Chapter 29: I’m Not Leaving. QAQ Part 2

“You know how extreme the temperature swings are day and night at Azure Cloud Pass, and he’s wearing such thin clothes. Sigh. If Liao Yuan Court’s second-in-command freezes to death on my watch…”

“Li Xuan, tell me the truth.”

He solemnly gripped Zhao Lixuan’s shoulder, utterly serious: “Did you really borrow money from him? How’d it happen? How much do you owe?”

“…”

Zhao Lixuan felt his vision blur, a massive stone blocking his chest.

The suspicions he’d least wanted to entertain now seemed unavoidable.

But he truly didn’t get it! Back then, that man had clearly said with his own mouth that he’d never truly loved him. If so, why this lingering obsession years later? Even if regret came late, why take a full twenty years to realize it?

Had two decades passed before Jiang Chen suddenly awakened to how good he’d treated him, and now he couldn’t adjust to life without him?

What absurd logic was that!

Fortunately, the next day Yin Canshang brought good news: “Jiang Immortal Lord is finally gone from outside!”

Excellent.

Zhao Lixuan’s heart eased, a weight lifting from his shoulders.

Little did he know, Jiang Chen had collapsed from exhaustion after days of waiting in the cold outside the pass, his old wounds flaring up from the chill. Passing immortal cultivators had hurriedly carried his unconscious form to a clinic in Jinli Town.

His exceptional beauty shone through even in his pallid exhaustion, drawing crowds of curious concern.

“Looks like a demon immortal… Huh, he’s got a book tucked in his robes? The Code of Dao Companions?”

“Aiya, coming up to the upper realms as a secondary spouse is tough enough. Tsk tsk, studying this three obediences and four virtues stuff? Foolish!”

“Exactly. Demon immortals marrying up here can’t run businesses or join immortal sects—they’re stuck indoors all day with hearth and needlework. In the end, they’re totally at their dao companion’s mercy. Another one blinded by worldly romance. Sigh!”

As they gossiped, a faint murmur rose from the sickbed.

His face was bloodless, brows tightly furrowed, cold sweat soaking his long hair. Even in his frail, sickly state, his handsomeness remained undiminished.

“Sounds like he’s calling for his dao companion… So pitiful.”

“Silly child, if life here’s no good, just dissolve the contract and go back to the human realm. The world is vast, you know!”

Jiang Chen felt his eyelids weigh a thousand pounds, the noisy voices around him muffled like through a veil. His throat burned unbearably, his chest prickling with dense pain. In his delirium, it was as if he’d returned to Luo State that year.

Someone was by his side, lively and smiling, shining like gold every day, always bouncing around. Blowing cool the buns in the little shop, taking him hiking and boating, staying guard when he was ill, holding his hand tight…

“Not going back… won’t go back,” he murmured stubbornly in his haze. “He’s the best. I only want him.”

…

Beyond the Wall of Returning Dust, Taixu Heavenly Smiting, and Nine Heavens Star Web on the Kanyun Terrace lay one hidden sanctuary.

The Soul-Conjoining Lamp Stair.

It was where Zhao Lixuan had gathered the remnant soul of his brother Zhao Lanze.

A long jade stair wound upward, each step hung with a glass lamp, their wicks flickering with faint cyan flames. Those tiny glows winked in and out amid the twilight.

Over these years, so many from Fu Xi Palace had scoured the Three Realms, barely collecting these scattered soul fragments.

Each glimmer bore a shard of broken, fleeting memory, slowly circulating in the jade alcove.

“Zhao Lanze, can’t you stay put for once? Make it easy for me to find you?”

He sat down lightly before the jade platform with a soft sigh, his fingertips brushing over the smooth jade wall. Year after year, his once-young little brother had grown even more world-weary than his elder brother now.

His soul fragmented like that… Who knew how much pain his brother had endured when it was shattered and scattered across the Three Realms?

If only he could have borne it all in his place.

Zhao Lanze should have been the one to live. If they could trade places, that would be ideal.

The flickering soulfire drifted like fireflies across his palm, casting an inseparable longing over his brows and eyes.

Those tiny specks of light gathered now and then, scattered at others. He simply sat there quietly with his brother for a good while.

…

That evening, as Zhao Lixuan returned to Kanyun Terrace, he ran into Yin Canshang, who had just come back from Jinli Town.

“Ahhh, I thought you’d really owed him money, but turns out it’s a romantic debt!”

“I hear that Jiang Immortal Lord refuses to leave day after day—he’s waiting for Bitterness Heart Elder! So, what’s your explanation? Not bad, huh? True to form as Immortal Lord Li Xuan, who makes flowers bloom at a glance—even the millennium iron tree of Liao Yuan Court has flowered for you!”

Yin Canshang rattled on by himself, then abruptly stopped. Disbelief washed over him as his eyes widened like he’d been struck by lightning.

“Wait… Jiang Immortal Lord… Little… Little Sweet Ginger?”

“Ahhhh? So he’s that heartless cad from your mortal realm days! Ah, ahhh! Heh, my clinic even saved him—don’t stop me! I’m going out right now to finish him off for you!”

Though he didn’t know the old story as intimately as Yu Rumu did, he had the gist of it.

Instantly, he felt nothing but hatred for Jiang Immortal Lord!

…

The next day was the final day of patrol duty.

Zhao Lixuan spent the entire morning restless, an inexplicable weariness weighing on him, his mind heavy with concerns. The fortifications were all in perfect order—he should have been pleased—but he couldn’t muster any enthusiasm.

…Sigh. I have to return to Fu Xi Palace eventually. Sooner or later, I’ll have to face him.

Can’t hide on Kanyun Terrace forever.

At noon, Yin Canshang came clamoring again: “Your heartless cad’s illness is cured, and he’s back to haunting the gates of Azure Cloud Pass. Want me to bring men and boot him out?”

But what good would driving him off do? He’d surely follow them back to Fu Xi Palace and keep haunting him everywhere, day in and day out.

“No need.”

Zhao Lixuan drew a deep breath.

Suddenly, he felt there was nothing left to flee from.

True, they had a past. In those faded pages of their story, there had been much joy, much delight, much bright affection—and later, much disappointment, confusion, grievance, and sorrow.

But no matter. It was all in the past.

Even if something lingered… Did anything really remain? Aside from a bit of shame and regret, there was truly nothing else.

Thus, with the inspection complete, Zhao Lixuan wasted no time and boarded the wooden raft to cross back to Azure Cloud Pass.

As the thin mist cleared, amid the sparse lights on the opposite shore, he spotted that lonely red silhouette once more.

This time, Zhao Lixuan no longer felt the need to avoid him.

The riverbank drew nearer.

In the twilight haze, smoke drifted lazily, lantern lights rippling across the water in circles.

After just a few days apart, Jiang Immortal Lord looked far more haggard, even the pendants on his robes and belt dulled. When their eyes met, he instinctively curled his fingertips, his lips paling as he pressed them tight.

The bamboo raft docked, and Zhao Lixuan walked slowly toward him. He heard a soft question: “Was the patrol… smooth? Are you tired?”

That voice carried a gentleness Zhao Lixuan had never heard before—like the first breeze over willow tips when the spring snow melted in Luo State.

The unfamiliar sensation made him pause mid-step, unable to resist giving him a couple extra glances.

He sighed silently in his heart.

If it were the little Zhao from back then, seeing this scene and hearing those words…

But that little Zhao who had liked—liked—Jiang Chen so very much was long gone. Now there was only the numb, indifferent Immortal Lord Li Xuan. The affection he’d once craved even in dreams was now anxiously offered up before him, yet what he pondered wasn’t whether he still wanted it—

But rather… he had no idea what to feel.

“I asked Jiang Immortal Lord to leave earlier,” he didn’t know what else to say; his tone sharpened unconsciously as he spoke. “Did Immortal Lord not hear me?”

Jiang Chen lowered his gaze: “I heard.”

He’d heard, yet still wouldn’t leave. Zhao Lixuan watched him. After all these years, he knew expecting Jiang Chen to speak up was futile.

The man had always been proud and stubborn—turn away at the slightest displeasure.

For him to cling like this was unprecedented.

Unfortunately, while Jiang Immortal Lord refused to go, Zhao Lixuan couldn’t let this situation drag on.

He had never liked beating around the bush.

Back then too—heart suddenly stirred, he’d pursued at once, swiftly coaxed the man back to his estate for days sweet as honey together; and later when they parted, though he’d tossed and turned in reluctance, unable to pick up yet unable to let go, year after year wore it down until he properly released it.

Once released, it was truly forgotten. The past joy, brightness, reluctance, heartache…

None of it remained.

“Jiang Chen.” He smiled faintly, locking eyes with him, enunciating each word clearly, his voice calm as a deep pool.

“The past is the past. You and I are both beyond the age of youthful recklessness. It’s time to let go. Go back.”

“Parting like this will be best for us both—each well on our way, no hard feelings. That’s our finest ending.”

“Go.”

The evening wind swirled fallen petals between them.

Jiang Chen stood silently in place, like a bamboo stalk bent by wind and snow. His knuckles whitened in his sleeves, yet his spine remained straight.

“Alright,” he chuckled lowly all of a sudden. “Immortal Lord Zhao, you’re right.”

He stepped back half a pace, his red robes snapping in the darkening twilight like a flame about to gutter out: “Very well, I’ll go back. From now on…”

His throat bobbed violently. “I’ll never set foot in Unstained Immortal Realm again, never… trouble Immortal Lord Li Xuan’s eyes again. Is… that… satisfactory, Immortal Lord?!”

“…”

A sudden gust whipped up, rustling the reeds along the shore and startling a flock of cold crows into flight.

Zhao Lixuan lowered his eyes and sighed silently once more. The next instant, a sharp plum fragrance assailed him.

He was still frozen in his rigid stance when strong arms locked around his waist. Jiang Chen crushed him close, greedily inhaling his scent, fingers trembling yet clutching desperately.

“I won’t leave.”

He buried his face deep in Zhao Lixuan’s shoulder hollow, like a drowning man grasping his last piece of driftwood: “That matter from back then… it was all… my fault.”

“I won’t leave.”

“Don’t… drive me away.”