We Can’t Go Back 56

Chapter 56

Four years ago, rented apartment in City A.

After enduring the landlord’s wrath for being woken up, Jian Wu closed his bedroom door, feeling utterly exhausted. He turned off the lights, lay in bed, and tried to sleep, but he couldn’t. An extreme mental fatigue pulled at his muscles and nerves, like the aftereffects of too much coffee.

But he hadn’t had any coffee, he had just broken up with Song Shuci.

Thinking of this, he felt a dull ache in his chest. The feeling was very uncomfortable. He rubbed his temples, opened the bedside table, and found a small white box, Song Shuci’s sleeping pills.

The water glass on the nightstand was empty. Too lazy to refill it, he hesitated for a second, then dry-swallowed the pills. Although the pills weren’t big, they still got stuck in his throat. He coughed violently, his eyes bloodshot, until the itch in his throat subsided.

Jian Wu slept fitfully. It was dark when he fell asleep, and it was still dark when he woke up, the room pitch black.

He subconsciously reached out to the side. Empty. The sheets were cold.

He abruptly woke up and looked at his phone. 1:25 am.

It was already past midnight when he fell asleep. He thought he had only slept for a short while. Looking at the date more closely, he realized a whole day had passed, it was now the next night.

Song Shuci hadn’t come back yet.

His head ached from sleeping too long. He shook his head and carefully examined Song Shuci’s pills, realizing he had switched to stronger sleeping pills.

He stared at the small white box for a long time before collapsing back onto the bed, defeated, and checking his phone.

The first contact on the list was Song Shuci. Jian Wu’s gaze fell on his profile picture, his lips slightly pursed.

Song Shuci’s previous profile picture was a photo of them scuba diving, two faces close together against a blue background, obscured by diving masks. But a while ago, he had changed it to a random photo of the school scenery.

Although some time had passed, Jian Wu still wasn’t used to his new profile picture.

Song Shuci hadn’t sent him any messages. He only appeared at the top of the list because Jian Wu had pinned him.

His thumb hovered over the screen for a moment before he continued scrolling down.

The most recent messages were from HR, “We regret to inform you…”, and from his landlord, “Rent is due.”

Honestly, Jian Wu thought, sometimes he really wanted to smash his phone.

The scent of wintersweet perfume in the air was still strong, probably because the windows had been closed, and the room wasn’t ventilated.

Jian Wu wiped his face, got up, washed up, and quietly cleaned up the broken glass and mopped the floor. Only then did he realize how hungry he was. He wanted to order takeout, but seeing the late-night delivery fee, he dismissed the idea and took out a pack of instant noodles.

They were renting a single room in a shared apartment, over 3,000 yuan a month, three months’ rent paid upfront, about 10,000 yuan per quarter. He looked at his bank balance. Only a little over 2,000 yuan left.

He had brought the tens of thousands of yuan he earned from tutoring when he came to City A. Song Shuci’s monthly stipend during his PhD, combined with other allowances, was about four to five thousand yuan a month. They had originally thought it would be enough, but their actual expenses were higher than expected. This two thousand yuan was what remained after borrowing money from Cheng Xian to treat the swallows.

Jian Wu was always in charge of their finances. He opened the calendar and checked the date. Song Shuci’s stipend should have arrived in the past few days, but he hadn’t transferred him the money yet. Jian Wu pondered whether or not to ask Song Shuci for money, then, frustrated, tossed his phone aside.

He closed his eyes and lay in bed for a while, but having slept the whole day, he wasn’t sleepy at all.

Since they were out of money, they shouldn’t renew the lease and just leave, he thought. Since he had already brought up breaking up, he shouldn’t be so indecisive.

After repeatedly encouraging himself, he sat down at his desk, preparing to leave a note for Song Shuci. But his gaze fell on the paper ring, folded from a medical report, carefully placed in a small box on the corner of the desk, and his hand froze.

Memories flooded back, like a giant hand clenching his heart.

After a moment of struggle, he finally tossed the sticky note aside and picked up the TOEFL and postgraduate entrance exam preparation books from the bookshelf.

He studied for the rest of the night and the entire next day, but Song Shuci still didn’t come back. It wasn’t until evening that a knock finally came, but it wasn’t Song Shuci at the door, it was the landlord.

After their previous conflicts, the landlord didn’t look very pleased, just asked: “When are you paying the rent?”

Jian Wu thought of the swallows, but he still suppressed his anger and sadness, forced a smile, and said: “We’ve been renting here for so long… can you give us a discount?”

“In your dreams,” the landlord rolled his eyes, “Be grateful I’m not raising the rent. Take it or leave it, if you don’t want it, there are plenty of people who do. Hurry up and transfer me the money, or move out.”

“Can we pay a little later? I… really don’t have the money right now.”

“If you don’t have money, why are you renting? Just go back to your hometown,” the landlord lost his patience, “If you don’t have money, then find a way. Let me tell you, if I don’t receive the money by the day after tomorrow, I’m kicking you out.”

He closed the door, still muttering curses under his breath, the words penetrating the door and reaching Jian Wu’s ears.

Jian Wu leaned against the wall weakly and looked at his phone again. The chat with Song Shuci was still the same as before.

He pursed his lips and called Song Shuci. It rang for a long time, then a voice said “The number you dialed is not in service.” He switched to the dial pad and entered the number digit by digit, calling again. Still not in service.

Jian Wu let out a long sigh and sat back down at his desk. He studied for a while longer, but there were still no new messages.

He gradually lost focus.

Distracted, Jian Wu’s gaze fell on the box on the corner of the desk. After a moment of silence, he opened the exquisite transparent box and took out the paper ring.

He held it up to the lamplight, as if it weren’t a piece of paper, but real metal, reflecting the light.

After looking at it for a while, he put it on his ring finger.

The oversized paper ring looked comical and out of place on his slender finger, but he looked at it seriously, turning his hand and observing it from different angles, as if admiring a rare treasure.

After a long time, Jian Wu took it off, carefully placed it back in the box, and turned on his phone again.

“Are you ignoring me?”

He hesitantly typed these words into the chat with Song Shuci. After typing, his finger hovered over the delete button, but he didn’t press it, instead, he pressed send.

Song Shuci didn’t reply.

Jian Wu checked his phone every few minutes, then finally fell asleep from exhaustion. But he didn’t sleep soundly. He suddenly woke up in a daze and instinctively grabbed his phone, but there were still no new messages.

Could something have happened to Song Shuci?

The moment this thought flashed through his mind, Jian Wu was wide awake. He felt his racing heart, looked at the time—4 am. It wasn’t appropriate to call Song Shuci’s roommates or classmates at this hour.

But he wasn’t in the mood to sleep anymore, so he got up, sat for a while, and took the earliest subway to A Medical University.

Song Shuci’s lab building had access control, so he couldn’t go in. He could only stand outside and wait. He arrived too early and waited for a long time before people started arriving, closer to eight o’clock.

He didn’t see Song Shuci, but he saw his roommate.

“Senior Zeng!” Jian Wu rushed over and greeted Zeng Xu, Song Shuci’s roommate.

“Jian Xiaowu?”

Since Song Shuci always called him “Jian Xiaowu” in front of them, Zeng Xu followed suit.

“Are you here to give something to Shuci?” He knew Song Shuci had moved out and mostly lived with his junior.

“Mm…” Jian Wu didn’t mention their argument and said vaguely, “Is he in the dorm?”

“Yes,” Zeng Xu instinctively replied, then realized something was off. Based on their relationship, it shouldn’t be Jian Wu asking him about Song Shuci’s whereabouts. He saw Jian Wu wasn’t carrying anything, didn’t seem like he was planning a surprise, and considering Song Shuci seemed to have been staying in the dorm for two days, he suddenly felt the situation might be complicated.

“Did something happen?” He quite liked Song Shuci’s junior, so he asked with concern, “Should I give you the dorm key? You can go find him.”

“It’s nothing,” Jian Wu smiled, then lowered his head and was silent for a while, forcing another smile, “Really, it’s nothing, no need.”

The first smile was genuine relief that Song Shuci was safe, the second was a forced, bitter smile after realizing Song Shuci was fine, just ignoring him.

“I was just asking casually, I’m not here to see him,” Jian Wu said, “He’s been quite busy recently, I thought he was in the lab.”

“Oh… he hasn’t been doing experiments these past two days,” Zeng Xu still felt something was amiss, but roommates in graduate school had a strong sense of boundaries, so he didn’t ask further, just said, “Then I’ll go up first. If you need anything, or need the key, just let me know.”

“Okay.”

Zeng Xu nodded, about to leave, when a familiar figure suddenly appeared in his peripheral vision, “Teacher Lu!”

The newcomer was Lu Lizhu, Song Shuci’s PhD advisor. Although he wasn’t Zeng Xu’s advisor, they were in the same building, so they knew each other.

Jian Wu followed his gaze and saw Lu Lizhu nod at Zeng Xu, then his gaze fell on him.

Jian Wu occasionally came to A Medical University to see Song Shuci, so he had run into Lu Lizhu a few times, but they usually just exchanged greetings, and he always thought Lu Lizhu didn’t remember him. But this time, the man looked at him for a while, then suddenly called out his name: “Jian Wu?”

“Teacher Lu,” Jian Wu greeted him, acknowledging his identity.

Seeing Lu Lizhu seemed to have something to say, Zeng Xu took the initiative to say: “Then I’ll go up first, Teacher. See you later, Xiao Wu.”

Jian Wu waved goodbye to him and turned to meet Lu Lizhu’s stern gaze.

His eyelid twitched.

“You know me?” he asked with a forced smile.

Lu Lizhu looked at his face: “That hopeless student of mine posts your photos on his Moments every now and then, it would be hard not to know you.”