Chapter 3: Devising a Plan
As the sun began to rise, the world was bathed in a faint golden light. Inside the Fu manor, although the Gu in Fu Yunzhi’s body had settled, his complexion was still somewhat pale. At this moment, he sat before a bronze mirror, contemplating whether using his sister’s foundation would make people think he was a male prostitute soliciting clients from the House of Southern Breezes.¹
[Translator’s Notes:
1.House of Southern Breezes : “Southern Wind” is a classical euphemism for male homosexuality. A “House of Southern Breezes” is therefore a brothel with male prostitutes.]
After all, something like that had happened before when he’d merely walked past the brothel without wearing any powder.
Fu Yunzhi was extremely particular about his appearance as a refined young gentleman. His hair had to be artfully disheveled in a way that looked natural, his clothes had to be perfectly coordinated, and he was very fond of carrying a folding fan, believing it added to his elegant image.
If Fu Yunzhi had a sore spot, it was undoubtedly his looks. The quickest way to provoke him was to say he was “unattractive.” Qi Xiao had always found this exasperating; if he so much as touched Fu Yunzhi’s hair, Fu Yunzhi would fly into a rage and spend ages smoothing it back down, terrified it might look messy. It was practically a neurosis.
Fu Yuncai stood outside the door and said languidly, “Stop staring. General Qi and Inspector Qi have been waiting outside for a long time. If you keep at it, they’ll think you’re a young lady.”
Fu Yunzhi shot his sister a threatening glare, then snapped open his fan and strode out of the manor.
The moment he saw Fu Yunzhi, Qi Xiao asked, “Why do you look so pale?”
Fu Yunzhi first glanced at Qi Xiao’s hands—why is there no breakfast from Boss Chen today?—before replying perfunctorily, “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
At that moment, Qi Xiao desperately wanted to imitate the protagonists from his storybooks and say: *Heh heh, didn’t sleep well? Sleep with this lord, and this lord guarantees you’ll sleep well every night, and you’ll be especially… com-for-ta-ble.*
Qi Xiao rubbed his nose and cleared his throat. “Shaoling’s house was broken into by a thief. We were hoping to discuss a plan with you, preferably a way to catch him.”
“A thief?” Fu Yunzhi raised an eyebrow. Inspector Qi’s house was broken into?
“There are too many people here,” Qi Xiao said. “Let’s go to a teahouse to talk!”
The food at Wangri Lou, the teahouse Fu Yunzhi recommended, was average, but it had excellent feng shui. The reason Fu Yunzhi liked it was that its windows offered a view of the green forest and the sunrise outside the city.
After listening to Qi Xiao’s vivid description, Fu Yunzhi waved his fan and asked Qi Shaoling, “Inspector Qi, have you offended any masters of the martial arts world recently?”
“Shaoling is an inspector,” Qi Xiao cut in. “The number of people he’s offended could probably circle the capital a few times over.”
“But not everyone possesses such high-level martial arts,” Fu Yunzhi said. “And from the Red Longevity Peach’s actions, it doesn’t seem like he holds some deep-seated grudge against Inspector Qi. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be as simple as stealing writing brushes and memorials.”
Qi Shaoling fell silent, trying to recall if any of the criminals he had arrested and convicted were exceptionally skilled martial artists.
After a moment, he said, “I’ll go back and check the records.” There were too many to remember, and he had to consider not only the criminals he’d caught but also their families and close friends.
Fu Yunzhi asked again, “Does the Red Longevity Peach have any patterns or habits? Can you predict when he might appear next, Inspector Qi?”
“None, other than leaving his mark.”
Fu Yunzhi gazed at his fan. “Then it seems our only option is to set a trap to lure him out and catch him like a turtle in a jar.”
A mischievous look appeared on Qi Xiao’s face. “I bet that Red Longevity Peach is secretly in love with Shaoling. If Shaoling gets married, he’ll definitely show up to crash the wedding!”
“…” Qi Shaoling’s fists itched.
To his surprise, Fu Yunzhi considered the idea seriously. “A wedding… that’s not a bad idea.”
Qi Shaoling said with difficulty, “You believe what Qi Xiao is saying?”
“It’s not quite like that,” Fu Yunzhi replied. “But Inspector Qi, have you noticed that this Red Longevity Peach’s goal seems to be to cause trouble for people? Whether it’s for fun or for some other motive, everything he does is meant to make his victims lose face. The Duanmu family master, the Martial Arts Alliance Chief, and you—you’re all too embarrassed to even publicly announce you’re trying to catch him. So, if you were to get married, Inspector Qi, the Red Longevity Peach would likely not miss such a prime opportunity to humiliate you. After all, any mishap at a wedding banquet brings shame upon the host family.”
That being said…
Fu Yunzhi added, “Of course, if Inspector Qi feels this plan won’t work, we can think of something else. But after hearing your descriptions, I believe we must catch the Red Longevity Peach as soon as possible. The state sacrifice is next month. Envoys from all nations will be here. If the Red Longevity Peach causes some mischief and brings shame upon the Langxuan Kingdom, it will be no laughing matter.”
After a moment of thought, Qi Shaoling asked, “Where do we find a bride?”
“We can just invent an identity for her,” Fu Yunzhi said. “As for the wedding day, just have Qi Xiao dress up as your bride. Once the veil is on, no one will be able to see anything anyway.”
At this, the teacup in Qi Shaoling’s hand fell with a clatter under the table.
Qi Xiao’s eyes widened. “What did you say? Me as the bride?” He glanced at Qi Shaoling, and the thought of bowing to him in a wedding ceremony made his stomach churn. He instantly understood the meaning of “lifting a rock only to drop it on one’s own foot.”
Qi Shaoling’s expression wasn’t much better. He said firmly, “No. He’s too ugly for it.”
Fu Yunzhi glanced at Qi Xiao. He’s right, no young lady is that tall and brawny. He then said, “In that case, I’ll be the bride. Although I don’t know martial arts, which might be inconvenient when the Red Longevity Peach appears, it would be difficult to find a clever young lady willing to genuinely help us. It would not only be dangerous but would also damage her reputation.”
This time, it was the teacup in Qi Xiao’s hand that fell with a clatter under the table.
Let Yunzhi bow in a wedding ceremony with another man?! He’d rather do it himself!
“Then it’s decided,” Fu Yunzhi said. “Inspector Qi and I will perform the ceremony. Qi Xiao, you’ll hide in the shadows. When the Red Longevity Peach appears, you two will surround him.”
“Why don’t Shaoling and I switch roles?” Qi Xiao said anxiously. “My build is similar to Shaoling’s. With a disguise, it would be hard for anyone to notice!”
After saying this, the Great General’s earlobes turned a suspicious shade of red.
Fu Yunzhi frowned. “Why make it so complicated? Isn’t it all the same?”
Seeing Qi Xiao’s flustered expression, Qi Shaoling finally showed a rare moment of brotherly solidarity. “I am more familiar with the Qi manor. It would be more convenient for me to hide and patrol.”
“That works too.” Although Fu Yunzhi didn’t see the difference—it wasn’t like this was Qi Xiao’s first time at the Qi manor. Still, all this talk was just on paper. There was no telling if the plan would actually lure out the Red Longevity Peach, let alone capture him.
While Fu Yunzhi mentally weighed the plan’s effectiveness, Qi Xiao felt his heart rate suddenly accelerate. Even though it was just an act, the fact was, he was going to perform a wedding ceremony with Yunzhi!
And so, right up until morning court, Qi Xiao’s mind was filled with only one word: Marriage, marriage, marriage…
During morning court, Minister Zhou stepped forward to report, “Your Majesty, the borderlands have not been peaceful recently! Soldiers from the Shahan Kingdom have repeatedly plundered the property of our border citizens and have even seized their water sources.”
The Emperor frowned. “Is the King of Shahan aware of this matter?”
Minister Zhou beat his chest in distress. “The King of Shahan is personally leading the troops to plunder our people’s property! In this old minister’s opinion, the King of Shahan most likely has ill intentions and a wolf’s ambition!”
At this point, the Emperor noticed Qi Xiao staring blankly into space, his eyes glazed over. He couldn’t help but ask, “Beloved Minister, you were once stationed at the border. What solution do you propose for this matter?”
Qi Xiao: “Marriage.”
The entire court of civil and military officials: “…”
But the only unmarried member of the imperial family is the Emperor himself. Is he suggesting the Emperor marry the King of Shahan?!
The Emperor: “…”
