Chapter 5
Pei Songji took a sip of his drink, glancing at Chu Yang beside him. Chu Yang was engrossed in texting, a goofy smile plastered on his face.
It was obvious who he was messaging.
Pei Songji didn’t interrupt, silently sipping his drink.
Chu Yang, noticing Pei Songji’s unusual quietness, gave an embarrassed chuckle, put down his phone, and raised his glass for a toast. “What’s up? Something on your mind?”
“What makes you say that?” Pei Songji asked.
Chu Yang snorted. “We’ve known each other for years. I can read you like a book. Come on, spill it.”
He drained his glass, reaching for the bottle to refill it.
“Why do you like men?” Pei Songji suddenly asked.
Chu Yang almost dropped the bottle, placing it back on the table. “What? Why are you asking this all of a sudden?” He looked flustered. “Besides, it’s not that I like men, I just like… ahem.”
He coughed, lowering his voice. “Li Shu Yin, that’s all.”
Pei Songji was familiar with the name and had met Li Shu Yin a few times. Tall, thin, and reserved, he couldn’t see the appeal, but Chu Yang was smitten. He had pursued Li Shu Yin relentlessly for years.
“Why Li Shu Yin, then?” Pei Songji pressed.
Chu Yang paused, running a hand through his hair, seemingly lost in thought. “I don’t know. I didn’t like him at first. You know how wild I was in high school. My parents couldn’t control me, so someone advised them to cut off my funds and send me to that boarding school. I was going crazy, trying to escape every day. Li Shu Yin was the class monitor and my roommate. I don’t know if the old headmaster ordered him to, but he’d always catch me trying to climb the wall and drag me back. I hated him.”
“If you hated him, how did you end up together?”
“Who knows?” Chu Yang said, a mixture of exasperation and fondness in his voice.
“I used to dream about fighting him. But after spending time together, I realized he wasn’t so bad. He’s quiet and reserved, but he was good to me. I was terrible at academics, so he’d tutor me. I was a picky eater and hated the cafeteria food, but he’d bring me meals and make me eat. Later, after we got together, I complained about it, and he said…”
“What did he say?”
“If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t bother.”
Chu Yang smiled. “So, liking someone is about wanting to take care of them, to be close to them.”
“And you?” Pei Songji asked, steering the conversation back. “How did you realize you liked him?”
“Me?”
Chu Yang hesitated, pouring himself another drink and downing it in one gulp.
“I’m different from him. I don’t like taking care of people, but…” his voice softened, a flicker of tenderness in his eyes. “You know, his family wasn’t well-off. Even though we all wore uniforms, you could still see the differences. I knew his family struggled, but I didn’t know how much until one day…” He sighed.
“Our classrooms were on the fifth floor, and the roof was on the sixth. The roof access was locked, but the stairs weren’t. One day, I couldn’t find him during lunch, so I wandered up there. I found him sitting alone, reading and eating a plain steamed bun. He didn’t have much money for food. That’s when I realized he was buying me meals while he barely had enough to eat himself. Just steamed buns or flatbreads every day. Do you know how that made me feel?”
“How?” Pei Songji asked.
“Heartbroken.”
Chu Yang took another drink. Despite the years that had passed, the pain and anguish were still evident.
“It’s hard for people from our background to understand that feeling. That’s when I realized I liked him. No, not realized, I just felt so much for him.”
His phone buzzed. A message from Li Shu Yin.
He smiled, replying with a voice message, “Okay, I’ll be back soon. No need to pick me up.”
He put down his phone and looked at Pei Songji with a teasing grin. “So? What’s going on? Another guy confessed his undying love?”
They had seen it all, men and women, nothing was surprising. But Pei Songji had a bad experience with someone drugging him during a confession. Although the drug was fake, it left him with a strong aversion to any hint of homosexual advances.
His question today suggested something was up. Chu Yang was clearly intrigued.
Pei Songji denied it. “No.”
“Really?”
“No.”
His denial was firm, yet Jing Ciying’s image flashed in his mind.
“It’s just…”
He shook his head slightly. He must be drunk to be thinking about him.
“Then why are you asking me all this?” Chu Yang persisted.
“Just curious.”
“Curious about what if you’re not interested?”
Pei Songji fell silent, refusing to elaborate.
Chu Yang, fueled by curiosity, tried to get him to confess, plying him with drinks. In the end, Chu Yang was the one who got drunk, and Pei Songji had to help him downstairs.
Li Shu Yin was already waiting, rushing forward to take Chu Yang from him and thanking Pei Songji.
They weren’t part of the same social circle, so despite their long relationship, Li Shu Yin had never really interacted with Pei Songji’s group. They remained acquaintances.
They exchanged a few polite words, and then Li Shu Yin carried Chu Yang away.
Pei Songji watched them leave, then turned to head back to the parking garage. He felt unsteady on his feet.
He had been fine inside, but the cool air seemed to amplify the alcohol’s effects.
Chu Yang had tried his best to get him drunk, but Pei Songji had a higher tolerance.
He steadied himself and took the elevator to the parking level. Only after getting into his car did he remember he had driven himself. He got out and sat in the back, calling his driver.
“Rong Jin, I’ve been drinking. Come and get me.”
He hung up.
The car felt stuffy. The lingering alcohol made him dizzy.
While waiting for his driver, he tried to sleep, but Chu Yang’s words echoed in his mind, keeping him awake.
He felt strangely out of sorts. Why had he called Chu Yang to ask those questions? And why had he thought of Jing Ciying while asking them?
It was absurd.
After a while, three knocks came at the car window.
He opened his eyes to see someone getting into the driver’s seat. “Where to, Mr. Pei?” the person asked, starting the car.
“Shan…”
Pei Songji started to say “Shanhe Manor,” his current residence, but stopped abruptly.
The lingering drunkenness vanished. He stared at the driver.
It was Jing Ciying.
For a moment, he thought he was still drunk, but then he realized he wasn’t.
It really was Jing Ciying.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, surprised.
Jing Ciying was wondering the same thing.
He had been at the hospital with his sister when his phone rang near midnight.
It was Pei Songji.
Anger flared. Wasn’t he supposed to be on leave? Why couldn’t he have some peace?
He wanted to pretend he was asleep, but he didn’t dare. He answered the call.
“Rong Jin, I’ve been drinking. Come and get me,” Pei Songji’s voice said.
He didn’t even have a chance to reply before the call ended.
Jing Ciying: “…”
He hadn’t originally intended to drive, but during college, to take on another part-time job, he had gotten his license and worked as a designated driver.
He hadn’t used that skill since joining Pei Group. Pei Songji had a chauffeur.
He wondered why Pei Songji had called him.
Regardless, he rushed to Rong Jin’s location and found Pei Songji’s car in the garage.
As he was about to drive him home, Pei Songji asked, “What are you doing here?”
Jing Ciying sighed, choosing not to argue with a drunk man. “You called me.”
Pei Songji checked his phone, realizing he had indeed called Jing Ciying.
He had meant to call his driver, but his hand had instinctively dialed Jing Ciying’s number.
Jing Ciying was always available, always reliable. He had become Pei Songji’s first point of contact.
He hadn’t thought much of it before, but now a pang of guilt struck him.
“Sorry, wrong number. I meant to call my driver.”
“It’s alright, Mr. Pei,” Jing Ciying replied. “I’ll take you to Shanhe Manor.”
“Okay.” Pei Songji fell silent.
Jing Ciying wasn’t talkative either, so the car became quiet.
He drove smoothly, navigating the traffic with ease.
This wasn’t the first time he had driven for Pei Songji.
Years ago, when Pei Songji was drunk, Chu Yang had called a designated driver. It turned out to be Jing Ciying.
Back then, Pei Songji hadn’t known his name.
He had just thought the man was incredibly hardworking, wondering how many jobs he held.
He seemed different now.
But how was he different before? Pei Songji wasn’t sure.
Before Jing Ciying became his secretary, they were practically strangers, having only met a few times.
Yes, Pei Songji had met Jing Ciying before.
He had been popular in college, attracting much attention due to his looks. But he wasn’t interested in relationships and rejected all advances firmly.
Eventually, people stopped approaching him, and he enjoyed three peaceful years.
Until his junior year.
He usually went home for short breaks, but one time, feeling feverish, he stayed on campus.
His roommates left, except for his closest friend, who stayed to take care of him.
He bought him medicine, brought him food.
Pei Songji was touched, until his friend suddenly confessed his feelings.
Pei Songji was shocked.
Not by the fact that a man liked him, that wasn’t uncommon in his circle.
But he had never imagined it happening to him.
Even more shocking, his friend had drugged his cold medicine, hoping to initiate intimacy.
Pei Songji was disgusted. Fortunately, the drug was fake, and nothing happened.
But after that, he moved out of the dorm and developed a strong aversion to any homosexual overtures.
The incident left him with a lingering anxiety, and he became wary of any man who seemed overly friendly.
So, when Jing Ciying first appeared, Pei Songji assumed he had ulterior motives.
It was during a specialized course in his junior year. These classes were small, so while he wasn’t close to everyone, he knew them by sight.
It was easy to spot a new face.
Usually, roommates sat together, but after the incident, Pei Songji distanced himself, sitting alone in the second row.
Shortly after he sat down, he heard a slight movement beside him. He turned to see an unfamiliar face.
It was a delicate face, with smooth features and fair skin. Striking almond-shaped eyes, thick black hair, and a loose white t-shirt revealed slender, pale arms and prominent wrists.
He was reminded of the dolls girls in his class used to adore.
He looked almost too perfect to be real.
“Is this seat taken?” the young man asked. He seemed like a freshman, with a lingering air of youthful innocence.
But remembering his previous roommate, Pei Songji was instantly wary.
“No,” he replied curtly, turning away.
He mentally categorized the young man with his former roommate.
Everything that followed seemed to confirm his suspicion.
The young man didn’t have any books, and the professor clearly didn’t recognize him. “Are you in this class?” he asked.
The young man replied honestly, “No, I’m just auditing.”
“Oh?” The professor seemed surprised. “Interested in finance?”
The young man neither confirmed nor denied, simply smiling. “I’m not sure yet, so I thought I’d listen.”
“Good, good,” the professor said welcomingly.
Pei Songji scoffed inwardly. Auditing? It was just a ploy to get close to him.
He had seen it all before.
As expected, the young man leaned closer. “Excuse me, could I take a look at your textbook?”
Pei Songji didn’t reply, subtly moving away before pushing the book slightly towards him.
He waited for the next move, but the young man simply listened attentively for the next two hours.
So intently that Pei Songji wavered for a second, thinking perhaps he really was just auditing.
But the young man never returned to the class.
So…
Auditing was just a pretext? Giving up after failing to make progress?
Pei Songji waited for the next tactic.
But the young man vanished.
Just as Pei Songji began to forget about him, he reappeared.
The second encounter was at the library. It was winter, exam season, and Pei Songji practically lived there.
He was studying when the chair beside him scraped against the floor. Someone sat down.
It was a normal occurrence, but a strange feeling washed over him. He turned.
It was the auditing student.
Today, he wore a white down jacket with a furry white-trimmed hood, reminding Pei Songji of a pet rabbit he once had.
He was unpacking his bag: a thermos, textbooks, pens, and a bag of White Rabbit candies.
Noticing Pei Songji’s gaze, he looked up and smiled, offering him two candies.
Pei Songji ignored the offering, returning to his textbook.
How clumsy, he thought.
The young man wasn’t offended, quietly studying beside him.
Pei Songji studied late, and by the time he finished, the young man was gone.
Only the two candies remained on the table.
He had been pursued by many, having experienced various tactics.
Jing Ciying wasn’t the most charming, but he was strangely memorable.
Pei Songji found himself anticipating their next encounter, wondering what the young man would try next.
He didn’t expect so much time to pass before their next meeting.
He had already graduated and joined the family business.
One day, after working late without eating, he went to a members-only restaurant.
The waiter who took his order was Jing Ciying.
Pei Songji was a regular and knew the restaurant’s high standards, but he was surprised to see Jing Ciying there. They were both Lindai graduates, typically aiming for higher-level positions. Even with good tips, they wouldn’t usually work as waiters.
He looked at Jing Ciying, who acted as if they didn’t know each other.
Pei Songji ordered his meal and observed him.
He wore the standard uniform trousers and white shirt, yet he stood out.
Despite his polite smile, he looked exhausted, thinner than before.
Pei Songji chided himself for caring about a stranger.
He focused on his meal.
Jing Ciying remained professional, not uttering a word more than necessary.
But as he was about to pay, Jing Ciying swayed, almost falling into his arms.
Other waiters rushed to help, surrounding him and offering him something.
Pei Songji left a tip and quietly paid his bill, leaving the restaurant.
As he stepped outside, he felt disappointed. Was that clumsy act really all he had?
He dismissed Jing Ciying as a minor interlude in his life.
He didn’t expect to see him again, until one night, drunk, Chu Yang called him a designated driver.
Sitting in the back of the car, he heard a familiar voice, “Good evening, sir. I’m your designated driver.”
The voice jolted him awake. He focused on the driver.
He almost laughed. What strange fate had brought them together again? But then his amusement faded. Why was he working again? Was he that desperate for money?
He questioned his own concern. He had always assumed the young man had ulterior motives. He despised such behavior. Yet, here he was, worried about him.
Strange.
Despite this being their fourth encounter, Pei Songji still had no intention of formally acknowledging him.
If there was another time, then he would introduce himself.
He didn’t expect that “another time” to come so soon.
The final encounter was at his company.
As he stepped out of the elevator, he saw a familiar figure by the entrance.
The young man didn’t greet him, didn’t even look at him, simply brushing past him and entering the elevator.
It was hiring season, so… had he pursued him all the way to his company?
The thought bothered him all day. He finally asked HR to send him all recent applications.
He scanned through them, finally finding him.
His name was Jing Ciying.
He had seen many try to weasel their way into his life, but he strangely didn’t dislike Jing Ciying.
His personal assistant had recently resigned, and on a whim, he hired Jing Ciying.
He was well-suited for the role: energetic, hardworking, a Lindai graduate, undoubtedly capable.
Worried that Jing Ciying might refuse, he offered a salary far exceeding the norm for a secretary. If he was truly desperate for money, he would surely accept.
And he did.
Jing Ciying lived up to his expectations, performing his duties flawlessly.
The only problem was, Pei Songji found himself increasingly reliant on him.
This was unsettling, but he couldn’t help it.
His carefully constructed control was slipping, sliding towards something he couldn’t comprehend.
He sought out Chu Yang, seeking reassurance, trying to convince himself that he wasn’t attracted to men.
What was there to like about men? They were rough, not soft or cute.
Besides, he didn’t feel what Chu Yang described. He didn’t want to take care of Jing Ciying, nor did he feel any particular tenderness towards him.
It wasn’t about attraction. It was simply appreciation for a job well done.
Until his mistaken phone call brought Jing Ciying to him.
Looking at the familiar figure before him, Pei Songji felt a sudden, overwhelming shift within him.
Why did the mere sight of him evoke such a strong reaction?
Perhaps it wasn’t Jing Ciying who harbored feelings for him. Perhaps he had stubbornly misinterpreted those chance encounters as signs of affection, a way to mask the fact that he was the one who had noticed, observed, cared, and ultimately, fallen first.
Perhaps… he was the one who liked Jing Ciying.
