Chapter 105: Biochemical Weapon

“Go on.” Chen Ji watched it with amusement and shook his leg. Wasn’t this thing just caught on the mountain? Of course it had fleas or whatever and wasn’t clean. He had no intention of picking it up.

“Why are you clinging to my leg? Aren’t you leaving?”

The little monkey trembled violently but refused to let go. Its entire body lifted off the ground along with Chen Ji’s leg, putting on quite the shameless act. Chen Ji had no choice but to reach down and pry it off. But for every paw he dislodged, the other one clamped right back onto his pant leg. At this rate, he’d have to take his pants off right there if he wanted it gone.

The little monkey was so scared it didn’t even dare lift its head. It buried its face against Chen Ji’s leg and, astonishingly, started to cry.

Chen Ji: “…”

He had no idea what was going on, but it did look rather pitiful. A monkey this size was probably about the equivalent of a three- or four-year-old child. Chen Ji found himself unable to be too harsh.

Second Master Huang drawled coolly: 【Well now, Chen Ji. You really are too soft-hearted. Another freeloader coming along. Careful, or it’ll eat you out of house and home.】

Chen Ji was still carrying the cage with the hedgehog in it. He twitched at the corner of his mouth and casually set the cage on the ground, opening the door. “Off you go. Do you know this little one’s family? If you run into them on the way home, could you let them know to come pick it up?”

Chen Ji was certain there were no monkeys between Shangyang Village and Little Azure Mountain. These weren’t solitary creatures; they lived in troops. If there had been any around, he definitely would have spotted them.

Little Azure Mountain was vast, so the monkey probably came from another wooded area. That said, his own patch of Little Azure Mountain was home to the Mountain Lord, Second Grandpa, Fifth Grandpa, Grandpa Sang, and Grandpa Fish. It made perfect sense for any smart animal to steer clear and live elsewhere.

The hedgehog opened her black-bean eyes and nodded at Chen Ji, then shook her head. But she stayed put inside the cage. Chen Ji: “…What’s wrong?”

Surely she wasn’t planning to mooch off him too? Though hedgehogs didn’t eat much. He could just toss her some fruit or bugs—heck, she could hunt the bugs herself.

He had more than enough fruit around here that went uneaten… Well, actually, no uneaten fruit ever lasted. Anything he didn’t want, he could just hand off to someone and it’d vanish.

Still, skimping a few apples or oranges was easy enough… He wondered if she ate durian.

The little ghost fire, who had finally learned to speak human language fluently after hanging around with Little Translator for a while, piped up: 【Brother Chen! Brother Chen! It says it’s about to give birth! Can it wait until after? The way home’s too far!】

Second Master Huang shot the little ghost fire a lazy glance. It immediately shrank back its head—or whatever passed for one—reverting to its slender, delicate true form before darting into the underbrush like a streak of smoke.

Chen Ji shot Second Master Huang an amused look, then said, “Alright then. You can stay at my place and eat for a few days.”

The red-furred fox rose to its feet, gave its fur a shake, and shifted into a fox over a meter long. Its dharma form was pitch-black too, though as Chen Ji would put it, each had its own flavor—red foxes were pretty, but black foxes were badass and brooding!

Chen Ji ran a hand over the black fox’s fur and felt like he’d been hit with a faceful of cool. The black fox kept up its domineering, aloof vibe as it nuzzled his palm, radiating the impact of a cold CEO who’s secretly obsessed with me. Chen Ji couldn’t help but grab its ears and give them a rub. The black fox obediently ducked its head for more. Once satisfied, it picked up Chen Ji’s back basket in its mouth and trotted inside, its tail even swishing across the back of his hand on the way.

No wonder folklore from ancient times to now always said fox spirits could seduce anyone. They really could.

Chen Ji chuckled and, with great difficulty, made his way inside with the little monkey and hedgehog in tow. By the ginkgo tree, he gestured for the pair to go ahead on their own. They scampered straight up the trunk without hesitation.

Chen Ji never lacked for cardboard boxes. With roads this bad, no scrap collectors ever bothered coming by. He had two huge stacks of sturdy shipping boxes piled up at home. Throw them out? They were too tough for that. Keep them? They just took up space, and new deliveries always brought more boxes anyway. At least with the big house now, they weren’t in the way.

But now he finally had a use for them!

Chen Ji dragged out two sturdy boxes, one big and one small. With his watermelon knife, he cut a couple of holes in them, stuffed in some old clothes, and set them side by side under the veranda. He called up to the tree, and down came the little monkey with the hedgehog riding along. They both seemed thrilled with their new digs.

Chen Ji nodded in satisfaction. It was spring, after all, and the veranda wasn’t cold. No need to bring them inside. As long as it kept off the wind and rain, it was perfect.

He fetched a bowl of water and a pile of fruit from the kitchen next, setting it all out for them to eat.

Second Master Huang watched him bustle about, snorted, and leaped from the eaves straight into Chen Ji’s arms. Caught off guard, Chen Ji fumbled but managed to catch him securely. He looked down at the yellow weasel in his arms, stroked his fur, and said with ill intent, “Second Grandpa, you stink. It’s still early anyway—how about a bath?”

Second Master Huang realized too late he’d walked into a trap. He twisted around to flee, but Chen Ji had already pinched the base of his tail and hoisted him up by it. His little short legs kicked wildly in the air: 【Chen Ji! Put me down! I don’t need your bath! I can wash myself! Let go! Let go, you hear me?!】

Chen Ji laughed, looking more like a sly yellow weasel himself—especially the kind with a chicken in its mouth: “Be good, Second Grandpa. Wash up, and I’ll give you a little cake afterward. I bought some today. Fragrant, soft, sweet, full of fruit bits—delicious…”

Second Grandpa hesitated on the spot: 【You’re not tricking me?】

“Why would I trick you, Second Grandpa?” Chen Ji said. It would have been far more convincing if he weren’t dangling the weasel upside down.

Second Grandpa wrestled with it for a good while. Given Chen Ji’s solid track record, he finally agreed. Moments later, Chen Ji carried him into the bathroom. Second Grandpa’s cursing echoed from within. The red-furred fox, curious, climbed up to the window for a peek—only for a long, pale hand to shoot out, grab it by the scruff, and yank it inside too. Soon after came the red-furred fox’s pitiful yips.

When Chen Ji emerged, he was refreshed and content, cradling one under each arm. Second Grandpa and the red fox both looked wilted, their glossy, shining fur doing nothing to perk them up.

True to his word, Chen Ji pulled the little cakes he’d bought at the market from the fridge and set them before the red fox and Second Grandpa. In a gentle voice, he said, “Dig in.”

Second Grandpa stared at the yellowish-orange cake in front of him. After a long silence, he let loose a string of curses: 【I￥@…%#, Chen Ji, are you trying to poison your Second Grandpa?!】

The red-furred fox let out a mournful whine, sitting primly in a chair with a face full of grievance. Before Chen Ji could even ask, Second Master Huang explained: 【Red Fur’s asking why you’re feeding it shit! What did it do wrong?!】

“It’s not shit.” Chen Ji picked up a piece of cake, scooped a bit, and popped it into his mouth.

Second Master Huang had been about to say he wouldn’t believe it unless Chen Ji ate some first. Now that he had, the weasel was momentarily speechless. Chen Ji’s handsome eyes narrowed in evident delight. It really was tasty.

Leaning against the table, Chen Ji took bite after leisurely bite. “It’s a fruit imported from abroad. Smells bad, tastes amazing. Super expensive… In this weather, one cake costs over four hundred.”

Chen Ji had splurged on the durian pro-max edition, made from the flesh of a whole tree-ripened durian. Absurdly pricey.

Second Master Huang and the red-furred fox both clamped their noses shut in unison, staring at Chen Ji like he was an idiot.

Most animals’ noses were far more sensitive than a human’s. They could track a trace of blood on the wind. To humans, the durian’s stench came from being too fragrant—but to Second Master Huang and the red-furred fox, it might as well have been a biochemical weapon.

Chen Ji suddenly grinned, set down his cake, and strode over. Between Second Master Huang and the red-furred fox, he scooped up the latter. Cupping it under the armpits, he stared straight into its eyes. “Trust me this once, okay?”

“Little Red’s the best, isn’t it?”

The red-furred fox nodded dazedly. Then, with the resolve of one facing death unflinchingly, it lunged for the cake on the table and chomped down.

Second Master Huang: 【…】 Impressive.

He liked Chen Ji plenty, but no way would he eat shit for him.

The red-furred fox went limp on the table. Chen Ji paused. Wait, no—he hadn’t actually knocked out Little Red with the smell, had he? No way? Weren’t they refined spirits? They scarfed chocolate without batting an eye—how could durian take one down? That was why he’d coaxed them into trying it.

After a brief silence, Second Master Huang ventured uncertainly: 【Dead?】

It didn’t even look like the red-furred fox was breathing.

Chen Ji gingerly flipped it over. Its eyes were rolled back. He felt a pang of heartache and was about to pry the cake from its mouth when suddenly a pink tongue lolled out and licked up every bit of cream around its muzzle.

The red-furred fox sprang back to life. It eagerly polished off the cream, saw Chen Ji, yipped twice at him, gave his hand a perfunctory lick, then whipped its head around and wolfed down the other half of the cake in one big bite.

Second Master Huang: 【…Has it gone mad?】

Chen Ji eyed the red-furred fox, half its body stretched across the table: “…Maybe ’cause it’s so tasty?”

Second Master Huang: 【I don’t buy it. It’s definitely trying to trick me into eating it!】

The red-furred fox’s damp eyes turned to Second Master Huang. It yipped urgently twice and pressed its front paws together in a pleading clasp. Second Master Huang glared at its death-wish face: 【Eat if you want. I’m definitely not touching it!】

The red-furred fox nimbly leaped from Chen Ji’s arms and swallowed Second Master Huang’s piece whole.

But it ate too fast and choked. Wheezing frantically, the red-furred fox hacked away. Chen Ji rushed to help. Second Master Huang hopped mad beside them: 【It’s faking! Don’t fall for it! Can a fox spirit really choke itself to death?!】

Chen Ji had already gone for water. He tripped and went down hard. In his panic, Second Master Huang didn’t think twice and dashed over. His slender little body ended up pinned under Chen Ji, squished flat as a weasel pancake.

The entire room was in chaos. The little monkey and the little hedgehog huddled beneath the eaves, sniffing at the terrifying odor wafting out from inside. They crept cautiously up to the windowsill and stole a peek, only to see the once-majestic Fox Young Master lying motionless on the table as if dead or alive, while the enigmatic Second Master Huang lay pinned beneath him, unable to move a muscle. They immediately shrank their heads back in.

……

This place was so scary.