Chapter 1: Top-Tier Celebrity
At the Golden Stinky Tofu Awards Ceremony, Yu Weixi became the center of everyone’s attention. The entertainment reporters were all but shoving their microphones into his mouth.
“Mr. Yu! Mr. Yu…!”
“Mr. Yu, do you have any comments on receiving this award?”
Yu Weixi was blocked at the venue’s main entrance, faced with a sea of bobbing heads and microphones being shoved desperately toward him.
Not only was Yu Weixi the winner of the Golden Stinky Tofu Award’s golden cup, having crushed all the other stars with his disastrous acting, but he was also a top-tier idol in the entertainment industry. While his acting was a train wreck, Yu Weixi was stunningly handsome. Even more fatally, his dancing skills were as good as his acting was bad. He could win the Golden Stinky Tofu Award at his worst and claim the title of Asia’s Dance King at his best.
—But none of that was enough to make him a top-tier celebrity who had stood firm for years.
“Mr. Yu! How do you respond to the ‘Yu Weixi’s Acting’ hot search?”
Yu Weixi raised an eyebrow, lifting the trophy in his hand and speaking in a lofty tone, “Thank you all for the recognition. I will continue to work hard, single-handedly helping the general public avoid landmines.”
—What truly made Yu Weixi the ultimate top-tier celebrity was his personality, which was famous throughout the industry.
Yu Weixi was a major contrarian and roaster. In an industry where most people carefully curated a public persona, Yu Weixi had none. Or rather, he directly showed his true self, completely unvarnished—cold, arrogant, willful, and conceited. The number of people in the industry he had roasted was large enough to crowdfund a golden coffin and an imperial mausoleum for him.
Because of this, entertainment reporters loved interviewing him. After all, a single casual sentence from Yu Weixi could be turned into a shocking UC-style clickbait headline.
“Having won the Golden Stinky Tofu for two consecutive years, don’t you feel embarrassed, Mr. Yu?”
After asking, the reporter also found the situation a bit strange. Yu Weixi wore a baseball cap, a hoodie, and a pair of somewhat worn-out sneakers, looking as if he was about to drop a freestyle rap on the Golden Stinky Tofu stage. But even so, his attire couldn’t hide his refined, aristocratic features. A few strands of his ear-length black hair fell across his forehead, framing a pair of aloof phoenix eyes.
Yu Weixi replied, “I’ll continue to work hard next year, too.”
The reporter who asked the question couldn’t help but chuckle before pressing on, “Then don’t you feel embarrassed in front of the actors you work with?”
Yu Weixi tugged at his sleeves and glanced at his car, which was cut off by the crowd. He motioned for his bodyguards to clear a path and continued walking as he spoke, “I single-handedly support the entire film crew, carry countless starlets, feed millions of content creators, thousands of studios, and the ravenous water army waiting for my replies. What do I have to be embarrassed about? This year, that who’s-his-name… Ji what? Linlang? If I hadn’t participated and brought in traffic, would this shoddy little movie and him have ever gotten popular?”
Yu Weixi was referring to the movie that had helped him win the Golden Stinky Tofu. It had originally been obscure, but because of Yu Weixi, the handsome and earnest actor in it, Ji Shilin, had shot to fame.
Yu Weixi’s tone was somewhat cold and flat, yet the arrogance within it was unmistakable.
The reporter was stunned, his mind already filled with press release headlines.
Another reporter squeezed in at the first opportunity and asked, “Mr. Yu, some people say that when you filmed your first drama, The Coast’s Solitude, your acting was actually decent. Is it because you can’t perform without Film Emperor Feng guiding you?”
This was quite a sharp and provocative question.
Yu Weixi froze for a moment.
Then, a cold smile appeared on his face. “What kind of question is that? Is Ji Linlang’s acting bad? Besides, Feng Yan’s acting isn’t that great either.”
“But… don’t tell him I said that, and don’t write it down.” Yu Weixi pressed a finger to his lips. “His mind is as small as his dick.”
With that, the bodyguards cleared a path, and Yu Weixi quickly got into his car and left the scene.
“Big Bro Yu, you…” The young assistant sat beside him, looking at Yu Weixi with a helpless expression.
Roasting people was one thing, but why did he have to make a dirty joke? And about Feng Yan, of all people?
“Big Bro Yu, the shippers are going to go crazy again,” the assistant muttered while scrolling through Weibo.
Three years ago, Yu Weixi and Feng Yan had filmed a romantic arthouse film together. Yu Weixi played a merman, and Feng Yan was the city dweller who met him on the coast. The two embarked on a romantic love story, which gave rise to the “FengYuWuZu” ship, whose popularity was so immense it was like it had swept through the entire entertainment industry.
And then… there was no ‘and then’. The ship sank spectacularly. Feng Yan and Yu Weixi suddenly became arch-nemeses, and they had been bickering with each other ever since.
Yu Weixi also opened Weibo. Seeing the hot searches, he raised an eyebrow. “Feng Yan and I roast each other every time we meet. It’s been two years, how can there still be shippers?”
And there were quite a lot of them. Although not as exaggerated as during their peak, it had been two damn years. Even Feng Yan’s two dogs had given birth to several litters of puppies by now.
The assistant suddenly let out a strange, mischievous chuckle.
Yu Weixi: “…”
Before his boss could start roasting him, the assistant quickly changed the subject with a cheerful smile. “The station is just ahead. You can switch cars there to go home, and I’ll go pick up Niangao from class!”
Yu Weixi nodded.
Lately, Yu Weixi’s problem with sasaeng fans had gotten serious. To prevent them from following him, he always switched cars before going home.
After changing cars, only the private driver and Yu Weixi were left inside.
Yu Weixi continued to scroll through Weibo. It was a warzone again.
Hot Searches:
#Yu Weixi called Ji Shilin Ji Linlang
#Yu Weixi said Feng Yan is small
#Yu Weixi Golden Stinky Tofu
#Yu Weixi roasts all his co-stars
Ji’s fans and Feng’s fans were arguing.
{Comparing that newly popular little actor Ji Shilin to my gege? Is he trying to leech off his fame? On the same level? That statement is beyond idiotic.}
{As a rational fan, I have to say this. Can we please not be provoked by that idiot Yu Weixi! Ji fans and Feng fans, please focus on your own idols, thank you.}
Yu Weixi’s fans were arguing with the whole world.
{Contrarian Yu is acting up again. When will he ever stop? He’s ugly and slutty, always trying to get attention. Even I, a neutral bystander, can’t stand it anymore.}
{What gives him the right to mention my gege? Famous because of him? Real gold will always shine, you get it?}
{What gives Contrarian Yu the right to criticize Film Emperor Feng? My grandma’s acting is better than his.}
{Yeah, yeah, your grandma is so amazing, she must be the center dancer at the public square. My Xixi is just a bit tactless and speaks his mind. Sorry for the trouble. We’re taking him away, please don’t argue.}
As Yu Weixi scrolled through his phone, reading the sharp and vitriolic attacks against him, he only felt…
Fuck, this feels amazing.
Yu Weixi activated the system in his mind.
“How was it?”
A mechanical yet incredibly excited voice echoed in his head. “Full… I’m so full!”
Years ago, when this system had first found him, Yu Weixi thought he was hallucinating. But it turned out the system was real.
Back then, he was dying from a terminal illness. The system suddenly appeared, saying that Yu Weixi’s arrogant personality and tenacious fate made him the chosen one.
After being chosen, all Yu Weixi had to do was… court death. He had to desperately court death, make others curse and attack him. He just had to act as a vessel, absorbing the world’s dark energy for the system’s purification function, and in return, he could extend his life.
An ordinary person would have broken down long ago from this kind of online abuse, but Yu Weixi was basically unaffected. He was having a great time letting himself go.
“How much dark energy did we collect from this Golden Stinky Tofu Award?”
The system replied, “Five thousand!”
“Too little.” Yu Weixi frowned slightly, a little disappointed.
He needed to reach a certain amount to completely break free from the system and have a life of his own, instead of relying on this dark energy to live day by day.
System: “The effect wasn’t as great this time, seemingly because your fans are working hard to whitewash you! Host, your popularity is soaring!”
Yu Weixi was taken aback.
Many, many people hated Yu Weixi, but perhaps even more people liked him.
Yu Weixi leaned back against the seat and smiled faintly. This really is a sweet burden, he thought.
“Whatever.” Yu Weixi shut down the system, deciding not to dwell on it. He had plenty of energy in stock anyway.
Yu Weixi continued scrolling through Weibo and noticed a new hot search quietly climbing the ranks.
#Dylan bot didn’t post for the day
…?
Yu Weixi’s Weibo username was DylanLovesToDance_.
What was this about? Post what?
Yu Weixi clicked on it and immediately understood.
Damn… are this generation of netizens really this idle?
Every day, Yu Weixi would post a roast on his Weibo, which had earned him the nickname “Dylan bot.” But yesterday, because he was rushing to catch a flight for the Golden Stinky Tofu ceremony, he had forgotten to post.
He could get on the hot search for posting, and he could get on it for not posting. Yu Weixi, who had practically bought a house on the hot search list, rolled his eyes. He opened his WeChat and Weibo direct messages to see the messages from his industry colleagues and friends.
{Xixi!! My new movie is about to be released, can you help me roast it a bit? Thank you, thank you.}
{Xixi, my variety show aired today!! Requesting a roast! I’ll treat you to a meal later. Mwah.}
{Weixi, I’m releasing a new song today. Would it be convenient for you to help me promote it with a roast?}
{Xixi…}
Yu Weixi was considering his options when he heard a “ding-dong.” Weibo had sent him a trending push notification.
—Long-awaited, we finally have you! Film Emperor Feng’s new drama Sea King is about to be released. All hail the Great King!
Yu Weixi clicked on it and saw rows and rows of promotional posters shared by fans, all with the uniform caption, “All hail the Great King!”
The poster featured Feng Yan, shirtless with a fishtail, holding a trident in his Sea King persona. The background was a dark, deep sea. His long white hair was loose, and the antennae on his head glowed faintly.
The most eye-catching feature was naturally Feng Yan’s upper body muscles—defined, powerful, and exquisitely sculpted. Coupled with Feng Yan’s handsome yet refined features and his firm, dashing gaze into the camera, the poster was quite a feast for the eyes.
Yu Weixi studied the prop antennae for a long time, finding them odd. Human antennae point up, why do yours point down?
So, Yu Weixi also reposted it.
DylanLovesToDance_: All hail the Great Compendium!! // @SeaKingOfficial: Long-awaited, we finally have you. All hail the Great King!!
“Hmph.”
Pleased with his repost, Yu Weixi bit his lower lip. He zoomed in on Feng Yan’s upper body, zoomed in again, and then… screenshotted and saved it.
All in one smooth motion.
“Must be photoshopped, tsk.”
Translator’s Notes
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UC-style headline: Refers to sensational, clickbait headlines commonly found on the Chinese news aggregator UC Browser.
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Water army : Hired internet commenters paid to post content to sway public opinion.
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Gege : Chinese for “older brother,” often used by fans to refer to their male idols affectionately.
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FengYuWuZu : The ship name is a pun. It combines their surnames, Feng (封) and Yu (余), with the idiom “风雨无阻” (fēng yǔ wú zǔ), which means “unstoppable, come rain or shine.” The characters for Feng (封) and wind (风) are different, but the pun works on the similar sound.
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Sasaeng fans: A Korean term for obsessive fans who stalk or engage in other behavior that constitutes an invasion of privacy.
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All hail the Great Compendium: This is a translation of a pun. The original post says “参见大王” (cānjiàn dàwáng – All hail the Great King). Yu Weixi changes it to “参见大全” (cānjiàn dàquán). “大全” means “compendium” or “complete collection.” The characters 王 (wáng) and 全 (quán) sound somewhat similar, making it a subtle, nonsensical roast.
