We Can’t Go Back 39

Chapter 39

Old Hu chose the night fishing spot. He knew all the fishing spots in City B like the back of his hand, and he wouldn’t easily reveal his hard-earned treasure trove to just anyone.

But Jian Wu wasn’t just anyone.

Jian Wu was the one who could concoct the golden bait.

He had once encountered Jian Wu by chance while fishing. He didn’t know Jian Wu back then, just saw him as a young, fair-skinned man, clearly not an experienced fisherman. But the young man kept catching fish, one after another, making Old Hu’s eyes turn green with envy.

He believed his chosen spot was good, his technique even better, and as for luck, he never believed in such things.

Then it could only be the groundbait and bait.

He tried asking Jian Wu for some bait, not expecting the young man to be so generous, but Jian Wu directly handed him all his leftover groundbait and even shared half of his bait.

Old Hu was so touched that his heart warmed. After re-baiting his hook, he started catching fish one after another. Happy with his bountiful harvest, he naturally became more enthusiastic and generously offered to treat Jian Wu to dinner. They chatted and discovered they were practically colleagues.

He had asked Jian Wu for the bait recipe before, but Jian Wu was always casual and hadn’t specifically recorded the data. At most, he would let his tortoise and bird smell it after preparing it and make slight adjustments based on their reactions.

Old Hu’s family didn’t allow pets, so he couldn’t replicate this secret recipe. He could only treat Jian Wu as his secret weapon, often coaxing him into going fishing.

Now, seeing the young man on a black motorcycle, he called out from afar: “Xiao Jian, over here!”

Jian Wu took off his helmet, shook his hair slightly, took out a pile of equipment from the motorcycle’s sidecar, grabbed a small folding stool, and waved at Old Hu.

Old Hu was fifty-four this year, technically considered middle-aged to elderly according to medical classifications, but he loved exercising and paid attention to his diet, so he had neither a beer belly nor any chronic diseases. He was full of energy and looked like a young man from afar.

Jian Wu walked over and saw Old Hu had already set up his equipment.

“Good evening, Teacher Hu,” he greeted him warmly.

“Good evening.” Old Hu helped him set up his things about seven or eight meters away, then reverently took the groundbait Jian Wu had spent the evening preparing, and, as he baited his hook, said confidently: “With your bait tonight, I’m ready for a big haul.”

“Definitely no problem,” Jian Wu said, expertly setting up his fishing line and float, then moved closer to him.

Baiting the hook took about half an hour. He wanted to use this time to chat with Old Hu, but as soon as he got closer, Old Hu, the experienced fisherman, looked at him warily: “Why are you so close to me?”

If two people fished too close together, it could affect each other, resulting in one person constantly catching fish while the other got nothing.

Old Hu cared about the results and also liked to compare. Jian Wu, seeing this, made an excuse: “I’m giving you the bait.” Then he moved back to his original spot.

Old Hu then said thank you with a smile.

Old Hu was the best at finding fishing spots, and Jian Wu was also confident in his bait. As expected, not long after Old Hu started fishing, he caught a large crucian carp. The quick success made him very happy.

“It’s all thanks to you,” Old Hu praised, “Coming again tomorrow night?”

Jian Wu silently swallowed the words “I can’t” and said with a smile: “It has nothing to do with me, it’s Teacher Hu’s skill.”

Old Hu chuckled, lost in the praise and the thrill of catching fish one after another, more excited than usual. After calming down, he noticed Jian Wu hadn’t caught anything yet and asked him: “What’s wrong with you today?”

Jian Wu reeled in his empty hook. Only now did he attach the bait. Hearing Old Hu’s concern, he smiled and lied: “Haven’t fished in a while, a little rusty.”

He maintained a level where he caught some fish, but always less than Old Hu, so Old Hu wouldn’t be suspicious, yet still happy about his “superior skills” demonstrated by the slight “victory.”

Soon, Old Hu, feeling good about himself, started giving unsolicited advice, even moving closer to Jian Wu, saying he wanted to guide him.

Jian Wu readily moved closer and listened to him talk. Old Hu, a teacher his whole life, clearly appreciated Jian Wu, who appeared eager to learn. Later, he even stopped caring about his own fishing rod, put it away, sat beside Jian Wu, and focused on teaching him how to fish. Seeing Jian Wu catch a fish and hearing him praise his teaching, he beamed with joy.

Jian Wu, his plan succeeding, smiled and, at an opportune moment, casually mentioned: “Teacher Hu, I heard from Sister Du last time that your anatomy department recruited a new teacher this year?”

Old Hu’s happy expression immediately turned sour. But he was in a good mood, so he just snorted.

Jian Wu tried his best to act like a slightly clueless but curious gossip and asked: “What’s his background? Seems like he offended our Teacher Hu as soon as he arrived?”

“I wouldn’t say offended, I just think a wet-behind-the-ears kid can also be a director now.” Old Hu’s comment was quite harsh.

Jian Wu didn’t argue that this “wet-behind-the-ears kid” had been an adult for many years, just said: “I heard the immunology and physiology departments also directly appointed directors who were recruited from overseas.”

“What the immunology and physiology departments do is their business,” Old Hu said stubbornly, “I’m here in the anatomy department, I won’t let Ling Chengfei do whatever he wants.”

The Ling Chengfei he mentioned was Dean Ling of the Basic Medical Sciences College at B Medical University.

“Xiao Jian,” he suddenly asked, “Are you also like the others, thinking I’m jealous that this young man parachuted in and stole my position?”

“Of course not,” Jian Wu said along with him.

“I’ve heard many people say that recently.”

Old Hu, saying this, seemed a little aggrieved. He rarely showed such a dejected expression. He sighed and said: “You didn’t study medicine as an undergraduate, you don’t understand. Our anatomy department has the most classes and the most tedious and tiring work in the medical school every year. Students only take anatomy classes for a year or two, inhaling formaldehyde for a year or two. I’ve been soaking in formaldehyde for twenty or thirty years. I’ve been working here since the days when there was no air purification equipment. If I were really that career-minded, I wouldn’t have joined this department in the first place.”

“I also understand, nowadays every university has to focus on research, otherwise you can’t get promoted. Ling Chengfei also thinks this way, that’s why he’s recruiting people everywhere, using titles as bait. But university teachers aren’t just supposed to do research. This is a medical school, most of our graduates will go into clinical practice, they’ll be operating on people, how can they do that without learning anatomy properly?”

“Our school is also a decades-old institution. The previous directors all worked their way up for over a decade. Although they might not have much research experience, if you ask them to teach anatomy, they don’t need to prepare lessons, they don’t need to consult books, they can find and explain even the smallest blood vessels and nerves.” He pointed at his head, “I’m not bragging, but these things are ingrained in our minds.”

After reminiscing, Old Hu questioned: “But what does Xiao Song understand? He didn’t even study clinical medicine. Besides, even if he did, he wouldn’t be able to endure this hardship, he wouldn’t be willing to personally teach anatomy classes to students.”

He waved his hand: “I also inquired about the physiology and immunology departments you mentioned. Those big-shot professors who returned from overseas don’t even teach specialized courses, just introductory lectures, and they don’t even follow the textbooks, just talking about their own research directions, which the students can’t even understand. And they force the teachers below them to focus on research, without offering any help.”

“I do have grievances. We’re all teachers. These past few years, I’ve watched teachers from other departments publish papers and get promoted, but the teachers in our department are overwhelmed, exhausted from teaching, doing the most work, yet with the lowest salaries and ranks. I know some people say I’m leading the anatomy department in isolating Xiao Song, but if everyone didn’t have grievances, how could I isolate him alone?”

“We’re also afraid that if this Professor Song comes, our good days will be over. Now, although we’re busy and tired, at least no one is constantly finding fault with us. The school introduced performance evaluations based on the number of published papers. The anatomy department is always at the bottom, and the previous directors always took the blame, preventing the school from punishing us. I originally thought that after he left, I, as the deputy director, would take over and explain our difficulties to the school. Now, they’ve parachuted in someone who was directly appointed as a full professor based on his research, can I expect him to understand us?”

“If the research goes well, the fame and glory are his, but we, the teachers who actually teach the students, get nothing. There are still a few who are willing to prepare their lessons properly now. But after a while, when everyone focuses on research, who will be willing to seriously teach the students?”

“Maybe I’m old, I don’t understand research, and I’ll never be able to do research, but I really think… cultivating students’ basic skills is the most important thing. I don’t want our future doctors to only know how to do research, but not how to perform surgeries.”

Jian Wu knew he needed to vent and remained silent, just listening, until he finally stopped. Jian Wu then said: “Perhaps Professor Song can combine both?”

But Old Hu clearly disagreed: “Xiao Jian, you’ve also been working for many years, you should understand, your position determines your choices. In this world, how many people don’t prioritize their own interests?”

Jian Wu looked at the float on the water, seemingly lost in thought, and didn’t speak for a long time.

The morning mist was thick. By the time Jian Wu, exhausted, returned to his apartment building, the sun had just risen like a salted egg yolk in the sky.

He gave most of the fish he caught to Old Hu, fed some to the early-rising stray cats, and traded the rest with the old man at the entrance of the complex for a pound of small fish.

Having stayed up all night, he had a splitting headache. Afraid of waking people up, Jian Wu didn’t turn on the motion-sensor light in the hallway. He leaned his forehead against the door and, using the faint morning light, searched for his keys in his bag.

Before he could find his keys, the door opened on its own.

He lost his support, stumbled forward, and almost fell into Song Shuci’s arms.

Jian Wu, with dark circles under his eyes, looked at Song Shuci, who had caught him, with a vacant expression: “Why are you up so early?”

Song Shuci released him after he steadied himself. He didn’t answer Jian Wu’s question, but stared at him and said: “You even know how to come home?”

Jian Wu guiltily looked away and walked inside. As he was changing his shoes, a thought suddenly occurred to him.

“You didn’t stay up all night, did you?” he blurted out.

Song Shuci glanced down at the small fish in his hand and changed the subject: “You wandered around all night and only caught this much?”

Jian Wu handed him the plastic bag with the fish and yawned as he walked inside, “I gave away all the fish I caught, only kept some to trade for these small fish.” Song Shuci took the bag and couldn’t help but ask: “Did you go fishing for fish or for people?”

Jian Wu washed his hands, wiped them with the towel hanging beside the sink, turned his head, and said seriously: “If you talk less, I can cook these fish for you. If you insist on talking more, they’re for Wenming and Wansui.”

Song Shuci shut up.

Seeing him quiet down, Jian Wu, sleepy to the point of passing out, opened his bedroom door and threw himself onto the bed.

Song Shuci asked from behind him: “Did you have breakfast?”

“No.”

“I bought breakfast, should I bring it to you?”

“No.”

“Then do you want some fried fish? I can cook them for you?”

Jian Wu said anxiously: “Don’t touch my fish, I’m cooking them myself.”

“Then you have to eat something.”

“Song Shuci,” Jian Wu’s face was buried in the pillow, his voice muffled, “I won’t die if I skip breakfast, but I will die if I don’t sleep.”

Song Shuci looked at the crown of his head for a while, sighed, and turned to put the breakfast he bought into the fridge.

Hearing no more noise from behind him, Jian Wu was surprised.

This was the first time Song Shuci didn’t force him to eat breakfast.

He felt a twinge of emotion, but before it could blossom, he fell asleep.

Jian Wu slept soundly, not noticing Song Shuci checking on him several times and even covering him with a blanket. He didn’t wake up until two or three in the afternoon, when the sun was hidden behind the clouds.

The darkened sky was perfect for sleeping. He rubbed his eyes, struggled in bed for a while, and finally got up.

When he walked out of the bedroom with his messy bed hair, Song Shuci was sitting on the sofa.

The light from outside filtered through the sheer white curtains, casting a soft, gentle glow on him. Perhaps because it was the weekend, Song Shuci was also dressed casually. His hands were on the keyboard, seemingly writing something. Seeing him emerge, he looked up.

Jian Wu’s heart stirred.

This was a moment he had imagined countless times, a moment that should have been part of their life together.

They could sit in the living room, undisturbed by others.

But it was also rather unfortunate that, after all these years of knowing each other, such moments were almost non-existent. In the past, at home, they couldn’t avoid their parents. Later, when they lived together in City A, they couldn’t afford a place of their own and had to share with roommates.

The living room never belonged to just the two of them.

Song Shuci, seeing him staring, still half-asleep, asked: “Why are you staring at me?”

“Do I have to pay to look at your face?”

Song Shuci teased with a smile: “You’re making me think you’ve fallen in love with me again.”

Jian Wu instantly snapped out of his thoughts, “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Song Shuci wasn’t angry at being rebuffed, just continued to smile at him.

Jian Wu, after complaining, paused, as if remembering something, and asked him, “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet, waiting for you.”

“You haven’t eaten anything?” Jian Wu seemed disbelieving and asked again for clarification, “You haven’t had breakfast or lunch?”

“I had a cup of coffee this morning,” Song Shuci said.

“…” Jian Wu said, “Then start cooking the rice and prepare the fish, I’ll go wash up and then I’ll cook.”

“How should I prepare them?” Song Shuci asked him.

“Aren’t you from the anatomy department?” Jian Wu said, “Don’t you know how to dissect a fish?”

Song Shuci, amused and speechless, could only nod: “Okay, I can do that.”

When Jian Wu entered the kitchen, Song Shuci was following online tutorials on how to gut the small fish. Seeing him arrive, he gestured with his eyes at the porridge on the coffee table: “I bought this porridge this morning, I just reheated it. Have a bowl first, so your stomach won’t be upset later.”

“Oh…” Jian Wu held the bowl and took two sips. The temperature Song Shuci had set was just right, not too hot, and not bad tasting either.

He left half a bowl and asked Song Shuci, “Doesn’t your stomach need padding too?”

“No need,” Song Shuci said, “Coffee suppresses my appetite, and I don’t feel like eating when I’m busy.”

“…You’re really treating yourself like a workhorse. Even workhorses need to eat grass.” Jian Wu stood up, took a spoon, walked over to him, and said, “Song Shuci, I realized you’re really a double standard. I have to eat three meals a day on time, but you can skip meals when you’re busy?”

“I didn’t force you to eat breakfast today, did I?” Song Shuci defended himself.

Jian Wu hummed twice, ignoring his words, and asked: “Is work not going well?”

“It’s not exactly not going well,” Song Shuci said, “Research is like that, more disappointments than successes.”

“That’s true.” Jian Wu originally intended to give the remaining porridge to Song Shuci, but seeing the slimy fish on his hands, he took the spoon and fed him a spoonful: “Here, have some fodder.”

“Aren’t you eating anymore?” Song Shuci glanced at the bowl, half full.

Jian Wu moved the spoon closer to his lips: “No, I’m saving room for the fish.”

Song Shuci moved back slightly, dodging the spoon, and said deliberately: “I don’t want to eat.”

“No,” Jian Wu took a step closer and pressed the spoon against his lips, “Today, I’ll let you experience what it feels like to be forced to eat.”

Song Shuci looked at his face, so close, and opened his mouth obediently.

Jian Wu finished feeding him spoonful by spoonful, put the bowl and spoon in the sink, put on the apron hanging on the side, and prepared to start cooking. After thinking about it, he took out a new apron from the cupboard.

“Want to wear one?” he asked Song Shuci.

“Okay.”

Jian Wu looked at his hands, still handling the fish: “Why are you so slow, haven’t you finished yet?”

“Mm,” Song Shuci said unhurriedly and matter-of-factly, “I’m just slow.”

Jian Wu glared at him, then walked behind him, holding the neck strap of the apron: “Put your head through.”

Song Shuci lowered his head but couldn’t get his head through. Jian Wu didn’t help at all. He said helplessly: “Can’t you just help me put it on? Do you want me to play ring toss with my head?”

“You’re so troublesome,” Jian Wu said as he put the neck strap over Song Shuci’s head. The opening was a bit small, and since Jian Wu couldn’t see clearly from behind, he messed up Song Shuci’s hair.

“You asked me to do it,” Jian Wu declared, “Don’t blame me.”

Song Shuci, still handling the fish innards, turned his head and looked at him, asking with a smile: “Is it that bad?”

Jian Wu looked at his messy hair: “Honestly, not really.”

“Then it doesn’t matter,” Song Shuci looked back at the fish, “As long as you think it’s okay.”

Jian Wu tied the straps behind him. He originally intended to tie a simple knot, but hearing those words, he undid it and tied a bow instead.