Not talking was fine, but he couldn’t turn into a block of wood.
The matter of the bath had been brought up as soon as they’d entered, and Yun Yin remembered it for Li Zhaoyi. Ever since he’d sheathed his blade, Li Zhaoyi had been sitting there dumbly like a piece of wood for nearly half an hour.
Yun Yin didn’t consider himself a very patient man. Luckily, just before his patience ran out, Li Zhaoyi finally came back to his senses. He stood up and walked out, stumbling slightly.
There were dedicated bath pools in the palace. But Li Zhaoyi disliked running back and forth just for a bath, so he usually soaked in the small personal pool in Bright Clarity Hall.
This, Yun Yin knew and tacitly permitted. Unless necessary, he truly made few demands of Li Zhaoyi.
Once he was gone, Yun Yin lowered his eyes and went back to reviewing memorials.
But not long after, the sound of footsteps returned.
He raised his eyes, but his gaze stopped short in its tracks.
After his bath, Li Zhaoyi wore only an Inner Garment. His damp, long hair had wetted the collar slightly, and the loose collar failed to cover his delicate, fair collarbone and the bright red mole upon it.
Yun Yin’s gaze swept over the slightly disheveled clothes Li Zhaoyi had thrown on in haste, brushed past his lips reddened like rouge from the steam, and finally, after a moment, settled meaninglessly on the other’s eyes.
Those eyes were usually clearly black and white, carrying clarity. Right now, they were forlorn and dazed, bearing distress, panic, and also…
Yun Yin’s expression paused slightly.
Hurt. There was hurt in them.
Li Zhaoyi hadn’t noticed his gaze.
The bath had briefly given him a moment of relaxation, but right now, the atmosphere of this room still made his heart tremble with lingering fear. He sniffled, trying hard not to show his timidity. He did his best to walk calmly toward the table, but from behind came Yun Yin’s voice:
“Stop right there.”
Li Zhaoyi flinched involuntarily. The footsteps behind him were unhurried, stopping just at the borderline of intimate distance.
He could feel the gaze landing on his profile. He averted his eyes.
Then, he heard Yun Yin laugh very softly:
“Very afraid of me?”
…Strange.
Li Zhaoyi thought somewhat chaotically.
It was the same order to stop, the same threatening tone. When facing Li Chunjin, he had only felt that Yun Yin’s every word carried cold, lethal intent. Therefore, he had never thought Li Chunjin’s swallowing her anger was shameful, because if it were him, he’d likely fare no better.
But right now, with similar words, he felt…
A subtle nuance.
A while later, Li Zhaoyi would understand that this kind of almost ambiguous tone was the most standard flirtatious rhetoric. It might not mean anything yet for the moment, but it was definitely driven by desire. In short, the word ‘scoundrel’ sufficed to describe it. Facing such teasing, giving a slap would be the most correct choice.
But right now, he understood nothing.
So he could only force himself to say: “…No. You’re mistaken.”
He didn’t want to talk to Yun Yin.
Out of fear, and for other reasons too. In any case, he didn’t want to.
But Yun Yin didn’t let him off.
Yun Yin looked at him, and suddenly spoke: “Your Majesty went to Her Highness the Grand Princess’s palace earlier today. You said some things to her. Correct?”
Li Zhaoyi froze.
–
It took Li Zhaoyi a long moment before he said, somewhat dazedly:
“…Yes.”
He didn’t know why Yun Yin would suddenly bring this up.
About this matter, he had always felt a little guilty, but it was only the guilt of meddling beyond his place.
He looked at Yun Yin, blinking slowly.
After a moment, he suddenly realized something, his eyes abruptly widening. He urgently explained: “I didn’t mean to do anything to her. I just wanted…”
He looked at Yun Yin, somewhat incredulously, and asked, “Do you think I would hurt her?”
His guess was far from the truth. In fact, neither Chang Zixuan nor Yun Yin felt that Li Zhaoyi, in his utterly helpless state, could hurt anyone.
But Yun Yin didn’t deny it. He merely looked at Li Zhaoyi and said, “If I remember correctly, Your Majesty and the Grand Princess are not familiar.”
Li Zhaoyi pressed his lips tightly together.
After a moment, he said quietly: “Isn’t she my older sister?”
Yun Yin was slightly stunned.
“You clearly said,” Li Zhaoyi looked at him, repeating his words exactly, “You said that she is my older sister, and that she also misses me very much. That in the future, I could talk and chat with her more.”
This wasn’t what he most wanted to say. But right now, he had finally realized that what he wanted to say might not matter to Yun Yin, it might even be ridiculed. Out of a secretive, self-defeating emotion, he swallowed those words down.
Silence filled the hall. Yun Yin looked at him, and for a moment, didn’t know what to say.
Yes.
Li Chunyue was Li Zhaoyi’s biological older sister.
But Li Zhaoyu was also Li Zhaocheng’s biological younger brother. Not to mention the past—Li Chunjin, who had insulted Li Zhaoyi this afternoon, was likewise Li Zhaoyi’s biological older sister. Yet everyone was accustomed to this, because familial affection didn’t exist within the Li Imperial Family. They all knew this.
Yun Yin almost suspected Li Zhaoyi was acting. But the hurt in the other’s expression was far too obvious, to the point where it made him seem like the guilty party.
He almost laughed involuntarily. This was indeed a very compelling reason.
At this point, dwelling on the why was meaningless.
Yun Yin said no more. He stood up and said simply: “Alright. Your Majesty, please retire early.”
He walked outwards. Behind him, Li Zhaoyi called his name:
“Yun Yin!”
His voice was very low: “You don’t believe me, do you?”
Yun Yin raised his eyes. Thinking of something, he looked at the moonlight outside and smiled: “Your Majesty, trust is the most worthless thing in this palace.”
Li Zhaoyi pressed his lips together.
He wanted to say something, but held back.
He asked, his voice very soft: “Then… are you going to kill me?”
This time, the one who didn’t speak was Yun Yin.
Li Zhaoyi automatically interpreted this silence as a tacit affirmation. He clenched his sleeves tightly and was silent for a very long time.
Just as Yun Yin dropped his gaze, intending to speak again, he heard Li Zhaoyi’s voice.
“If you are going to kill me,” he said softly, “can I make one request?”
He had returned to his usual tone. A sentence spoken very slowly, but with clear enunciation.
Yun Yin thought absentmindedly that the voice sounded truly deceptive, but his own gaze sharpened simultaneously.
When a person knows they are about to face death, even if they want to hide secrets, they cannot help but reveal parts of their true feelings. Because they know that if they don’t speak now, perhaps there will truly be no chance later.
After all, he and Li Zhaoyi didn’t understand each other. Unless the other person was exceedingly arrogant, they would always feel fear at such a time.
So, what did Li Zhaoyi want?
He waited for Li Zhaoyi’s answer.
Not long after, the person behind him spoke: “If it’s possible… could you take me outside the palace, and then kill me?”
This was an answer Yun Yin had never anticipated.
He paused for two seconds: “Why?”
Li Zhaoyi’s lips moved.
“Because someone told me.” He said slowly. “The world outside is very beautiful, but I’ve never seen it. So, if I have the chance… I want to go out of the palace and take a look.”
Even if it was just for that short stretch of time before his death.
Yun Yin didn’t speak.
After he left, Li Zhaoyi stood in the same spot for a very long time.
Afterward, he went back to his bed, curled up at the head of the bed, and slowly wrapped his arms around his knees.
~
That night, Li Zhaoyi slept very poorly.
After several days, he had a nightmare again. In the dream, it was sometimes the night of the coup, and other times many things from the past that had happened.
Actually, it had been a long time since he dreamt of the past—the water-soaked, tattered cotton batting, the damp, moldy cabinet, and also…
Winter.
Very cold winters. The air itself seemed to be frozen.
The water was cold too.
The icy lake water pressed in from all directions, as if it wanted to drown him completely.
He breathed in hard, but only inhaled the freezing lake water. The suffocation grew heavier and heavier.
No…
He didn’t want to die.
Li Zhaoyi struggled, but could never break free from that devouring terror.
Just as he was almost in despair, a blurred voice suddenly came to his ears, seeming distant yet near.
At that very instant, a strong force grabbed his waist. Someone caught hold of him and pulled him ashore in one motion. Li Zhaoyi’s body felt abruptly light. He opened his eyes.
His body was covered in a layer of sticky sweat. A corner of the blanket had been lifted. The Old Eunuch, De Quan, was calling his name worriedly from the side. Seeing him awake, he finally breathed a sigh of relief.
“Your Majesty had a nightmare?” De Quan said. “The hot water has been prepared for Your Majesty. Later, this servant will light some Calming Incense for you. Your Majesty mustn’t sleep with your head covered under the blanket again.”
Li Zhaoyi sat up, still unable to fully come back to his senses.
–
The entire morning that day, Li Zhaoyi was somewhat listless.
De Quan was terribly worried. He had people prepare all manner of delicious food in new patterns, and even gathered fresh, interesting stories to tell him.
Li Zhaoyi had originally been sickly and weak, but eventually, under De Quan’s coaxing, he felt somewhat embarrassed. In the end, he ate half a bowl of rice more than usual, and even finished a kitten-shaped dessert. Only then was De Quan happier, his gaze upon Li Zhaoyi even more kindly.
Li Zhaoyi really wanted to ask if De Quan was good to him because of Yun Yin, or for some other reason.
But remembering last night, he ultimately didn’t ask.
The Small Portrait was still on the table. He stared at it for a while, then, as if in a fit of pique, put it away in a drawer.
But just as the drawer closed, he felt as if he had done something wrong, and his mind wandered off again.
After his meal, Li Zhaoyi sat in the courtyard, in a daze.
Not long after, someone came to announce that the Prince of Pingnan had entered the palace.
Li Zhaoyi said: “…I refuse to see him.”
The Little Eunuch was stunned. De Quan beside him was also startled. But quickly, he gave a meaningful glance to the Little Eunuch, and the latter ran off swiftly.
De Quan said softly: “Your Majesty, the Prince of Pingnan mentioned to this servant yesterday that Your Majesty is to receive a guest this afternoon, at the Hall of Civil Governance. It should be an important matter.”
Li Zhaoyi pressed his lips together.
…Yesterday?
Wasn’t Yun Yin still trying to kill him yesterday?
He couldn’t make up his mind. In the distance, a familiar figure was already approaching from afar.
Yun Yin was also rather formally dressed today. His refined and composed appearance made it hard to imagine he was the knife-wielding thug from last night.
But as soon as he opened his mouth, his true nature was revealed.
He directly ordered the servants: “His Majesty will receive a guest shortly. Change His Majesty’s attire and prepare the sedan chair.”
Li Zhaoyi immediately raised his head.
He glared at Yun Yin, expressing his intense displeasure with his eyes.
But this look made Yun Yin laugh instead.
After laughing, he leaned down. His slightly hoarse voice brushed past Li Zhaoyi’s ear, casual and offhand.
“Be good,” he said. “Didn’t you want to leave the palace? Listen to me. Once this matter is concluded, I will take you out of the palace.”
