We Can’t Go Back 27

Chapter 27

“Jian Ge!”

A young voice called out from behind. Lou Xi, dressed in pajamas and slippers, rushed over, carrying a garbage bag: “I was calling you from behind for ages, but you didn’t hear me! I wanted to ask you to take out the trash.”

Jian Wu practically yanked his hand back the moment he heard the voice, hiding it in his sleeve.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” he said quickly.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Lou Xi threw the garbage into the large bin by the building entrance and turned to explain, “I figured since I was already out here, I might as well throw it away. It’s been sitting at home for two days, it’ll start to smell soon. I waited for the elevator for ages… Eh? Jian Ge, is this your friend?”

Seeing someone opposite Jian Wu, Lou Xi paused. His 700-degree myopia was uncorrected by glasses, and with only a dim streetlight illuminating the area, he could only make out a blurry figure. He squinted but still couldn’t see clearly.

“Is that Cheng Xian Ge?” he guessed randomly, “Doesn’t seem like him?”

Jian Wu clearly felt Song Shuci’s gaze change.

The white, oval-shaped object vibrated in his palm, its intense buzzing like the whirring of a small machine, suppressed yet noisy.

He hid his hand behind his back, his palms sweating, “No, another friend.”

“Oh…” Lou Xi felt the atmosphere between them was strange, and Jian Wu was acting differently than usual. But he knew the importance of maintaining social distance between adults. He and Jian Wu were just roommates, it wasn’t appropriate to ask too many questions, so he excused himself: “Then you guys chat, I’ll go back first, Jian Ge.”

Jian Wu nodded. It wasn’t until the sound of receding footsteps disappeared that his shoulders finally relaxed.

“Why didn’t you turn it off!?” He looked up at Song Shuci and hissed.

“I wanted to,” Song Shuci also lowered his voice, “But who knows if the next level would be even louder.”

There was only one button on this thing. Based on past experience, it would turn off after cycling through the four levels, but the one Jian Wu was holding was clearly a different model.

“Don’t be so nervous,” Song Shuci pointed at his ear, “He’s wearing earphones, and… this thing isn’t actually that loud, you just think it’s loud because you’re nervous.”

Jian Wu swallowed, “Then can you turn it off now?”

Song Shuci glanced at Jian Wu’s hand hidden behind his back. Clearly, the thing in Jian Wu’s hand was still vibrating, showing no signs of stopping.

“Tell me first, is it the same as the one before?”

“…No.”

“Did I send it?” Song Shuci asked again.

“No.”

“Then who did?”

Jian Wu lowered his head, sweat beading on his nose, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

Jian Wu’s tone was helpless: “I really don’t know.”

Song Shuci suddenly reached out and took the still-buzzing vibrator from his hand. Without the cover of his palm, its sound was exposed to the air, unusually loud in the quiet night.

“This kind of thing was sent to you, and you don’t even know who sent it.” Song Shuci held the vibrator and chuckled, seemingly angered, “Jian Wu, you’ve been quite promiscuous these past few years.”

Song Shuci’s movements were a bit rough, and his hand brushed against Jian Wu’s palm, causing a slight sting.

But perhaps because it was numb from the vibrations, the pain felt dull, like through a layer of glass, irritating yet unreachable, leaving only frustration and annoyance.

“Can you turn it off first?” Jian Wu pleaded.

“Then tell me who sent it,” Song Shuci continued to press.

“If I knew, I would have told you already,” Jian Wu, provoked by his relentless questioning, also became angry, “Can you stop making wild assumptions about me?”

“Wild assumptions?” Song Shuci, as always, used a rhetorical question, “Fine, if you can’t answer that, can you tell me who that man just now was?”

Jian Wu looked at him: “Roommate.”

“What do you mean by roommate?”

“Roommate means roommate,” Jian Wu glared at him, “Song Shuci, do you have to think in that direction?”

“You made me misunderstand,” Song Shuci said.

Jian Wu retorted: “You don’t trust me.”

Song Shuci met his gaze and suddenly asked: “Do you love me?”

Jian Wu was momentarily speechless, turning his head away: “We’ve already broken up.”

“Did you love me before? …When we were together.”

Song Shuci loved to ask him this question during arguments, but Jian Wu always found it difficult to understand.

He didn’t understand what it meant to suddenly ask “Do you love me?” when they were arguing so fiercely that it seemed like they were about to explode.

It was like two martial arts masters in a fierce battle, and one suddenly tickled the other, making it impossible to continue fighting.

He also didn’t understand the need to ask such an obvious question.

What, did Song Shuci think he was insane, able to endure a seven-year relationship without love?

And most importantly, the only answer to this question, “I love you,” was, for Jian Wu, harder to say than the most difficult language in the world. He probably didn’t have the skill points for sweet talk. Asking him to say “I love you” was like asking him to jump off a building.

He turned his head away and said impatiently: “Can we not talk about this?”

Song Shuci’s eyes dimmed slightly after waiting for this answer. But perhaps it was within his expectations, as the disappointment in his eyes didn’t last long, turning into a self-deprecating smile.

He handed Jian Wu the gift: “I forgot to mention, my parents knew it was your birthday and asked me to give this to you.”

He then added, as if to save face: “Actually, I didn’t intend to look for you, my parents insisted I deliver this.”

Jian Wu looked at him for a while, the words “thank you” caught in his throat, but what he finally said was: “I understand, I’m going back now, thank your parents for me.”

He lowered his head and reached out to take the exquisite gift box from Song Shuci. Catching sight of the white box tucked under Song Shuci’s arm, he extended his other hand: “Give me that too.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Song Shuci suddenly withdrew the gift box.

Jian Wu’s hand grasped at air, and he looked at Song Shuci, confused.

The latter pursed his lips and said stubbornly: “You can only take one.”

“Either this, or the birthday gift my parents gave you,” Song Shuci looked at him, “Choose.”

Jian Wu’s heart, which had just softened, instantly froze again. He suppressed his anger: “Do you find it amusing to force me to choose?”

Jian Wu hadn’t intended to keep the unknown item anyway, just take it back and investigate it properly. But people were naturally rebellious. The more Song Shuci forced him, the more he couldn’t resist arguing back.

“Choose,” Song Shuci seemed determined to make him choose.

“Fine, I’ll take this.” Jian Wu forced a smile, took the vibrator from Song Shuci’s hand, turned around, and left.

Song Shuci’s lips trembled. He looked at Jian Wu’s receding figure, tossed the gift box in his hand, and said in a hoarse voice: “Then I’m throwing this in the trash.”

Jian Wu: “Whatever.”

“Okay… okay.” Song Shuci let out a forced laugh.

He turned and threw the box in his hand. The beautiful gift box arced through the air. The contents were somewhat heavy, and when it landed, it made a “thump,” as if also hitting Jian Wu’s heart.

Jian Wu hadn’t expected Song Shuci to actually throw it away.

He abruptly stopped, turned around, and saw Song Shuci’s reddened eyes and his face, half-hidden in the moonlight.

He suddenly felt a sharp pain in his heart, as if someone had clenched it tightly, then let go, leaving a throbbing ache.

“Song Shuci…”

Jian Wu’s eyelashes trembled slightly: “You know I really hate it when you do this.”

He once again broke his own rule of not rehashing the past, rambling, “When we were together, whether it was a man or a woman, someone you knew or didn’t know, you would get jealous if I said more than a few words to them. After I failed the exam for the second time and went to City A with you, you practically locked me up at home. Because of your words, because of your unhappiness, in the seven years we were together, I didn’t even dare to make friends–”

“Do you even consider those friends you made as friends?” Song Shuci interrupted him.

He looked at Jian Wu, his eyes red, his brow slightly furrowed, “You’re always so soft-hearted, you don’t want to upset anyone, you protect everyone, and in the end, everyone thinks it’s okay to bully you, to disrespect you, because you have a good temper, you won’t get angry. I don’t even want to mention how many times you’ve been betrayed by your so-called friendships, from elementary school to university, just look at now…”

His gaze fell on the item in Jian Wu’s hand, “What kind of true friend would send you this kind of thing?”

“Whether they’re true friends or not is not up to you,” Jian Wu took a deep breath, “It’s up to me.”

“You? What would you say?” Song Shuci seemed to remember something, “Oh right, I was just about to ask, did your roommate mistake me for Cheng Xian? Does he often come to your place? You’re still in contact with him, aren’t you?”

“So what if I am?” Jian Wu asked him.

“Didn’t I tell you he’s not a good person and you shouldn’t get too close to him?”

Song Shuci said: “When we were young, he always wanted half of whatever good food or toys you had. He never dared to do anything himself, always egging you on. In middle school, he even sold your photos to your classmates. How many more times do you have to be betrayed by him before you wake up? Jian Wu, I’m really curious, why are you so tolerant and generous to others, but so cruel to me?”

“Who I choose to be friends with is my own business, you don’t need to stand up for me, Song Shuci. Can you stop treating me like a child, thinking I don’t even have basic judgment?”

“Cheng Xian is stingy, calculating, has no sense of boundaries, and is very annoying,” Jian Wu said, “But when I failed the postgraduate entrance exam and almost became depressed in City A, when you were too busy working in the lab all night to come back, it was Cheng Xian who comforted me every day. Later, when you didn’t answer my calls all night, when my landlord yelled at me and kicked me out, it was him who, without hesitation, transferred all his savings to me, telling me not to worry about money.”

“I admit, I shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye, and I shouldn’t have lied to you that year. Those are the two things I’m most sorry about. I understand you being angry at me,” Jian Wu said, “But Song Shuci, you said they didn’t respect me, didn’t care about my feelings, but did you really respect and care about my feelings?”

He frowned and closed his eyes: “Since we were young, as long as you thought you were right, that you were doing it for my own good, I had to listen to you.”

“Look, just now,” Jian Wu pointed at the trash can, “You were forcing me again.” He sighed heavily, looking exhausted, as if he would lean against a wall if there was one behind him.

“Song Shuci, when will you realize that I was your boyfriend, not your underage brother.”

This time, Song Shuci didn’t say anything.

The person who always nitpicked Jian Wu’s words didn’t even comment when he mistakenly said “boyfriend” instead of “ex-boyfriend.”

He stood frozen in place, his eyes dark under the moonlight, the lenses obscuring the churning emotions within.

Jian Wu had never been someone who liked to argue. Excessive emotional outbursts would give him a headache.

He knew that when arguing, it was easy to get carried away and say hurtful things, but he didn’t want to analyze whether Song Shuci was hurt right now.

He just wanted to be alone for a while.

Jian Wu pressed his aching brow and put the buzzing vibrator back into Song Shuci’s hand.

“I don’t want that thing,” he said, “I have to work tomorrow, I’m going back to sleep.”

As he turned to leave, Song Shuci, who had been silently standing there, suddenly reached out and grabbed his wrist.

Jian Wu was wearing very little, the thin fabric allowing him to feel the warmth of Song Shuci’s skin and his slightly trembling fingertips.

He heard Song Shuci pick up the remote control and try a few buttons.

The buzzing that had been going on for so long suddenly stopped, and the night returned to silence.

Then Song Shuci put the silent vibrator, along with the remote control, back into his hand.

“Figured it out, there are eight levels in total, press it to the end to turn it off.”

Jian Wu’s back was to him, and he could only feel the grip on his wrist.

But this time, it wasn’t forceful, but gentle. It felt like he could break free with just a slight movement.

But he didn’t move.

“You used to tell me not to drink, you should also drink less,” he heard the person behind him say, “It’s really bad for your liver.”

As he spoke, the hand let go.

Jian Wu nodded, rubbed his wrist, and walked towards the dark hallway.

A clapping sound suddenly came from behind, instantly turning on the motion-sensor light above Jian Wu.

Warm yellow light shone on him. Jian Wu subconsciously looked up but didn’t turn around.

Song Shuci stood at the entrance of the hallway, looking at him in the darkness.

“Jian Wu.”

He had rushed over, argued, and almost forgotten why he came.

After all that, he finally said the words:

“Happy twenty-eighth… birthday.”