Chapter 37
When Jian Wu opened the door for the second time, draped in a small blanket, the kitchen was surprisingly quiet.
He said in surprise: “So obedient?”
The two men with secrets turned around simultaneously, neither speaking first.
Jian Wu was about to ask if they were done washing the dishes when Song Shuci suddenly reached out and straightened his collar, which had been ruffled by the blanket.
Cheng Xian: “I should probably get going.”
Jian Wu was about to swat his hand away when Song Shuci retracted it, leaving him to simply say to Cheng Xian: “Oh.”
Hearing this “oh,” Song Shuci, as if hearing an imperial edict, seized the opportunity and said to Cheng Xian: “I’ll see you out.”
Cheng Xian: “…No need to be so polite.”
“Alright,” Song Shuci waved at him readily, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, and remember to take out the trash.”
Jian Wu, thinking that Cheng Xian had been busy all day, traveling from another province and rushing over to see him, must be tired, didn’t try to persuade him to stay after a moment of consideration, just said: “Be safe on your way.”
So Cheng Xian finally left, carrying the trash, feeling aggrieved.
Before leaving, he still called out to Jian Wu: “Remember to check out the birthday gift I got you–”
Before the word “gift” could fully register, Song Shuci closed the door.
“What did he get you?”
When Song Shuci finished cleaning up the kitchen and came over, he saw Jian Wu unwrapping the gift from Cheng Xian.
“A jigsaw puzzle.” Jian Wu, clearly pleased with the gift, tossed the instruction manual aside, took a box, poured all the puzzle pieces inside, and nodded approvingly: “He’s quite thoughtful.”
“You like this?” Song Shuci’s expression was subtle, he recalled, “I remember when you were young, you would always fall asleep after only a short while.”
“It’s not a contradiction,” Jian Wu retorted, “Not everyone is as impatient as you, wanting to finish it as soon as they open the box. I enjoy the process, okay?” He placed the frame on the coffee table, ready to start.
“Need help?” Song Shuci asked.
“No.” Jian Wu pushed away the instruction manual he offered, refusing decisively.
He hated doing jigsaw puzzles with Song Shuci when they were young.
Jian Wu didn’t have any particular attachment to the finished puzzle, nor did he feel the need to complete it quickly. He simply enjoyed the slow process of searching and zoning out.
But Song Shuci, from the moment he opened the box, would, based on the difficulty and complexity of the puzzle, set a daily completion target and, with the instruction manual, treat it like solving a problem. If he didn’t achieve his target, he would even stay up late to finish it before sleeping.
Jian Wu couldn’t understand this, so he chose to enjoy himself at his own pace.
Seeing Jian Wu’s refusal, Song Shuci didn’t say anything more, just brought his laptop over and sat beside Jian Wu to work.
The carpet under the coffee table was fluffy, the cushion soft. The speakers in the living room played the classical music playlist Jian Wu had compiled, maintaining a peaceful, non-interfering atmosphere.
Song Shuci would occasionally glance at Jian Wu while taking sips of water. To his surprise, Jian Wu really wasn’t looking at the instruction manual. He was just lazily leaning against the sofa, sitting on the floor, searching for the pieces one by one, from the outside in. Sometimes, when he was stuck, he wouldn’t get anxious, just close his eyes and think for a while before continuing.
After about an hour, when Song Shuci looked at Jian Wu again, he found he had fallen asleep.
The young man was lying back, his head resting on the sofa, his left hand at his side, his right hand on the puzzle in a thinking gesture, a puzzle piece still between his index and middle fingers. His legs were curled up in front of the coffee table. This posture wasn’t very relaxing. It was fine for a short nap, but if he slept like this all night, his legs would probably be useless.
Song Shuci initially wanted to wake him up and make him shower and sleep in his bed, but after a moment of consideration, he stopped himself.
He remembered when they were still together, one night, he came home and found Jian Wu asleep on the sofa in his outerwear. He had woken him up like this, insisting he shower before sleeping. Then the forcibly awakened Jian Wu, sleepy and tired, curled up on the sofa, frowning, both annoyed and aggrieved, and asked him: “Can you just let me sleep the way I want for once?”
Forget it, I’ll wake him up later, Song Shuci thought.
He took the puzzle piece from Jian Wu’s fingers, placed his hand on his leg, took off his jacket, and covered him with it.
Perhaps feeling the warmth, Jian Wu unconsciously pulled the jacket tighter and fell back asleep.
Song Shuci stared at him for a while before looking away, his gaze falling on the jigsaw puzzle. To his surprise, although Jian Wu hadn’t seemed particularly focused while working on it and refused to look at the instruction manual, he had actually completed a considerable portion.
Following his usual habit, he originally intended to take over and finish the rest for Jian Wu, but as he worked on it, Cheng Xian’s words, “You don’t understand him,” echoed in his mind.
Every time they did jigsaw puzzles together, he would tell Jian Wu how to refer to the instruction manual, how fast they should work to finish it before bedtime, and Jian Wu would always doze off after putting in a few pieces. He had always thought Jian Wu found it tiring or simply didn’t like jigsaw puzzles. He hadn’t expected that Jian Wu could work so quickly without looking at the instruction manual.
But that made sense, Song Shuci remembered. Jian Wu had shown a clear talent for geometry problems when he was in school. Perhaps this was similar.
So he paused, undid the part he had just completed for Jian Wu, and looked back at his laptop.
He worked for a while. When it was almost ten o’clock, he had a meeting to attend, so he looked at Jian Wu’s curled-up legs again. Jian Wu also seemed to find the position uncomfortable and shifted slightly, but it was difficult for someone asleep to adjust their posture accurately, so he just moved a little and then stopped.
Song Shuci pursed his lips, slipped one hand under Jian Wu’s arm, the other under his knees, and lifted him up.
He hesitated between the bathroom and the bedroom, then decided not to force him to shower and carried him into the bedroom.
Jian Wu was a heavy sleeper. Once he was completely asleep, he wouldn’t wake up unless someone deliberately woke him. Song Shuci gently placed him on the bed. As soon as he withdrew his hand from under his knees, Jian Wu nuzzled the pillow and curled up.
Song Shuci’s other hand was still behind Jian Wu’s neck. Afraid of hurting him, he carefully pulled his arm away. Just as his hand was almost free, Jian Wu suddenly grabbed him in his sleep. Song Shuci, in this position, couldn’t exert much force and was pulled onto the bed by Jian Wu. Before he could react, Jian Wu reached out and wrapped his arms around his waist.
Song Shuci’s body stiffened. Jian Wu was still mumbling in his sleep. Song Shuci leaned closer and heard him say “don’t go.”
His heart suddenly ached.
Jian Wu’s father passed away when he was in junior high. The early loss of his father had left a deep psychological scar, causing him to have nightmares whenever he slept for a long time.
Jian Wu was already in puberty then, and it wasn’t appropriate for his mother to sleep with him anymore. After discussing it, Song Shuci’s parents decided to take Jian Wu to their house and have his father sleep with him. But when they told Jian Wu, he said he didn’t want to leave his home.
The adults tried to persuade him, saying it didn’t make a difference since their homes were next to each other, but only Song Shuci said he could move over and sleep with Jian Wu.
So, naturally, Jian Wu accepted his offer.
The first month was very difficult. Jian Wu would always toss and turn in his sleep, crying in his dreams or waking up from nightmares. After waking up and falling asleep again, he would have new nightmares. There were so many nightmares that Jian Wu simply stopped sleeping, hugging his knees and staring blankly at the sheets.
Song Shuci thought, his personality drastically changed during that time.
From being quiet to forcing himself to memorize joke books and listen to crosstalk. When Jian Wu couldn’t sleep or woke up from nightmares, he would, like his mother used to do for him, hold Jian Wu and tell him stories.
During the first month, Song Shuci often felt like he had used up all the words in his life, he didn’t want to talk anymore, and the thought of nightfall filled him with anxiety. He only persevered out of his concern for Jian Wu.
But as time went on, he found himself gradually enjoying talking to Jian Wu. He no longer needed to memorize stories, he could naturally make Jian Wu happy, and he enjoyed it himself.
Jian Wu became the only person he wanted to talk to.
Later, when Jian Wu’s condition improved, he still held him while sleeping, as if only in this way could a part of his heart be filled. Jian Wu never objected, so he continued to hold Jian Wu while sleeping for many years, until it became a deeply ingrained habit.
During the time they lived together in City A, even if he came home late and Jian Wu was already asleep, as long as he subconsciously felt his presence, Jian Wu would still unconsciously snuggle into his arms. He needed to swipe his card for the 8 am lab access, so he always woke up very early. Jian Wu, losing his embrace, would instinctively hug him, mumbling in his sleep, telling him not to go.
During these times, Song Shuci would simultaneously feel that his PhD was truly hopeless and, driven by his strong will to build a better future for them, reluctantly remove Jian Wu’s arms from around him.
He had thought that after graduating with his PhD, he would no longer be in such a dilemma. Until this moment, Song Shuci looked at the time of his meeting approaching and once again felt the urge to call in sick.
But before he could make a decision, Jian Wu woke up on his own.
He seemed to suddenly realize who he was holding in his sleep, waking up with a start and sitting up abruptly.
Song Shuci first looked down at his now empty waist, then at Jian Wu’s messy hair and slightly panicked expression, before retracting his overflowing emotions and calmly asking: “What’s wrong?”
“Fuck…” Jian Wu’s mind was foggy, his heart pounding in his chest, so loud it seemed to echo.
When people were startled awake, their hearts often needed time to adjust, beating rapidly.
He barely regained some clarity and explained his actions, “I… I was half-asleep, I didn’t do it on purpose, don’t misunderstand.”
People often pretended to be busy when they were embarrassed. Jian Wu, as he spoke, smoothed the corners of the quilt. After a while, he realized he was in bed.
“You were asleep just now,” Song Shuci said, looking at him.
Although he didn’t explicitly say “I carried you here,” Jian Wu understood.
After all, he didn’t sleepwalk.
He let out a dry “oh.”
Fortunately, Song Shuci didn’t continue the topic, just said: “You can sleep a little longer, I’m going to a meeting.”
“…” Jian Wu glanced at the time and muttered, “Although I know you might also be a little embarrassed, you don’t have to make up such an obvious lie. It’s so late, what meeting is there to attend? Even your crazy advisor didn’t have meetings this late.”
Song Shuci paused and said to him: “It’s daytime in America.”
Jian Wu suddenly fell silent.
He almost forgot, Song Shuci hadn’t decided to come back yet.
“Sorry,” he quickly changed his words, pointing towards the door, “Then please, go ahead.”
Song Shuci stood up and walked towards the door.
As he turned back, he saw Jian Wu sitting on the bed, wrapped in the quilt, his jacket on top, his hair sticking up.
Seeing him look over, Jian Wu also looked up.
Perhaps still sleepy, his eyes were still slightly hazy and unfocused, like covered in a layer of mist, and deep within that mist, a hint of emotion was hidden.
Song Shuci suddenly wondered, he was usually so tall, why did he seem so small when curled up on the bed?
He attributed it to Jian Wu’s thin face, his chin sharp and defined, without any visible flesh.
He took a lollipop from his pocket, quickly unwrapped it, and fed it to Jian Wu.
“I heard from Cheng Xian that you were a little bothered by the perfume and mint candy… It’s not what you think, you don’t have to mind.”
The young man’s cheeks puffed out, still holding the lollipop, not yet reacting, when he heard him continue: “And, I signed with B Medical University, six years.”
He said: “…I’m not going back to America.”
Jian Wu’s eyes widened slightly as he opened his mouth, the apple-flavored lollipop suddenly tasting sweet.
