Chapter 54

“Brother.”

Those words seemed to have used up all of Gu Yuan’s strength.

Through the mottled light on the kitchen island, Zhou Chiyu saw a tear seeping from the corner of Gu Yuan’s eye.

That tear not only fell onto his hoodie but also burned into Zhou Chiyu’s heart, scorching his insides with pain.

“I think you already know how I feel about you.” A bitter smile rose on Gu Yuan’s pale cheeks. “That’s why you’ve been avoiding me, right?”

Zhou Chiyu lowered his gaze to stare at his milk, his heartbeat pounding painfully in his eardrums.

“But I seem unable to control my feelings, or rather, I harbored a sliver of hope.” Gu Yuan’s eyes were vacant as tears silently slid down both sides of his face. “I hoped you might like me too. Even in the worst case, I’d prepared for that—as long as you let me stay by your side.”

“That day was my fault. I offended you.”

A layer of mist formed in Gu Yuan’s eyes. “I made you feel disgusted, didn’t I?”

“No.” Zhou Chiyu clenched his clothes tightly, his face twisted in conflict. “I never thought you were bad. I just… I just couldn’t accept it.”

“I’ve always seen you as my real brother.”

“I… I never imagined our familial love could turn into romance.”

Gazing at those bewildered and uneasy eyes across from him, Gu Yuan’s pupils slowly lost focus. He dug at the wound crusted with dark red scabs until it cracked open and bled.

As expected, Zhou Chiyu’s answer was just as he had feared.

“Mm, I understand.” He stood up gently, his eyelashes lowered as he smiled. “Little Fish, I love you very much, but I don’t want you to hate me. If my presence troubles you, then from now on, I’ll try my best not to appear in your world.”

“Brother!”

Zhou Chiyu lifted his tear-streaked face and stumbled over to grab Gu Yuan’s hand, sobbing softly. “Are you punishing me?”

The back of the hand Gu Yuan held throbbed with bulging veins.

He looked at Zhou Chiyu in confusion, his throat rough as if scraped by sandpaper. “Punishing you?”

“You know I can’t live without you, yet you say you don’t want me anymore.” Zhou Chiyu cried like an abandoned fledgling, his eyes growing redder. “My whole family is gone. You and Grandpa are my last relatives. You know I definitely wouldn’t want to lose you, but you still insist on leaving me. Isn’t that punishing me?”

Gu Yuan raised his trembling hand but stopped it midway in the air.

“You’re just selfish!” Zhou Chiyu held back his tears and accused loudly. “At five years old, you knew to make a fake ID card to comfort me. How can you not understand how hard this is for me now! You were the one who kissed me first! And now you’re the one who wants to run away!”

“You’ve changed…” he murmured hoarsely. “You don’t care about me anymore.”

Those words seemed to shatter the psychological defenses Gu Yuan had held back for so long, making those cold eyes flash.

“I don’t care about you anymore?” Gu Yuan stared straight at Zhou Chiyu, questioning word by word. “Is that really what you think?”

Zhou Chiyu trembled like a small beast fallen into a trap, staring blankly at Gu Yuan’s utterly indifferent face.

What he had just said was all out of anger—how could it be taken seriously?

“I-I…”

He licked his dry lips, his previously straight shoulders hunching down. “I didn’t mean—”

At that moment, his shoulders were suddenly gripped. The next second, he was forced to lift his face as Gu Yuan bit down hard on his soft lips, plundering his warm breath in urgent gasps…

He wanted to escape, but his mouth was filled with Gu Yuan’s scent.

“Brother…”

Zhou Chiyu pushed Gu Yuan away, only to be met with Gu Yuan’s disheveled and feeble expression.

“See? If we keep going like this, you’ll hate me more and more. I don’t want you to hate me.” Gu Yuan had lost all of his usual aloof elegance, his dim eyes filled with undisguised sorrow and pleading. “Do you really want me to give a speech at your wedding in the future? Or tell me, what should I do to truly care for you?”

“Brother…”

Zhou Chiyu gently wiped his lips and said softly, “I didn’t mean to just now.”

“This is my fault. I coveted my own little brother. I’m the filthy and sordid one.” Gu Yuan let out a self-deprecating laugh. His right hand’s nails dug deep into his palm, yet it still couldn’t suppress the suffocating emotions. “So please, give me a way to live. Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll take you to the airport.”

“No!”

Zhou Chiyu kept holding Gu Yuan’s wrist and followed him upstairs with messy steps. “I’m not leaving! I won’t leave even if you beat me to death!”

Gu Yuan’s face darkened as he pulled his wrist free. He returned to his room and closed the bedroom door with a “thud.” Zhou Chiyu wedged his body into the door crack, clutching Gu Yuan’s sleeve tightly and slipping inside.

“Brother.”

Zhou Chiyu stood before Gu Yuan with tear-shattered eyes, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He neither spoke nor took a stance, just wept silently.

Gu Yuan’s head throbbed with pain, his chest heaving violently with each breath, as if a rampaging beast was trapped in his heart, his emotions on the verge of losing control.

He closed his eyes. “Then leave the day after tomorrow.”

“No.” Zhou Chiyu bit his lower lip hard. “I want to stay here with you.”

Gu Yuan opened his eyes, a flicker of disbelief passing between his brows.

He didn’t know what Zhou Chiyu truly wanted.

Zhou Chiyu’s face was a mess from crying, his round eyes glistening wetly. “I took a week off. I want to leave on the last day.”

Gu Yuan looked at Zhou Chiyu helplessly, his taut nerves gradually relaxing. “Little Fish, can you tell me what you really want me to do?”

Zhou Chiyu’s eyelashes trembled slightly with his breaths. He wasn’t even sure himself what he wanted, but he knew he didn’t want Gu Yuan to leave.

“I want you to stay with me forever.”

“I-I don’t want you to leave me.”

Those words scraped like a rusty nail against the softest part of Gu Yuan’s heart, over and over.

“You want me to keep being your brother, staying with you, spoiling you, and then gracefully step aside when you find someone you like?”

Gu Yuan took a deep breath. “Sorry, I can’t do that.”

The mere thought of someone else receiving Zhou Chiyu’s love drove him mad with jealousy. He wanted to kill that person.

He wasn’t that noble, able to watch the person he loved be taken away. Nor could he be like the devoted second male lead in dramas, magnanimously offering blessings at the finale.

“That’s not what I mean.” Zhou Chiyu crossed his hands in front of him like a lost child. “I-I can just not date anyone, not get married. Would that work?”

Gu Yuan’s expression froze as he stared at him slowly. “Do you know what you’re saying?”

“Of course I do.” Zhou Chiyu’s voice carried a sob. “I don’t want to lose you. Compared to losing you, none of that matters.”

“Brother, I really can’t accept losing another family member!”

The last sentence was roared out by Zhou Chiyu at the top of his lungs.

Gu Yuan suddenly felt himself to be cruel. He had witnessed firsthand how devastated five-year-old Zhou Chiyu had been upon learning the truth.

“You really don’t care…”

The mad wind outside the window had stopped at some point.

Gu Yuan’s throat tightened; he could even hear his own clear heartbeat.

He had just been prepared to decisively exit Zhou Chiyu’s world.

But now…

“Fine.”

Gu Yuan seemed to have suddenly figured it out. “If you meet someone you truly like, then I’ll let go.”

“Brother? What do you mean?” Zhou Chiyu’s tear-stained fingertips gently grasped Gu Yuan’s wrist. “Do you still want me?”

“Mm.” Gu Yuan gently held his wrist, pulling him closer. “I’ll stay with you until you find your own happiness.”

“But before you leave me, I’ll do my best to make you fall in love with me.”

His bottom line in front of Zhou Chiyu seemed utterly worthless.

“Brother.” Zhou Chiyu hesitated for a moment, then timidly tiptoed up, wrapping his arms around Gu Yuan’s neck and burying his face gently in the crook of his neck. “Then I don’t have to leave anymore, right?”

Gu Yuan’s body trembled lightly. He then bent down, hugging Zhou Chiyu tightly in his arms. “When the time comes, I’ll go back to China with you.”

“Really?” Zhou Chiyu lifted his tear-streaked face. “That’s great. I thought you weren’t going back.”

“Let’s go back.”

Gu Yuan lowered his gaze, his chin rubbing against that soft curly hair. The arm around the other’s lower back trembled slightly, yet he still held on tightly, afraid that if he loosened his grip, the other would disappear.

“That’s wonderful.” Zhou Chiyu curved his lips contentedly, nuzzling against Gu Yuan’s chest like a child. “Brother, I’m willing to spend my whole life with you. I mean it. No regrets.”