Chapter 103
The night was thick, and the tightly closed tree hollow was dark and silent. Two figures, one tall and one short, sat by the low-legged bamboo bed, like two lifelike statues, motionless and silent, with only the sound of light breathing lingering.
Do you really not want me anymore…
Hua Shi’an did not answer the beastman’s choked question, but thinking of what the Great Chief had said in the morning, he hesitated for a long time before opening the door and letting him in.
But this didn’t mean he wasn’t angry anymore. He hadn’t looked for him or spoken to him for so long. If this were a relationship in modern society, this situation would basically be considered a breakup.
And as for Mo Huaishan, he had been out of touch for ten and a half days, and when he came to his door, he looked as if he had been greatly wronged. Hua Shi’an couldn’t understand. How did he end up looking like a scumbag who had abandoned him after a fling?
The atmosphere was a little oppressive. It seemed that if he didn’t speak, they would be at a stalemate until dawn. Hua Shi’an had plenty of patience, but when his peripheral vision swept over the other’s bewildered eyes and his lower lip, which was bitten white, he couldn’t bear it after all.
He couldn’t bear it, but he didn’t want to wrong his mouth. Hua Shi’an had no intention of saying anything nice. His mouth was as if it had been dipped in poison, and he opened it with a cold sentence, “Are you planning to sit like this until dawn? If you have something to say, say it. I’m sleepy and I want to sleep.”
Mo Huaishan, who was busy picking at his nails, paused slightly. His lips opened and closed, and after a long time, he squeezed out a sentence from between his lips, “You haven’t eaten yet, Shi’an. You should eat before you sleep. Otherwise, you’ll be hungry at night, and it will be uncomfortable.”
Is he here to chat?
Hua Shi’an was furious and let out a speechless laugh. “You don’t have to worry about whether I’m hungry or not. If there’s nothing else, you can go. I’m going to sleep—”
“No, I’m not going.” Mo Huaishan quickly shook his head and started to act like a child, his hands clutching the edge of the bed, as if he were going to weld himself to the bamboo bed.
He refused to leave and didn’t even offer an explanation. The nameless fire in Hua Shi’an’s heart burned even brighter, and he couldn’t help but say sarcastically, “You’re not leaving, are you? Then you can sleep here.”
“Can I?” Mo Huaishan took it seriously, his dull eyes instantly lighting up.
“Of course, you can.” Hua Shi’an sneered and then stood up to walk towards the entrance of the hollow. “The tree hollow is for you. You can sleep however you want. If you’re not leaving, I am.”
There was only a narrow aisle between the bamboo bed and the bamboo table. Mo Huaishan’s long legs were hanging over the edge of the bed, making the aisle even narrower. Hua Shi’an squeezed past the beastman sideways. Just as his fingertips touched the bamboo door, a large, warm hand suddenly wrapped around his waist and pulled him back.
The force was very strong and irresistible. Hua Shi’an was pulled back like a little chick. His body lost its balance and swayed. Just as he was about to have an intimate contact with the ground, another hand promptly supported him, and then—Hua Shi’an’s butt landed on a soft cushion, and he stumbled and sat on a fleshy cushion.
It was a strange posture. Hua Shi’an was sitting sideways on the beastman’s thigh, and the other’s strong and powerful arms were like iron clamps, tightly wrapped around Hua Shi’an’s waist, holding him tightly in his embrace.
The size difference was not just a little. Hua Shi’an was held in the beastman’s embrace, as if he were wrapped in a thick wool blanket. Another person’s body temperature came from all directions, completely enveloping him. Hua Shi’an finally regained a little bit of his senses from the shock and forcefully pried Mo Huaishan’s hands, struggling with both his hands and feet.
“Let go, let go of me!”
“Mo Huaishan, I’m angry. What on earth are you doing!”
The difference in strength was too great. Hua Shi’an used all his strength to no avail. Mo Huaishan’s arms were wrapped around him, and he even held him a little tighter, his chin resting on his shoulder, his cheek buried in the side of his neck.
His anger flared up. Hua Shi’an punched him in the waist. Just as he was about to get angry, a warm drop of water suddenly fell on his collarbone, and then, the beastman’s hoarse and choked voice brushed past his ear, “You promised me that we would be mates when we got back. Did I do something wrong? I can change. Don’t look at others. Don’t drive me away. Shi’an, Shi’an… don’t you want me anymore?”
His body trembled uncontrollably. The tall and sturdy beastman buried his head in Hua Shi’an’s neck and kept crying, like a child who had made a mistake but didn’t know what he had done wrong. His voice was choked, and he was sobbing.
The flame that had been burning in his heart was extinguished in an instant. Hua Shi’an’s throat tightened, and a sourness rose in his nose.
He could hold back his anger, but he still had to make things clear. Hua Shi’an suppressed the surging emotions in his heart, sniffled, and said softly, “Mo Huaishan, don’t turn the tables on me. Who was the one who ignored me for ten and a half days? You’re saying I don’t want you? It’s clearly you who doesn’t want me.”
“No, it’s not like that.”
Mo Huaishan held Hua Shi’an tightly and anxiously defended himself, “I dream of being with Shi’an. I won’t not want you, never. I didn’t deliberately ignore you. It’s just that something came up. I, I wanted to deal with it before I told you.”
Hua Shi’an asked, knowing the answer, “What is it?”
The beastman’s body visibly stiffened, and his hands unconsciously clutched Hua Shi’an’s coir shirt.
He had not intended to hide it, but when the words came to his lips, Mo Huaishan couldn’t help but feel nervous. Will he be disliked? Will he be abandoned? His heart was pounding, and his breathing became more and more rapid. After much hesitation, he bravely went to the execution ground.
“On the night we returned from outside, I slept in the same tree hollow as the Great Chief. He told me a secret about me that even I didn’t know. He said… I, I have a problem with my body. I can’t, I can’t let a sub-beastman have cubs.”
He sobbed silently, but tears had already wet his face. The beastman almost gritted his teeth, piecing together a sentence one word at a time. At the same time, he quickly tightened his arms, clinging to Hua Shi’an’s body as if he were afraid he would be abandoned and run away.
“The Great Chief said that this cannot be changed, and that chewing more herbs is useless. Shi’an, I, I will harm you. If you are with me, you will not have cubs. You will never… never be a father.”
“You are so good, so outstanding. You could have found a better beastman and had a group of smart cubs.” Mo Huaishan paused, wiped his tears with his arm, and looked up at Hua Shi’an’s eyes. “I’m not strong enough, and I can’t let a sub-beastman have cubs. I’m not worthy of you. But Shi’an, I can’t control myself. I can’t bear it, I can’t bear to let you go and be with someone else.”
“Can you give me a chance? I will work hard to become strong, to catch many, many prey, and to do many, many things. I will be good to you. I will do all the work, and I will give you all the meat. Don’t dislike me, don’t you want me anymore?”
Working hard, eating meat, these promises were not enough to move Hua Shi’an, who had lived two lifetimes. But for a beastman who had nothing, this was already all he could offer.
His teary eyes stared straight at him, full of sincerity and earnestness, and a flicker of pleading. His eyes inexplicably warmed. Hua Shi’an lowered his gaze to avoid his eyes and murmured in a low voice, “I already knew all this.”
“Wha-what?” Mo Huaishan’s breath hitched. He stared with wide eyes, his lips trembling violently. “You, when did you know?”
Hua Shi’an: “Before the winter. Chief Mu told me.”
Last winter…
Mo Huaishan’s thoughts drifted away, and he fell into a memory.
Last winter, they were already very familiar with each other, closer than any other tribe member. But the time when they really got close to each other and their relationship took a step further was precisely last winter.
He had known at that time that he had a problem with his body and couldn’t have children, but Hua Shi’an had still chosen to get close to him and be with him. What did this mean? It meant that the problem that had been troubling him was not worth mentioning in Hua Shi’an’s eyes, and he had never even cared.
The huge joy that had fallen from the sky had stunned Mo Huaishan. He looked at Hua Shi’an in disbelief, his eyes still mottled with the glistening traces of tears, but he suddenly burst out laughing. “Shi’an, Shi’an, so you already knew. You’ve never disliked me.”
People’s joys and sorrows are not shared. Mo Huaishan’s cloudy mood had turned sunny, but Hua Shi’an’s face was still stern, and he said coldly, “That’s right. I’ve never disliked you, and I’ve never cared. I just want to be with you. But what about you? Why have you been out of touch for more than ten days? Do you not believe me, or are you planning to give up on me?”
“I won’t give up on you, Shi’an. I can’t.” Mo Huaishan carefully grabbed Hua Shi’an’s hand. Seeing that he did not resist, he gently intertwined his fingers with his, holding his hand.
“Having cubs is a major event in the life of a beastman and a sub-beastman. I was very sad when I heard about this. I couldn’t accept it for a while, and I was really worried that you wouldn’t be able to accept it. But I figured it out in just two days. My Shi’an is so good. He definitely, definitely won’t dislike me. But I can’t court you empty-handed. I can’t give you cubs, so I have to prepare some things for you.”
Another courtship gift. Hua Shi’an was so angry he laughed. “You caught a prey in just over ten days. Your luck was quite good this time. But what if, like before, you couldn’t catch any prey for a long time? Would you have been out of touch for a year and a half?”
“No.” Mo Huaishan shook his head vigorously, as if he also regretted his previous choice, a deep sense of guilt in his eyes. After a short silence, he lifted the hand that was intertwined with Hua Shi’an’s and placed a kiss on the back of his hand, stammering an explanation, “Actually, actually, there’s another reason.”
“There’s an old legend in the tribe that a couple who receives the sincere blessings of their tribe will be happy forever and never be separated. The Great Chief opposes us being together, and the tribe members won’t bless us either. I have to fight for it. I want him to agree, I want to get the tribe’s blessing, and I want to be with Shi’an forever.”
Hua Shi’an raised an eyebrow. “Just because of this? Even if you have to get the tribe’s blessing, why didn’t you tell me? Can’t I fight for it with you, face it with you?”
Mo Huaishan: “The Great Chief is strongly opposed, his attitude is firm, and his words are not very nice. The tribe has been busy recently, and you’ve already been very worried. I don’t want you to be troubled or worried because of this.”
Something’s not right, nine out of ten things are not right. Hua Shi’an always felt that he had left something out in the middle.
Whether it was preparing a courtship gift or getting the chief’s consent, these were not embarrassing things. If he simply didn’t want him to worry, why would he not speak to him for ten and a half days, and even deliberately keep a distance?
From Hua Shi’an’s understanding of Mo Huaishan, he must have wavered because he felt he was not worthy of him. He was self-conscious and sensitive, and extremely lacking in self-confidence. It was normal to waver. As long as he had firmly chosen him in the end, Hua Shi’an wouldn’t care.
But during this period… what had he been hiding from him?
If he couldn’t guess, then he would bluff. Hua Shi’an looked up and met the beastman’s gaze. His left hand, which was hanging at his side, slowly lifted and stroked the beastman’s face along the tear tracks, his voice low and seductive, “Huaishan, I can not be angry, I can forgive you, and we can even become mates tonight. But my beastman must not only be good to me, but he must also be absolutely honest and not hide anything from me. You—can you do that?”
The beastman was visibly flustered for a moment. He lowered his eyes and averted his gaze, his voice hoarse. “What if, what if I promise and then don’t do it? I’m just saying if.”
“We’ll separate, completely separate. There will be no more possibility between you and me.”
