Chapter 3
“Director Wu.”
“Teacher Xue.”
The two exchanged brief greetings.
Xue Changyi closed his umbrella. With a twist of his wrist, it transformed into a bracelet, fastening around his pale wrist.
“What are you doing here, Director Wu?”
Director Wu’s reply was succinct: “Teaching.”
Xue Changyi raised an eyebrow. “A physical education teacher?”
Director Wu’s answer remained concise: “Physical education teacher.”
Xue Changyi seemed to be joking. “The Director of the Supervisory Department, from the esteemed Underworld Central Office, working as a physical education teacher? Isn’t that a waste of talent?”
Director Wu: “The esteemed Tenth Yama King, from the esteemed Underworld Central Office, is working as a substitute homeroom teacher… The academy just happened to need a physical education teacher.”
This story began a week before the final exams, during a physical education class.
It was free activity time, and the gifted students of Class Nine were playing basketball. Lü Bu performed a slam dunk, breaking the basketball hoop, which happened to fall on the passing physical education teacher, fracturing his tibia. The teacher gloriously retired, returning to the Eighteenth Level of Hell to live out his days…
Director Wu said, “The Central Office has already posted a notice recruiting a physical education teacher. Until a formal teacher is appointed, I’m also a substitute.”
Bang, bang, bang—
“Boss!! Boss—”
The door to Room 444 was pounded, and Leopard Tail rushed in, his face flushed, with a hint of embarrassment.
“Boss!” Leopard Tail tugged at the corner of Xue Changyi’s sleeve, slightly shyly. “It’s bad, Boss. The principal, being old and having poor eyesight, assigned me and Fish Gills to the same room. Fish Gills… she… she’s a girl!”
Xue Changyi calmly asked, “Who said Fish Gills is a girl?”
“Huh?” Leopard Tail uttered a bewildered sound.
“For eighty consecutive years, she’s been at the top of the list, the most beautiful working goddess of the Underworld.” Leopard Tail even made a gesture for “eight.” “If Fish Gills isn’t a girl, then what is she? And she likes to wear skirts!”
Xue Changyi remained calm. “That was eighty years ago.”
“Huh?” Leopard Tail uttered a second confused sound.
Xue Changyi rubbed his temples, kindly explaining, “Fish Gills is an aquatic creature. Perhaps at birth, she was female, but now she has transitioned into a male merman. The process of changing gender in the Underworld archives is very complicated, and it will take another ten years for the paperwork to be approved.”
Leopard Tail: “…”
Leopard Tail: “So… Fish Gills is a boy…”
Leopard Tail: “…A boy who likes to wear skirts?”
Bang—
Leopard Tail left, dumbfounded, not even noticing the “enthusiastic, cheerful, and easygoing” physical education teacher sharing the room with Xue Changyi…
Friday.
Dragon Hour.
Winter break had begun, and students from other classes had left, leaving only Class Nine, who needed to retake their exams, for remedial classes.
7:45 AM, morning self-study time.
“Do you think the substitute homeroom teacher from yesterday will come back?”
“I think this Teacher Xue is pretty good, at least he’s easy on the eyes.”
“As if anyone is qualified to teach me, Yang Guang! Lü Bu didn’t give him a warm welcome yesterday, today I, Yang Guang, will teach him a lesson!”
“Yang Guang, don’t boast!”
“We’ll see!”
“He’s coming! He’s coming…”
From afar, the first thing they saw was a black umbrella.
Underworld High School was located in an “alternate dimension” belonging to the Underworld Central Office. Although it simulated the rising and setting of the sun, the sunlight wasn’t strong, and coupled with the cold winter days, the light was weak.
No rain, no snow, no bright sunlight.
Yet the substitute homeroom teacher carried a black umbrella, making him particularly conspicuous.
Tap, tap, tap…
Xue Changyi walked with a steady, elegant gait, almost scholarly, as he entered the Class Nine classroom.
Standing behind the podium, Xue Changyi, with a flick of his wrist, closed the umbrella, transforming it into a lacquered fountain pen, which landed in his palm.
Placing the pen on the far right side of the podium, Xue Changyi opened his briefcase and took out a three-foot-six-inch-and-five-tenths, twenty-one-section wooden whip, placing it next to the pen, meticulously aligning them.
Finally, he took out a colorful Rubik’s Cube and placed it next to the whip, aligning it once more.
“Teacher Xue, what are you doing?”
“Teacher, do you have OCD?”
“A Rubik’s Cube? Teacher, you brought a Rubik’s Cube to play with? This isn’t kindergarten!”
Xue Changyi glanced at the students present and introduced each item: “Let me introduce my teaching tools: the Judge’s Pen, the Divine Striking Whip, and the Thousand Demon Eyes.”
The black umbrella was Xue Changyi’s inherent magical tool—the Judge’s Pen, used to distinguish good from evil, assess levels, and determine life and death.
The white wooden whip was once used by Jiang Ziya during the Investiture of the Gods. After the investiture, the Divine Striking Whip returned to the Heavenly Court. Xue Changyi, after receiving the red-headed document, had requested its use.
The colorful Rubik’s Cube was the Thousand Demon Eyes. Each square was composed of countless demon eyes. As the cube rotated, the eyes could peer into every corner of the three realms.
Xue Changyi’s handsome face showed a faint, almost insincere smile. “I heard that it’s popular to install surveillance cameras in human schools, but cameras are too much trouble. The Thousand Demon Eyes are much more convenient. From now on, anyone caught daydreaming, reading unrelated books, eating snacks, whispering, or cheating on exams will be recorded by the Thousand Demon Eyes, in case I need to contact your parents.”
The students of Class Nine: “…”
Xue Changyi picked up the white wooden whip. “The Divine Striking Whip, I needn’t say much about it. I heard that Teacher Jiang Ziya teaches you mathematics. When you have free time, you can ask Teacher Jiang about its uses.”
The languid, aristocratic student raised his hand. “Teacher Xue, corporal punishment is no longer practiced in human schools. Surely you wouldn’t spank me, Yang Guang?”
Xue Changyi blinked. “We can skip the hand spanking.”
The languid student sneered.
Xue Changyi: “Spanking… the bottom, however, is an option.”
The languid student: “…”
“As for the Judge’s Pen,” Xue Changyi said concisely, “It’s for grading your homework.”
“Alright,” Xue Changyi put away his teaching tools and opened a register. “Now let’s take attendance.”
“Zhao clan, Ying surname, Cheng Jiao.”
“Present—” A childish voice answered. This was the youngest student in Class Nine, probably less than ten years old, with a round, cherubic face, dressed in a padded jacket over his Underworld High School uniform, bundled up like a little dumpling.
Cheng Jiao sweetly greeted him: “Hello, Teacher Xue—”
Xue Changyi continued taking attendance: “Zhao clan, Ying surname, Zheng.”
The student sitting in the corner looked up. A young man, perhaps seventeen or eighteen, the same student who had said “That’s enough” yesterday. Despite his youth, he possessed an indescribable composure and authority.
Ying Zheng nodded to Xue Changyi.
Xue Changyi: “Lü Bu.”
Lü Bu: “Present!”
Xue Changyi: “Li Bai.”
“Li Bai! Hey—hey! Wake up, he’s calling you!”
“Teacher, Li Bai finished a whole bottle of Erguotou during morning self-study, no wait, Nongfu Spring, and he’s drunk!”
Xue Changyi: “Liu Bang.”
Liu Bang: “Present.”
Xue Changyi: “Xiang Yu.”
Xiang Yu: “Teacher Xue! I request that Liu Bang be transferred to another class, or I can transfer. I refuse to be classmates with Liu Bang, that treacherous hypocrite, I…”
Xue Changyi repeated: “Xiang Yu.”
Xiang Yu: “…Present.”
Xue Changyi: “Yang Guang.”
Yang Guang crossed his arms, crossed his legs, and rolled his eyes. “…Absent!”
Xue Changyi finished taking attendance and closed the register. “Attendance is acceptable. The next step is to improve your grades and pass the make-up exams.”
“Hahaha—” Yang Guang laughed. “Teacher Xue! Don’t bother. Your previous eleven homeroom teachers, even the Thunder God and Lightning Mother, couldn’t do it. Who are we? Making us attend middle school, even jokes have their limits.”
Xue Changyi said, “But you failed your exams.”
“That’s because!” Yang Guang argued, “I am the Son of Heaven, the True Dragon Emperor! I led three expeditions against Goguryeo and built the Grand Canal! I disdain your paltry knowledge!”
Xue Changyi calmly repeated, “But you failed your exams.”
Yang Guang: “…”
Yang Guang sneered angrily. “Fine, teach if you want. I, Yang Guang, won’t learn a single word! You can read my name backwards!”
Most of the students in the class watched, amused, chuckling.
Xue Changyi clapped his hands gently. “Quiet.”
“We’re running out of self-study time.” Xue Changyi glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner of the classroom.
The first class started at eight o’clock, and self-study would end in five minutes.
Xue Changyi turned to the door. “We have a specially invited transfer student arriving today. They should be here soon.”
“Specially invited?” Yang Guang smirked, swinging his long legs onto the desk.
“Teacher Xue, even TV dramas aren’t as dramatic as you. A specially invited transfer student? What, is this transfer student some kind of celestial being?”
“This transfer student…” Xue Changyi considered carefully. “Is indeed somewhat special. I personally invited them and submitted a report to the Underworld Central Office, which granted special permission for enrollment…”
Xue Changyi’s calm expression took on a hint of intrigue. “They might not be special to others, but for you, Yang Guang, they are very special.”
“Tch!” Yang Guang scoffed, hissing, “Who is it? Bring them out and let me see. Just how spe—”
The transfer student walked into Class Nine.
Tall, with an outstanding appearance and an air of elegance, different from Yang Guang’s languid demeanor, he exuded an upright and virtuous air.
Thump—
Yang Guang’s long legs slipped, and he tumbled off the desk, landing squarely on his backside!
“Hiss! Ouch…”
Xue Changyi said to the transfer student, “The first class is about to start. We don’t have much time. Please briefly introduce yourself.”
The transfer student smiled elegantly, gazing at the fallen Yang Guang. “Pleased to meet you all. My surname is Yang, Yang Jian.”
Lü Bu whispered, “Yang Guang, your dad?”
Xiang Yu patted his shoulder. “Convenient, no need to call parents anymore!”
Liu Bang shook his head and sighed. “How embarrassing.”
Xue Changyi smiled. “Yang Jian, please sit next to Yang Guang, if you don’t mind.”
Yang Jian replied politely, “Of course, thank you for your consideration, Teacher Xue.”
Xue Changyi: “You’re welcome.”
Yang Guang: “…”
—The transfer student is my dad.
—My dad and I are classmates.
Ding-dong-ding-dong~
The first class bell rang.
Xue Changyi prepared to leave the classroom, but paused at the door. “Oh, by the way, I’ll be your substitute Chinese teacher. Here’s your homework for the break. Write an essay and submit it next Monday during morning self-study. The topic is—’My Father’.”
Xue Changyi’s smile was gentle and benevolent. “I look forward to your exemplary essay, Yang Guang.”
Yang Guang: “…???”
