So, if he and Chi Lanyi had a child, if this child made Chi Lanyi think that he, Gao Rong, and the child could form a new family…
Then even if Chi Lanyi ultimately learned the truth behind his relationship with Chi Lanyi, certain truths he couldn’t speak aloud, Chi Lanyi wouldn’t leave, right?
Thinking this, his palm gradually pressed down, as if searching for some non-existent organ in Chi Lanyi’s thin lower abdomen. Chi Lanyi let out an “Mm” from the pressure, just raising his wet eyes, looking at him somewhat puzzled.
—If only, along with their intense sex, a child could really be conceived in Chi Lanyi’s belly.
Gao Rong tried hard to reel his thoughts back in. He discovered he couldn’t control himself from thinking about that future bound with a family of three—a future where there was no Chi family, no one else. No matter how far Chi Lanyi ran, he would come home for that family.
Suddenly, he even felt a bit of sweetness in his heart. Even if it was just a cotton-candy fantasy. Gao Rong lowered his head and kissed Chi Lanyi’s lower abdomen, making Chi Lanyi ticklish and unable to resist pushing him away with his hands.
And then, Gao Rong said as if casually: “This Sunday, before we return to France on Monday, I want to take you somewhere.”
“Where to?” Chi Lanyi asked him.
“Long Island.”
“What are we doing on Long Island?”
Gao Rong looked into Chi Lanyi’s eyes and said, word by word: “My parents’ home is on Long Island.”
He held Chi Lanyi’s hand, interlocking their fingers: “I want you to… go see them.”
When uttering those words, Gao Rong was filled with endless hope.
Just like that dream of a family of three with Chi Lanyi was still in his heart, not far from his plans.
In the future he envisioned, Chi Lanyi at this moment should be blushing shyly, like his future bride, nodding quietly.
Yet.
Yet, what appeared before his eyes was Chi Lanyi’s starkly white face.
And an expression of barely concealed terror.
Gao Rong paused. Suddenly, that tidal wave of emptiness surged back into his heart.
—He abruptly realized that Chi Lanyi didn’t love him that much yet.
What Chi Lanyi felt happy about, what he hoped for, was forever not the same future that he himself hoped for.
Chi Lanyi’s heart was about to leap out of his throat. He was terrified, unable to believe what kind of words he was hearing.
What repeatedly emerged in his head were all terrifying scenes.
He and Gao Rong standing before Gao Rong’s parents. Inside that marble-carved, extremely oppressive mansion, the haughty, cold middle-aged man and woman scrutinizing him with critical eyes. Those two pairs of eyes were like laser rays, inch by inch, trying to pick out the filthiest, most despicable flaws from his bones.
He also saw himself trapped in that mansion, forced to socialize with Gao Rong’s relatives. Those people were icy, arrogant, not caring about flowers, not caring about curtain materials, nor what kind of person he actually was—they were just like the relatives of the Chi family, appearing friendly, but only caring about what school he went to, what degree he got.
Or perhaps, what truly frightened him wasn’t these external things. But another voice shouting inside his body.
Is it settled, just like that?
Are you agreeing like this, to henceforth become the property of Gao Rong and his entire family?
So Gao Rong wasn’t just Gao Rong. Gao Rong had a family. Behind Gao Rong, there were his relatives, his family.
Accepting Gao Rong meant accepting everything behind him.
It meant… he would from now on also be subsumed into that family.
Chi Lanyi dodged Gao Rong’s eyes, not daring to look at him. He didn’t know what he was thinking. Perhaps his thoughts contained fear, contained terror, contained loathing…
And also guilt towards Gao Rong.
Fortunately, Gao Rong did not press him.
“I understand,” he heard Gao Rong say.
Chi Lanyi closed his eyes, very afraid that next, they would start arguing. But Gao Rong only stroked his forehead hair.
“Relax your mind. We’ll just look around New York. There are many places you haven’t been yet, right? There are many skyscrapers there. Looking out from the buildings, the sunset over Manhattan is very beautiful.” Gao Rong said. “Sunday, we can watch the sunset together from a skyscraper. Monday, we’ll fly back on the private jet.”
Gao Rong had a private jet. Gao Rong could efficiently handle his own work, and wouldn’t be delayed by Chi Lanyi’s sudden situations.
So, Chi Lanyi also didn’t need to rush for a certain flight and miss the time to watch the sunset. He could stay if he wanted, leave if he wanted.
Just as, what kind of freedom he wanted to give Chi Lanyi, he could give Chi Lanyi.
Chi Lanyi didn’t know how he made a sound. He said a very quiet “Thank you,” and turned his back to Gao Rong, curling up on the bed.
Gao Rong, however, powerfully embraced him from behind.
“Don’t think wildly. Sleep well.”
The moment those calm yet gentle words reached him, Chi Lanyi’s tears almost fell.
He tried hard to hold his breath, not wanting to seem too fragile. But Gao Rong’s next sentence broke his defenses again.
“I’ll always love you.” Gao Rong said. “I’ll always love you.”
Chi Lanyi forced his breath back into his chest. After a long while, red-eyed, he said in a small voice: “Me too.”
“Mm.” Gao Rong said. But strangely, there was no hint of happiness in his tone. “I hope you also always remember these words.”
Chi Lanyi, however, fell asleep peacefully in Gao Rong’s embrace. His eyelashes drooped, his posture serene, as if he had already obtained the greatest sense of security in this world.
And Gao Rong kept his eyes open in the pitch-black night.
He knew Chi Lanyi didn’t love him that much yet.
But.
“It’s fine. He’ll learn.” Gao Rong said in his heart. “Besides me, he won’t be in contact with any other man.”
He paused, and told himself again: “Love isn’t innate; it can be arranged.”
“He can only see me.”
“He can only love me.”
Thinking this, Gao Rong also closed his eyes contentedly. He sank into sleep, holding Chi Lanyi in his arms, knowing that tonight he would surely have a good dream.
And when he woke up tomorrow morning.
He would pick a bouquet of flowers for Chi Lanyi, from their shared glass greenhouse.
Maybe a bouquet of freesias.
Maybe, a bouquet of lily of the valley.
…
The plane finally took off from Paris, and landed in New York.
After eight hours of flight, Chi Lanyi was a bit wilted, like a flower whose roots had been forcibly pulled from the soil. After disembarking, he kept drinking water at the airport, barely mustering the courage to go out.
After dawdling for a long time, Chi Lanyi finally got into the car. Looking at the congested traffic in the distance, Chi Lanyi curled his body tighter.
He said quietly to Gao Rong: “Would you…”
“Would I what?”
Chi Lanyi was a little embarrassed. Only after a long while did he dare to speak: “Would you think… that me shrinking back in the airport like that, is very strange.”
“Of course not,” Gao Rong said.
Chi Lanyi knew Gao Rong wasn’t lying. He quietly placed his hand in Gao Rong’s palm. Arriving in a foreign country again, he finally had a sense of grounded security.
And Gao Rong looked at Chi Lanyi, thinking, how could he ever dislike Chi Lanyi’s shyness and strangeness.
Or rather, he actually liked Chi Lanyi being like this. He liked Chi Lanyi’s confidence on stage, and his ill-timed shyness in daily life.
He liked that Chi Lanyi looked like a cat very afraid of going outside. He also liked this appearance of Chi Lanyi that seemed strange in others’ eyes, unable to manage social life.
The more Chi Lanyi retreated, the more he felt his own importance.
The gallery hosting the exhibition was somewhere in Manhattan. Gao Rong had looked it up before coming here; it was Chi Lanyi, the exhibitor, who was shocked by the gallery’s scale.
“I didn’t expect it to be this big… will a lot of people come?” he said.
“There will be a lot of people. And also, a few of the business cards hold a lot of weight,” Gao Rong said. “The fact that your teacher’s friend was willing to invite you here shows she thinks very highly of you.”
Chi Lanyi felt the urge to shrink back again. Yet his body pursed its lips and gazed intensely at the space before him.
In his chest, something called ambition was swelling. Chi Lanyi looked at this vast space, at those designers from foreign lands who were loudly conversing.
He knew his own stand was in a corner.
But so what? He suddenly, immensely believed that he would surely shine here.
The silver-haired Megan ran toward them. She was precisely the friend of Chi Lanyi’s teacher, a senior fashion editor.
She exaggeratedly hugged Chi Lanyi, then amicably shook hands with Gao Rong. Her friend beside her, upon seeing Gao Rong, paused for a moment and said uncertainly: “Mr. Gao?”
“You know me?” Gao Rong smiled.
He noticed that Megan’s friend dressed with considerable taste, looking like a rather successful brand PR. Gao Rong was very happy to greet people who could be helpful to Chi Lanyi’s future.
“Oh my god, it really is you. My name is Amanda. I met you once at a summit before.” Amanda exclaimed, saying to her friend, “This is Mr. Gao Rong from Mirror Bridge Capital.”
“What?” Megan was also stunned. “That Gao Rong?”
Her attitude immediately turned respectful—perhaps, even a bit cautious. She even let go of Chi Lanyi’s shoulder.
In that moment, Chi Lanyi hazily realized that in New York, many people knew Gao Rong.
After all, this was Gao Rong’s home turf.
Amanda was still talking with Gao Rong—compared to conversation, it was more like a cautious interview: “Are you also interested in this exhibition?”
“In a way—though, the reason isn’t really the exhibition content.” Gao Rong smiled. “I’m here accompanying my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend? Oh, you and Mr. Chi…”
Without them noticing, their address for Chi Lanyi changed from Chi, to Mr. Chi.
Chi Lanyi stood to the side, feeling a bit awkward. He started to feel that this occasion was more and more unfamiliar, less and less belonging to him.
However, he also didn’t interrupt, just quietly organized his own exhibition area. Gao Rong, seeming to notice his displeasure, said again: “Today’s main character isn’t me—it’s my little artist.”
Amidst Amanda and Megan’s good-natured laughter, Chi Lanyi’s fingers paused for a beat, a blush drifting across his cheeks. Amanda said right then: “Then I can guarantee you, Chi is definitely going to make a name for himself here—recently, New York is exactly trending toward this kind of dark romantic, heavily body-metaphorical style of work.”
“Is that so?” Gao Rong said again. “Lanyi, do you believe in yourself?”
