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We Can’t Go Back 22


Chapter 22

If the Old Man under the Moon had red threads, Jian Wu thought, the one tied to him and Song Shuci must be thick and long.

In City B, where the one-child policy was strictly enforced, he had rarely seen anyone with siblings.

Under these circumstances, he had an older brother living across from him since childhood, and they happened to be close in age and could play together. Song Shuci also happened to have a minority sexual orientation and fell for him, and he happened to not be disgusted, even changing his own orientation.

What were the odds of that?

Unfortunately, the Old Man under the Moon only tied the knot, not taught them how to maintain it. He gave them fate, but didn’t teach them how to continue it.

“Seems like you’re also quite superstitious,” Song Shuci commented.

“Occasionally,” Jian Wu said.

“Yet you told me to believe in science.”

“It’s not a contradiction.”

As they spoke, a few sudden claps of thunder echoed in the air. Sharp lightning tore through the filter-gray sky, flashing brightly across their faces.

“Oh no,” Song Shuci teased, “Divine retribution has arrived.”

Jian Wu took out his keys from his bag and opened the office door: “Come in and take shelter.”

The edges of the old iron door were covered in yellowish-brown rust. The middle school office always had a unique smell of wood and paper, bringing back memories of one’s middle school days.

“Here,” Jian Wu found Ling Meng’s desk and handed Song Shuci his glasses, “Your glasses.”

Song Shuci glanced around the large office filled with closely arranged desks: “This is your office?”

Jian Wu, looking at his expression, warned him first: “If you say something like ‘this is the crappy job you had to leave me for,’ I’m kicking you out.”

“Mm,” Song Shuci said with certainty, “I really want to say that.”

“…” Jian Wu held back his annoyance and said politely, “This is Ling Meng’s workstation,” he pointed at the desk where he had just taken the glasses, then pointed at another desk on the right, piled high with test papers, “That’s mine.”

Song Shuci commented: “Yours is indeed the messiest.”

Jian Wu: “Why don’t you go back outside and face divine retribution.”

Song Shuci didn’t leave. He walked over to Jian Wu’s workstation, pointed at several well-worn books on his desk, and asked: “Can I take a look?”

“Didn’t you say it was messy?” Jian Wu retorted.

“Alright,” Song Shuci chuckled, “I won’t say it again.”

Jian Wu, appeased, raised his chin: “Then go ahead.”

Song Shuci flipped through the books. They were filled with dense notes, sticky notes, folded pages, and highlights.

“When did you become so diligent?” he said.

“Obviously,” Jian Wu said, “This is my livelihood, if I don’t prepare my lessons properly, am I supposed to perform stand-up comedy on the podium?”

Song Shuci seemed amused. He chuckled, closed the book, and casually put on his glasses.

Jian Wu thought he couldn’t see the words clearly, but after putting on his glasses, Song Shuci didn’t look at the book, but at him.

“What are you looking at?”

“Looking at Teacher Jian.”

Song Shuci emphasized the word “Teacher,” seemingly finding it novel and unfamiliar.

Song Shuci’s gaze was different with and without his glasses. Without them, his vision was slightly blurry, making his gaze appear relatively scattered and gentle. But with his glasses on, his gaze became much more focused, like a precise scanner, giving one the illusion of being dissected and examined.

Jian Wu felt a little nervous under his gaze and unconsciously swallowed.

But Song Shuci seemed to be enjoying it, carefully observing his features. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to find the match between his face and the title of “Teacher,” or if he was trying to find traces left by the four years of separation.

“It’s strange,” he said, “For so many years, I never felt you had changed, but after four years apart, I feel like you’ve changed more than in the past twenty years combined.”

“Honestly,” Song Shuci sighed, “I’m only now starting to feel like you’ve actually started working.”

When he and Jian Wu broke up, Jian Wu was still a student, but now he was teaching students.

It had only been four years, but the changes seemed earth-shattering.

These life stage changes were always disorienting, especially for people who had grown up together.

Jian Wu, under his gaze, said: “So we really should have broken up, so you could get to know me again, and I could get to know you again.”

“We really should have broken up…” Song Shuci repeated his words and chuckled softly, “You’re so straightforward.”

“Being straightforward is good… Ow.”

Before he could finish, Song Shuci suddenly put his hand on the back of his neck.

Jian Wu tried to struggle free but couldn’t. He subconsciously stepped back, but his lower back hit the desk.

“Much clearer now,” Song Shuci said.

He forced Jian Wu closer and stared at him, as if only now could he finally see his ex-boyfriend clearly after four years of separation.

Song Shuci’s grip was too strong, and Jian Wu couldn’t escape, so he could only meet his gaze, unconsciously rolling the corner of his textbook, trying to lighten the mood with a joke: “Serves you right for losing your glasses, doesn’t feel good being blind, does it?”

“Forgetful” was Song Shuci’s favorite word to describe him. Jian Wu thought he would at least get a retort for saying that.

Unexpectedly, Song Shuci just hummed in agreement.

Jian Wu instinctively felt this “mm” wasn’t ordinary. The next second, he felt Song Shuci’s grip on his neck tighten.

His scalp tingled: “Song…”

Jian Wu didn’t finish his sentence. He noticed Song Shuci’s hand trembling slightly.

He looked at Song Shuci’s eyes with a complicated expression and saw his clear reflection in those dark pupils behind the lenses.

“Jian Wu,” Song Shuci suddenly took a deep breath.

Besides the brief glimpse in the office through the glass, in the past few days, without his glasses, Song Shuci’s vision of Jian Wu had been blurry, as if seen through a distorted filter, like a warped image.

But at this moment, he could even see the fine hairs on Jian Wu’s face clearly.

An indescribable, intense emotion suddenly exploded within him. He suddenly felt a strong sense of losing control. This was the suppressed emotions accumulated over four years, now shattered by this face.

The storm was approaching, the wind outside rattling the blinds.

Jian Wu, caught in the moment, wasn’t oblivious to Song Shuci’s intense emotions.

But he also seemed to be bewitched by something, so he just opened his mouth, then swallowed his words, allowing these emotions to grow and spread.

It wasn’t until Song Shuci leaned in that he panicked, averted his gaze, and exclaimed: “It’s raining!”

Song Shuci subconsciously reached out to grab him.

His desk was already cluttered, and with this tug, the stack of test papers flew up and scattered all over the floor.

The two seemed to suddenly snap out of that moment of intimacy.

“I have to go back,” Jian Wu hurriedly gathered the papers and put them back on the desk.

“I’ll take you.”

“No need.” Jian Wu walked out of the office.

The rain quickly intensified. Song Shuci said: “It’s raining so heavily, how are you going to ride your motorcycle?”

Jian Wu said as he locked the door: “I have a helmet and raincoat, I can ride.”

He walked along the covered walkway towards the parking lot, the clanging of his keys mixing with the sound of the rain. Song Shuci caught up and subconsciously wanted to grab him, but at the last moment, he retracted his hand and blocked his path instead.

“Ride what? Don’t you know how dangerous it is to ride a motorcycle in the rain?”

Jian Wu quickly explained: “I opened the windows for some fresh air yesterday and forgot to close them. My bedroom has wooden floors, if I don’t hurry back and close them, they’ll be soaked. With this rain, the intersection near my house will definitely be jammed, it’ll take at least half an hour to get back. I can take a shortcut on my motorcycle and save time.”

Song Shuci still blocked him: “No.”

Jian Wu tried to push him aside but couldn’t. He said impatiently: “You can control everything else, why don’t you control the weather?”

As soon as he said this, Song Shuci snatched his bag.

“I’d like to, if it weren’t raining, I wouldn’t have to worry about you, you could do whatever you want.”

He took out an umbrella from his bag, opened it, and forcefully grabbed Jian Wu’s wrist, leading him towards the car park.

Jian Wu struggled and said: “Song Shuci, will you ever learn to discuss things with people?”

Song Shuci: “Mm.”

Jian Wu was exasperated.

He wasn’t as strong as Song Shuci and couldn’t break free after struggling for a while, so he threatened: “If you don’t let go, I’m going to hit you!”

Song Shuci didn’t say anything, just firmly held onto Jian Wu until they reached his car.

He opened the back door and tossed both their bags inside, then opened the passenger door: “I’m counting down from three, get in.”

“Song Shuci!” Jian Wu couldn’t stand him acting like this, and said angrily, “Can you stop being so bossy? You’re not my boyfriend anymore, you can’t control me!”

Song Shuci’s eyes flickered, as if stung, but he quickly regained his firm expression: “Then I’m still your older brother, at least.”

Jian Wu chuckled, “Your surname is Song, mine is Jian, you’re not my brother. I only called you ‘ge’ because we grew up together, can you stop acting like my elder?”

“Fine,” Song Shuci nodded, “Since I can’t control you, I’ll find someone who can.” He raised his phone threateningly: “I’ll video call your mom right now and let her see how you insist on riding your motorcycle in the rain.”

“Fuck, I’m really going to hit you, Song Shuci!” Hearing Song Shuci was going to call his mom, Jian Wu’s eyes were red with anger, “Are you a three-year-old? Are you really going to tell on me to my mom?”

“I learned it from you,” Song Shuci brought up the past, “When I was pursuing you, didn’t you always threaten to tell my parents?”

“I was sixteen then, are you sixteen now?”

Song Shuci didn’t answer the age question, just took out his phone, ready to film him if he dared to ride his motorcycle.

Rain splashed into his collar, cold and wet. Jian Wu took a deep breath and stared at him, asking: “Song Shuci, do you know how annoying you are?”

Song Shuci replied quickly and firmly: “I know.”

He continued to hold the umbrella over them by the open car door.

The black umbrella shielded them from the downpour, the water streaming down the edges like a broken beaded curtain. A gust of wind blew, and the rain lingering at the car door swept into the car.

Jian Wu’s lips trembled with anger, but he still didn’t actually hit him.

They were in a stalemate for a minute, neither of them speaking.

Finally, after four years, he once again gave in to Song Shuci’s dominance, pushed him aside, and got into the passenger seat.

“Drive.”


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We Can’t Go Back

We Can’t Go Back

我們不可能破鏡重圓
Status: Completed Author: Native Language: Chinese
As the saying goes, lying flat is temporarily satisfying, lying flat all the time is always satisfying. Jian Wu, as one of the victims of China's ultra-intense exam-oriented education system, resolutely joined the ranks of the "lying flat" movement after failing the postgraduate entrance exam once again, choosing to fish (slack off), raise flowers (wait for death) at home. Then he broke up with his childhood sweetheart boyfriend of seven years. Diametrically opposed to Jian Wu, Song Shuci is a veritable "involution king". And he's the kind of king of involution who feels that doing anything other than studying and working is a waste of time. After the breakup, Jian Wu silently left their small home, along with the city that held several years of their love, carrying his tortoise. Until one day, he saw Song Shuci again, through the glass panel of the school conference room. The man was tall and elegant, his image as an elite intellectual hadn't changed a bit. The usually aloof dean was inviting Song Shuci to join with all sorts of jaw-droppingly generous conditions, while the latter's expression remained indifferent, clearly uninterested. But when Jian Wu turned his head away, he heard him say: "I am willing to join your school."* B Medical University is located in a remote area, and its teaching staff has always been quite average. Successfully recruiting a heavyweight scientific researcher like Song Shuci undoubtedly stirred up a heated discussion within the school. Colleague A: "The new Professor Song looks so handsome in a white coat!" Jian Wu, expressionless: "It's been stained with mouse shit." Colleague B: "Professor Song is so efficient, he's down-to-earth, and replies to messages so quickly." Jian Wu sneered: "Indeed fast, he sends messages even faster when he's cursing someone out." Colleague C: "I heard Professor Song is still single, whoever dates him will be so lucky." Jian Wu rolled his eyes: "Whoever wants this luck is an idiot."
Half a year later, Jian Wu and Song Shuci posted a photo on their WeChat Moments, holding hands and wearing rings. Colleagues: "???" Jian Wu replied: "I'm an idiot." Song Shuci snatched his phone away and hugged him from behind: "I heard you've been telling everyone I'm fast?"

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