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Qi Wei’s words were heavy, and the hot tear that fell on his skin was like a spark, burning him, silencing him, the pain twisting his bones.
All the thorns and fire within him melted away at this moment.
He moved his free hand and placed it on Qi Wei’s back, patting him gently.
Qi Wei knew that Qi Zhao’s anger had subsided.
But he didn’t feel relieved or triumphant.
He knew this was his last chance.
His deception had been exposed; he had two choices.
Either continue hiding it, ensuring he was more careful from now on, so Qi Zhao wouldn’t find out anything more, or risk everything falling apart.
Or… confess to Qi Zhao.
Should he confess?
Qi Wei’s eyelashes fluttered. Before he could decide, Qi Zhao’s hand gently touched the side of his neck, as if no longer angry, his voice hoarse and soft. “Does it still hurt?”
“…Yes,” since he had been discovered, Qi Wei didn’t try to hide it anymore, nuzzling Qi Zhao’s neck, the vulnerability in his voice evident. “It hurts a lot.”
Qi Zhao’s lips tightened as he hugged him tighter. “Let’s sit down, okay?”
He even seemed to want to support Qi Wei. “Can you walk?”
Qi Wei could actually walk normally, but this way, he could lean on Qi Zhao…
He liked Qi Zhao relying on him, and he liked being able to rely on Qi Zhao. It made him feel that they could trust and depend on each other.
So Qi Wei said softly, “It’s a little difficult.”
So Qi Zhao, without thinking, let Qi Wei lean on him as they returned to the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed.
He turned to look at Qi Wei, who was staring intently at him, his brow furrowed in pain, but his gaze never leaving him.
Qi Zhao couldn’t describe his feelings, but he raised his hand and gently wiped the cold sweat from Qi Wei’s forehead with his fingertips, as if he could share his pain. “…Qi Wei.”
He asked softly, “Is there anything I can do?”
Qi Wei’s eyelashes fluttered. “…If… you’re willing to… lick it.”
He couldn’t deny the slight embarrassment he felt.
But Qi Zhao, his ears burning red, his heart pounding, leaned in and gently touched Qi Wei’s neck with his lips.
This simple touch made Qi Wei’s muscles tense, a wave of possessiveness and intensity washing over him, but Qi Zhao wasn’t afraid.
He didn’t even ask for confirmation again, just licking the spot where the needle had pierced his skin, as Qi Wei wished.
It felt strange; Qi Zhao normally wouldn’t do such a thing. But for Qi Wei, his restless pheromones instantly calmed down, gently clinging to Qi Zhao, trying to reassure him, to tell him he was fine now.
But Qi Zhao didn’t know this. He only felt Qi Wei’s grip tightening, pulling him into a tight embrace, pressing him down on the bed.
Then there were no further movements. Qi Wei buried his face in Qi Zhao’s embrace, inhaling deeply, his pseudo-rut making him yearn for Qi Zhao to bite him.
But he knew he couldn’t. He had just injected the medicine, and if Qi Zhao bit him, he might hurt him, so he had to endure.
—After all, Qi Zhao wasn’t an omega, he didn’t have pheromones to signal to his pheromones that it was a mark from his partner. Even though Qi Zhao’s scent and saliva had a calming effect, what he would feel first was “pain.”
Even in a pseudo-rut, Qi Wei’s mind was still mostly clear; he didn’t want to make any mistakes.
Last time had been different; he hadn’t taken the medicine then. This time, his gland was even more sensitive than during a rut.
After all, it had just been pierced by a needle.
Qi Zhao let him nuzzle against him, his hand moving to rest on the back of Qi Wei’s head.
He had wanted to wait until tomorrow to ask, to just sleep now, because he could sense that Qi Wei wasn’t in a good state, guessing that his condition, coupled with his emotional turmoil, had triggered a pseudo-rut, and it wasn’t a good time to talk.
Because what Qi Wei needed most now was emotional stability.
But Qi Zhao couldn’t sleep.
He could only close his eyes, enduring it with Qi Wei for a while, before finally saying, “Can we sleep for a bit?”
Qi Wei, clearly aroused, just nuzzled against him, his body moving upwards.
Qi Zhao was amused and exasperated.
Truly exasperated.
Not to mention that someone like Qi Wei, he was probably the only one in the world.
And he liked Qi Wei. His life so far, although not long, at twenty-four, Qi Wei was the only one who had ever captured his heart.
He didn’t have an ideal type; Qi Wei had appeared, and he was smitten, then gradually falling deeper after their reunion.
The seed planted in his heart had grown into a towering tree, its roots intertwined with his flesh and blood, filling his entire being, binding his soul.
Qi Zhao realized that he wasn’t truly upset that Qi Wei had lied to him, just angry.
Anger could be soothed, but sadness would leave a scar, difficult to heal, requiring a piece of his heart to be torn away, like the Qi family.
And now, towards Qi Wei, even that anger was gone, replaced by worry that Qi Wei’s illness might be life-threatening.
After they adjusted their positions, Qi Wei finally spoke. “Ah Zhao.”
He apologized first. “I’m sorry, I lied to you.”
But he was careful with his words.
Qi Zhao noticed, of course, but he wasn’t bothered by Qi Wei using a less alarming term.
He couldn’t be angry with him anyway.
Qi Wei lowered his voice. “My condition… is indeed quite serious.”
He decided to confess.
Because Qi Zhao had already given him the answer.
If he was confident he could hide it forever, Qi Zhao would never know, and there would be no problem. But he wasn’t confident, so it was better to be honest now, before it was too late. If he continued to lie, and was eventually exposed, even if Qi Zhao didn’t leave him, he would be disappointed.
—But Qi Wei didn’t know that the person who had given him the answer had already changed his mind.
When Qi Wei started speaking, Qi Zhao had already decided that if Qi Wei still didn’t want to tell him, then it was fine.
He would stay with Qi Wei. No matter what, he would be there for him. Qi Wei was still receiving treatment; he just preferred to do it secretly.
It wasn’t a big deal.
He had already comforted himself when Qi Wei said, “If there’s no significant improvement, I might actually receive a critical condition notice.”
Even though he had expected it, Qi Zhao’s breath still hitched, his hand on the back of Qi Wei’s head tightening.
His lips moved; he had so many questions, so much he wanted to say. If he were younger, a teenager, he would have probably flipped over, grabbed Qi Wei by the collar, and bombarded him with questions, then punched him.
For lying to him for so long.
But Qi Zhao wasn’t a child anymore, so he wouldn’t resort to violence. He knew Qi Wei would continue explaining.
“It is indeed pheromone dysregulation, but it’s much more serious than a disorder,” Qi Wei lowered his voice. “A pheromone disorder rarely leads to death, and it can usually be cured with a partner’s soothing pheromones, or even just their presence. But dysregulation is different.”
A pheromone disorder could gradually heal over time, but pheromone dysregulation required Qi Wei’s own efforts, along with medication.
If it weren’t for the medication he had been taking all these years, he would have probably died during one of his ruts.
Because…
“The biggest problem with pheromone dysregulation isn’t the loss of control, but… it attacks indiscriminately, even myself.”
Qi Wei whispered, “It only recognizes you, only you, it won’t attack you.”
Qi Zhao froze. “…Why?”
Qi Wei: “Perhaps because it has already recognized you as my partner. And my pheromones attacking my own body is a form of self-destruction. Like thinking I’m useless, or something.”
Qi Zhao didn’t understand, but he vaguely grasped something. “Why would you think you’re useless?”
The arm around Qi Zhao’s back tightened slightly. Being asked this question, coupled with the pseudo-rut, made his pheromones restless, and he couldn’t help but say, his voice tinged with a hint of bitterness, “A useless alpha can’t keep their partner, can’t even receive their partner’s comfort during their rut.”
Qi Zhao: “…”
After a moment of silence, he realized that given the timeline of Qi Wei’s affection for him, he had probably instinctively sought out anything related to him for nesting ever since his first rut after differentiating.
But they had no connection back then, so Qi Wei couldn’t complete his nesting. From the moment he differentiated into an alpha, he was destined for this outcome.
Prolonged inability to nest, prolonged lack of a partner’s comfort… No wonder he had developed a psychological nesting behavior.
Qi Wei was like a tired bird that had been flying for seven years, finally finding its nest.
But seven years of relentless flight had exhausted him.
Qi Zhao’s lips moved, his voice hoarse and choked with emotion, not realizing it himself. “If… if you had told me sooner, I would have definitely helped you.”
But the moment he said this, he already knew the answer.
And Qi Wei confirmed it. “Ah Zhao, it was too dangerous back then, the turmoil in the Qi family… If they knew about our connection, Qi Mu would have sent you to Qi Yuanyu and the others, turning you into their pawn, their puppet.”
He murmured, “I don’t mind being controlled, but you would have suffered.”
He had always been considering Qi Zhao’s feelings, protecting him.
Qi Zhao closed his eyes, hiding the tears welling up, his throat tightening, unable to speak.
“Then now… is there still no improvement?”
Qi Zhao, after composing himself, asked slowly, “According to your theory, now that we’re together, your emotions should be able to regulate themselves, but that hasn’t happened, has it?”
Qi Wei paused. He wanted to say no, afraid that Qi Zhao would misunderstand, think he didn’t like him enough, a sudden panic gripping him, even his pheromones, suppressed by the medication, started to surge. His arms tightened around Qi Zhao, his voice slightly urgent. “Ah Zhao…”
“Qi Wei.”
Qi Zhao interrupted him, pointing out the biggest problem between them. “Why do you still think I’m not truly here with you?”
