“Those paintings are nothing but my trivial tricks, unfit for any proper stage.”
Gu Xiaodeng was surprised to hear him evaluate himself that way. His demeanor seemed less like humility and more like self-deprecation. “You don’t like painting? But you paint so well! I can feel the joy in your paintings.”
“I don’t like it, and they bring me no joy.” Gu Jinyu averted his gaze, taking a cup from the food box and placing it before him. “I also paint poorly. Among my peers, those more skilled in ink and color are everywhere. If you ever have the chance to meet them, you’ll see I’m utterly unremarkable, lost in the crowd.”
The way Gu Xiaodeng looked at him was too pure and fervent, and he did not like it.
Or rather, a subtle fear was a more fitting description.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Right now, I think you’re the best.” Gu Xiaodeng cupped the celadon cup he’d placed before him with both hands. “You learn so many things. Isn’t the burden too great?”
Gu Jinyu countered, “And you? The household must arrange all sorts of lessons for you. Are you adapting?”
Gu Xiaodeng shook his head, his tone natural. “I don’t like it, but one must learn to take things as they come. When I’m sad, I think of the sky, the earth, and all of you. I really want to be closer to you all. If I do that, any lesson becomes bearable.”
“Not a single trace of resentment when you think of me?”
Gu Xiaodeng laughed. “Jinyu, are you wishing for me to dislike you? I thought everyone wanted to be liked, just like I hope to gain your affection, the same way I like you.”
Gu Jinyu took the last cup from the food box, his fingertips carrying two layers of warmth. He pondered whether this was his innate promiscuous nature or a masterful act.
“Is there always this much food when only two people are eating? Second Sister and Third Brother must be having a Manchu-Han Imperial Feast today, right? Jinyu, don’t open the lid, let me do it. I want to guess the dishes!” Gu Xiaodeng’s attention flitted everywhere. He eagerly closed his eyes, fingers fluttering in the air before feeling each cup, opening the lids in order to smell the fragrance, amusing himself by guessing the dishes.
Gu Jinyu didn’t reply, watching him for a long while. He discovered that Gu Xiaodeng didn’t need his participation at all; he could play by himself for ages. During dinner, he played first and ate later, with an excellent appetite, so happy that Gu Jinyu couldn’t focus his mind.
After eating and washing up, he moved his chair to sit beside him, his desire to share and curiosity seemingly endless. He brought up all sorts of bizarre, childish questions to ask him, most often about whether someone was happy or not.
Gu Jinyu thought his questions were foolish, making his own answers clumsy in turn.
“Jinyu, why did you name your big bird Blossom Ashes? I know Blossom Ashes means the lamp wick forming a flower to herald good fortune. It sounds beautiful and auspicious. And look, I am Little Lamp, and your bird is the lampflower. We’re connected by fate to this extent!”
Gu Jinyu was momentarily at a loss for words, even finding a sliver of twisted logic in it, though the term “big bird” hurt his ears.
Gu Xiaodeng enthusiastically shared that his pony was named Little Run, and recounted his first meeting with Ge Dongchen and Guan Yunji that day: “Listening to them introduce themselves, they’re all your good friends, right? That Young Master Guan has a lot of pride, like a big goose.”
He mimicked their demeanor—how they walked, how they looked at people—vividly and perfectly.
The corner of Gu Jinyu’s lips curled up, finding it genuinely amusing.
They were not good friends. They were jackals of the same lair.
“But Brother Dongchen was different from the others. Warm-hearted, loves to laugh and talk. I liked him very much.”
The laughter vanished from Gu Jinyu’s eyes. He listened to Gu Xiaodeng incessantly describe Ge Dongchen taking him horseback riding, thinking to himself that his affection was indeed cheap and indiscriminate.
He watched coldly, and when Xiaodeng grew thirsty from talking, he handed him a cup of water and said softly, “Aside from the Gu family members, you may interact appropriately with people from other noble houses, but don’t form deep friendships.”
Gu Xiaodeng took a sip of honeyed water, his cheeks puffing slightly as he mumbled, “Huh? Why?”
“Between noble houses, there are too many grievances. Even for the children of nobility, interactions must be carefully measured.”
“How old are the people in our generation? We’re all teenagers. Why must we inherit the grudges of our parents, uncles, and aunts?”
Gu Jinyu fell silent for a moment. “The martial world you lived in before, didn’t it also adhere to the rule that a son pays his father’s debts? All human relationships under heaven are like this. Otherwise, you and Zhang Dengqing wouldn’t have needed to travel a thousand miles to come here.”
Gu Xiaodeng held the cup, poking his ten fingers together. “We had other reasons too… But you’re right. Where there are people, there are grievances. We’ve seen one person’s grudge become a family’s, then an entire village’s. The books speak of meeting with a smile and forgetting all enmity, but that’s probably quite rare. Most situations make people slap their thighs and sigh, ‘When will this cycle of revenge ever end?’ Just like you hope I’ll dislike you, but I hope we can get along well, chatting happily and relaxedly like now. That’s very good.”
Gu Jinyu was silent for a moment, then smiled slowly. “Changluo has only one you, but many Gu Jinyus.”
Gu Xiaodeng froze, then shoved the cup in his hand into Jinyu’s grasp, his small hands wrapping around Jinyu’s larger one. “That’s absolutely impossible. Jinyu is just Jinyu. You can’t substitute for anyone else, and no one else can replace you.”
He sensed that suffocating aura around Gu Jinyu, the same one from the Ghost Festival when he was drowning in the water. He tightened his grip on his hand. “Jinyu, I don’t know any of the real facts. Can you tell me about the grudges between noble houses?”
Gu Jinyu looked down at the wavering reflection in the cup for a moment. When he looked up, everything was as usual. He smiled and reclaimed the initiative, “Alright. I originally meant to warn you. The others in the family likely won’t tell you about the entanglements between houses. Royal Father is not accustomed to speaking plainly. Mother Consort won’t mention what’s in her heart. Second Sister and Third Brother each have their own dilemmas… Only I am removed from it all. If you ask them, they might be evasive and increasingly ignore you.”
Hearing this, Gu Xiaodeng thought it was true. His parents and older siblings didn’t like him; how could he cling to them and ask questions? He drooped, rubbing the back of his neck. “Then I’ll just ask you.”
Gu Jinyu’s goal was precisely to become his sole channel of information. He leaned close to his ear and whispered, “Xiaodeng, listen to me. In the future, stay far away from Ge Dongchen. You can get closer to Guan Yunji. The Guan and Gu families merely check and balance each other. But the Ge family, with Mother Consort’s An family, has a deep-seated feud. This is a secret of the household. Just keep it in your heart. Remember, do not speak of it.”
Gu Xiaodeng was shaken by the words “deep-seated feud.” “What kind of feud…”
“Over twenty years ago, the An family was framed by anonymous parties and caught in a false case. Overnight, they were stripped of their property and exiled. Mother Consort and Youngest Uncle were among the few survivors.” Gu Jinyu’s voice lingered in his ear like mist. “Later, Royal Father helped Mother Consort investigate in secret and discovered that the ones who framed the An family back then were the Ge family.”
“Can’t justice be sought?”
Gu Jinyu’s voice grew even softer. “His Majesty the Emperor was unwilling to proclaim the An family innocent. He believed that if he exonerated the An family and severely punished the Ge family, it would damage his sacred reputation. Moreover, the Southern Border’s warfare requires the Ge family generals year-round. His Majesty ordered the two families to settle privately.”
Gu Xiaodeng’s heart trembled. “He’s the Emperor, how can he be so shameless!”
“All land under heaven belongs to the king. You can say a few angry words in front of me, but once you leave my side, keep them all hidden in your heart.”
Hidden in the heart, twisting a thousand times until blood is vomited up. Under the Gu family’s flying eaves, every soul should be equally tormented.
What right did anyone have to shine alone, untainted by the gloom?
“Mother Consort has probably kept it all hidden in her heart like that. On the surface, she cannot provoke the enemy who destroyed her family, cannot even mention the injustice her main family suffered. She is forced to feign civility. Every year, on the death anniversary of the An family, she always falls ill. I am merely a casual acquaintance with Dongchen, but closer with Yunji. You can follow my example.”
Gu Xiaodeng’s eyes reddened. “Alright… When is the An family’s death anniversary? Is Mother Consort very haggard from her illness?”
“Late November.” Gu Jinyu’s tone matched the sorrow, but his eyes were cold. “Haggardness is unavoidable.”
Gu Xiaodeng felt terrible. “If she falls ill again this year, I want to take care of her. I know how to care for the sick. My Sworn Father used to be ill often, and I would help out…”
Gu Jinyu said “good,” but he knew if Gu Xiaodeng actually went to tend to her illness, An Ruoyi’s condition would only worsen. She was disgusted by him; the more she saw him, the sicker she’d get.
He spoke half-truths and half-falsehoods about the Gu family’s relationships with other powerful houses. Halfway through, Gu Xiaodeng suddenly asked, “Jinyu, speaking of Youngest Uncle, Brother Qing helped me find out that Uncle is the Su family’s second son-in-law. So between the Su family and us, there are no grudges, right?”
Gu Jinyu observed him without betraying any emotion. “Correct. The relationship between the Gu, Su, and An families is currently on good terms. However, the Su family’s legitimate son, Su Mingya, has a congenital Asthma Affliction and is frail and sickly. If the Gu and Su families interact, you’d best stay far away from Su Mingya. He is too fragile. The Su family is too protective of him and often takes their anger out on bystanders.”
Gu Xiaodeng nodded sadly.
Gu Jinyu finished the rest of his explanation. As night deepened, he prepared to patiently coax this little fool to sleep. Who knew the fool would cling to him with more questions: “Jinyu, do you know about Eldest Sister’s matter?”
Gu Jinyu’s sleeve felt heavy. He glanced at the outer room and lowered his head, whispering, “Eldest Sister was sent beyond the border for a political marriage three years ago. Stepping out of the Central Plains is like exile. Xiaodeng, remember, never mention Eldest Sister in front of Royal Father and Mother Consort. See, within the Gu family, no one speaks of the Eldest Young Lady.”
Gu Xiaodeng felt sad again. “Is it that Father and Mother are heartbroken at the mention of Eldest Sister? The Northern Border is too far from the Jin Kingdom. It’s as if she was married off to the edge of the world.”
“No, it’s not heartbreak. It’s displeasure.”
Gu Xiaodeng was stunned.
“The borders on all four sides of the Jin Kingdom are not peaceful. The most unstable are the Foreign Tribes on the Northern and Southern borders. His Majesty is unwilling to expend national strength. He only heavily garrisons troops against the South but advocates peace talks for the North. Royal Father is the Prince Zhenbei. Towards the Northern Rong, the Gu family has always advocated for war, never peace. Third Brother’s name, Pinghan, comes from this—Hanzhou is the border city between Jin and the Northern Rong, half-occupied, still unable to be fully reclaimed.”
Gu Jinyu tried to explain the grand situation as concisely and clearly as possible.
“Eldest Sister was sent to the palace early on as a Selected Lady, but she was noticed by visiting Northern Rong envoys, who demanded her as a tribute for the political marriage. His Majesty agreed. Royal Father could not defy the imperial edict. This matter is a thorn, where family loyalty and national policy conflict. Consequently, he feels little pity for Eldest Sister. Mother Consort is the same.”
Gu Xiaodeng could no longer hold back. Choking up, he said, “How could this be? What did Eldest Sister ever do wrong from beginning to end?”
She was born into the wrong family.
Gu Jinyu lowered his hand and caught Gu Xiaodeng’s tear. His fingertip gently kneaded the warmth that was meant for him alone, and he calmly mocked his naivety. “Because the son pays the father’s debts, and the people pay the nation’s dues.”
Gu Xiaodeng empathized too deeply, crying in fits and starts. He buried his head on Jinyu’s shoulder, throwing his arms around him, sobbing endlessly.
Gu Jinyu didn’t want to hold him, so he just stayed there like a wooden post, closing his eyes and listening to his cries.
It was both satisfying.
And filled with anticipation.
So pitiful. A far-married, abandoned eldest sister could make him this sad.
What about his Sworn Brother, then?
Gu Xiaodeng fell asleep in sadness and woke up under the newly risen sun. Upon waking, all worries vanished like smoke.
Gu Jinyu had arranged for him to sleep at the other end of the bedroom, separated by a twelve-fold cursive script screen. All the characters on the screen were personally written by Gu Pinghan.
Now, the thin sunlight streamed in, and the characters on the screen seemed like swimming dragons, vivid one by one.
Gu Xiaodeng couldn’t read cursive script, but he stood in the dawn light, gazing at it with fascination for a long while. Even without being able to read it, he could feel the life force within the calligraphy.
Having seen enough, he walked around the screen to find Gu Jinyu. But the bed was empty, the pillow and blankets neatly folded.
He assumed Gu Jinyu had gotten up early to attend to official business. But soon, a stream of servants filed in, attending to his washing, serving his breakfast. The crowd made him uncomfortable.
He asked the nearest servant boy, “Hey, do you know where Fourth Young Master went so early in the morning?”
The servant boy replied calmly, “Replying to Cousin Young Master, Fourth Young Master was summoned by the Prince last night and has not yet returned.”
Gu Xiaodeng guessed it was something important, so he asked no more, only feeling awkward. “You don’t need so many people surrounding me. Where is Steward Zhu? And Zhang Dengqing? If possible, just having the two of them in charge of me is enough.”
The servant boy was businesslike. “Steward Zhu has also been reassigned by the Prince. As for this Zhang Dengqing you mentioned, this slave has never heard of him. I fear there is no such servant in the Prince’s mansion.”
“Why are you joking so early in the morning?” Gu Xiaodeng laughed. “He entered the residence with me. He was also with me yesterday, right by my side. You all should have seen him.”
That servant boy calmly repeated, “I am sorry, Cousin Young Master. This slave has never heard of him, nor seen such a person.”
Gu Xiaodeng’s heart grew uneasy. He turned to ask a familiar-looking maidservant where Zhang Dengqing was, but she gave the exact same answer.
Gu Xiaodeng wanted to dash outside, but all the servants suddenly knelt down, forming a circle and surrounding him in the center.
They told him in unison, “Today is the Heir’s birthday. Please stop your steps here and do not disturb the honored guests of the household.”
Gu Xiaodeng’s voice trembled slightly. “Fine, I won’t go out. Just call Zhang Dengqing here.”
Everyone told him decisively, “Cousin Young Master, this slave has never heard of Zhang Dengqing, nor ever seen such a person.”
