Chapter 41
He slowly turned around, his hand holding the clothes subconsciously behind his back. “Lu-ge…”
Lu Ze looked at his actions, then at his expression, and roughly understood. After a moment of silence, he said considerately, “What’s there to be embarrassed about? You’re a young man. It’s perfectly normal to have this kind of reaction. What’s there to hide?”
Xu Qingyan’s lips moved, but he didn’t speak.
Lu Ze thought of something and asked again, “So, you were avoiding me for several days last time because of this, and you were too embarrassed to see me?”
Xu Qingyan was silent for a moment, then nodded stiffly.
Lu Ze smiled warmly and patted his head. “This kind of thing is very normal. It proves that you’re healthy. There’s no need to be embarrassed.”
Xu Qingyan’s lips moved slightly. He wanted to say that it wasn’t, that it wasn’t normal.
No man’s… fantasy object… is another man.
Lu Ze was completely unaware of what he was thinking. He considerately didn’t ask any more questions and just glanced at him again. “You’re wearing so little. Hurry up and go inside. Don’t catch a cold tomorrow.”
Xu Qingyan’s mind was blank, and he was pushed into the bedroom by him.
The stove in the room was still burning, and it was much warmer than outside. Xu Qingyan entered the room with stiff hands and feet, his mind in a mess. Before he could react to what he was supposed to do, Lu Ze looked at him and said, “Are you still embarrassed?”
Xu Qingyan was stunned for a moment, then stiffly lowered his head.
Lu Ze smiled. “Looking at you, do you still remember who you dreamed of? That’s why you’re so embarrassed?”
Xu Qingyan’s face suddenly changed, and then the corners of his mouth twitched, his voice a little flustered. “Lu… Lu-ge.”
He buried his head even deeper. “Don’t joke with me…”
Seeing this, Lu Ze paused, then smiled helplessly. “Alright, I won’t joke with you anymore.”
He rubbed his hair again. “Then I’ll go back first. Remember to rest early.”
It wasn’t until the sound of the door closing that Xu Qingyan’s stiff back finally relaxed a little, but he still had his back to the door, not daring to turn around.
After an unknown amount of time, the clothes in his hands were so cold that they were a bit piercing. Only then did he slowly find a hanger, hang the clothes by the stove, and finally walked to the bed step by step.
The light had been turned off, and the air was dark.
Xu Qingyan’s eyes were wide open, his mind full of the scene of the two of them entangled in his dream. His hands, which were curled up in the blanket, were tightly clenched, and he didn’t even feel the pain.
A sleepless night.
On the other side, Lu Ze returned to his bedroom with ease. 777 couldn’t help but ask in his mind, “Host, why don’t you take this opportunity to make it clear?”
Lu Ze calmly got into bed and said, “There’s no hurry. There’s still one last dose of medicine left.”
777 was thoughtful.
…
Xu Qingyan had been a little absent-minded these past few days.
Specifically, he could even make mistakes in some basic data calculations. Accountant Li was a little incredulous. He looked up at Xu Qingyan. “Little Xu, are you not feeling well recently?”
“Huh?” Xu Qingyan looked up in a daze.
“Look,” he pointed at the paper. “You can even make mistakes in these two most basic places. That’s not your usual style.”
He said with concern, “If you’re not feeling well recently, you should take a few days off and rest well.”
Xu Qingyan was stunned for a long time before he slowly said, “I’m sorry.”
“I may have been a little tired recently, and I’m not in a good state. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
He got up and took the data. “I’m fine. I don’t need to take leave. It’s just… it will be fine after today.”
He pursed his lips and forced a smile. “I’ll revise this data again. I’m sorry, Master Li, for causing you trouble.”
Accountant Li frowned. Seeing his insistence, he didn’t say anything more. “You know your own body. Don’t force yourself.”
Xu Qingyan nodded in agreement.
The tip of the pen was constantly sliding on the paper. Xu Qingyan’s whole person seemed to be split in two.
One half forced himself to be immersed in his work, like a cold and hard machine without any life. The other half was in a deep chaos and immorality. His conscience and morals were tearing at his soul, making his whole person feel as if he had fallen into an abyss, and even his breathing seemed to be a struggle for survival.
It was difficult, muddled.
He had feelings for Lu Ze that went beyond friendship and brotherhood.
The knowledge he had learned for more than a decade had not told him what this was, but the words “homosexuality,” “disgusting,” and “mental illness” in the books in the library and bookstore had already classified this matter as wrong, as a taboo.
In the eyes of others, this was pathological, illegal, and unacceptable to the world.
Xu Qingyan was in deep torment and self-loathing, but his face showed no sign of it, and he was processing the data with a lifeless and emotionless manner. Perhaps he knew that he had already made a mistake in his feelings and could not cause any more trouble for Lu Ze in his work. For the whole morning’s work, Xu Qingyan had completed it almost perfectly.
When it was time for lunch, Accountant Li looked at the data that was without a single error, then at Xu Qingyan, and was a little hesitant to speak.
At noon, a large wave of people had already flooded into the cafeteria. Lu Ze would usually eat with him, but today, Xu Qingyan waited and waited, but he did not see his figure.
For a moment, he didn’t know what he was feeling.
He wanted to see Lu Ze, but he also felt that he couldn’t see him.
It was as if the more he saw him, the more he couldn’t hide the dirty feelings in his heart.
He almost mechanically put the food into his mouth. The people in the cafeteria also slowly increased. Xu Qingyan vaguely heard them talking about something, and the words “factory director” were in their words. Xu Qingyan’s action of eating couldn’t help but slow down…
A female comrade poked the arm of the person next to her. “The factory director is talking about cooperation with the owner of a clothing factory from the south today. Did you know?”
“I know. Isn’t that quite common? Our products are getting more and more popular now, and the factory’s reputation is also getting bigger and bigger. Weren’t there also many people who wanted to cooperate before? This is not strange.” One person said nonchalantly.
“Hey, this is different!”
“How is it different?” that person asked in confusion.
“The factory director who came this time, like our factory director, is also a young man in his early twenties! And, most importantly, she’s a female comrade!”
“What?” that person couldn’t help but be surprised. “A female comrade?”
“Yes, I just saw her! That female comrade is dressed fashionably and beautifully. The key is that she’s also very generous and decisive when it comes to business, and she’s about the same age as our factory director. You haven’t seen it. When the two of them walk together, that’s what you call a talented man and a beautiful woman, a perfect match!”
Hearing this, Xu Qingyan’s hand holding the chopsticks couldn’t help but tighten.
That group of people was still talking. “Our factory director is not young anymore, right? He’s twenty-three or twenty-four? It’s also time to consider getting married.”
“That’s right. I heard that the factory director doesn’t have any elders anymore. No one should be helping him with this kind of thing, which is why he’s been single until now, right?”
“With the factory director’s methods, does he still need others to help him? To be honest, every time I see the factory director, I feel like he can see through people’s hearts. I don’t dare to say anything more.”
“That female comrade is beautiful and capable, and she also has common topics with the factory director. Do you think the factory director will really fall for her, and we’ll really have a boss’s wife?”
A group of people were making a lot of noise, and more and more people were talking about this matter. Xu Qingyan lowered his head and looked at the delicious-looking dishes on his plate, but for a moment, he couldn’t eat at all.
The person next to him suddenly poked him and asked with a smile, “Little Xu, what do you think?”
Xu Qingyan looked up in a daze. “Think about what?”
“About our factory director’s wife. What kind of person do you think our factory director will find?”
Xu Qingyan’s eyelashes trembled. After a long while, he managed to squeeze out a smile. “Any kind is fine. As long as the factory director likes her, isn’t that enough?”
“Hahaha, that’s right. We’re worrying about the factory director.”
Xu Qingyan lowered his eyes and took a mouthful of rice, chewing it lifelessly. After a moment, he slowly got up, cleaned up his plate, put it in the recycling area, and got up to leave the cafeteria.
The inside and outside of the cafeteria were like two different worlds, and the surroundings suddenly became quiet.
Xu Qingyan walked in silence. He suddenly heard a noise not far ahead. He looked up and saw Lu Ze smiling and saying something. And beside him was a fashionably and beautifully dressed woman with a head of wavy hair, elegant and beautiful. She was looking at Lu Ze sideways, a smile on her pretty face.
Xu Qingyan stopped in his tracks and watched as the group of people gradually walked out of the factory. Lu Ze seemed to have sensed something and glanced over. When he saw him, he smiled at him.
Xu Qingyan also squeezed out a smile.
It wasn’t until the figures had disappeared that Xu Qingyan stood alone in the darkness, not speaking for a long time.
Xu Qingyan, what are you thinking?
The person standing by Lu Ze’s side in the future should be a beautiful and elegant woman like this. They will receive the blessings of others together and stand together openly under everyone’s gaze, loving and beautiful.
You’re sick yourself. Don’t drag others down.
Lu-ge is so good. You can’t be like this, you can’t be like this…
He walked back to the accounting office with light and heavy steps. Accountant Li had not yet returned.
Xu Qingyan only felt tired. Just as he was about to rest for a moment, someone suddenly said that Lu Ze was looking for him in the factory director’s office.
Xu Qingyan paused, surprised that he hadn’t gone to eat with that female comrade, and at the same time, he despised the trace of lucky hope he couldn’t control in his heart.
Standing outside the office, Xu Qingyan took a deep breath, adjusted his mentality, and raised his hand to knock on the door.
The door was not locked and opened a crack with his movement.
There was no movement in the room.
Xu Qingyan was stunned for a moment. He looked inside through the crack in the door and saw a pair of slender legs hanging outside the sofa. He couldn’t see the person clearly, as if he had fallen asleep on the sofa.
Xu Qingyan paused, then pushed the door open and walked in.
Lu Ze was lying on the sofa, sound asleep, with nothing covering him.
Xu Qingyan lightened his steps, looked around, picked up a blanket from a chair on the side, and gently covered him with it.
Lu Ze frowned but didn’t wake up.
Xu Qingyan didn’t know what he was thinking, but he just squatted by the sofa and looked at him quietly.
His gaze swept over his eyes, past his nose, and finally landed on his lips, but then, as if scorched, he quickly averted his gaze.
A moment later, as if he were reluctant to part, he let his gaze fall on Lu Ze’s face again.
Lu Ze had also been very busy recently. The factory had gradually become famous, and he had to entertain many people every day. Sometimes, he didn’t even have time to eat together.
While Xu Qingyan was relieved, he also wanted to see him more.
Without doing anything else, just looking at him quietly like this, he was already satisfied.
Lu Ze hadn’t rested much these past few days, and there was an obvious look of fatigue between his brows. Xu Qingyan didn’t disturb him and just watched as the bangs on his forehead fell between his eyes. He stretched out a finger and gently pushed the strand of hair to the side.
The tip of his finger touched his cheek, and the warm touch made him tremble. Reason told Xu Qingyan to stay away, but his feelings made him a little reluctant to part with this warmth.
The tip of his finger stiffened. After a long while, he was at a loss. Almost without touching, he slid down from between his brows, along his eyebrows, and gently smoothed them, as if to smooth out the frown on his brow.
Seeing that Lu Ze’s expression slowly relaxed, Xu Qingyan gently pursed his lips and reluctantly withdrew his hand.
But the moment he left his brow, his wrist was suddenly grabbed. The person who had been sound asleep suddenly opened his eyes, his eyes still a little hazy with sleepiness, but also with a smile, and said, “You’ve been watching me for a long time. What are you up to?”
