Chapter 5
#Underworld High School Class Nine Chat Group#
Lü Bu: Did you all rewrite your essays?
Lü Bu: Teacher Xue won’t let me use ellipses, can I use commas instead?
Lü Bu: Is it due tomorrow?
Xiang Yu: I won’t write the essay unless they transfer that hypocrite!
Teacher Xue: Hand it in to the class president before morning self-study tomorrow.
Xiang Yu: Don’t write it, everyone! Don’t write it!
Xiang Yu: I want to see what that Xue guy will do when he doesn’t get any essays!
Liu Bang: #laughing emoji#
Xiang Yu: Hypocrite, what are you laughing at!
Yang Guang: …
Lü Bu: ???
Lü Bu: Why is someone calling him Teacher Xue in our group?
Xiang Yu: !!!
Xiang Yu: Who added the teacher to the group?!
Liu Bang: Teacher Xue, Xiang Yu is inciting everyone to not submit their homework. I suggest Xiang Yu should submit two essays on “My Father” tomorrow.
Xiang Yu: Was it you, Liu Bang?!
Xiang Yu: I %￥！@……#***！！！
Liu Bang: Ah Yu is so excited he’s face-rolling the keyboard.
Li Bai: I think he’s sharpening his knife with the keyboard…
Teacher Xue: Liu Bang’s suggestion is good, but writing two essays on “My Father” is too much for Xiang Yu.
Teacher Xue: How about one “My Father” and one “My Deskmate”?
Xiang Yu: **！@#！！￥￥￥%%…………&
Xiang Yu: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher Xue: Class, if anyone else, like Xiang Yu, wants to write two, three, or thirty essays, I’m happy to satisfy your thirst for knowledge.
Teacher Xue: Those who can submit their essays tomorrow, type 1.
Li Bai: 1
Cheng Jiao: 1~
Lü Bu: 1
Xiang Yu: Lü Bu, you traitor!
Xiang Yu: ……………1
Teacher Xue: Good children. Please hand them in to the class president before morning self-study.
Ying Zheng: Okay.
#Underworld High School Teachers’ Chat Group#
Principal: #crying emoji# #crying emoji# #crying emoji# #crying emoji#
Jiang Ziya (Math): ?
Cang Jie (Chinese): Were you driven to tears by Class Nine again?
Kua Fu (PE): Those brats, should I give them a good beating with my peach wood staff?!
Principal: No, no, we can’t hit them! They’re all our ancestors!
Principal: #crying emoji#
Principal: These are tears of joy!
Jiang Ziya (Math): ?
Principal: You wouldn’t believe it, Class Nine handed in their essays! The whole class, every single one!
Jiang Ziya (Math): !
Cang Jie (Chinese): !
Kua Fu (PE): Huh???
Jiang Ziya (Math): Maintain formation.
Kua Fu (PE): Oh…
Kua Fu (PE): !
Cang Jie (Chinese): How were the essays?
Principal: The ancestors handed in their homework, who cares how they are?!
Jiang Ziya (Math): Your standards are a bit low, Libationer.
Kua Fu (PE): I heard Class Nine has a new substitute homeroom teacher?
Principal: Yes, and I want to commend Teacher Xue!
Principal: Teacher Xue just arrived at our academy, and he managed to get the entire Class Nine to submit their essays. A god amongst men!
Xue Changyi (Chinese): You overpraise me, Libationer. It’s my duty.
Cang Jie (Chinese): Teacher Xue, I must learn your secrets. How did you subdue Class Nine?
Jiang Ziya (Math): Friendly reminder, Teacher Xue is the Tenth Yama King from the Underworld Central Office. He also requested the Divine Striking Whip.
Principal: The… the Divine Striking Whip?
Kua Fu (PE): Teacher Xue! You should join our PE department!!!
Xue Changyi sat at his desk in Room 444, opened his Underworld Central Office-issued computer, clicked on the Principal’s profile picture in the teachers’ chat group, and entered a private chat.
Xue Changyi (Chinese): Principal, I’d like to request a field trip slot for this Saturday.
Principal: A field trip?
Xue Changyi (Chinese): Yes.
Xue Changyi (Chinese): I heard each class has a field trip every semester, and it requires prior approval from the principal.
Principal: This…
Principal: Yama King, Class Nine still has make-up exams after the break. Wouldn’t a field trip at this time disrupt their studies?
Xue Changyi (Chinese): Please rest assured, Principal, the field trip is for the betterment of their studies.
Principal: Alright!
Principal: Since you managed to get those ancestors in Class Nine to submit their essays, I have full confidence in your abilities!
Principal: Approved!
Xue Changyi (Chinese): Thank you, Principal.
Principal: #curious emoji#
Principal: Just curious, where are you planning to take those old ancestors of Class Nine for their field trip?
Xue Changyi (Chinese): #smiling emoji#
Creak—
The door to Room 444 opened, and a man in a crisp white shirt and black suit vest walked in.
A handsome face, broad shoulders, a trim waist, and long legs. Smooth muscles were hidden beneath the suit, especially the lines of his chest, constrained by the close-fitting vest, rising and falling slightly with each breath.
Perfect.
Except for—
The red, old-fashioned thermos in his hand slightly marred the perfection.
Xue Changyi looked at the man who entered, raising an eyebrow. “Director Wu.”
Director Wu nodded. “Are you off work, Teacher Xue?”
He lifted the thermos. “The water in the Lugong dormitory is out. Seems like the River of Forgetfulness is acting up again. I brought an extra thermos of hot water. Feel free to use it, Teacher Xue.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Their brief exchange seemed perfectly polite and colleague-like.
There was no hint that Director Wu was the most, most, most, most hated Director of the Supervisory Department by the Ten Courts of Hell. And that he was the one who personally investigated the Second Yama King, casting Xue Changyi’s sworn brother down from the Terrace of Forgetfulness.
Xue Changyi closed his computer, a smile spreading across his face as he swiveled slightly in his chair. “Director Wu, you’ve been at the school for a few days now. Why haven’t I seen you teaching?”
Director Wu’s reply was concise: “My schedule is still being arranged.”
“Is that so?” Xue Changyi maintained his elegant smile. “Someone unaware might think that Director Wu isn’t here to teach, but rather…”
“Rather?” Director Wu prompted.
Xue Changyi’s smile vanished, his face returning to its usual icy coldness, the typical expression of a Yama King.
He spoke softly, “Rather… to monitor me.”
Director Wu paused slightly. “Teacher Xue, you have quite the sense of humor.”
But no one in Room 444 laughed…
Monday: Submit essays, rewrite.
Tuesday: Submit essays, rewrite.
Wednesday: Submit essays, rewrite…
Thursday: Submit essays, rewrite. Friday…
Finally, before the end of the seventh class on Friday, all the essays in Class Nine were approved. No more rewriting My Father!
Lü Bu sighed. “I wish I didn’t have a father. If I didn’t have a father, I wouldn’t have to write about him, right?”
He patted Yang Guang’s shoulder. “Guang-zi, what do you think?”
Yang Guang brushed Lü Bu’s hand away with a look of disgust: “…”
“Yay—” Little Cheng Jiao jumped up and down. “Tomorrow is the weekend! No classes on Saturday and Sunday! Brother, take Jiao’er out to play—play! Jiao’er wants candied gourd!”
Ying Zheng crouched down, zipped up his younger brother’s down jacket, wrapped a red scarf around his neck, and corrected him, “Candied hawthorns.”
Cheng Jiao tilted his head, nibbling on his hand. “Candied—gourd—”
Ying Zheng nodded, stroking his brother’s soft cheek. “Brother will take you to buy candied hawthorns tomorrow.”
Cheng Jiao cheered, “Yay—candied gourd! Candied gourd!”
Ying Zheng: “…”
Yang Jian smiled. “Guang’er, your father will buy you candied hawthorns too, alright?”
“Hehe, hehe…” Yang Guang chuckled dryly. “Whatever makes Father happy.”
Xiang Yu packed his bag, stuffing the five times written, eight times revised My Father essay inside. He scratched the back of his head. “Hmm—why do I have a bad feeling? A sense of foreboding…”
Liu Bang smiled. “Ah Yu, are you possessed by Zhuge Kongming from Class Eight? Able to predict the future?”
“Get lost!” Xiang Yu glared. “Don’t call me Ah Yu!”
“Then what should I call you? We swore to be brothers, remember? Little brother? Yu’er?”
“I told you to get lost! Are you going or not? Fine! I’ll leave!”
Tap, tap, tap…
Footsteps, light and elegant.
Accompanied by a black umbrella, entered the Class Nine classroom.
“Class,” Xue Changyi’s voice, clear as a mountain spring, rang out. “Wait a moment, I have an announcement.”
Xiang Yu gaped. “Mother, I really can tell the future! No wonder my neck was cold!”
Xue Changyi announced, “Tomorrow, Saturday, the principal has approved a field trip for Class Nine.”
“A field trip?”
“What the hell is that?”
“Brother, brother! A field trip, does that mean… does that mean we can go out and play?!”
“Can we leave this ghostly academy?”
Xue Changyi said calmly, “A field trip naturally takes place outside the academy.”
He added, “In the mortal realm.”
“The mortal realm!”
The Class Nine classroom erupted. “I haven’t been back to the mortal realm for eight hundred years!”
“You’re lucky, I haven’t been back for over a thousand years!”
“Teacher, are you taking us to relax because we worked so hard on our essays?”
“The mortal realm is great! I heard they have this popular dish called luosifen! I, Lü Bu, have never tried it!”
“Candied gourd!”
“Luosifen!”
“Candied gourd!”
“Luosifen!”
“Teacher Xue,” Ying Zheng spoke, finally getting to the point. “May I ask what the field trip will entail?”
Xue Changyi smiled faintly. “A surprise.”
Saturday, Tiger Hour.
4:00 AM.
The academy was on winter break, and only the students of Class Nine, who needed to retake exams, remained in the dormitories. It was a winter day, and before dawn, everyone was sound asleep.
Suddenly, a loud broadcast echoed through the building.
“Underworld primary and secondary school students, first set of radio calisthenics, now beginning—”
“First exercise, stretching—”
“One, two, three, four…”
“Huh!!”
“What’s going on?!”
“Did the Liu bandit invade? Is someone attacking the city?!”
“Mmm—Brother, Jiao’er is sleepy…”
The dormitory door opened, and Xue Changyi walked in, elegantly holding his black umbrella. “Class, the field trip… has begun.”
“It’s only four o’clock…”
Someone mumbled, followed by the sound of snoring. Everyone ignored Xue Changyi, blocking out the noise of the radio calisthenics, determined to continue sleeping!
“Get up and wash up.” Xue Changyi spoke. Having been the Yama King of the Underworld Central Office for so long, Xue Changyi possessed a certain authority, even in the face of these “old ancestors” of Class Nine.
Xue Changyi raised his pale, slender wrist, glancing at the Thousand Demon Eyes, which had transformed into a wristwatch. “Assemble at the Pangong playground in five minutes. Anyone late will write an additional essay on ‘My Mother’.”
“My… mother!”
The student dormitory erupted again. “Hurry, hurry, hurry! Get up!”
“Where are my pants! Who’s wearing my uniform pants? Liu Bang, you’re holding my pants!”
“Brother… Jiao’er is sleepy, dress Jiao’er!”
“I’ve already lost my kingdom, I don’t have to attend morning court anymore, why are we waking up so early? This is torture!”
“It’s still dark! Even the dogs aren’t awake!”
Xue Changyi smiled. “But… dogs don’t have make-up exams.”
All the students of Class Nine: …Somehow, that makes a lot of sense.
