Married to My Bro 5

Chapter 5

Liang Xusheng had a bizarre dream. He married an orange game console, kissed it, and said, “I love you, wifey.” Then, the console sprouted legs and chased him around the house, yelling, “Why won’t you buy me game cartridges?! Don’t you love me anymore?!”

He woke up with a frown, the ridiculous dream fresh in his mind. I’m obsessed with blind dates, he thought. I’m dreaming about marrying game consoles now. He sat up, rubbing his aching head, the remnants of last night’s drinking session with Lu Xun catching up to him. He had no memory of getting home. Lu Xun must have brought him…

As he thought this, he turned and saw Lu Xun emerging from the bathroom, shirtless, a towel wrapped around his waist. Liang Xusheng’s anime-addled brain short-circuited. His eyes widened, he crossed his arms defensively over his chest, and looked down at himself in alarm, as if something untoward had happened between him and his best friend.

Lu Xun, seeing his expression, snapped his fingers. “Wake up.”

Liang Xusheng blinked, realizing he was fully clothed, even his socks still on. Nothing had happened. He exhaled, patting his chest. “Scared me to death.”

Lu Xun, guessing the source of his panic, stared at him. “Are you crazy?”

Liang Xusheng got out of bed, his legs wobbly. “You’re the crazy one. Why are you showering here? And why are you walking around half-naked? Put some clothes on!” As he spoke, his weak legs gave way, and he landed on his knees in front of Lu Xun, as if bowing.

Liang Xusheng: “…”

Lu Xun: “…”

Lu Xun raised an eyebrow, looking down at him. “No need to be so formal.”

Liang Xusheng groaned inwardly. Two beers and I’m this weak? Damn it.

Later, while showering, a thought struck Liang Xusheng. Had he said something to Lu Xun last night? He remembered saying something, and Lu Xun seemed to have agreed, but he couldn’t recall what it was.

After his shower, dressed and drying his hair, he walked into the living room. “Did we talk about something last night?” he asked Lu Xun, who was rummaging through the fridge.

Lu Xun pulled out two yogurt drinks and glanced at him without answering. He closed the fridge, walked over, and handed him one. “We talked about a lot of things. What do you mean?”

Liang Xusheng took the yogurt, racking his brain. “I forgot. Did we really talk a lot? I don’t remember anything.”

Lu Xun took a sip of his yogurt, still not saying anything.

When Liang Xusheng started drinking his yogurt, Lu Xun finally spoke. “You condemned the archaic tradition of blind dates and parental pressure.”

“Mm,” Liang Xusheng nodded, remembering that much.

“You also said you sometimes wanted to give in.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t surprising either.

“And you proposed to me.”

“Pfft!” Liang Xusheng sprayed yogurt everywhere, choking. He stared at Lu Xun, pointing at himself, then at Lu Xun, then back at himself. Me? Propose to you? Me?

Lu Xun nodded calmly. “Yes. Don’t you believe me?” He pulled out his phone, played a video, and showed it to Liang Xusheng.

The video showed Liang Xusheng, drunk, leaning on Lu Xun, his arm around him, whining and cajoling. “If we get married, we get two houses, two sets of betrothal gifts! How awesome is that? Let’s do it! I’ll tell my mom I like you, you tell your mom you like me. Internal resolution! Keep everything in the family!”

Liang Xusheng: “……………………”

Last night’s memories came flooding back. He remembered suggesting marriage, Lu Xun agreeing, and his drunken rambling about the benefits of their union.

He groaned, wanting to hide his face in his yogurt bottle. What was I thinking? Marrying Lu Xun? What a stupid…

Wait.

Marriage?

Marriage?!

Marrying Lu Xun?!

His embarrassment turned into sudden excitement. That’s it! If we get married, our parents will stop nagging us!

He walked over to Lu Xun and slapped his arm excitedly. “That’s brilliant! We can get married! Same-sex marriage is legal! Problem solved!”

Lu Xun remained calm, looking at him intently. “Are you sure you want to marry me?”

Liang Xusheng beamed. “Absolutely! Positively! Didn’t you agree?”

“I said it was possible,” Lu Xun corrected.

Liang Xusheng slapped his arm again, ecstatic. “This is genius! We’re geniuses!”

Soon, they were sitting at the table, eating takeout and discussing their “fake marriage.” Liang Xusheng thought they shouldn’t tell their parents immediately. It would be too suspicious. They needed a “process,” like being caught holding hands at the mall.

“Yeah, we need something like that for them to believe it,” he said, chewing thoughtfully.

Lu Xun had a different, but equally logical, perspective. “Just show them the marriage certificate. The process doesn’t matter. That’s all they want.”

Liang Xusheng realized he was right. It didn’t matter if their relationship was real or fake; the marriage certificate made it official.

“Should we just go to the Civil Affairs Bureau and get it done?”

“They’ll ask a lot of questions,” Lu Xun pointed out. “Like when we fell for each other, why we didn’t tell them, why we were still going on blind dates.”

“True.” Liang Xusheng thought for a moment. “We still need a story.” Then an idea struck him. “Isn’t this just like writing a card storyline? Let’s create our own story! Then we’ll have our answers ready.”

They looked at each other, then high-fived, sealing the deal.

“I’ll take care of the writing,” Liang Xusheng said.

“Don’t go overboard,” Lu Xun warned.

“Don’t worry, I’m a professional,” Liang Xusheng assured him, patting his chest.

After Lu Xun left for work, Liang Xusheng made himself a coffee and sat down at his computer. He opened a blank document and began typing furiously.

Later that day, Lu Xun received a message from Liang Xusheng: [Sent the fake marriage script to your work email. Let me know if anything needs changing.]

Lu Xun replied quickly: [Okay.]

It was an hour later before he was back at his desk. He opened the email and started reading. The first line made him choke. According to Liang Xusheng’s script, their friendship had transformed after a drunken night together. It was a friends-with-benefits-to-lovers story.

And as if for the sake of “fairness,” or perhaps out of personal emphasis, Liang Xusheng had meticulously detailed their encounter, specifying that they had done it four times, twice with Liang Xusheng on top, twice with Lu Xun on top. They had woken up covered in love bites.

Lu Xun: “……………” Seriously? That much detail? Is this a card storyline or a romance novel?

He continued reading. Liang Xusheng wrote that when they woke up and looked at each other, they both realized they could never go back to being just friends. The marks on their bodies were evidence of their desire, a testament to the opening of their hearts.

Lu Xun, a straight man, shuddered.