Chapter 17: Braised Pork Elbow

Chen Ji tugged on the red plastic rope in his hand. Up ahead came a sharp howl, followed by a torrent of curses. To both Chen Ji and the System Cat, the spectacle was utterly hilarious.

What Chen Ji saw was a Yellow Weasel Phantom, over six feet tall, bound tight with several lengths of red plastic rope. It spewed filth without repeating a single curse, vowing doom on his entire family. Meanwhile, a pint-sized little yellow weasel—the real body—was down in the pit, howling its lungs out. It was all too amusing.

The System Cat, peering through Chen Ji’s eyes, caught the whole scene. It burst into laughter in his arms, kicking all four paws skyward. 【This weasel punk’s kinda cute… hahaha! How’d it fall for just one egg yolk pastry? Too adorable!】

Chen Ji strolled over to the edge of the pit. The yellow weasel spotted him and froze for a split second before unleashing an even filthier barrage. “Chen Ji! You goddamn little bastard—fuck your whole family, fuck your ancestors—”

The phantom thrashed wildly too, but bound by the plastic ropes, it looked more like it was having a seizure. Chen Ji stuffed an egg yolk pastry into the yellow weasel’s mouth, and the world fell blissfully silent. He picked up the weasel by the rope and headed into the temple, determined to have a spontaneous heart-to-heart with his charming neighbor.

The yellow weasel hesitated for a second before frantically struggling with its one free paw to cradle the crumbling pastry. Its little face practically buried itself in the treat, unwilling to let go.

Chen Ji brought it to the side hall. This room had once held spirit plaques for those who’d donated incense fire to the Mountain Lord Temple. But after years of abandonment, the plaques had all been claimed or, in some cases, probably swiped by the unscrupulous. When Chen Ji had returned, the place was empty, not even a shelf left behind.

Now the side hall featured a large square table and four benches. On the table sat the three big dishes—braised pork elbow, braised beef, and braised chicken drumsticks—the three small ones—tofu puffs, beef tripe, and bean sprouts—and the three nibbles: booze peanuts, egg yolk pastries, and spicy strips. No doubt about it—these were either ready-made dishes or snacks fresh from their bags.

Chen Ji tied the yellow weasel to a chair, leaving one chubby little forepaw free to move. He sat across from it, smiling shyly and mildly. “I invited Second Grandpa Huang here today because I have some questions for you. Please forgive the imposition, Second Grandpa Huang.”

This time, Second Master Huang’s mouth wasn’t stuffed. He exploded at once. “Is this how you invite people for help, you little shit?!”

Chen Ji pretended not to hear. “Go ahead and eat first, Second Grandpa Huang. Once you’ve had your fill, we can talk.”

To Second Master Huang’s ears, that sounded like: Eat or not, you’re eating! Don’t make me force it down your throat!

Second Master Huang wilted instantly.

Second Grandpa Huang had always been a brilliant tactician, invincible in battle, commanding respect wherever he went. But against the Chen Family juniors? He’d never come out on top. Those Chen kids really meant it when they said kill—they killed. Hadn’t everyone heard about that dead snake in the back hills? It’d been offered up to Grandpa Mountain Lord and devoured down to bone fragments, now rotting in a trash bag by the back door!

Terrifying!

Second Grandpa Huang decided on the spot: A wise man doesn’t fight when the odds are against him—eat! Why not?

Chen Ji watched the yellow weasel’s little paw blur with motion and nodded in satisfaction. When you wanted a favor, you greased the wheels first with some perks. Whether they liked it or not, once they took it, the deal was on! If they reneged after pocketing the goods, that was on them.

The table was soon cleared of everything but the three small dishes. The yellow weasel’s belly seemed like some bottomless pocket dimension—it had devoured portions ten times its size and still looked sleek. Chen Ji eyed it curiously, noting how the phantom’s mouth kept working too. That must be the weasel’s true “essence,” he figured.

He watched the little milk-tea-colored belly quiver nonstop. His hands itched to poke it, but he held back—this wasn’t some pet to manhandle. Regretfully, he let it go.

The yellow weasel itself rubbed its belly with a paw and let out a burp. “Burp~ So good!”

That pork elbow was divine! Braised to fall-off-the-bone tenderness, every inch stained a deep crimson by the sauce, the skin sticky and glutinous. One bite and the fatty layer melted on the tongue! The lean meat inside was just as perfect—no chewiness, fibers tender and fragrant!

With a full belly came a soft heart. Second Grandpa Huang gnawed on a spicy strip, savoring the burn even as it scorched. Not quite as good as the egg yolk pastry, though!

—Egg yolk pastry, eternal king!

He lifted his little head proudly, the phantom mirroring the pose behind him. Looking down at Chen Ji, he snorted. “Out with it, then! I’ll answer, seeing as you put in some effort.”

The System Cat hadn’t followed inside. Instead, it burrowed into Chen Ji’s body for a front-row livestream view. That way, it could catch Chen Ji’s drift—no more getting lost in the bullshit, waiting for Chen Ji to explain later when the mood struck.

Chen Ji smiled. “It was a misunderstanding before—I don’t know much about these things and thought Second Grandpa Huang was after my life…”

Second Master Huang cut him off with a cold snort. “Pah! You think I didn’t want to? Don’t play dumb with me, Chen Family brat! No matter what I threw at you, you ignored it all. ‘Don’t know these things’? Yeah, thanks for your ignorance—otherwise my whole clan would’ve been wiped out!”

“You can’t put it like that, Second Grandpa Huang.” Chen Ji poured a cup of rice wine and slid it over. He ignored the phantom dipping its head to lap it up. “I really don’t know, and you never went for the kill, did you?”

“Hmph.” Second Master Huang dropped the argument. Push too far, and the Chen kid might snap and send him to the afterlife. Better swallow it. “Spit it out already—what do you want to know?”

Chen Ji didn’t want to show too much ignorance in front of this weasel. “I’m new around here and didn’t expect the neighbors to have such beef with me. Could Second Grandpa Huang clear up my confusion?”

Chen Ji didn’t buy that these spirits had popped up in the last twenty years—his grandpa’s notes were full of occult trivia for a reason. He’d lived on the mountain for years as a kid without any weirdness.

Flip it around: Maybe they hadn’t targeted him back then, but now they were gunning for his life. Why?

Both this yellow weasel and the snake spirit in the trash were after him. Sure, he’d heard of kids having pure vital energy good for supplements, but adults? And any pure yang or pure yin physique would’ve shown up from birth—not dormant until adulthood.

Second Grandpa Huang muttered something under his breath, too garbled to make out. Not even the System Cat, with its high-tech analysis, could parse it. He scoffed aloud. “How should I know? I was just eyeing Old Man Chen’s leftovers! As for that back-hill snake, beats me what got into it to want you dead.”

Chen Ji badly wanted to ask, “You sure that’s all you wanted—some relics?” But he held his tongue. No point calling out what they both knew. He pressed on. “This mountain’s too dangerous for me. Second Grandpa Huang, how about you escort me down?”

Second Grandpa Huang stared at him like he was brain-dead. “You? Down the mountain? You’re fearless, huh!”

Chen Ji’s brows twitched, but he put on a pained expression. “Anyone on this mountain wants me dead at the drop of a hat. How could I stay?”

Second Grandpa Huang rolled his beady black eyes dramatically, the phantom doing the same. “Keep dreaming! Stay out of their ‘realms,’ whip out that baton of yours, and who can take a hit? Huh?!”

Chen Ji got it now. The snake turning into a catastrophic python? All because he’d unwittingly acknowledged it. Without that, it’d just be a regular king cobra, maybe a bit oversized—zappable to crispy perfection with his electric baton.

Same with this yellow weasel: Phantom or no, one smack and the arm-length cutie (tail included) was weasel patty.

Steer clear of their “realms,” and it was all illusions, sounds, and plain animals.

Chen Ji almost sighed: Old sayings nailed it—”believe, and it exists; doubt, and it vanishes.” Deny them, and you dodged the trap. Believe, affirm their voices and forms with your own senses, and they’d wield their supernatural bullshit against you.

But what about the black qi coiled around Old Lady Liu at Uncle Liu’s place? Couldn’t be cobra residue poisoning her from the bones, right?

Second Master Huang, trussed up as he was, managed to cross one leg over the other. “Anything else? Ask quick.”

Chen Ji said, “Fair enough, but now that I’ve come back to live on the mountain, shouldn’t I pay respects to the local bosses? Care to point me in the right direction, Second Grandpa Huang?”

Second Master Huang rolled his eyes again and jabbed a paw left. “The biggest one’s right there, isn’t it?!”

Chen Ji kept his tone mild and polite. “Besides Grandpa Mountain Lord.”

Second Master Huang thought, You planning to ask for turf then kick down doors and wipe ’em out?

But then: Better a dead friend than a dead poor Daoist. Dead early or late made a difference, and who knew—maybe the Chen kid croaked halfway? Hard to kill without consent, sure, but a few didn’t need it.

Second Master Huang coughed. “Not much to tell from a small-timer like me. Back hills got an old mulberry tree—you can’t miss it. Doesn’t move much; leave it be, and it won’t bother you. Past the woods is a pond with a carp in it.”

Chen Ji pressed. “That’s it?”

What about the White Tiger? Was the weasel clueless or holding out?

“No shit! That’s all—think there are tons?” Second Master Huang hopped mad. “Mid-mountain’s me! The snake in the mountaintop woods? It’s in the back-door trash! What can it do—jump up and bite you?!”

Chen Ji said meekly, “I’m scared, is all.”

Second Master Huang spat. “Don’t think I don’t know your game! Keep acting! Acting! Can’t you just slap it with one of your yellow talismans? Pah!”

【Chen Ji, maybe toss it a couple more egg yolk pastries.】

【Way too easy to fool.】

【Scare it a bit, and it spills everything!】