Chapter 8: Never Have I Ever

【Heard there was ship fuel, so I invited myself over】

【Where where? Where’s the ship fuel? Let me have a hit】

【Fam, who else gets it—that smile from Ye Zhinian was a pure, textbook proud-spouse smile!】

【I get it, I GET it! It’s that smile of seeing how incredible your husband is—proud and shy at once, worried someone might notice, struggling to stay composed and failing completely!】

【Especially contrasted against everyone else’s faces. It’s SO good】

【Huh? Aren’t they all just smiling? What’s the difference?】

【Is the point the smile? The point is the smugness lurking UNDER the smile—that little itch to show off he can’t suppress!】

【Damn, these ship-junkie hens get more unhinged by the day】

【I feel like I know every individual word you people are saying, yet combined I understand nothing】

【The fact Lu Chen could say that proves he’s the same person inside and out】

【Suddenly I understand why Lu Chen stays famous nationwide without ever doing fan service. That personality alone is magnetic】

【Talented, gorgeous, impeccable character—fans truly struck gold】

【Praise him often, praise him much—fans love hearing it doge】

【Now I’m even MORE curious who Lu Chen’s pre-debut secret crush was. To be adored by a man like that—they must be a literal angel, right?】

【My girl debuted ten years ago; nine years ago she starred as the lead in 《Drunk in the Shade of Flowers》 and was hailed as the Nation’s First Love doge】

【Heh. Eight years ago, the modern idol drama our Baby Ying headlined blazed across all of Asia!】

【That’s ancient history. Look at who’s sitting next to Lu Chen NOW—do you people have no self-awareness?】

【I’m a simple dog—I only care about faces. Any bullshit “first love” can get out of my way doge】

After Lu Chen finished speaking, no one picked up the thread for a good long while. In the end it was Zheng Yunqi who smiled smugly. “Now you understand why he and I became friends despite the age gap?”

Ren Li nodded with genuine feeling. “Truly. But speaking of which—how did you two even meet? Age aside, your social circles barely overlap, do they?”

He paused, then added, “Can you talk about it? If not, never mind.”

Zheng Yunqi swallowed her mouthful of food and smiled. “I can talk about it. What’s there I can’t say?”

Raising one finger, she rapped the back of her hand against Lu Chen’s shoulder. “This kid is my friend’s son. After he came back to the country, his mother asked me to help him find a reliable agency, so I introduced him to my old classmate Wang Can of Brilliant Entertainment. The longer we spent around each other, the more I found this kid suited my temper—so I took him on as my Sworn Younger Brother.”

“Sworn Younger Brother?” Ren Li laughed despite himself. “You’re friends with Lu Chen’s mother, and you took HIM as your Sworn Younger Brother? How does that generational math work? You should’ve taken him as your godson!”

Zheng Yunqi was fifty-one this year—a full twenty-four years older than Lu Chen—and had been single her whole life, with no children.

“We each keep our own titles,” Zheng Yunqi said, entirely unbothered. “I never wanted to be a mother in this lifetime. This arrangement suits me fine.”

“Then why did you agree to come on our show?” Ren Li pressed on.

At that, Zheng Yunqi jerked her chin toward Lu Chen beside her. “Ask him. I’m just here keeping him company.”

The revelation stunned everyone. Six pairs of eyes snapped onto Lu Chen in an instant. Even Ye Zhinian looked over—though his eyes held no surprise at all. Only fury.

He had never imagined Zheng Yunqi would flip his whole ledger open. Lu Chen, mid-swig, choked on the spot. After a few coughs he lifted his head—and locked eyes dead-on with the gaze raining little knives from Ye Zhinian’s direction.

“I…” He guiltily looked away. He wanted to invent a lie, but nothing came, and in the end he could only say, stiffly, “I happened to have an opening in my schedule…”

Whether the guests believed it was one matter—the Bullet Comments absolutely did not.

【Even you don’t buy that, do you, Brother Chen? doge】

【Come, come—place your bets. Exactly WHO did Lu Chen come here for?】

【Didn’t he just say it? He happened to have a schedule opening. Bullet Comments, stop over-reading!】

【Four years back in the country and no schedule opening—then the moment a four-month film wraps and he’s supposed to rest, suddenly there’s an opening doge】

【Stop struggling, Solo Stan Sister. Brother Chen is clearly using this variety show to hard-launch a CP!】

【Lu Chen and Ye Zhinian made eye contact, right? They definitely made eye contact, right? The expressions were a bit off, but they ABSOLUTELY locked eyes!】

【Hsss~ Lu Chen’s guilty face, Ye Zhinian’s glare! I really am going to overthink this!】

【Bold claim! Lu Chen absolutely knows Ye Zhinian! He might have come on this show for HIM specifically!】

【You people are actually sick! Who does Ye Zhinian think he is, shooting for the moon to ride Lu Chen’s coattails!】

While the Bullet Comments raged, the Chief Director waddled up before the fixed camera, belly first, megaphone in hand.

“Good evening, dear guests. First of all, welcome to Lu Chen, joining Utopia and becoming a member of our big family. And thank you for paying out of your own pocket to solve the guests’ dinner problem. Well done—and you are forbidden from doing it again next time.”

Ren Li rolled his eyes so hard they nearly spun. “You just can’t stand to see us happy!”

The Chief Director ignored the Main MC’s provocation and pressed on. “Our Utopia doesn’t focus solely on friendship between celebrities. We also shoulder a mission: revitalizing the rural economy and laying our brick for national rejuvenation! Applause where due.”

The guests dutifully applauded. Zheng Yunqi tilted her head and muttered to Lu Chen, “Quite good at writing yourself extra scenes, aren’t you.”

“To accomplish this goal, we need our guests’ cooperation. Everywhere we go, we dig into local specialties, advancing rural tourism and the development of signature local industries. What you guests must do is complete the tasks and cooperate with the promotion.”

As the Chief Director spoke, a whiteboard was wheeled to the front side of the canopy, two tasks written across it. One: follow the tea farmers up the mountain to pick tea and experience the local tea culture. Two: follow the Village Party Secretary on a walking tour of the village, exploring its construction and development.

Anyone with eyes could tell at a glance which task was the easy one.

“I pick the village tour!” Ren Li raised his hand without a shred of hesitation.

Lin Siying was right behind him: “Me me me, I pick the village tour too!”

Li Nanshuang and Chen Junlin raised their hands as well. Seeing this, Zheng Yunqi hastily set down the duck carcass in her grip and thrust up her own hand. “You youngsters! Where’s your respect for your elders?”

The words had barely landed when a devastating retort came from beside her: “So NOW you admit you’re old?”

Zheng Yunqi whipped her head around and shot Lu Chen a murderous glare, while Ren Li, hand still raised, rocked with laughter beside them.

“I’m delighted you’re all so enthusiastic,” the Chief Director said, unhurried. “But in the interest of fairness and justice, we’ve decided to settle it with a little game. The winners earn the right of first choice. Each task takes a maximum of four people; once a task is full, the rest automatically take the other.

“The game is simple: Never Have I Ever.”

At the name of the game, the younger guests all understood at once—groaning their reluctance even as their eyeballs spun at top speed. Among the older generation, Ren Li, a seasoned variety host, had seen it all. Only Zheng Yunqi looked utterly blank and turned to Lu Chen.

“What does that mean? How do you play?”

“Everyone holds out one hand, palm open. One person states a fact about themselves. If the others’ answers don’t match—if it’s news to them—they have to bend down one finger. When all five fingers are bent into a fist, that person is out,” Lu Chen explained.

Zheng Yunqi nodded in understanding—then realized with delight that this game was a golden shovel for digging up other people’s secrets, and immediately asked the Chief Director, “There are truly no restrictions on the game?”

The Chief Director caught her drift and nodded. “There are. First, glaringly obvious facts are void—age, marital status, and the like. Second, anything that violates public order and decency is out. Now, guests—settle the first speaker with rock-paper-scissors; everyone else speaks in clockwise order.”

Soon the eight had settled on their first speaker: Liu Chen.

Liu Chen swept the circle with a smug look, hand raised, and considered a moment. “I’ve driven professional race cars.”

“Tch~”

The whole table booed in unison—yet could only obediently press down a finger. Ren Li asked, curious, “You’ve raced? When?”

“Early this year. A friend took me.” Back then, his scandal had just broken; a friend had dragged him to a racetrack to clear his head and burn off the frustration knotted in his chest.

The next speaker was Ye Zhinian. He seemed to have prepared his answer long ago—the instant it was his turn, he declared: “I have never once skipped class.”

Another total wipeout. Even Zheng Yunqi and Ren Li, graduates of TOP-tier universities, weren’t spared.

Zheng Yunqi pressed, incredulous: “Not even in university? Weren’t you a performance major? Auditions and filming don’t count as skipping?”

Ye Zhinian smiled with immense self-satisfaction. “For a performance student, going to auditions and shoots isn’t skipping class—it’s putting theory into practice.”

“…” Nearly simultaneously, every face at the table assembled the same expression: so that counts, huh?

Of the eight seated there, everyone except Ye Zhinian lacked formal acting training—yet every single one of them was more famous than he was. A diploma never guaranteed good acting, but it said plenty about the state of the industry:

For capital, the factors deciding whether to promote someone had nothing to do with professional skill—and not much to do with looks, either. Otherwise netizens would never have jokingly crowned certain actors “the capitalist’s ugly son” and “the capitalist’s ugly daughter.”

The next turn fell to Li Nanshuang, seated at the far end of the long table’s left side. Pressing down two fingers, she thought briefly, then grinned. “There’s no one I like.”

【Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! That’s my Sister Shuang for you!】

【All you CP-hypers out there—that finger. Press it or don’t? What’s it gonna be?】

【Hesitating for even ONE second is disrespectful to CPs!】

【What is this? The faves of Blessed with Lu and Shuang demolishing their own CP?】

【My girl has never once hyped a CP—it’s all netizens force-pairing】

【55555~ The ship sank with zero warning. I genuinely feasted on Blessed with Lu and Shuang’s visuals (loud sobbing)】

【It’s okay. Junchen, Still Shadow Sunken Jade, and Bow to Chen and Chen are taking in every broken-hearted soul—there’s a flavor for everyone】

Under the eyes of the whole crowd, under the gaze of millions of internet joy-riders, only two people folded a finger without a nanosecond of hesitation: Lu Chen and Ren Li.

Watching Lu Chen’s finger fold without wasting even a second, Ye Zhinian turned his head, propped his chin on his left hand, fingers shielding most of his face—while his right index finger bent quietly down all the same.

【Fuck fuck fuck! Ye Zhinian, quit fucking hiding! Those big eyes of yours have already sold you out COMPLETELY!】

【Clutching my chest—fam, I’m not going to make it, sugar levels exceeded (slowly collapsing) (extending a finger) (writing my will) (shipping has killed me)】

【Don’t go, sisters! Hold on! I have a feeling there’s even bigger sugar coming!】

【Startled upright from my very deathbed—where’s my big sugar, skr~】

【??? What madness has seized you people?】

【Heh. All I’ll say is: those who can’t ship this simply lack the fortune】

【Come, come—did everyone catch Ye Zhinian’s expression just now? That cover-up-that-only-makes-it-worse smile? Do you know what that smile means?】

【It means: “I’d never admit it, but your no-hesitation move made me happy, so fine, I’ll graciously concede”—commonly known as the secret-smug smile!】

【…A whole flock of crazy hens】