Chapter 19
The two men looked at each other, the atmosphere subtly tense.
Jian Wu, who had been called by both of them but wasn’t looked at by either: “Uh…”
“Well,” he interrupted, “If you two want to chat, I can change seats.”
He quickly stood up, stepped over Zheng Yu, and moved to the row behind, to the left of Ling Meng and Song Shuci. However, the moving bus was unstable, and he stumbled, almost falling.
Zheng Yu and Song Shuci almost simultaneously reached out to help him. Jian Wu quickly grabbed the handrail and steadied himself, narrowly avoiding their assistance.
Sensing Jian Wu’s resistance, Zheng Yu silently withdrew his hand after a moment.
“Actually, it’s nothing.” He looked up at Jian Wu, who was standing in front of Song Shuci, and changed what he originally wanted to say to: “I just wanted to ask, Teacher Jian, you sing so well, it seems you haven’t forgotten your past relationship?”
“If remembering the past allows you to sing well, then singers wouldn’t need to practice their vocals, they could just experience a relationship.” To Jian Wu’s surprise, it was Song Shuci who answered Zheng Yu.
Zheng Yu glanced at Song Shuci and said to him: “But Teacher Jian was clearly very emotional, otherwise why wouldn’t he even finish the lyrics?”
Actually, he had just been immersed in appreciating the music and hadn’t thought about the reason for the unfinished lyrics. But seeing Song Shuci reminded him of the many ambiguous moments from last night.
According to Ling Meng, Jian Wu had gotten drunk and thrown up. But was that really all there was to it?
“Is your hearing bad?” Song Shuci suddenly said, “Can’t you tell he was just drunk?”
Jian Wu froze, seemingly not expecting Song Shuci to say that. Zheng Yu also seemed stunned by Song Shuci’s blunt retort.
When people reached a certain age, with the emphasis on decorum, they rarely heard such direct and unpleasant words, especially between people who weren’t very close.
He forced a smile and changed his words: “I was just joking.” Seeing Song Shuci didn’t respond, he changed the subject: “Professor Song… what were you about to say just now?”
Song Shuci didn’t immediately answer. Instead, he stood up and offered his seat beside Ling Meng to Jian Wu.
As they brushed past each other, holding onto the handrails, Jian Wu heard him say in a soft, helpless tone: “Do you never learn to say no?”
The bus jolted, and Jian Wu’s hand, gripping the seat, trembled slightly.
He sat down in Song Shuci’s original seat, but Song Shuci didn’t go sit next to Zheng Yu. Instead, he held onto the handrail, standing beside him and Ling Meng.
Jian Wu looked at Song Shuci, and Song Shuci happened to be looking at him as well.
“Jian Xiaowu, do you never learn to say no?”
The first time Song Shuci said this to him was when he was six years old.
When he was young, Song Shuci actually didn’t like playing with him. Song Shuci was very different back then. His family was very strict, and perhaps influenced by this environment, he was precocious and solitary. Even though there were many children in their courtyard, he never participated in their games.
Because of his family, Jian Wu often stayed at Song Shuci’s house. He really liked his older brother, Song Shuci, but he knew from a young age that Song Shuci equally disliked all children and didn’t consider him a friend.
Most of the time, he would just hold a picture book, listen to Song Shuci practice the piano, or draw with crayons while he practiced calligraphy. If he spoke while Song Shuci was studying, Song Shuci would frown, as if he was a huge source of noise.
Song Shuci rarely spoke to him, only when he got good grades on tests and received rewards from his parents would he ask Jian Wu if he wanted anything and take him to the supermarket.
Jian Wu knew this was Song Shuci’s responsibility as an older brother. When their parents got together, Song Shuci’s parents always told him to be a good older brother and take care of him.
Until one day, his newly bought toy was once again “borrowed” by the children in the courtyard. Without his toy, he had nothing to play with, so he just sat downstairs in the courtyard, lost in thought. Song Shuci, who usually only practiced calligraphy at home at this time, suddenly appeared before him.
He asked him sternly, why did you give your things to others?
Jian Wu thought he was being reprimanded and hurriedly explained that he never gave away the things Song Shuci gave him, he only played with them at home, and never took them outside.
Unexpectedly, Song Shuci asked him again, do you want your toy back?
The six-year-old had already begun to master the art of adult hypocrisy. He looked at the ants on the ground and pretended to be magnanimous: “It’s fine if I gave it away, they’re all my friends. My mom said that when getting along with friends… you have to be accommodating, they didn’t mean any harm.”
Whether it was his words that touched Song Shuci, or whether he remembered his responsibility as an older brother, his usually quiet brother unexpectedly turned to him and said: “Jian Xiaowu, do you never learn to say no?”
Jian Wu said, feeling aggrieved, that he had refused, but Song Shuci said a refusal without even showing anger wasn’t a real refusal. He said he didn’t want to offend his friends, and Song Shuci retorted that friends who could be driven away by the truth weren’t real friends. In the end, he couldn’t argue with Song Shuci and chose to remain silent. But unexpectedly, that night, before bed, Song Shuci knocked on his door.
It was the first time Song Shuci had taken the initiative to look for him. The child stood at his door with a sullen expression, his lips pressed into a thin line. He held Jian Wu’s “borrowed” toys and a note torn from a sticky note.
Jian Wu stared in disbelief as he took the toys and looked down at the note.
The fruits of Song Shuci’s calligraphy practice were evident. The neat, regular script made it almost unrecognizable as the work of a second-grader.
“Jian Xiaowu,” seven-year-old Song Shuci wrote on the note, “Instead of choosing them as friends, choose me.”
“…I’m a friend you can lose your temper with.”
That night, Jian Wu didn’t immediately put away his recovered toys. Instead, he traced the note, reading it over and over again in his still-childish voice, then hid the note under his pillow and rushed out to tell his mother: “Mom, Shuci Gege said he wants to be friends with me!”
His mother smiled at him gently, seemingly confused: “Shuci Gege was already your friend.”
Jian Wu shook his head at her: “No, he just decided to be my friend.”
…
Years intertwined like a shuttle, like a warm tide, washing over his heart bit by bit.
Song Shuci in the bus seemed completely different from when he was seven, yet also not much different at all.
Jian Wu suddenly felt an indescribable feeling in his heart.
That note was the starting point of his and Song Shuci’s close relationship, but it had been so long, so long ago, that he had almost forgotten.
Human memory was like that. If you met someone once, and something memorable happened, even after many years, you would still remember that incident when you thought of that person.
But if someone was always by your side, during childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, and you spent too much time together, experiencing countless things, the memories from the past would become blurred. So much so that when he and Song Shuci had their devastating argument, neither of them remembered the past.
But those past events had truly happened. Although buried in the ruins of memory, they had never disappeared.
Even now, they could still be his guide and support.
“Ling Meng.”
In the noisy bus, Jian Wu finally steeled himself and called out to the girl beside him.
“Delete that recording,” he said.
“Ah?” Although she instinctively sensed the subtle atmosphere, the oblivious girl clearly didn’t realize what the problem was.
Jian Wu looked at Ling Meng. Many thoughts flashed through his mind in that instant.
Such as Ling Meng’s status as the dean’s daughter, and their close friendship over the past six months, and even the awkwardness of having to see each other every day in the same office if they had a falling out.
Then, he said in a firm voice: “I know you meant well, and thank you, but I don’t really like it when you play my recordings without my consent, and I don’t need your help in finding a partner.”
Ling Meng’s face instantly changed.
Jian Wu was actually very nervous.
He looked at Ling Meng’s stiff expression, took a small breath, and repeatedly told himself he was right, but in the end, he still apologized, an apology he wasn’t sure he should even make: “I didn’t mean to blame you, I just didn’t make it clear before… I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.” But Ling Meng spoke almost simultaneously.
“I should be the one saying sorry,” she looked a little flustered, “I’m sorry, I really didn’t know… I didn’t know you were unhappy, I just wanted you to be happy.”
Like a gust of wind, Ling Meng’s words lifted the weight off Jian Wu’s heart.
He subconsciously looked at Song Shuci, and the words “friends who can be driven away by the truth aren’t real friends” flashed through his mind.
And Song Shuci kept looking at him. He didn’t say anything, but it was as if he had said everything.
Jian Wu suddenly smiled, a sense of relief washing over him.
“Ling Meng,” he looked at the girl sincerely, “I also hope you’re happy, we’ll always be good friends.”
Here’s an essay by elementary school student Jian Wu, which I posted on Weibo before, but considering some of you don’t use Weibo, I’m posting it here so everyone can see it. It echoes today’s segment and should be able to show you the state of Jian Wu and Song Shuci’s first emotional stage when they were young. (Because the author’s notes aren’t very prominent now, and this isn’t a paid VIP chapter, I’m putting it in the main text. If there’s similar content after this goes premium, I’ll put it in the author’s notes~)
My Older Brother
By Jian Wu, Class 3, Grade 2
I have an older brother named Song Shuci. He’s my neighbor and studies in Class 4, Grade 3. He’s very smart, so my parents tell me to ask him whenever I can’t do my homework.
For this essay, Teacher Gao asked us to write about a family member. I have many family members. I asked my mom, and she said I should write about my dad. I asked my dad, and he said I should write about my mom. I asked my brother, and he said I should write about him. My brother can get 100% on his tests, so I trust my brother.
My brother has black eyes, like two gemstones. His hair is also black. He usually likes to wear his school uniform and red scarf.
My brother is a complicated person. His parents say he often has a sullen face and is impolite. I think they don’t understand my brother because when they’re not around, he gives me candy and smiles at me.
My brother is also a strange person. He says he doesn’t like playing with me, but he gets unhappy when I play with others. I ask him why, and he never answers. I think he’s really strange.
But my brother is also amazing. He has a calculator and textbooks in his head, so he always gets 100% on his tests. I envy him, and I also hope he gets 100%.
Because when he gets 100%, Uncle Song gives him pocket money. When my brother has money, he takes me to buy latiao and ice cream, and sometimes even buys me toys. My brother never buys snacks for himself. I ask him why, and he says only children like latiao and ice cream. That’s strange, isn’t he a child too?
Although my brother is strange, I still like my brother very much. We are best friends. When I grow up and earn money, I’ll buy him toys and ice cream too!
