We Can’t Go Back 52

Chapter 52

Jian Wu walked onto the balcony and found it filled with laundry, the wintersweet potted plant squeezed into a corner.

It wasn’t the flowering season, so there were no buds or fragrance, only green leaves.

He touched the corner of his shirt, took the clothes pole, and removed the dried clothes, placing them on the sofa, clearing space to move the wintersweet.

The person who loved tending to plants in Jian Wu’s family was actually his father. When his father was alive, their balcony was always filled with various plants, different flowers blooming in each season. Among those plants, his father’s favorite was the wintersweet. Every year, when it bloomed, he would invite colleagues, friends, and neighbors to admire it.

This continued until he became seriously ill, and the entire family was busy with his treatment, no one had the time to care for a plant.

By the time Jian Wu’s father passed away, after they handled the funeral arrangements and composed themselves, when they finally remembered the plants on the balcony, the wintersweet was almost dead.

Jian Wu consulted many resources, spent a lot of time and effort, and bought a lot of fertilizer, trying to revive it, but that year, the fragrance of wintersweet never returned to their balcony.

Later, he also tried buying new wintersweet plants, but none of them survived. As he entered high school and became busy with his studies, he gradually gave up.

When Song Shuci opened the balcony door, this was the scene he saw—a tall, slender young man in a school uniform, staring blankly at a pot of green leaves, the faint moonlight illuminating his head and neck, as if reluctant to disturb this quiet moment.

His gaze softened, and he took two steps forward.

Sensing the footsteps behind him, Jian Wu composed himself, his complex emotions receding, and turned to look at the newcomer.

The man’s sideburns were damp, his hair brushed back from his forehead, revealing his smooth forehead. Seeing Jian Wu staring intently, Song Shuci teased, “No need to check, I really did wipe it clean.”

Jian Wu looked back at the wintersweet, ignoring his playful remark.

Song Shuci followed his gaze and asked, “Is that the wintersweet?”

Jian Wu paused: “Yes.”

They spoke in riddles, yet understood each other perfectly.

Song Shuci faced him and put a jacket around his shoulders: “It’s cold outside, you’ll catch a cold wearing short sleeves.”

“It’s not that easy to catch a cold.” Jian Wu said, but still put his arms through the sleeves and put on the jacket.

“You were so hot just now, and now you’re in the wind, it would be strange if you didn’t catch a cold going from hot to cold like that.” Song Shuci’s calm and steady voice sounded like concern, but looking into his eyes, one could tell he was clearly flirting.

“Can you please be quiet?” Jian Wu, who had finally calmed down, felt his ears burning again after just a glance at him.

“Was it good?” the man persisted.

“Song Shuci—”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

This person had this ability, clearly flirting, yet pretending to be serious and proper, like a gentleman.

Jian Wu glared at him, and Song Shuci said, as if reminiscing, “After all these years, and it’s not even the first time, why are you still so shy about this?”

Jian Wu retorted: “Who’s being shy?”

Song Shuci, as if remembering something, suddenly chuckled. “Mm, I wasn’t being precise.”

The balcony was too open, and Song Shuci’s voice, mixed with the wind, was slightly hoarse in the night. His words made the fragmented memories flashing through Jian Wu’s mind create an ambiguous atmosphere.

He forced himself to stay calm and imitated Song Shuci’s casual tone: “I liked it anyway.”

Song Shuci nodded: “That’s good, I liked it too.”

Jian Wu fell silent.

After a moment of quiet contemplation, Song Shuci’s gaze fell on the lush wintersweet tree and changed the subject: “It’s grown quite a bit in these past few years.”

After a moment of hesitation, Jian Wu replied: “Mm… the pot is almost too small for it.”

“Where are you planning to move it?”

“Downstairs at my place,” Jian Wu explained, “It’s too big now, the pot doesn’t have enough nutrients. My mom mentioned it to me a while ago, so I found a suitable spot downstairs and talked to the property management, they agreed.”

“Downstairs at your place?” Song Shuci raised an eyebrow slightly, “Why not downstairs at Auntie Jian’s place?”

Jian Wu pursed his lips: “Does it matter?”

“Can I ask, was this decision made before or after I came back?”

“…Before.”

Jian Wu then added, rather defensively: “My mom and Uncle Zhao are getting married, I think… it’s time to move it.”

“Okay,” Song Shuci smiled, “I’ll help you move it.”

“Have you figured out how to transport it?” he asked.

“Call a small truck, or a tricycle? It has to be open.”

“Are there still tricycles around?”

Jian Wu offered: “I’ll go downstairs and ask.”

To Song Shuci’s surprise, not long after, Jian Wu, using his charm, borrowed a tricycle from downstairs. Song Shuci couldn’t help but sigh: “You haven’t been back for so many years, and the people in this complex still like you so much.”

“Of course.” Jian Wu’s voice was soft, but Song Shuci still heard it. He smiled and didn’t say anything.

They worked together to move the wintersweet. The large pot and the soil inside were very heavy, and since the building was low and didn’t have an elevator, it was quite strenuous. Fortunately, they were both strong and quickly moved the wintersweet, pot and all, onto the tricycle.

“I’ll go upstairs and tell them, we’ll be going back first.” Jian Wu made a move to go upstairs, but Song Shuci stopped him, “I just said,” he paused, “Auntie Jian said we could do as we please.”

“…” Jian Wu changed the subject: “Are you riding, or am I?”

“You ride, I don’t have a license,” Song Shuci stepped into the back of the tricycle, “I’ll protect the plant, I’m experienced.”

His “experienced” was quite suggestive. Jian Wu started the tricycle, a subtle expression on his face.

It was Friday night, and there weren’t many cars on the road.

Jian Wu rode in front, Song Shuci behind him, shielding the wintersweet from the wind in the open cargo bed. Jian Wu didn’t dare to ride too fast, afraid the strong wind would break the branches, so he rode slowly along the riverside path, like taking a stroll.

Tricycles were rare in big cities, and Jian Wu hadn’t ridden one in a long time, let alone with another person. The last time he and Song Shuci rode a tricycle together was probably on that New Year’s Eve when Song Shuci came out.

That day, after coming out, Song Shuci ran away. Xu Xiu was furious, and Jian Yu told him to go find Song Shuci.

Jian Wu couldn’t understand why Song Shuci would say such a thing at the New Year’s Eve dinner, but out of concern, he quickly got on his bicycle and chased after him.

Song Shuci didn’t tell him where he was going, so he could only search for him one by one at the places Song Shuci usually frequented. Fireworks were still allowed in City B back then, and when he reached the riverside, a fireworks show was taking place. The fireworks, funded by the government, were beautiful, many of which Jian Wu had never seen before.

He hesitated for a second between stopping to watch the fireworks and continuing to search for Song Shuci, then chose to look for Song Shuci. But as soon as he looked away from the bright fireworks, he saw Song Shuci, looking at him with a smile.

The teenager handed him a warm roasted sweet potato and said: “I knew they would definitely send you to find me.”

Jian Wu, his anxious heart finally calming down, jumped off his bicycle, slapped him on the back, and asked why he had to come out on New Year’s Eve. Song Shuci first put the roasted sweet potato in his hand, warming his hands, then said shamelessly: “Because it’s bad luck to hit people during the New Year.”

He retorted: “You don’t even have a partner, why are you in such a hurry to come out?”

“Didn’t you ask me what we would do if our parents didn’t approve of us being together?” Under the fireworks, Song Shuci pinched his cheek, “Then let’s start with coming out, so they can slowly accept it.”

He swatted Song Shuci’s hand away, but Song Shuci held his hand.

“Jian Xiaowu,” he said, “I’ll handle my parents, and I can also help persuade Auntie Jian. Of course, if you don’t want to tell her, we can also keep it a secret. I just want to tell you, if I date you, I’ll do it openly, I won’t make you hide. As long as you’re willing to be with me, you don’t have to be afraid of any pressure from sexual orientation, social stigma, or parental objections. I’ll find a way to solve any problems, I’ll face any situation. I promise you’ll be my absolute top priority, above everyone else, including myself.”

Teenage boys and girls’ confessions usually stopped at “I like you” or “I want to date you.” Most of the confessions Jian Wu received were like this.

Only Song Shuci made his confession sound like a marriage proposal.

Jian Wu was only seventeen, naive and inexperienced. Faced with such a sincere and passionate confession, he couldn’t remain indifferent. He felt Song Shuci was brave, and the love Song Shuci gave him was also brave.

This bravery was like a burning fireball, making him uncontrollably excited and passionate.

He couldn’t help but squeeze Song Shuci’s hand under the cover of his down jacket.

This small response seemed to greatly encourage Song Shuci, and the boy suddenly pulled him and started running.

The winter wind was cold, like knives against his cheeks, but his palms were warm, sweating slightly. In his peripheral vision were the brilliant fireworks and the shimmering river, the fast movement creating blurred, elongated streaks of light, like the flashing lights in a time-lapse photo.

Song Shuci pulled him along the riverbank and stopped in front of a tricycle. Jian Wu immediately saw the wintersweet in the tricycle, emitting a faint fragrance in the snowy night, as if time had turned back, back to when his father was still alive.

“A New Year’s gift, do you like it?” Song Shuci’s voice rang out beside his ear.

Jian Wu stared at the wintersweet, his throat tightening. He looked at Song Shuci, the boy’s eyes shining brightly under the fireworks.

“I spent a long time learning how to take care of this from the owner of the gardening store. But I know how to do it now, and it’s also familiar with me, so it will definitely survive this time, it won’t die again.”

“And,” he pointed at a pot of dirt in the corner of the tricycle, “Guess what this is?”

Jian Wu murmured: “A failed attempt at planting flowers?”

“I knew you couldn’t guess,” Song Shuci said, “Didn’t you ask me if there was anything that could live for a very long time, that wouldn’t die, that could always be with you?”

He glanced at the pot of dirt, “I thought about it, and this should work.”

“It’s…”

“A small tortoise. You’ll see it next spring when it wakes up from hibernation. I’ve already taken care of it during the most difficult period, it’ll be very healthy from now on, it might even live for decades, centuries. I’ve already thought of a name for it, ‘Wansui,’ hoping it will live for ten thousand years.”

Song Shuci paused, cupped his face, and said, “Jian Xiaowu… although Uncle is gone, we’ll always be with you.”

Jian Wu’s heart ached: “Ge, I…”

“Aiyo, young men, when are you leaving?” the tricycle driver, leaning against the vehicle, urged and teased, “Why are you two boys so lovey-dovey?”

Jian Wu realized there was someone else there.

He quickly stopped talking and pulled Song Shuci’s hand away. Song Shuci glared at the driver who had interrupted them and said boldly: “What’s wrong with being lovey-dovey with my boyfriend?”

The driver, not expecting such words from the boy who clearly looked like a student, was stunned and silently returned to his seat.

Seeing the driver quiet down, Song Shuci climbed into the back of the tricycle and turned to take Jian Wu’s hand. Jian Wu looked at him, extended his hand, and got into the tricycle.

“Okay, let’s go,” Song Shuci said to the driver.

The homophobic driver, not daring to say anything, started the engine and rode off.

Song Shuci reminded him: “Remember to take the main road, don’t be bumpy.”

“I know, I know,” the driver shrank his neck, not wanting to talk to them.

The tricycle wasn’t big, and they were a bit cramped sitting in the back. Because the wintersweet tree was tall, Song Shuci had chosen an open-top tricycle. The wind was strong as they rode, and without the roof, it was especially fierce, blowing as if it would knock off the flower buds.

Jian Wu subconsciously reached out to shield the plant, and Song Shuci moved forward, took off his down jacket, and held it against the wind.

The branches stopped trembling under his protection, and soon, a few snowflakes fell. The snow also landed on Song Shuci’s hair and eyebrows. The snow in the south was gentle, landing on his face with a moist, pure whiteness.

The fireworks by the river continued, the explosions echoing in the air. Song Shuci looked at him with a smile and asked if he was happy.

He said he was happy, and Song Shuci smiled even brighter, as if not feeling the cold at all.

He looked at Song Shuci’s handsome face and suddenly lowered his head and said: “I’m not your boyfriend.”

Song Shuci held his down jacket with one hand and lifted his face with the other: “Then do you like me?”

Their noses were very close because of this movement, and Jian Wu could clearly see Song Shuci’s eyes when he looked up. The boy’s eyes were bright, filled with his reflection.

In that moment, he must have been bewitched, because he leaned forward, brushed away the hair from Song Shuci’s eyes, and, under the cover of the wintersweet tree, tentatively touched his lips.

“Young man, where was that address you mentioned? I forgot,” the driver, his memory failing him, although homophobic, but prioritizing earning money, finally asked.

Jian Wu, hearing the voice, wanted to pull back, but Song Shuci held the back of his neck. He silently raised his down jacket a little higher, then lowered his eyes and responded to Jian Wu’s kiss.

Song Shuci’s back was to the front, Jian Wu sat sideways. From this angle, only he could see the driver.

Jian Wu’s heart raced, but he didn’t struggle.

The wintersweet branches brushed against his face, the strong fragrance of wintersweet mixing with the sweet scent of the roasted sweet potato in his hand, like a spark of warmth in the cold, snowy night.

The brief five seconds felt like an eternity.

He heard Song Shuci say to the driver: “On the road next to the post office.”

And after a moment of silence, he looked up and whispered to Song Shuci: “Ge, let’s be together.”