Chapter 42
Xu Qingyan paused. He met Lu Ze’s eyes, which faintly held a smile, and chuckled softly. “What kind of idea can I have?”
He asked, “Why did you fall asleep on the sofa?”
Lu Ze’s hand holding his did not let go. He rubbed his temples and said, “I was a little tired. I sat on the sofa for a while and fell asleep without knowing it.”
He shook his hand and asked, “What about you?”
“Me?” Xu Qingyan chuckled. “What about me?”
Lu Ze said, “When I saw you at noon, I thought you didn’t look well. Are you not feeling well?”
Xu Qingyan’s eyelids lowered slightly, his voice as gentle and calm as usual. “No, I’m fine.”
Lu Ze asked back, “Really?”
Xu Qingyan said in a low voice, “Really.”
Lu Ze looked at him without speaking.
Xu Qingyan’s hand was still held in his palm, and the warm touch was transmitted from his palm to his heart.
He didn’t ask him why he was holding his hand, nor did he take the initiative to break free.
There was a moment of silence between the two, so silent that it was almost quiet. It wasn’t until Lu Ze spoke, “I feel that you’ve been in a low mood recently.”
Xu Qingyan said, “Have I? Maybe it’s because the college entrance examination is getting closer and closer, and I’m a little nervous.”
The college entrance examination was still more than half a year away. Besides, with Xu Qingyan’s mentality, how could he be so nervous as to affect his own state of mind?
Lu Ze didn’t speak. Xu Qingyan forced himself to cheer up, looked up at him, and said with a smile, “What about you, Lu-ge?”
He asked softly, “Is something good about to happen to you recently, Lu-ge?”
Lu Ze looked up at him, his expression questioning. “What good thing?”
The curve of Xu Qingyan’s mouth stiffened. “Like falling in love, getting married.”
“Everyone said that the female comrade who came today is a good match for you. Shouldn’t you also consider getting married, Lu-ge?”
Lu Ze frowned. “Who is everyone?”
Xu Qingyan said, “It was during lunch. They were all saying that the female comrade is about the same age as you and has common topics with you. They look like a talented man and a beautiful woman. I wonder if she will be our factory director’s wife.”
Lu Ze looked up at him. “They all said that?”
Xu Qingyan nodded, his face showing no emotion.
Lu Ze asked, “Then what do you think?”
“Me?” Xu Qingyan said with a smile, “I think it’s very good.”
“To have someone to take care of you and accompany you, isn’t that a good thing?”
Lu Ze’s eyes deepened. “You really think so?”
Xu Qingyan averted his gaze. “Of course.”
“No other thoughts?”
“Other thoughts… I’m going to have a sister-in-law. Does being happy count?”
Lu Ze pondered the two words. “Happy?”
He looked at Xu Qingyan, his eyes slightly dark. “You really think so?”
Xu Qingyan’s eyelashes trembled. “Then what else?”
He said softly, “If you’re getting married, of course I have to be happy for you…”
Lu Ze’s eyes were dark, and he just looked at him quietly. “Is that so?”
Xu Qingyan’s fingers, which were held in his palm, trembled slightly, and his lowered eyelids hid the expression in his eyes. “Lu-ge…”
Lu Ze interrupted him. “Then why did you dream of me?”
There was a moment of silence.
Xu Qingyan looked up, his dark eyes with a hint of unconscious panic. “What… what are you talking about, Lu-ge?”
“Am I wrong?” Lu Ze’s hand holding his wrist tightened. He looked at him. “Didn’t you dream of me?”
The corners of Xu Qingyan’s mouth moved. He wanted to say no, but his hidden thoughts were suddenly exposed, and his whole person fell into a state of panic, his fingers even trembling unconsciously.
He said with difficulty, “I…”
But Lu Ze didn’t give him a chance to speak. His tone was still calm, but to Xu Qingyan, it was full of pressure. “If you didn’t dream of me, then why were you avoiding me for those few days?”
“You said that if I got married, you would be very happy.” He looked at him quietly. “Xu Qingyan, are the words you said true?”
Xu Qingyan only felt as if his throat had been squeezed. He desperately opened his mouth, but he couldn’t say a word.
His despicable thoughts were suddenly exposed. Xu Qingyan felt as if his whole person had fallen into an abyss. Every word Lu Ze said seemed to be a cold and icy question, and even his gaze was filled with disgust and loathing.
He unconsciously averted his gaze, not daring to look at him again, and just said in a small voice, “I don’t know… I’m sorry, Lu-ge, I don’t know…”
Lu Ze asked him, “You don’t know what?”
Xu Qingyan shook his head. “I didn’t think… you, I don’t know why I would have that kind of dream. I didn’t mean to…”
As he spoke, his teeth were tightly biting his lower lip, and even his voice had an unconscious tremor.
Lu Ze sensed that something was wrong. He held his chin and lifted his head, only to see that his eyes were red and his gaze was lowered, and he didn’t dare to look at him.
Lu Ze was stunned for a moment. The pad of his finger slid across the corner of his eye. “Why are you crying?”
Xu Qingyan subconsciously shrank his head, as if he felt that this touch would make Lu Ze dislike him even more. He said in a low voice, “I didn’t think… that kind of…”
His voice was strained. “Don’t think I’m a pervert. Don’t think I’m disgusting…”
“I didn’t…”
…I didn’t want to disturb him, and I didn’t have any extravagant hopes.
Lu Ze’s heart trembled, and he couldn’t help but feel heartbroken. “Who told you that this kind of thing is perverted, is disgusting?”
Xu Qingyan said in a daze, “The books all say so…”
Lu Ze was stunned for a moment, and then he suddenly realized that this was not the open and enlightened modern era. This was an era where homosexuality was still considered a hooligan crime.
They didn’t have such a rich online world, and they had no way to learn more about this aspect. He lived in such a closed environment. In this environment, homosexuality was pathological and sinful.
The smooth emotional experience of his previous life had given Lu Ze a wrong impression, making him feel that as long as two people confessed their love for each other, they could be together. So he didn’t want to force Xu Qingyan and wanted to wait for him to recognize his own feelings. But he had ignored that this was not the tolerant and open modern era. When Xu Qingyan realized that he liked a man, the torment and immorality in his heart might have driven him crazy.
This was a cognition that was completely inconsistent with the education he had received since he was a child.
Lu Ze’s heart felt as if it were being pricked by a fine needle, and a thread of pain spread throughout his body. He was annoyed at his own negligence, and it was hard to imagine how Xu Qingyan had been through this period.
The hand holding his wrist slid up and held his five fingers, his voice slightly hoarse. “I’m sorry, it’s my fault…”
Xu Qingyan looked at him in a daze. The hand holding his chin moved to his cheek, and his thumb gently wiped away the tears on his face, his voice filled with a sigh. “If you’re a pervert, then what am I?”
Before Xu Qingyan could react, a force suddenly came from the back of his head, and then, Lu Ze tilted his head and planted a kiss on his lips.
It was fleeting.
Xu Qingyan’s eyes widened. He looked at Lu Ze’s face, which was close at hand, and his breathing couldn’t help but hitch.
Lu Ze asked him, “Is it disgusting?”
Xu Qingyan subconsciously shook his head.
The next moment, Lu Ze moved closer again. His warm lips pressed against his moist lips. Unlike the light touch just now, it was a lingering and gentle kiss, covering every inch of his lips.
Xu Qingyan didn’t know how to react at all. The hand that was holding his slowly tightened, and his nails left crescent-shaped marks on the back of his hand.
Xu Qingyan didn’t dare to breathe, his eyes wide open, his eyelashes trembling slightly.
It wasn’t until he felt it was difficult to breathe that Lu Ze finally retreated a little, looked down at him, and asked in a low voice, “How about this? Is it disgusting?”
The moist touch on his lips had not yet dissipated. Xu Qingyan subconsciously licked his lips and shook his head again.
He then saw Lu Ze move closer again. The large hand on the back of his head tightened, and Xu Qingyan’s whole body was forced to press against him.
At the same time, he also felt a strange sensation on his spring, soft and slippery, like…
His tongue.
Xu Qingyan realized what he was doing, and his ears couldn’t help but turn red.
Lu Ze’s voice sounded in his ear, “Open your mouth.”
Xu Qingyan obediently opened his mouth a crack.
And then…
He went in.
The touch of tongue against tongue, Xu Qingyan only felt his scalp tingle, and the fingers holding the back of his hand tightened a few more times. The faint crescent-shaped marks slowly deepened, gradually turning into an ambiguous crimson.
He felt it moving in his mouth, tangling with his tongue, sweeping over his palate, and bringing a wave of trepidation whenever it passed a certain place.
Xu Qingyan’s breathing slowly became rapid, and his eyes couldn’t help but turn a little red again.
After an unknown amount of time, Lu Ze finally let him go out of mercy. Xu Qingyan immediately panted heavily. Hearing his own movements, he couldn’t help but blush and his heart beat faster.
Lu Ze’s voice was a little hoarse. “What does it feel like now?”
Xu Qingyan opened his mouth, his voice soft and hard to hear. “My legs are weak…”
Lu Ze let out a muffled laugh, and the hand holding his tightened slightly. Xu Qingyan’s whole body was pressed against his chest.
Lu Ze asked him, “Do you feel disgusted now?”
Xu Qingyan still shook his head.
Lu Ze asked again, “Then do you think I’m a pervert?”
Xu Qingyan’s Adam’s apple moved slightly. He looked up at him. “No.”
Lu Ze’s eyes were smiling. Hearing this, he lowered his head slightly, his head resting on his forehead, feeling his heat, and asked, “Then do you know… why I kissed you?”
Xu Qingyan was still trembling uncontrollably, not out of fear or panic, but a feeling he had never had before.
He had a vague answer in his heart, but he didn’t dare to confirm it.
He looked up with his watery eyes, staring at him without blinking.
Lu Ze’s heart softened. He lifted his chin and kissed his forehead. “Because I have ulterior motives for you.”
Xu Qingyan’s eyelashes trembled, just brushing against his chin, which was itchy.
Lu Ze added, “Xu Qingyan, I’ve been coveting you for a long time.”
He slowly pulled away and looked at him seriously. “I like you.”
Xu Qingyan’s heart skipped a beat, and his eyes instantly turned red. Although he had vaguely guessed the answer in his heart, he still couldn’t believe it.
Lu Ze held his face and asked him, “So, little comrade Xu, what are your feelings for me?”
Xu Qingyan’s hand was still in his palm. Hearing this, he couldn’t help but move slightly.
Lu Ze was waiting for his answer.
Xu Qingyan looked at him quietly. After a moment, he murmured, “I like you.”
He rubbed his cheek against his palm, his voice low and soft:
“I like you too…”
