Chapter 28
Back home, Jian Wu showered and threw himself onto the bed.
He was utterly exhausted today, so tired he could barely keep his eyes open.
But for some reason, his mind was exceptionally clear, as if forced awake by several cups of coffee. Coupled with the barbecue and beer he had at night, Jian Wu felt a headache and stomachache coming on.
Although he hadn’t liked a single word Song Shuci said, the advice about drinking less was indeed sound.
He took a Tums, collapsed on the bed, and recalled Song Shuci’s “happy birthday.”
He didn’t want to think about it, but his brain wouldn’t let him.
After reminiscing for a while, he took out the vibrator and examined it under the light.
Damn it, which idiot sent this?
He brainstormed for a while, and a name suddenly popped into his head.
Just as he took out his phone to call and ask, the person in question, as if sensing his thoughts, called him.
“Hello, Jian Xiaowu, what are you doing?”
The background was noisy, but Cheng Xian’s voice was clear.
“I’m pondering a question,” Jian Wu squinted, examining the oval-shaped toy in his hand.
“That new business you’re developing–” he gritted his teeth, “It’s not sex toys, is it?”
“Holy crap, you’re so smart,” Cheng Xian chuckled, “Seems like you received the gift I sent you.”
“How is it?” he asked enthusiastically, “Have you tried it? Does it work well? This is the product my partner said has the most potential, what do you think?”
Great, case closed.
Jian Wu stared at his phone screen, imagining the possibility of destroying the evidence remotely.
“What were you thinking… sending me this thing? I’m really curious, are we that close?”
He was beyond words, mostly just confused.
“I just thought you must be lonely after four years without a relationship,” Cheng Xian said, “We’re best bros, of course, good things should be shared.”
“Do you think I believe that?” Jian Wu, knowing him all too well, said pointedly, “Cheng Xian, if you were that kind of ‘good person,’ you wouldn’t be able to do business.”
“Aiya, alright, alright,” Cheng Xian, exposed, said, “We’re testing new products. This one isn’t a regular vibrator, it’s specifically designed for the gay community, based on the male anatomy. But… there are no gay people in our team, and hiring someone else would be too expensive.”
Jian Wu tossed the vibrator aside: “So I’m your free guinea pig? No gay people in your team, and you’re developing new products for gays? You don’t even understand the market and you expect to make money, what are you dreaming about!?”
Jian Wu was fuming. After ranting, he couldn’t help but ask: “Besides, Cheng Xian, how did you even assume I’m a bottom?”
“The difference in physique between you and Song Shuci is quite obvious, isn’t it?”
Jian Wu was speechless at a straight man’s stereotypical understanding of homosexuality. Just as he was about to retort, Cheng Xian added: “And you’re so lazy, I can’t imagine you being a top.”
Jian Wu tried to argue: “Is it possible that positions can be fluid?”
“The problem is you haven’t dated anyone else these past few years, there’s no one to be fluid with,” Cheng Xian said, “Four years, dude. Those who know you say you haven’t met the right person, those who don’t know would think you’re saving yourself for that someone.”
Jian Wu said helplessly: “It’s the 21st century, can you please not use such a feudal and outdated term like ‘saving yourself’ in front of me? Are you from the Qing Dynasty?”
“Whether I’m from the Qing Dynasty or not is irrelevant, aren’t you the one hanging yourself on this one tree? I just said the words, you’re the one actually doing it.” Cheng Xian retorted, then asked curiously, “So, does this mean… you were really the bottom with Song Shuci?”
Jian Wu: “…Get lost.”
Seeing he had angered him, Cheng Xian tried to appease him: “Don’t be mad. So, on this beautiful night, with the romantic atmosphere, can you just help me test it out? You’re just idling around anyway.”
“No time, get lost!” Jian Wu forcefully pressed the “end call” button.
But as soon as he hung up, Cheng Xian sent a message: “Tell me some gossip, how are things going with the new person you’re interested in? Shouldn’t you be making some progress on your birthday?”
Jian Wu was too tired to explain to this clingy guy and just made up a lie: “We just had a fight, it’s over.”
“Ah?” Cheng Xian said regretfully, “It must be because he doesn’t know how to give gifts. How can he make you angry on your birthday? He should really learn from Song Shuci, who could coax you with just a few greeting cards.”
“Haha.”
“What are you laughing at?” Cheng Xian started reminiscing, “Speaking of which, how long has it been since Song Shuci gave you a handmade card? Four years, right? Tsk, I used to think, with his enthusiasm, he would keep making them for you until you were eighty.”
Jian Wu replied with a series of ellipses.
Seeing Cheng Xian calling again, Jian Wu decisively hung up.
Probably afraid Cheng Xian would be relentless, he sent a message: “Boss Cheng, take a break, I’m going to sleep,” then turned off his phone.
He lay in bed for a while, then sat up and put the toy back in the box.
This thing was infuriating no matter how he looked at it. Jian Wu originally placed it casually on the bedside table, but after thinking about it, he got out of bed, opened the bottom drawer of the table, and prepared to bury the thing, box and all, inside.
However, as he opened the drawer, a stack of greeting cards, along with long-forgotten memories, were revealed.
Jian Wu’s hand froze, his gaze fixed on the contents.
He had moved in six months ago. Six months, long enough for him to forget he had hidden these cards here when he moved.
These colorful handmade greeting cards were the “trick” Cheng Xian mentioned, the one Song Shuci said he would keep doing until he was eighty.
For some reason, Jian Wu thought he should put the box away, close the drawer, and go to sleep, but he couldn’t help but sit down and take out the cards.
There were twenty-four of them.
From his first birthday to his twenty-fourth.
Actually, this ritual was initially started by Song Shuci’s mother. She simply thought the two families were close and hoped the children would grow up as good brothers, so on Jian Wu’s first birthday, not only did the adults give him gifts, but she also had Song Shuci, who was almost two years old, press his handprints on a piece of cardboard as a birthday gift for Jian Wu.
This was the first greeting card.
Later, from the third or fourth card onwards, it became a collaborative effort between Song Shuci and his parents. Then, the entire process, from design to production, was done solely by Song Shuci.
The content he wrote on the cards went from pure drawings to crooked pinyin, from large characters that almost filled the page to neat regular script, and as he entered high school and university, they became increasingly refined and beautiful.
Jian Wu hadn’t looked at them in a long time. Even when he moved, he had just put them away without looking back.
But for some reason, he couldn’t resist the urge to open them now.
Under the lamplight, he started with the colorful handprints, watching the messages Song Shuci wrote for him grow longer and longer. When he turned sixteen, portraits of him started appearing on the cards.
The one for his seventeenth birthday was particularly intimate. Perhaps because it was his first birthday after they got together, the card was pink, filled with expressions of love.
The one for his eighteenth was black with gold lettering. Song Shuci wrote that the black represented the bitterness of his longing during their long-distance relationship.
Nineteen was deep red, the joy of reunion and the boundless hope for the future.
Twenty was blue. That year, their families found out, and Jian Wu was forced to come out. It was his first birthday without any blessings from his family. That year, only Song Shuci was by his side. The last sentence on the card was: “I hope we can overcome all difficulties together.”
Jian Wu couldn’t help but take a few sips of water, trying to interrupt his rising emotions. After all, reading the words of a teenage boy in love was too sentimental, even he, the person involved, found the overly sweet words hard to bear.
Fortunately, when he saw the second to last card, he instantly calmed down.
It was a beautifully crafted card, intricate and exquisite, but the message wasn’t so pleasant. Even though time had faded many traces, Jian Wu still remembered where Song Shuci’s tears had stained the card.
It was his twenty-third birthday. That day, they had their biggest fight in the twenty years they had known each other.
It was their second long-distance relationship.
When he filled out his university application, he chose the university over the major, and ended up being accepted into the biology program at a top engineering university in City A.
From the first day of school, Song Shuci had been urging him to transfer majors. He found it troublesome, and since he didn’t dislike biology, he just went with it for four years.
Song Shuci was a very organized person when it came to studying. He didn’t need anyone to supervise him and dedicated all his time to his studies. But Jian Wu, like most students his age, treated university as a time to relax and unwind after the college entrance exam.
At that time, they didn’t live together. It took Song Shuci two or three transfers on buses and subways to get to his place, and with the heavy course load at medical school, it was difficult for Song Shuci to really supervise him.
Song Shuci told him to prepare for guaranteed postgraduate admission, he was busy with clubs and bands. Song Shuci told him to find time to intern at a lab, he went to intern at a company instead.
Until his senior year, when he was about to graduate, he hadn’t really thought about what he wanted to do in the future, so, like most of his classmates, he followed the trend and took the postgraduate entrance exam. It just so happened that Song Shuci’s university had some majors that tested on comprehensive biology, so he applied to A Medical University, thinking he could continue studying at the same university as Song Shuci.
He started preparing in September and ultimately failed by three points.
Thinking he was only three points away, he didn’t apply for adjustment, but chose to go back to his hometown, City B, to retake the exam. As a result, after Jian Wu graduated from university, they started their second long-distance relationship.
Actually, when he first went home, Jian Wu intended to study hard, but perhaps the three-point difference made him underestimate the difficulty, or perhaps because he came out to his family, who then cut off his living expenses, and life in City A was expensive, so with his free time, he started thinking about earning money.
He had tutored students during university, so he naturally applied to a tutoring institution and started tutoring while preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam.
He kept this tutoring job a secret from Song Shuci, because Song Shuci always thought the reason he failed the first time was because he insisted on tutoring while preparing for the exam.
He knew Song Shuci really wanted him to pass, so he was afraid of distracting him, but he thought he could handle it.
So the seed of deception was sown.
The result was that in the six months he spent preparing for the exam at home, he did earn a small sum of money, but his second attempt at the postgraduate entrance exam was a disaster. Not only did he not maintain his previous score, but he didn’t even reach the national cutoff.
From the release of the written exam results to his birthday, almost two months, Jian Wu felt guilty and didn’t dare to go to City A to see Song Shuci. And Song, the king of studying, was also too busy to come back, only managing to sneak back home to see him under the guise of attending an academic conference on his birthday.
Jian Wu continued tutoring during this time, so much so that when they were walking down the street, Song Shuci, glancing around casually, spotted a familiar face on the “Gold Medal Tutor” wall of a certain institution.
Jian Wu had actually tried to avoid the area where he worked and took Song Shuci to a slightly further place, but he never expected the business to be so successful that they had opened a new branch in those few days. And Song Shuci’s eyesight was too sharp, he could recognize him on the bulletin board from ten meters away.
So Song Shuci’s previous comfort and encouragement about his exam results vanished into thin air, and he immediately took him home in a taxi.
Then came the arguments.
Repeated, endless arguments.
The arguments revolved around the reasons for his deception, the reasons for his failure, and the hurt feelings.
Jian Wu couldn’t remember the specifics, only that he first apologized, then couldn’t help but explain, then apologized again, and explained again.
During the heated argument, Song Shuci asked him, did he not want to pass the exam at all?
He was also provoked into saying some truthful words, such as he didn’t really want to go to graduate school, it was just peer pressure, and that he actually thought tutoring was quite good, at least it looked glamorous and he could earn money.
Song Shuci told him the tutoring industry wouldn’t last long, told him not to waste his time on these things for quick money, and assured him he didn’t need to worry about money.
He didn’t listen to any of it.
Song Shuci also asked him then: “Do you love me?”
He still remembered Song Shuci’s frantic questioning and red eyes.
He remembered him saying while they were having sex: “You were the one who said you wanted to come, and you were also the one who lied to me every day. I waited for you in City A, hoping and praying…”
Caught in the throes of passion, he couldn’t retort, only hearing Song Shuci ask him: “Jian Wu, what do you take me for?”
He didn’t speak, so Song Shuci hugged him tightly, bit his earlobe, released inside him, and chuckled self-deprecatingly in his ear: “…So it was only me who was looking forward to a life where I could see you every day.”
Looking back, that was probably the starting point of Song Shuci’s crumbling trust in him, and also the starting point of his growing possessiveness.
Many things that could be discussed before became non-negotiable after that.
Jian Wu propped his chin on his hand under the lamplight, staring at the greeting card, lost in thought. He still remembered that night, he was also sitting in front of the lamp, only he and Song Shuci were sitting face to face.
Beside the desk was the unopened cake, on the bed were the remnants of their argument.
His neck was covered in hickeys, Song Shuci’s shoulder bore the marks of his teeth.
They sat in silence for a long time. His eyes were red, his face still wet with tears.
Song Shuci took out a new pen and wrote him a birthday card for his twenty-third birthday in front of him.
He sat on the chair, hugging his knees, his chin resting on his legs, watching him write.
Spring rain was always plentiful, the air filled with moisture.
Song Shuci was wearing his often-washed cotton pajamas, his hair still dripping water, staining his collar.
When the rain stopped, Jian Wu took a small box from the drawer beside the desk.
Inside the box was a pair of earrings worth over 10,000 yuan, a gift he had prepared for Song Shuci after receiving his bonus as a Gold Medal Tutor.
Song Shuci’s face was cold, his brow furrowed, focused on writing.
Since Song Shuci ignored him, he put the earring on him himself.
He stood behind Song Shuci, fiddling with his earlobe, catching sight of the melted candle wax on the cake, the trembling pen tip, and the tears that finally fell onto the paper after Song Shuci had held them back for so long.
Song Shuci was a proud person. This was the first time Jian Wu had seen him cry so openly.
He looked at the black earring on Song Shuci’s earlobe and stood there for a long time.
Finally, he said from behind him: “Ge, I promise you, I’ll quit tutoring tomorrow, go to City A with you, and retake the exam.”
