Chapter 26: Red-Clothed 2

Chen Ji hadn’t even gotten the words “That doesn’t seem right” out of his mouth before Red-Clothed Little Bro swooped in to grab the packages. 【Go on, get outta here! You called me bro—we’re family now! What’s with the politeness? Your bro can’t just mooch off your spread for free!】

【Quit arguin’ with me, bro! I’m a malignant ghost—touch you with these hands and I’d hurt that scrawny frame of yours for no good reason! Scram!】

Second Master Huang chimed in from the side. 【Damn right! What’s the fuss? Beat it!】

Chen Ji had no choice but to step aside. The ghost and the yellow weasel swiftly dragged over stools and plopped down next to the packages. They didn’t even bother with box cutters—one used his blood-red nails sharp enough to gouge out eyeballs, the other his claws. The whole Mountain Lord Temple echoed with their voices.

【This one’s no good!】

【Neither is this!】

【All flashy crap, totally useless!】

【Scam! This one’s a scam too! Oh yeah, Cloud X Dao Pavilion!】

【What the hell, Chen Ji? You ordered from some Yiwu wholesale trinket shop on the fifth floor?! Hahaha!!!】

Chen Ji: “……”

How was he supposed to know where they shipped from? They looked legit enough, so he bought them. Three bucks a pop, free shipping on three— he hadn’t lost too much. What else could he do? Return them? These weren’t the kind of things with a seven-day no-questions-asked policy. Return reason: “Tested by a red-clothed malignant ghost and yellow weasel great immortal—confirmed fakes”?

…But he could probably write that in the reviews.

Half an hour later, the ghost and the yellow weasel had torn through every package of talismans Chen Ji had ordered. Red-Clothed Little Bro slurred through his words as he spoke to him. 【Eh, all junk. Tell you what—bro’ll hook you up with a daoist. Guy’s got some real skills.】

At those words, both Second Master Huang and Chen Ji looked at him in surprise. Second Master Huang said, 【Little bro, you know a daoist?】

【Course I do! Us malignant ghosts all know a few daoists.】 Red-Clothed Little Bro pulled out his phone. 【C’mon, lemme call him and see if he’s got the good stuff.】

The phone connected quickly. The voice on the other end was as gloomy as three red-clothed malignant ghosts combined. “Better have a damn good reason callin’ this late.”

Red-Clothed Little Bro chuckled. 【Yo! Big guy, got a little bro here needin’ some ghost-repellin’ protective gear. You got any?】

The guy shot back, “Purple Micro Taboo, three mil. Heavenly Official Talisman, five mil. Healing Talisman, eight mil. No hagglin’!”

【You fuckin’ robbin’ me?!】 Red-Clothed Little Bro snarled. 【Givin’ you face, huh?! Watch it, or I’ll stand at your bedside tonight!】

Not a peep from the other end before the call dropped. Red-Clothed Little Bro slammed his phone on the table. 【Fuckin’ asshole—I’m headin’ to the airport right now to find him!】

Those prices were way out of Chen Ji’s budget, but he was more curious about something else. “Bro, you ghosts gotta take planes to get outta town?”

Red-Clothed Little Bro irritably scratched his hair. 【What else? I could float, but that’s slow as hell! Temples and monasteries all along the way. Plane’s way better—I ain’t picky. Can ride in a suitcase, even hop in an empty first-class seat. Nobody can see me anyway!】

Chen Ji thought for a moment and asked, “If that’s the case, why not just go abroad after your enemy?”

Red-Clothed Little Bro: 【Fuck, the world’s huge! I know he’s in State B, Country A, but it’s not like I know my way around. Can’t just knock on every door! My English sucks! Plus, there’s laws—gotta go through the underworld for paperwork to leave the country. Sneakin’ out without it? That’s illegal emigration!】

Chen Ji countered, “What if he never comes back?”

Chen Ji keenly picked up on something: With the right paperwork, going abroad wouldn’t count as illegal?

【No sweat. If killin’ his whole family doesn’t bring him back, I’ll get the papers then.】 Red-Clothed Little Bro suddenly grinned vacantly here. 【His family’s gotta die anyway—early or late, same difference. I’ll start close and work outward.】

Anyone could hear the resentment in his tone.

Chen Ji pressed on. “Bro, how do you figure revenge? Upper, middle, lower three generations? Or whoever crosses you?”

Red-Clothed Little Bro grinned wider, his crimson eyes suddenly fixing on Chen Ji with a bone-chilling glare. 【Little bro, I play by the rules—just parents, wife, kids… oh, exes from after divorce don’t count. If I didn’t… you seen The Ring?】

【Anyone who takes my stuff or steps on me… they’re dead.】

Chen Ji got it. That “paperwork” was probably like the hell banknotes that old bastard had scattered in his house.

Before the words even settled, Second Master Huang smacked the back of Red-Clothed Little Bro’s head. His face smacked the table with a loud thud. Second Master Huang shot him a disdainful glance and said to Chen Ji, 【Don’t listen to his bullshit. If it came to that, every daoist in the country would hunt him down—he’d be scattered to the winds in days!】

Red-Clothed Little Bro stayed slumped on the table without getting up. Chen Ji instinctively glanced at him. Second Master Huang tsked. 【Drunk off his ass! Alright, don’t meddle in Red-Clothed’s business. Clean up and hit the sack. I’ll take him back to my place to crash!】

Chen Ji eyed Second Master Huang’s body, which wasn’t even as thick as his own arm. “You sure you can carry him? Want me to help drop him off?”

The black shadow behind Second Master Huang swelled with the wind, instantly transforming into a massive two-meter-eighty yellow weasel. It single-handedly grabbed Red-Clothed Little Bro by the collar, slung him over its shoulder, and turned to Chen Ji. 【What’d you say?】

Chen Ji: “I didn’t say a thing.”

Second Master Huang waved at Chen Ji and hauled the guy away. Chen Ji cleared the table of leftovers. He was too lazy to drag the table back—if those two wanted to continue tomorrow, whatever. No one else on the mountain anyway.

He fetched a handcart from inside and loaded up the bigger packages—his drone had arrived, along with a chainsaw and axe for chopping wood… Living on a mountain meant stocking up on essentials.

He stashed the packages in the side room, planning to open them with the System Cat tomorrow.

On his way back to the bedroom, Chen Ji glanced sideways at the statue immersed in darkness. His steps paused, and he followed his whim inside.

He wiped his hands, lit three sticks of incense fire, and offered them. The flames flickered at the tips for an instant before dying out, leaving three glowing embers blinking in the dark, illuminating nothing.

Chen Ji knelt before the statue, kowtowed once, and inserted the incense into the censer. But he didn’t leave. A voice laced with faint chill echoed in the hall. “Grandpa Mountain Lord, I’ve got an idea. Should I go through with it?”

The hall remained deathly silent. The statue was just clay and wood—it wouldn’t answer Chen Ji.

Chen Ji picked up the moon blocks, cupping them in his palms until the cold blocks warmed. He closed his eyes, silently prayed three times, then tossed them high.

By moonlight, Chen Ji saw the result: one yin, one yang—a holy block.

Meaning, yes, it could be done.

Relief softened Chen Ji’s features. “I figured it could. Not a big deal anyway.”

Chen Ji picked up the moon blocks. “One more thing I wanna ask… That three-million talisman—should I buy it?”

He tossed them again: two yin—an ill block.

Meaning, no need.

Chen Ji sighed. “But the mountain’s gettin’ more dangerous… If Grandpa Mountain Lord says no, then forget it.”

He looked up at the barely visible statue and gave a wry smile. “Too pricey! Can’t afford it.”

Chen Ji reached for the moon blocks again, but they slipped from his grasp twice. “No more than three times. I won’t ask this again today, so Grandpa Mountain Lord, bear with me for one last question…”

He picked them up successfully this time, no slip. He flashed a grin at the statue, his gentle, handsome eyes narrowing slightly. In a low voice, he asked, “Grandpa Mountain Lord, tomorrow—cola or milk tea? The new orange soda’s pretty good too. Holy block for milk tea, yang block for cola, yin block for orange soda…”

Before he finished, he tossed the blocks. They landed with two crisp clacks. Chen Ji peered down: a yang block.

“Got it, cola it is tomorrow.” Chen Ji picked up the moon blocks, returned them to the altar, and fiddled with the wildflowers in the vase. With a touch of frustration, he said, “These flowers don’t suit you at all. Shame there’re only wildflowers up here—fake ones ain’t respectful… Whatever, tomorrow I’ll check the town for fresh ones. Might not make it back by noon to offer incense, so please forgive me.”

With those soft words, Chen Ji left the main hall and went to bed.

The next day, Red-Clothed Little Bro and Second Master Huang did show up to continue—just for breakfast this time. Red-Clothed Little Bro looked hungover, barely lifting his eyelids at Chen Ji. 【Bro, your big bro got wasted yesterday—don’t take what I said to heart!】

Second Master Huang munched on a small bun. 【Chen Ji, headin’ out today?】

Chen Ji asked curiously, “How’d you know, Second Grandpa Huang?”

Second Master Huang paused, mumbling something unclear. Then he added, 【Take Brother Zhang with you when you go—he’s chasin’ that old bastard anyway. Drop him at town, and he’ll float to the airport.】

The airport was right by the town—easy enough. Chen Ji agreed instantly. “No problem. How’s Brother Zhang comin’ with me?”

Red-Clothed Little Bro said, 【That old coot left a hell banknote here yesterday, right? Bring that—I’ll hitch a ride on it. Less risk to you that way.】

Chen Ji nodded. After breakfast, he headed down the mountain with Red-Clothed Little Bro. The System Cat tagged along too, but it was chicken-hearted. Peeking through Chen Ji’s eyes and spotting the malignant ghost, it stayed hidden.

The trip down was unusually smooth—no mishaps, not even bugs swarming him. Must’ve been the ghost’s company warding them off?

Chen Ji said hi in the village and hitched a ride with the delivery guy into town.

Country life wasn’t fancy, so Chen Ji rode in the cargo area with the packages. Red-Clothed Little Bro messed around on his phone for a bit, then said suddenly, 【Little bro, I scrounged up a talisman for ya—comin’ your way by express delivery!】

【Oh yeah, I got you some yellow talismans. Brother Huang said you’ve got a family tradition for this stuff, so figure out how to draw them yourself. Buying from those Daoist priests is insanely expensive—not worth it.】 His eyes darted playfully, and with a grin, he added, 【You get it. Normal folks can’t afford to mess with our kind. They only shell out for life-saving protection after they’ve seriously screwed up. And what they’re paying? That’s defy-heaven, fate-changing money.】

Chen Ji thanked him. Red-Clothed Little Bro looked utterly exhausted and soon dozed off again. By the time he woke up, they had reached the town.

Chen Ji asked the courier for a shipping label and an envelope. He slipped a hell banknote inside the envelope. Red-Clothed Little Bro reached out to take it, but Chen Ji pulled it back with a smile. “Brother Zhang, next time you wanna head overseas, I’ll ship it for you.”