We Can’t Go Back 69

Chapter 69

Jian Wu swallowed, looking at Song Shuci.

“So now… is it my turn to answer?”

Song Shuci seemed amused. He shook his head, his gaze falling on the row of rings, and said to Jian Wu: “Choose one first.”

“Choose one?”

Song Shuci hummed in agreement, “Choose the one you like the most.”

Jian Wu immediately understood: “Are you proposing to me?”

Song Shuci kept him in suspense: “You choose first, you’ll know after you choose.”

“Fine, fine, fine, I’ll choose.” Jian Wu leaned forward and looked at the rings. Song Shuci didn’t rush him, just propped his head up with one hand, his gaze moving between his face and the rings.

Since there was no hurry, Jian Wu carefully examined each ring box. They were mostly from different brands, so although the main color was similar, the boxes were slightly different. When he picked up the third one, he suddenly glanced at Song Shuci.

“You like this one?” Song Shuci asked.

Inside the velvet box was a pair of Mobius strip rings. Although simple, the design had once captivated Jian Wu. The Mobius strip was a fascinating geometric shape, its front and back intertwined, without a beginning or an end, like an infinite loop of eternity, every beginning an end, every end a beginning.

“Song Shuci…” Jian Wu’s expression was a little complex, “What were you thinking when you bought these rings?”

“Do you want to know?”

“I do.”

Song Shuci chuckled softly, “Okay, I’ll tell you.” He looked at the ring in Jian Wu’s hand, “When I bought this pair, the paper that was scooped was officially published. It was accepted by a decent journal, within our acceptable range. That day, I was thinking… how happy I would be if you were here.”

Jian Wu was silent for a long time, then said, as if answering him, or echoing him:

“That day, I was working the night shift at a convenience store. I saw the article on your university’s official WeChat account and left a ‘like’ comment using my new WeChat ID.”

Song Shuci looked at him, his eyelashes trembling slightly.

Jian Wu put down the rings and picked up another pair. Song Shuci continued: “When I bought this pair, it was the winter after you left. After September, our stipend and salary were increased. I realized that after not renting an apartment outside, I could save a lot of money quickly.”

He pointed at a few pairs in a row, “I bought these together. After buying them, I thought, it would be great if I had this money when you were here.”

Jian Wu closed the lid: “That winter, I was learning how to cook. I thought it would be difficult, but it was actually okay, and it saved money compared to eating takeout. I thought at the time, if I had learned to cook earlier, would we not have spent all our money so quickly?”

Seeing him pick up another pair, Song Shuci said: “This was the last pair I bought before going to America. I got on the plane the next day. That night, lying in bed, I thought,” his gaze shifted from the rings to Jian Wu’s face, “would you, like in a drama… suddenly appear at the airport?”

The black velvet lining made the cool-toned paper airplane design on the rings stand out, as if about to take flight.

That week, when he called Jian Yu, she told him about Song Shuci’s flight information. Jian Yu asked if he wanted to go say goodbye, he didn’t answer at the time.

When the plane took off, he had just finished teaching the first two periods of a double period class. During the break, he played “Tomorrow Will Be Better” for his students.

How should he put it?

He put down the ring box: “I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me if I went, and I was also afraid I would affect your resolve to study abroad.”

Song Shuci chuckled softly, “How could I not want to see you?”

Every time Jian Wu picked up a ring box, Song Shuci would tell him what he was thinking at the time, and Jian Wu would answer him, like a conversation across time and space.

“When I bought this pair, I saw a couple reuniting after a long-distance relationship as soon as I walked out of the mall. The boy, before even putting down his suitcase, shouted ‘I missed you so much’,” Song Shuci looked at the ring he had just picked up and said, “At that time, I was thinking, after being apart for so long, do you miss me?”

“Yes,” Jian Wu lowered his eyes.

“When I was injured, I didn’t tell you, I didn’t let you come to the hospital to take care of me. But I kept thinking, if this happened to you, what would you do? When I was feeling down, I would imagine you by my side, that’s how… I got through it.”

“After I was discharged, I wanted to go find you, but I didn’t have the right to disturb you anymore, so I just wanted… to see you from afar, but my university was blacklisted for entry into America, I tried several times, but I couldn’t get a visa.”

Song Shuci’s voice trembled slightly, “Did you… call me then?”

Jian Wu was stunned and slowly looked at him.

He remembered the day he returned to City B. Just getting off the high-speed train, the city lights were bright, his familiar yet unfamiliar hometown.

The gentle night, the familiar accent of the taxi driver, as if telling him that everything would be alright, no matter what he had experienced outside.

He and Song Shuci had been separated for three years then.

The last phone call in City A was from Song Shuci. The first phone call after returning to City B, he made to Song Shuci.

He didn’t know if there were other people around Song Shuci, he was afraid of disturbing him with a sudden call, but at that moment, he couldn’t control himself, he wanted to hear his voice.

So he found a public phone at a small store and dialed his number.

“Did it connect?” Song Shuci asked.

“…It connected, but no one spoke.”

He wanted to hear Song Shuci’s voice, but he didn’t. He wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t speak, but the other side also remained silent.

Jian Wu said: “You always say ‘hello’ when you answer the phone, so I thought at the time… you had changed your number.”

“I didn’t change it,” Song Shuci said, “I could see the call was from City B, and I immediately had a feeling… or maybe, it was the hopeful anticipation in my heart when I saw that city, I thought, if I didn’t speak, maybe I could hear your voice.”

“Nine seconds,” he looked at Jian Wu, “You called me for nine seconds.”

“I called back later, and the store owner answered, saying the person who made the call had already left. I regretted it at the time, I should have spoken sooner, but I was also happy… I couldn’t help but think, if that was really you, if you had really returned to City B… then I would see you soon.”

“The day I actually saw you, I was both angry and happy. I was angry that you said you didn’t know me, that you were still trying to avoid me, but I was also very happy, I had never been so happy in so many years.”

“I knew, although China is so vast, and I couldn’t find you, City B is so small, I would definitely find you.”

The breeze blew through Jian Wu’s hair. He closed the ring box and held back his tears, just like the night he returned to City B, turning away after hanging up the phone.

He asked Song Shuci: “Weren’t you afraid… that when you found me, I would already be with someone else?”

This was his biggest fear.

“I was afraid,” Song Shuci said, “But I saved a lot of money these past few years. I think, if there really was such a person, I wouldn’t lose to him. But if I really lost…” he said, half-joking, half-serious, “Then I would take care of my health and wait, as long as I outlive him, I would still have a chance.”

Jian Wu covered his face with his hands, unsure whether he felt helpless or moved, bitter or sweet.

He suddenly understood why people, even after deciding to move on, would still look back.

Love was a blatant conspiracy.

Maintaining an intimate relationship was nothing more than seeing your good and bad sides clearly, then, because I love you, cherishing your good qualities, and because I love you, choosing to accept your flaws.

So they could continue together, understanding and accepting each other.

He finally placed the Mobius strip rings in Song Shuci’s hand: “I choose this one.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay,” Song Shuci said, “Then wait for me, come in after five minutes.” He took Jian Wu’s phone, “I’m confiscating your phone, no photos later.”

Jian Wu looked at him, slightly confused, but he still waited for five minutes before opening Song Shuci’s bedroom door.

The first thing he saw was a music box with two little boys kissing. Jian Wu immediately recognized it as an ornament he had once liked very much.

During his second or third year of university, Song Shuci went abroad with his supervisor for an exchange program and took many photos to show him. One of the photos was taken at a boutique, and this ornament happened to be in the photo.

A music box with kissing figures wasn’t a novel design, but the two figures in this music box were both boys.

At that time, Jian Wu was struggling with coming out to his family, and this ornament, openly displaying same-sex affection, resonated with him. Knowing he liked it, Song Shuci kept saying he should have bought it for him. He said it was okay, they could buy it when they went abroad to get married.

He hadn’t expected Song Shuci to actually buy it.

But looking closely, this music box didn’t seem exactly the same as the one in the photo. The paint on the two cartoon boys had some added patterns.

“I originally wanted to give you this for your birthday… but I dropped it in the trash can and it broke. I wanted to buy another one, but I couldn’t find it, so I could only repair it. I reinforced the broken parts and repainted the joints, it’s just a shame I couldn’t repaint their lips, but this kiss… should be stronger than before.”

As Song Shuci spoke, Jian Wu’s gaze shifted from the music box to him.

Seeing Song Shuci clearly, his eyes widened, and he quickly covered his mouth to prevent himself from making a sound.

Song Shuci was wearing a wedding dress.

It was a custom-designed dress, combining the tailoring of menswear with the elegance of a wedding dress, a delicate boutonniere pinned to his chest. The sunlight streamed through the window, illuminating him from behind.

Perhaps because of his fair skin and delicate features, it didn’t look too out of place.

“Song Shuci…” Jian Wu was completely stunned.

The man’s expression was still a little unnatural and uncomfortable… no different from when he wore a dress as a child to appease him, but this awkwardness was overshadowed by his open and loving gesture.

“Didn’t you say you liked wedding dresses?” he looked at his shocked face and smiled helplessly, “I’m coaxing you again, just this once, no photos, you have to remember it in your mind.”

He wore a pair of white gloves, then opened the red velvet box containing the rings and knelt down on one knee.

“Alright, stop spacing out.”

He held the Mobius strip rings in front of Jian Wu: “Jian Wu… will you marry me, and spend your life with me… from birth to death, always by my side, forever with me?”

Song Shuci remembered his favorite line from the wedding vows.

Jian Wu looked at the man in a wedding dress before him, his heart overwhelmed by a tsunami of emotions, the aftershocks rippling through him. After a long time, he finally found his voice—

“I do.”

The light from outside fell on the ring as it slid onto his ring finger. The smooth Mobius strip, no matter where you started, would traverse both sides of the ring, returning to the starting point, a reunion, a new beginning.

Different paths, same destination, repeating the same mistakes.

Song Shuci smiled, took off his gloves, and offered his hand: “I do too.”

-END OF MAIN STORY-