Chapter 4

Gu Xiaodeng was utterly exhausted, and he had cried his fill. The sadness brimming in his chest, he didn’t know if it was his own or empathy for another’s. All he knew was that he felt like an ever-inflating ball, and if he didn’t cry it all out, he was going to burst with a bang.

He wept freely, swaying in the water while holding onto Gu Jinyu, sending ripples outward in layers. Panic turned him into a little chatterbox: “Gu Jinyu, Gu Jinyu! Say something, quick! Don’t tell me you’ve been under so long you’ve gone senseless? Why doesn’t this pond have a shore? You’re so tall and heavy, I can’t hold you up! Are you still hurting? Just hold on a bit longer, I’ll call for help right now. Zhu Mi! Brother Zhu! Door God Zhu!”

His clear, bright voice pierced through the winding corridors and pavilions, startling a few white doves perched in the distance. Gu Xiaodeng watched that line of white wings fly past and grew even more desperate, shaking Gu Jinyu again. “Even the little birds are flying over, where are the adults?”

The wooden figure in his arms suddenly stirred. Gu Xiaodeng felt Gu Jinyu shift the entire weight of his body onto his shoulder. Then, he heard a sharp whistle sound right next to his ear.

The wind rose instantly. In the span of a few blinks, a nimble figure appeared on the pavilion, rushing toward them like a bird. He was right there in an instant.

The newcomer was also a teenager, his face practically a miniature version of Zhu Mi. But unlike Zhu Mi’s cold, stoic mask, this boy was visibly shocked. He stepped onto the corridor railing, reached down, and yelled, “Fourth Young Master, why are you in the water! Quick, give me your hand!”

Gu Xiaodeng was overjoyed. He was just about to muster his strength to lift Gu Jinyu up when he felt a pair of hands underwater seize him by the waist, abruptly hoisting him out of the surface.

“Take him away.”

“…Yes!”

Water splashed loudly. Disoriented, Gu Xiaodeng looked down. The remaining tears in his eyes dripped onto the space between Gu Jinyu’s brows. That tear just happened to slide into his eye socket, yet Gu Jinyu stared up at him without blinking. Though his complexion was deathly pale, his gaze was as deep and still as an abyss.

Gu Xiaodeng’s tears stopped.

He sensed an extremely subtle emotion emanating from Gu Jinyu. It was no longer that dense, suffocating oppression, but a calm, indifferent composure.

Gu Xiaodeng drifted into a daze, wondering what Gu Jinyu was thinking about—both when he was drowning in the water just moments ago, and now, floating here.

Gu Jinyu had just escaped death, yet his strength was still so great. The veins bulged on the back of his hands, matched with a ghastly pale, picturesque face and lips kissed raw. Power and beauty, strength and fragility—all perfectly balanced on him. A thought flashed through Gu Xiaodeng’s mind: Lotus in Mud. He felt Gu Jinyu was destined to be the unattainable flower on a high peak in the dreams of Jiangnan lotus harvesters—impossible to pluck, yet impossible to look away from.

At that moment, the young boy who closely resembled Zhu Mi put strength into his arms and pulled Gu Xiaodeng up in one swift motion. Gu Xiaodeng’s train of thought shattered. He let out a yelp, landing sprawled on his back on the corridor. He then watched the young boy fish Gu Jinyu out with the utmost care and precision.

He watched and huffed, his little head buzzing with eight hundred strange thoughts. He mused how his own exit from the water was like pulling up a mud-caked radish, while Gu Jinyu emerging from the water was like freshly cooked lotus root—a glistening, delicious dish.

Gu Jinyu’s body swayed twice, and the young boy anxiously rushed to support him. He then glared at Gu Xiaodeng without distinguishing right from wrong. “What kind of servant are you? How did you drag the Fourth Young Master into the water and take liberties with him? When I report this to Steward Zhu shortly, you’ll be in for it!”

Gu Xiaodeng shook his head like a puppy, his hair bun drooping limply to the side. He scrambled up with a heave-ho, not bothering to fault the boy for biting the hand that fed him. His attention shifted from Gu Jinyu to the young boy, curiosity ebbing and flowing like the tide. “You look just like a younger version of Zhu Mi. You must be his brother, right? Your face is way more expressive than his.”

The young boy stared at Gu Xiaodeng’s broken lip and scrunched up his little stinky face. He was about to speak when Zhu Mi, who had been playing deaf and mute, finally arrived late. Upon seeing them, he realized the situation was anything but ordinary, and his stoic face finally creased into a frown.

He strode over and bowed. “Fourth Young Master? What are you doing here?”

As he spoke, he scolded the mini version of himself. “Zhu Liu, mind your manners. The one before you is the newly arrived Cousin Young Master. You must not raise your chin at a master!”

Gu Xiaodeng rubbed his own face, flicking off water droplets. He licked his lip, curling away the thin taste of blood, and thought to himself: One Mi, one Liu. The big one is a cold lump of iron, and the little one is a fire poker. This is way too interesting.

Seeing their wretched state, Zhu Mi immediately led them to a nearby courtyard—which turned out to be Gu Xiaodeng’s residence. Gu Jinyu had Zhu Liu supporting him. Zhu Mi certainly wasn’t going to lend Gu Xiaodeng a hand. He could only trudge along under the weight of his waterlogged, cumbersome clothes. By the time he got back to his room, he was cold, hungry, and exhausted, flopping straight onto the floor and groaning.

All the servants took orders from Zhu Mi. Nearly all of them flocked to attend to Gu Jinyu. Only one sturdy young servant boy came over and carried Gu Xiaodeng into the inner chamber like picking up a lamb.

“Can I get a bathtub? About the size of a water vat. Or a water vat would do too…” Gu Xiaodeng gestured weakly. “I want to soak in hot water and take a nap…”

Question marks flashed across the servant boy’s mind, but he efficiently carried out the request. He actually emptied a flower planter’s water vat from outside, moved it in, poured in warm water, propped Gu Xiaodeng up, and started stripping his clothes to stuff him inside.

Gu Xiaodeng didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “I’ll do it myself, I’ll do it myself. You don’t need to peel the dumpling wrapper before dropping it in!”

Wearing his inner garment, he slipped into the water vat like an eel. He let out a loud sigh of satisfaction, squinting his eyes as he curled into a position that was both stifling and comfortable—like a shrimp. Strange yet amusing, he started to doze off.

The shock of this morning’s encounter with his birth parents dissolved away in this protective water. He drifted hazily, thinking that tomorrow would always get better and better, thinking of Zhang Dengqing, thinking of Gu Jinyu.

He could even hum a song hazily to comfort himself, finding joy in himself, and that joy was boundless.

Suddenly, something like a strand of waterweed brushed against his lips. Gu Xiaodeng cracked his sleepy eyes open and saw Gu Jinyu, now changed into fresh clothes. His long hair hung down, still damp, and seeing it made Gu Xiaodeng really want to touch it.

So he actually reached out and did. Damp vapor settled into the shadows beneath Gu Jinyu’s eyelashes.

“Gu Xiaodeng.” Gu Jinyu’s voice was as gentle as when they first met. “Don’t you hate me?”

“Swapping identities at birth wasn’t your fault…” The question came out of nowhere, but Gu Xiaodeng, in his drowsiness, accurately grasped his meaning. He yawned and rambled on softly. “You’re so smart and pretty. Who wouldn’t like you? You were raised here. You had rules you absolutely had to learn. I bet you suffered a lot too, right? When I saw you, I thought you were impressive. My dad taught me to emulate the virtuous when I see them. You’re the number one virtuous person, as rare as an Iron-Eating Beast. I really like watching Iron-Eating Beasts.”

Gu Xiaodeng spoke in leaps and bounds. Gu Jinyu roughly understood his meaning but didn’t quite believe in this lighthearted, open-minded attitude. So he smiled and said, “You came too late. Even if you had come to claim your kin just three months earlier, before I entered the palace, you wouldn’t be this passive. The misalignment between us is set in stone. You can’t replace me. Fate is sometimes this ironic, isn’t it?”

Gu Xiaodeng naturally went along with his reflection. “Yes, fate, aww!”

Gu Jinyu: “…”

Gu Xiaodeng perked up a little. Comfortably soaking in the water, so comfortable he really didn’t want to come out, he grabbed Gu Jinyu’s hand and swayed it. He looked up at him with sparkling eyes. “Gu Jinyu, I used to be a peddler, Zhang Xiaodeng. Tomorrow, I have to start learning to be Cousin Young Master Gu Xiaodeng. You’re so capable. Can you give me some tips on how to learn? If not, can you talk to Zhu Mi and ask him to be a little more tolerant of me? His face is like unrisen dough, old, tough, and hard. That’s not good. People who don’t smile are hard to get along with. Being around them is scary.”

Gu Jinyu fell silent.

This was the first time anyone had ever acted spoiled with him.

And it was a combo attack.

“Just give me a little guidance, help me out. I want to learn to be a bit more impressive. That way, one day, Mom might praise me again. Wouldn’t that be great? And the other brothers and sisters, I want to be able to talk to them, to have fun with them.”

Gu Xiaodeng’s simple, straightforward desires, along with the clear water swaying around him, lay plainly before Gu Jinyu’s eyes. He lowered his head, drawing closer to him. His loose, damp hair cascaded down into Gu Xiaodeng’s palm, and Gu Xiaodeng caught it there.

“Of course,” Gu Jinyu coaxed, his voice patient and guiding. “There’s just one thing. This morning, you saved me. You promised not to tell anyone. Can you keep that promise?”

“I can, I can, I can!” Gu Xiaodeng agreed profusely. He stroked Gu Jinyu’s hair again, puzzled by his plunge into the water. “But why did you do it?”

“Because you kissed me.” Gu Jinyu skirted the real issue, calmly using an exaggerated excuse to gloss over it. “Although it was to save me, you kissed my lips raw. If this matter gets out, it will damage my reputation. At best, I’ll suffer the Family Law. At worst, it will ruin my future marriage prospects.”

“But we’re both male, yeah?”

“That makes it even more damaging to one’s reputation.”

Gu Jinyu dealt with it casually and at ease. He could never have predicted then that the careless words he spoke today would all become stumbling blocks for his future self.

After a round of probing, Gu Jinyu left East Forest Garden. Every fifteenth of the month was the Crown Princess’s gracious day of leave for him. But the fifteenth often coincided with festivals, making the time off barely more than nothing—like a Tathagata that might not come, or a rest that might not be rest.

Zhu Mi saw him out. Gu Jinyu dismissed Zhu Liu on an errand, then walked slowly, speaking softly. “Your younger brother has performed remarkably in the palace. He is very much in the Third Princess’s good graces.”

Zhu Mi bowed. “Xiao Liu is a dull child. He relies entirely on the Fourth Young Master’s guidance and promotion.”

“No need to deprecate him on his behalf. The noble person favors his simplicity and honesty. He has his own natural talent.” Gu Jinyu made his point and stopped there. “Remember this: no one can fulfill your long-cherished wish except me.”

“I understand.” Zhu Mi’s voice deepened. “On the Heir’s side, I will also keep an eye out for you.”

Gu Jinyu nodded indifferently. Then, the corner of his eye twitched slightly. “Gu Xiaodeng. Keep an eye on him for me as well.”

Zhu Mi nodded. “Just a good-for-nothing. The Prince sees him as worthless as weeds.”

“He is dull, but his face took the best features of those two. If he’s not raised to be a jackal-official, raising him for another use is more than sufficient.”

In his heart, Gu Jinyu couldn’t quite articulate his feelings about this unlucky True Young Master. His emotions were thin. He was a block of wood himself, and saw everyone else as sickly trees. But Gu Xiaodeng possessed an inexplicably captivating radiance, unique to him alone, which made one wary and suspicious.

He had a strong intuition. He didn’t like Gu Xiaodeng. But among the highborn nobles of this generation he was familiar with, there was bound to be someone who would adore this type to the point of madness.

Zhu Mi observed his expression and asked softly, “This morning, you…”

“Just an accident.” Gu Jinyu cut him off. “It won’t happen again.”

Zhu Mi said nothing further. He had served Gu Jinyu since childhood and knew that this standout among the elite younger generation of nobles was excellent in every way. He just had one occasional affliction: he would silently seek death, then resolutely, adamantly seek life.

He could roughly guess where this affliction came from, but as a servant, he was in no position to comment. So he had become a cold-eyed bystander.

Zhu Mi saw off this culmination of the Gu family’s human craftsmanship. When he returned, he saw Gu Xiaodeng out of the water vat, amusing himself like a child. He wondered if this True Young Master would have the fortune of receiving the Gu family’s tutelage in the future.

Then Gu Xiaodeng spotted him and, full of enthusiasm, decided to be the first to “tutor” this mature, steady adult.

“Door God Zhu, smile! Look, I’m smiling like this. Have a little fun!” Gu Xiaodeng put on an infectiously radiant grin. To be honest, the sight did lift one’s mood a few degrees.

But Zhu Mi was curious. “Cousin Young Master, at dawn you were walking and crying. And now you can laugh out loud?”

Gu Xiaodeng was gathering his damp hair ends, smoothing and scrunching to squeeze out the droplets. Taking care of himself, cherishing himself. “When you’re sad, you cry. Now I’m happy, so I laugh. Isn’t that what everyone does?”

Zhu Mi glanced back over everyone he had ever known in his life. None had this kind of disposition.

Not in the Gu family. Perhaps there was none in all of Changluo.

He was, without a doubt, an anomaly.