Chapter 83:
More Than Just a Kiss – Chen Henian’s Palm Trembled…
Chen Henian’s voice was soft, like a leaf falling on water, the ripples of memory expanding outwards, his gaze fixed on Yu Lin, unwavering.
Yu Lin’s lips were still pressed together, then his eyes widened, a flicker of surprise and confusion, like a knife’s edge grazing Chen Henian’s face, his emotions revealed only in his eyes, his body a still and silent shell.
“You knew…” his voice cracked, his throat dry, the words strained, his tone flat and emotionless.
“I knew,” Chen Henian nodded. “Of course I knew. Who else would I do all that for?”
“But I didn’t know,” Yu Lin said, his voice heavy, his gaze fixed on Chen Henian’s eyes, seeing his own reflection, his confusion and longing mirrored in their depths, a sight he had longed for.
“You knew all along?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“That’s why… that night, you asked me to share your bed?”
“Yes.”
Yu Lin’s face, initially blank, then contorted in a mixture of fear, confusion, and a growing anger. “You knew how I felt, yet you didn’t give me a chance to tell you! You made a promise, then abandoned me! You have a cruel heart!”
He moved, his speed unnatural, his body hovering over Chen Henian, pinning his wrists to the bed.
He leaned closer, his shadow engulfing Chen Henian, his gaze intense, his eyes searching.
Chen Henian met his gaze, his expression calm, his long hair spread across the pillow, his face unobscured.
“You have everything now,” he said, his voice steady. “You’re a celebrated general, a powerful emperor, you earned it, you fought for it.”
“Do you want to stay in the past, or embrace the present?”
His voice, calm and soothing, yet compelling, drew Yu Lin’s attention, breaking his reverie.
Yu Lin sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore, the past is gone.”
He lowered his head, his face close to Chen Henian’s, their noses touching, his lips brushing against his, a cold, soft touch.
He kissed him, his tongue parting his lips, not a violent, bloodthirsty kiss, but a gentle exploration, tasting his breath, the warmth of his skin, his essence, a spark igniting within him, his dead heart beating once more.
He tasted Chen Henian’s scent, his tongue tracing the soft flesh of his mouth.
He held him down, his kiss demanding, yet yielding, Chen Henian’s tongue meeting his, their touch a shared intimacy.
He stopped, his eyes burning, his gaze intense, his voice husky. “Those who join the army seek glory and honor, to earn a wife, a proper marriage, a grand procession, to give her the life she deserves.”
“I’m a simple man, I had the same dreams, but the person I desired wasn’t a woman, but a man.”
“I had a dream, a spring dream, he was naked, his robes discarded, and I was terrified, not because I desired a man, but because he was beyond my reach, the moon in the sky, and I, a lowly servant, unworthy, unable to bridge the gap between us, his birthright, his duty to produce an heir, a burden I couldn’t share.”
“I was afraid.”
“I earned my place, my title, my power, but he was gone. Even as emperor, my commands obeyed by all, my wish remained unfulfilled.”
“The court historians, seeing me painting your portrait day after day, were afraid to record it, the scribes, protecting my reputation, omitting your name from the official records. If they knew of our intimacy, they would break their brushes, tear off their hats, their protests a chorus of disapproval.”
“Being emperor is a lonely existence. I only loved the one I loved, yet they condemned me, calling me a deviant, a disgrace. But I didn’t care, I had already embraced the label of a sorcerer, my heart already yours.”
His confession, raw and honest, his voice trembling slightly, the years of suppressed longing, the burden of secrecy, finally released, his body aching with a hollow emptiness, wanting to be filled, his gaze searching, yearning for a response.
His emotions were transparent.
“You’re a fool,” Chen Henian said, a soft smile on his lips, his voice gentle, his heart aching for him. “And you’ve made me a fool too, falling for a fool.”
“I told you, I can’t lose you either.”
He raised his hand, and Yu Lin released his wrists, his fingers tracing the long, jagged scar on Yu Lin’s pale wrist, the red string between them like a thread of blood, a reminder of his sacrifice.
His touch, warm against Yu Lin’s cold skin, his qi flowing into him, a silent comfort.
“You had three wishes,” Chen Henian said.
“First, peace for the kingdom, prosperity for the Jiang Dynasty.
You gave them fifty years of prosperity, that’s enough.”
“Second, health and happiness for both of us, a life free from worries.
We’re together now, what more could we ask for?”
“Third, a peaceful return home, to confess your feelings, wasn’t that your wish?”
Yu Lin’s body trembled at his words.
“Your wishes have been fulfilled, are you content now? No more regrets?”
Chen Henian’s voice was a promise. “From now on, we’ll be together, always.”
“Always,” Yu Lin murmured, closing his eyes, his usual scent of decay replaced by the fragrance of pine, his resentment, his anger, fading.
Black snow fell silently in the room, tears of a ghost.
Chen Henian smiled, his hand resting on Yu Lin’s shoulder, his fingers gently tracing the back of his neck, Yu Lin’s arms tightening around him, his embrace a silent promise.
“I want to kiss you,” Yu Lin said, his lips pressing against Chen Henian’s, not waiting for a response, his touch cold and soft, like chilled jelly, his tongue tracing the outline of his mouth, then parting his lips, a slow, deliberate exploration.
He tasted Chen Henian’s scent, his tongue licking his jaw, his movements clumsy yet tender, his desire a consuming fire.
He gently bit the sensitive skin of his neck, his possessiveness a primal instinct, his obsession with Chen Henian’s every touch, every taste, every scent, overwhelming.
Chen Henian watched as Yu Lin’s head rested on his shoulder, red marks blooming on his skin where he had been kissed, not painful, but a visible mark of their intimacy, his voice a husky whisper. “Can’t we do something else besides kissing?”
Yu Lin, seeing his frown, noticed the flush on his cheeks, the heat radiating from his skin.
Chen Henian’s breath hitched. “Do you know what to do?”
Yu Lin paused, a flicker of understanding in his eyes. “I’ve never… been with anyone before. But in the military camp, when my desires were strong, I would… use your sword,” he confessed, his voice surprisingly calm.
Chen Henian chuckled, his breath warm against Yu Lin’s skin. “You’re such a liar, so proper and formal before, now you speak like a scoundrel.”
“I’m already a traitor, a usurper, my entire clan condemned, what more do I have to lose?” Yu Lin’s laughter echoed through the room.
“What more can you do?” Chen Henian asked, his voice a challenge.
“We can do what men and women do, but I don’t want to rush, I want you to be comfortable, to enjoy it,” Yu Lin said, his voice soft. “I just want to kiss you now.”
Chen Henian’s lips curved into a smile. “You’re just hungry,” he said.
“Yes,” Yu Lin replied, his gaze intense. “Can you satisfy my hunger?”
“With what? As long as it’s not my flesh,” Chen Henian said.
“Ghosts crave essence,” Yu Lin leaned closer, his body pressing against Chen Henian’s legs, his voice a low murmur, explaining the flush on his cheeks. “You’re aroused, because I kissed you.”
“I know,” Chen Henian said.
“This is my first time, will you help me?”
“What do you want me to do?” Yu Lin asked, his voice hesitant.
Chen Henian didn’t answer, his eyes narrowed. “You want me to say those vulgar words?”
“Love creates desire, it’s not vulgar,” Yu Lin said. “Your body’s reaction pleases me.”
“Then touch me,” Chen Henian said. “Do what you did before, with the sword.”
Yu Lin inhaled sharply. “Alright.”
His hand reached down, his touch hesitant as he cupped Chen Henian, his palm like fire against his skin.
Chen Henian’s expression remained unchanged, but his face flushed, his skin damp with sweat.
“Your hand is so cold,” he murmured, his body trembling at Yu Lin’s touch.
Yu Lin’s embrace calmed him.
He smiled, his lips curving upwards. “Then let me cool you down.”
“It’s good, only I can see you like this.”
“I’m so happy,” Yu Lin’s eyes gleamed, his desire a possessive hunger, his voice calm, his certainty unwavering.
His hand moved, his ghostly form flickering, his fingers turning into tendrils, coiling around Chen Henian.
“How does it feel?”
Chen Henian’s voice was a broken whisper. “You must have… done this many times.”
“The army is full of men,” Yu Lin said. “Our desires often have no outlet. Every time I wrote to you, I would think of you, unable to sleep.”
The tendril found its mark, and Chen Henian bit his lip, his teeth sinking into Yu Lin’s jaw, returning the kiss, the mark a mirror of the one on his own neck.
The tendril grew wet, the moisture absorbed into its surface, and Yu Lin’s lips returned, Chen Henian’s mouth hotter now, Yu Lin’s eyes burning, his body still cold, Chen Henian’s vision blurring as tendrils emerged from Yu Lin’s back, a physical manifestation of his desire.
“Can I help you?” Chen Henian asked, his voice languid.
“Of course,” Yu Lin smiled. “If you’re willing.”
His movements were swift, his body turning into black mist, engulfing Chen Henian, pulling him into a world of darkness.
Chen Henian understood.
This was an illusion, a dream.
He found himself lying in the East Palace bedchamber, Yu Lin undressing beside him.
Yu Lin took his hand, guiding it downwards.
“Touch me,” his voice a husky whisper.
So hot.
Chen Henian’s palm trembled.
