89
Why was he still uncertain?
There was a reason, of course.
During these past seven years, Qi Wei had countless hallucinations of Qi Zhao being by his side.
He hadn’t told anyone, but he had indeed seen Qi Zhao countless times, as if he were truly there, when he opened the door and walked into his apartment.
He would see Qi Zhao taking milk from the refrigerator, telling him that it was almost finished and to buy a new carton on his way home from work.
Qi Wei disliked anyone setting foot in his apartment, so he always did his own grocery shopping after work, which made these hallucinations even more realistic.
He would also see Qi Zhao sitting on the sofa, complaining about school or his internship…
He had always watched Qi Zhao, so he knew his every change, every year, every day.
He knew what clothes he wore, who he talked to, what he ate for breakfast, where he was going… he knew everything.
So the illusions he conjured were always incredibly realistic.
And because he had taken too many suppressants, his pheromones developed a strange protective mechanism, creating false memories for him during his ruts.
Even though nesting hadn’t been successful, with so few of Qi Zhao’s belongings, the scent too faint, his mind would still conjure images of Qi Zhao accompanying him through his rut, obediently held in his arms until it ended.
The most devastating part was that Qi Wei knew these were all fake.
He knew it clearly, yet he couldn’t help but indulge in them, even replaying them in his mind late at night, creating new false memories.
Not to mention, Qi Wei would sometimes lose control, buying a plane ticket and flying abroad, sneaking onto Qi Zhao’s balcony, just to watch him sleep.
His pheromones would unconsciously envelop Qi Zhao, and it wasn’t until dawn, when Qi Zhao’s alarm went off, that he would snap out of it, realizing what he had done.
Seven years was enough for phantoms to become a dream world. The only thing keeping Qi Wei sane was not talking about it with anyone, lest he be considered truly insane and locked away.
But this wasn’t good for him in the long run.
When he finally sat face to face with Qi Zhao again, sharing a meal, Qi Wei stared at him intently, unable to distinguish between reality and illusion.
The more he interacted with Qi Zhao, the more he received, the more his desires were fulfilled, the more he couldn’t help but wonder—
Was this Qi Zhao, the one in his arms, letting him touch him, even letting him possess him, real?
Would Qi Zhao truly like him?
Could Qi Zhao truly accept him?
Accept him, so ugly and twisted.
The more he thought about it, the tighter Qi Wei held Qi Zhao.
Qi Zhao winced, his voice strained. “Ease up, you’re crushing my bones.”
Qi Wei blinked, loosening his grip slightly, but his voice still carried a trace of uncertainty, as if trapped in a dream. “Ah Zhao, are you… real?”
Qi Zhao, remembering Qi Wei’s fragmented confessions, exhaled softly and, instead of answering his question, said, “Let me settle a score with you first.”
He looked down at Qi Wei. “So those jackets I lost while studying abroad, you took them, didn’t you?”
Qi Wei had said he didn’t have enough of his belongings to properly nest.
But from Qi Zhao’s perspective, Qi Wei shouldn’t have any of his belongings at all.
Qi Wei paused, his anxious heart strangely calming down. “…Yes.”
Qi Zhao was truly speechless. “How could you…”
…do such a thing?
Qi Wei looked up slightly, his lower face still buried in Qi Zhao’s embrace, only his dark, deep eyes visible.
Usually, because Qi Wei was taller, when he looked down at him, it felt oppressive and dangerous, even when he was trying to be gentle.
But from this angle, it was different.
Looking at Qi Wei like this, the oppressive feeling disappeared, replaced by a strangely… endearing vulnerability in his eyes.
Especially when Qi Wei asked, “Ah Zhao, you don’t like it?”
Qi Zhao’s initial awkwardness and discomfort melted away, and he finally just said, “…No.”
He sighed helplessly. “It’s not that I dislike it, I just think you’re a little… Forget it. What about those clothes?”
Qi Wei answered honestly, “I kept them safely in a vault.”
Qi Zhao found it even more ridiculous, momentarily speechless. “…That’s a bit much.”
Truly unnecessary.
Qi Wei buried his face in Qi Zhao’s embrace again. “It’s not.”
He said, “Those are your things.”
Qi Zhao: “…”
He sighed.
He already knew how much Qi Wei treasured him, he understood perfectly.
So there was no need for Qi Wei to keep reminding him, both subtly and overtly.
His heart had already been stolen.
Qi Zhao touched Qi Wei’s head, then, worried about something else, asked, “Qi Wei, did they mention… a timeframe during your last checkup?”
“My condition did improve last time,” Qi Wei’s voice was muffled, “I wasn’t lying to you. It was just… a very slight improvement.”
Qi Zhao lowered his voice. “Because you still sometimes wonder if I’m real, right?”
Qi Wei hummed in agreement. Since he had already confessed, he could speak more freely now. “Sometimes, when I don’t see you, I check flight tickets, wondering if I should go abroad to confirm. But I’m also afraid…”
Qi Wei wasn’t afraid of Qi Zhao finding out about his sudden trip abroad, but afraid of seeing Qi Zhao in the apartment he had arranged for him.
Or seeing Qi Zhao having dinner with Hua Tang and other friends at a restaurant, their laughter and conversations having nothing to do with him, an outsider looking in.
Qi Zhao suddenly had an idea. “Qi Wei.”
He cupped Qi Wei’s face in his hands, making him look at him. “Go to Country A, go and confirm it yourself.”
Qi Wei: “…”
He tilted his head slightly, resting it against Qi Zhao’s palm. “Should I go alone?”
“You know,” Qi Zhao said seriously, “it’ll only be effective if you go alone. Go there, go and find me, okay?”
Qi Wei wanted to say no, but he couldn’t refuse Qi Zhao directly, especially after Qi Zhao kissed him softly on the eyelids.
Qi Wei’s breathing deepened, a dizzying feeling washing over him, and he could only say, slightly resentfully, “Ah Zhao, you’re so cruel.”
Qi Zhao smiled. “I’ll be here waiting for you.”
So, the next day, after Qi Wei’s pseudo-rut subsided, Qi Zhao booked him a flight ticket.
Before sending Qi Wei off at the airport, in the VIP lounge, Qi Zhao let Qi Wei bite his neck for a long time, then he suddenly remembered Qi Wei’s words.
…If he couldn’t mark him, would Qi Wei’s pheromones blame him for being useless, not because he was a beta, but because he couldn’t be marked?
Qi Zhao thought it shouldn’t be that serious.
After all, a beta couldn’t be marked; it was biology. Even with his condition, Qi Wei shouldn’t think he could defy biology, right?
After seeing Qi Wei off, Qi Zhao got back in the car.
He took a deep breath, touched the mark on his neck, no longer bothering to conceal it, and simply said, “Let’s go home.”
Qiu Ji replied, “Yes, sir,” but he couldn’t help but feel a little nervous.
With Qi Wei gone, if Qi Zhao wanted to do something, there was no one who could stop him.
—Qiu Ji didn’t know what Qi Zhao knew, and he was afraid their boss would reveal his secrets.
The flight from Z Country to Country A was long, crossing a vast ocean, and with the time difference, it was daytime when Qi Wei landed, while it was already late at night in Kyoto.
But Qi Zhao wasn’t asleep, so he immediately replied to Qi Wei’s message, confirming he had received it.
The moment Qi Wei landed, he had the urge to turn around and ask about the next flight back to Z Country.
But he didn’t. After urging Qi Zhao to go to sleep, he put away his phone and walked out.
He hadn’t brought any luggage; he was here for answers, not for work or a vacation.
It wasn’t his first time in Country A. He had been here many times, so he knew Qi Zhao’s usual routes.
This country wasn’t as safe as Z Country, and Qi Zhao wouldn’t wander around aimlessly, always staying in relatively safe areas.
Qi Wei first went to the area near Qi Zhao’s former company. It was almost lunchtime, and when he arrived, the lunch break had already started.
Qi Zhao liked the international cuisine restaurant downstairs. Just like how international cuisine in Z Country leaned towards Western flavors, international cuisine abroad leaned more towards Z Country cuisine.
And the owner had even specially visited Z Country to learn authentic recipes, so Qi Zhao could always find a taste of home here.
Qi Wei knew this.
Because he had arranged for the restaurant’s Z Country cuisine chef.
He didn’t find “Qi Zhao” nearby, but then again, he wasn’t expecting to find him here.
Just…
His illness was acting up, making him hallucinate, seeing Qi Zhao everywhere, images of him ingrained in his mind.
Qi Wei visited a few other places Qi Zhao frequented, then finally stood before Qi Zhao’s former apartment building, and coincidentally, he ran into Hua Tang.
Hua Tang, having seen Qi Wei in the news, naturally recognized him. “You!”
He hadn’t expected to run into Qi Wei here. He was naturally outgoing and said without hesitation, “Mr. Qi.”
But he didn’t dare get too close to Qi Wei. “Are you here on vacation? Why don’t I see Qi Zhao?”
He then muttered, “Seriously, I understand you not telling me before, but you’re in Country A now, why didn’t you let me know?”
Qi Wei lowered his eyes and chuckled softly. “I’m not.”
He said, “I came alone. He’s at home. I’m here to pick something up.”
Hua Tang was puzzled. “Oh, but he didn’t leave anything behind when he packed to return to Z Country… He said he took everything important and that the apartment could be returned, and I even helped him with the lease termination.”
“Yes, it’s not something from the apartment,” Qi Wei’s tone was gentle, with a hint of distance. “Thank you.”
He looked at the apartment, now occupied by someone else, a foreign couple standing on the balcony, smiling as they discussed what to plant there…
Qi Wei whispered, “I’ve found it.”
