. Earlier, the Vice-Chancellor promised my uncle…”

Again, “promised uncle.”

Just like the earlier “uncle brought me here.”

In a daze, Chi Lanyi realized that after that night, this strange man had protected him once again.

Was that strange man doing it intentionally? Because he knew who he was, so he specially brought his nephew to apologize?

Did this man really have an interest in him?

Before a strange joy could surge into his heart, his waist was brushed by a falling sofa cushion. Chi Lanyi was instantly jolted into terror.

He remembered the scene he’d witnessed in the restroom that day.

Two men kissing each other. He heard unclean, wet sounds, saw sticky contact, and also sensed the playful glint in one of the men’s eyes when he glanced at him.

That homosexual’s eyes were saying: Stop hiding.

I know we’re the same kind.

Chi Lanyi abruptly stood up.

“…I’m very unwell,” he said coldly. “That’s enough for today.”

Gao Yuanzhou was baffled. He hastily asked, “So do you accept my apology or not?”

Impossible. He didn’t want to accept this apology at all.

Chi Lanyi quickly walked out of the office. He used all his strength to stop trembling, terrified anyone would see him lose composure.

Behind him, Gao Yuanzhou said: “Uncle, see? I apologized to him. He wouldn’t accept it…”

Those words made Chi Lanyi’s footsteps even faster.

Weak beneath him, Chi Lanyi found a restroom to lock himself in. Facing the mirror, he shakily started washing his hands.

Before he knew it, his hands were rubbed raw. Neurotically, Chi Lanyi wanted to wash away something filthy—perhaps the decaying smell of the teachers in the office, perhaps his interest in that man.

The restroom door went “click.” The arrival of a tall figure made Chi Lanyi instantly plunge into rigidity.

Chi Lanyi quickly lowered his head. Even so, he still saw Gao Rong—staring sharply at him through the mirror.

“…”

His breathing quickened again. His cheeks heated up sweatily, flushed. Chi Lanyi numbly repeated the motion, his heart screaming for him to get far away from Gao Rong.

In the mirror, Gao Rong saw Chi Lanyi’s fingers rubbed raw from washing.

He stared without reservation, wanting to know how the 19-year-old Chi Lanyi differed from the 22-year-old Chi Lanyi. They were too close, so close Gao Rong could once again smell that faint, cool sweetness on Chi Lanyi. So close Gao Rong could see the trembling of Chi Lanyi’s fingertips, a poorly disguised cover-up.

Even Chi Lanyi’s breathing was the familiar frequency—deliberately faking nonchalance. And so Gao Rong knew that Chi Lanyi wasn’t just afraid of him.

—Chi Lanyi was also longing to see him.

“Student Chi, we meet again,” Gao Rong said.

For a fleeting moment, a wave of nostalgia for his past life surged in Gao Rong—though it was quickly suppressed by self-loathing. Chi Lanyi didn’t speak. Gao Rong continued: “Pleased to see you.”

The word “pleased” made Gao Rong sneer internally. He thought to himself, could his “pleased” at this moment possibly be sincere?

Moreover, Chi Lanyi clearly didn’t appreciate this gesture of polite greeting.

Upon hearing his voice, Chi Lanyi shuddered violently and accidentally met his eyes directly for a moment.

And then, due to that accidental eye contact, his face contorted in intense alarm.