Chapter 37: Confession
After dinner, Huai Dan went to the kitchen to clean up—Luo Jing had volunteered to help but was stopped by Huai Dan.
“I’ll do it. Go rest, you have an exam tomorrow,” Huai Dan said, ruffling his hair.
So Luo Jing, feeling the warmth on his head, went to rest obediently.
Then, after washing up, turning off the lights, and lying in bed, he belatedly felt a pang of regret.
…He shouldn’t have been so obedient. He would be leaving tomorrow, and he only had a few hours left with Huai Dan.
After this, he didn’t know when they would meet again.
Thinking this, Luo Jing pulled the quilt over his head, curled up, and smelled the scent of detergent on the sheets, a sense of insecurity and sadness slowly filling his heart.
He started to wonder if this impromptu meeting was to satisfy his longing or simply to torture himself.
But the thought that, at least for now, Huai Dan was only a dozen meters away from him brought him some comfort.
Having a secret crush was truly the most torturous thing in the world, especially when the object of his affection was practically a brother who had watched him grow up and would never reciprocate his feelings.
The more he thought about it, the less he could sleep. Luo Jing suddenly felt at a loss.
He didn’t know what to do.
And he would be going abroad soon, which meant even fewer opportunities to meet.
After lying in bed for a while longer, Luo Jing freed himself from the quilt, his face slightly flushed from the lack of oxygen. He got out of bed, put on his slippers, and, trying to be as quiet as possible, opened the door and went to the living room.
The living room was empty. Huai Dan must have gone back to his room to sleep. The surroundings were dim and quiet.
It had been raining these past two days, and the night wasn’t warm. Luo Jing sat cross-legged on the sofa, grabbed a pillow, and buried his chin in it.
Staring into space for a while, he sighed softly.
He took out his phone, turned the brightness to the lowest setting, thought for a moment, opened Weibo, and posted a sad emoji.
It was peak time for online activity. As soon as he posted it, several comments appeared.
[What’s wrong, Luo Luo? Are you feeling down?]
[Still not asleep so late?]
[Sigh, I’m also feeling down. I haven’t finished my homework and I’m still working on it. [Crazy]]
[@DontWantToMemorizeVocabulary111 (OP) replying to @JustWantToEatSweets: A little down.]
After replying, Luo Jing put away his phone and stared blankly at Huai Dan’s door.
Staring and staring, the door suddenly opened.
Luo Jing: “?”
Huai Dan came out in his home clothes. Seeing Luo Jing, a faint look of surprise appeared in his eyes.
After a pause, he walked over and sat down next to Luo Jing: “Not sleeping yet? What are you doing here?”
Luo Jing, only his eyes visible, watched him approach, his gaze fixed on him, then lowered his eyes when Huai Dan sat down beside him.
The seat next to him dipped slightly, and the slight movement of the sofa cushion as the other person sat down seemed to resonate in his heart.
The warmth from the person beside him gradually dispelled the chill of the night. Huai Dan seemed to have just showered, and the scent of shower gel emanated from him.
The same scent as his.
His heart gradually accelerated, then the quickened pace transformed into a deeper sadness.
“What’s wrong?” Huai Dan looked at him, his voice gentle in the quiet night. “Can’t sleep?”
Luo Jing rubbed the pillow with his fingertips, still not looking at Huai Dan, and after a moment of silence, finally replied softly, “I’m feeling a bit down.”
“What’s wrong?”
Luo Jing was silent for a moment, then sighed.
“I can’t tell you, brother,” he said.
Huai Dan was quiet for a moment, then reached out and ruffled Luo Jing’s hair.
Luo Jing blinked, holding back the tears that were about to well up.
He knew his words might hurt Huai Dan a little, but if he didn’t say it, he would be even more hurt.
Luo Jing suddenly felt like he was engaging in a childish act of revenge, even though he knew this insignificant resistance probably wouldn’t have any effect on the other person.
After all, only he was the one with a secret crush, and Huai Dan only treated him like a beloved younger brother.
…And there could be many beloved younger brothers. Maybe after he left, Huai Dan would meet another child he liked and take care of that person just like he had taken care of him when he was little.
Perhaps the night made people more emotional and prone to overthinking. Luo Jing felt even sadder because of his imaginary rivals.
“Why can’t you tell your brother?” Huai Dan asked. “Is it because I’m unhappy?”
“…Both,” Luo Jing slowly came up with an excuse. “Actually, it’s because I’m going abroad.”
Luo Jing paused.
Huai Dan patiently waited for him to finish.
“I’m afraid that after I leave, everyone will… stop caring about me,” he finally said, his excuse sounding stiff and awkward. “You too.”
Huai Dan chuckled: “What about me?”
“You might meet another younger brother you like more, and then you’ll forget about me, since we won’t be able to see each other anyway…” He subconsciously voiced his worries.
After a pause, realizing what he had said, Luo Jing closed his eyes.
Trying to salvage the situation, he quickly added, “And my friends too…”
“That won’t happen,” Huai Dan said.
“No one can replace you.”
Luo Jing froze.
Then that dizzy feeling returned.
Huai Dan paused, then said, “And I should be the one worried about this, shouldn’t I?”
Luo Jing: “?”
“Will you forget about your brother when you go abroad?” Huai Dan asked, seeing his slightly confused expression, without explaining further.
“No,” Luo Jing said firmly.
“Me neither.”
Luo Jing retreated again.
Although their conversation was a bit off-topic due to his subtle feelings, Luo Jing felt much better.
…He felt like he had suddenly become a difficult and unreasonable person.
But Huai Dan didn’t seem to mind.
For a moment, he suddenly felt that their current state was good, and he shouldn’t ask for anything more.
But this thought was quickly suppressed by a more selfish one.
People seemed to always want more.
Having lived for over ten years getting everything he wanted easily, this was the first time Luo Jing truly understood the meaning of this phrase.
“I’ll come visit you when I have time,” Huai Dan said, seeing him lost in thought, then asked, “If you can’t sleep, do you want to watch a movie?”
Luo Jing lifted his face from the pillow and replied softly, “Mm.”
Every extra moment with him counted, even if it was just a minute.
Huai Dan turned on the TV. Luo Jing browsed for five or six minutes, then chose “Love Actually.”
This movie was older than him, a classic, but he had actually watched it last Christmas.
The school had organized a viewing.
He had really wanted to watch it with Huai Dan back then.
This sudden realization of his wish made Luo Jing slightly happier. Halfway through the movie, Huai Dan, worried he was cold, brought him a blanket.
Luo Jing shared half of the blanket with Huai Dan.
The movie’s atmosphere was warm and romantic, without any overly stimulating plots. Their body heat mingled under the thin blanket, and although it was the end of summer, Luo Jing felt like they were cuddling together on a winter night.
Even though he didn’t want to admit it, he had traveled quite a bit today, taking a plane and then a car, and had been nervous the whole way because of his unexplainable emotions. As he watched, he gradually felt sleepy.
Huai Dan had actually seen this movie before, but he didn’t mind watching it again with Luo Jing.
Midway through the movie, when the Prime Minister arrived at the school’s Christmas party, Huai Dan suddenly felt a weight on his shoulder. He instinctively looked over and saw Luo Jing’s fluffy head.
His hair was freshly washed and smelled like the same shampoo he used, but also slightly different.
Huai Dan paused and softly called out, “Luo Luo.”
The person on his shoulder didn’t respond.
The warmth from Luo Jing’s body, heated by the blanket, gradually spread to where they touched. Luo Jing’s breathing was shallow, his long eyelashes lowered, his body rising and falling slowly with each breath, as if he was fast asleep.
The lights in the living room weren’t on. The only light source came from the dimmed TV screen, the movie scenes changing. The faint, colorful light shone on Luo Jing’s face. Looking down, his hair was soft, and the fine hairs on his face were clearly visible.
A child raised with love.
Huai Dan felt that Luo Jing simply had to stand there, and everyone should naturally like him.
So Huai Dan didn’t understand why he had such worries.
Half of the movie was still left. Huai Dan adjusted his position slightly, making the child on his shoulder more comfortable, and continued watching.
At this moment, he suddenly felt like he had finally gotten some rest after being busy for so long.
The movie ended with a happy ending. Huai Dan didn’t get up immediately but sat there for a while longer, closing his eyes.
After the credits ended, the TV automatically turned off, and the room was plunged into darkness and silence again.
After a while, Huai Dan opened his eyes and looked down at the child leaning on his shoulder.
After a moment of silence, he decided not to wake Luo Jing. He brushed aside the hair on his forehead, then, somewhat clumsily, picked him up horizontally, carried him through the living room, and back to the guest room.
After placing Luo Jing on the bed and tucking him in, Huai Dan sat by the bed and watched him for a moment.
Then he reached out and silently ruffled his hair.
“Click.”
The door closed softly.
After a while, half asleep, Luo Jing subconsciously touched the spot on his head where Huai Dan had ruffled his hair.
He wasn’t sure if he had been dreaming.
But the person had already left, yet the warm touch seemed to linger, as if burning its way into his heart.
