Chapter 99: At Least One Must Die Today

Hearing those words, Fifth Grandpa seemed deeply disappointed. He let out a soft “oh” and slowly lowered his head, resting it gently on Chen Ji’s leg. Chen Ji instinctively stroked the sleek lines of his back. Only after he finished did he realize something felt off—the texture wasn’t quite right. Then it hit him: Fifth Grandpa had transformed into a humanoid form, so why was he petting him like that?

My bad, my bad.

He hadn’t meant to take advantage of Fifth Grandpa.

Chen Ji quickly cradled Fifth Grandpa’s head and gently moved it aside. “But I can get up right now and make something.”

Under the sunlight, Fifth Grandpa’s dark golden eyes suddenly sparkled with life. The inorganic metallic hue lent him a beauty that was utterly inhuman. Even Chen Ji, no exception to mortal temptations, couldn’t help stealing a couple extra glances. His tone softened further. “What does Fifth Grandpa want to eat? Let me check if I brought it. If not, I can have the family drone deliver some. Sound good?”

Fifth Grandpa lay flat on the ground, only lifting his head slightly. He stared unblinkingly at Chen Ji, his blood-red lips parting to murmur a few words: 【Roast quail eggs.】

Chen Ji paused, then burst out laughing. “We actually don’t have those at home… but I did bring some pre-made marinated quail eggs. Want to try them, Fifth Grandpa?”

He pulled a small vacuum-sealed pack of old-marinated quail eggs from his pocket and offered it to Fifth Grandpa. Fifth Grandpa leaned in close, sniffing at the eggs nestled in Chen Ji’s palm. Half his face practically buried itself there, his cold breath brushing against Chen Ji’s skin and sending a faint ripple of discomfort through him.

Xiangxiang’s breath was nothing like that. Xiangxiang’s was warm like a breeze, always clean and fresh, whether in human or tiger form. There was never any odd smell—just that deep, rumbling purr like a royal engine, impossible to resist. You just had to lean in for a big kiss or two, then give him a good, hard rub.

By comparison, Fifth Grandpa wasn’t nearly as adorable.

Fifth Grandpa parted his lips and delicately plucked the quail egg from Chen Ji’s palm with his mouth. He chewed it twice, then looked up at Chen Ji, his eyes brimming with confusion: 【Not tasty… no flavor…】

Chen Ji instantly felt a pang of guilt, like he’d bullied someone innocent. He tore open the plastic seal and held another egg to Fifth Grandpa’s lips, his voice gentle. “Here, Fifth Grandpa. Open wide~”

Fifth Grandpa obediently parted his lips. Chen Ji slipped the egg in. After a couple chews, Fifth Grandpa’s eyes narrowed in bliss: 【Tasty… so crunchy…】

Chen Ji grinned too. He fed Fifth Grandpa the remaining two eggs from that pack, then opened the last one and placed them in Fifth Grandpa’s hand, gesturing for him to eat on his own. Seeing how meticulously and slowly Fifth Grandpa savored them, Chen Ji felt reassured enough to turn his attention to lunch.

He rummaged through the bamboo basket. He’d been so focused on foraging mushrooms today that he’d forgotten about them. Stir-fried, they’d be delicious. Or perfect for hotpot… As Chen Ji mentally ran through recipes, he picked out the best-looking mushrooms and finally decided to call in reinforcements.

[Xiao Ba! Pack up a hotpot set for me—charcoal too. And some boxes of beef slices and meatballs.]

System Cat: [Got it! Drone or should I handle it?]

[Come with the drone.] Chen Ji blinked, then asked Fifth Grandpa, “Any good wild veggies nearby, Fifth Grandpa?”

Fifth Grandpa was eating with relish when a serpentine tail tip slithered out from under his clothes, pointing toward Chen Ji’s right rear. Chen Ji got the message instantly. After thanking him, he headed that way, remembering to call out to Liu Datie. “I’m off to pick some greens. Dig up just four bamboo shoots—that’s plenty. Don’t overdo it; we can’t carry too much back.”

Deep in the bamboo grove, Liu Datie—busy as a bee—shouted back, “Got it—!”

Following the direction of Fifth Grandpa’s tail tip, Chen Ji found a patch of horseshoe baskets at the bamboo forest’s edge. This wild green wasn’t common, but once you spotted it, it grew in thick clusters. Chen Ji hadn’t eaten it many times himself, but he vaguely recalled it was fantastic wrapped around meat. He picked only the tenderest top leaves. As the stems snapped, a unique spicy aroma—like pepper—wafted through the air…

By the time Chen Ji’s bag was full, Liu Datie emerged hugging five shoots. Chen Ji shot him a look. Grinning like an idiot, Liu Datie said, “No worries—we can give the extras to Fifth Grandpa~!”

He flaunted the thigh-thick, five-or-six-pound sweet dragon bamboo shoots right in front of the camera.

{Aren’t snakes carnivores?! Can it even eat shoots?}

{That mental image… it’s basically animal cruelty!}

{Datie, you’re playing with fire. Fifth Grandpa’s a national treasure level two!}

Liu Datie noticed the barrage and chuckled. “It’s fine! I can just slice them thin for Fifth Grandpa, right? I’m not gonna shove ’em down his throat! I wouldn’t dare!”

Fifth Grandpa’s gaze turned eerie as he stared at Liu Datie.

Oblivious, Liu Datie glanced around. “Where’s Fifth Grandpa? Did he leave?”

Chen Ji: “Nah, probably slithered off to sunbathe.”

Chen Ji strolled over and scooped up Fifth Grandpa, who had reverted to his original form. There were still bits of quail egg yolk around his mouth. Chen Ji wiped them away with a tissue, then casually tossed both the tissue and Fifth Grandpa into the bamboo basket on his back.

“…” Liu Datie watched the whole thing, holding back for a long moment before blurting, “Fifth Grandpa’s got such a good temper.”

Not even a hiss of anger at being chucked like that.

Chen Ji just smiled without a word and led the way back. Halfway through the twenty-minute trek, Liu Datie started flagging. He groaned, “Bro! Bro, give me a hand!”

Only then did Chen Ji turn and take three of the sweet dragon bamboo shoots from him. Liu Datie clasped his hands in grateful prayer, utterly relieved. A short while later, they reached the flat clearing. Liu Datie stared at the lush green turf and babbling brook, then collapsed onto the ground. “Ahh… wiped out…”

“I’ll handle lunch.” Chen Ji set down the basket and glanced back. “Move into the sun.”

Liu Datie: “Huh?”

He was sweltering—craving some shade.

If not for the fear of snakes or leeches in the stream, he’d have plunged right in and sprawled out.

Chen Ji pulled the selected mushrooms from the basket and headed to the stream to wash them. He set a small shrimp trap while instructing, “You’ve worked up a sweat. Mountain breezes can make you sick if you’re damp. Get in the sun to dry off. If it’s too much, just lie down.”

For some reason, Liu Datie trusted Chen Ji implicitly. Though reluctant, he shuffled into the sunlight and sat cross-legged, idly chatting with the livestream viewers. It was miraculous—at first, he felt stifled by the heat, but within five minutes, the stuffiness vanished. His pores seemed to open wide, and the crisp mountain breeze felt downright euphoric.

Before he knew it, he was lying down, head pillowed on his arms right in front of the camera. His eyes drooped half-shut, giving the livestream angle the hilarious look of him rolling his eyes.

The entire chat exploded in laughter at Liu Datie.

{I’m not doubting Bro’s real anymore. I’m doubting if Datie was scripted before.}

{Stamina that bad? Bro’s still hustling!}

{Datie dug all those shoots, okay? That’s exhausting.}

{Truth is, Datie did all the work this trip. Bro just watched.}

{Upstairs: Bro was totally letting Datie have the spotlight.}

{Wait, is Datie actually asleep?}

Suddenly, a droning noise drew the viewers’ eyes. Peering through the gap where Liu Datie’s head dominated the frame, they spotted a drone approaching from afar. Chen Ji, washing veggies by the stream, stepped into view and looked up at the sky.

{Aaaah?! Drones too?! Bro’s life is so lit!}

{What’d the drone deliver? Anyone catch it?!}

{Damn Datie, sleep on the side if you’re gonna crash. Quit hogging the cam!}

System Cat piloted the drone down with ease—no learning curve needed. Chen Ji had granted it access to the controls, and it slotted right in.

Abruptly, Liu Datie shifted his arm, knocking over the phone and tripod. The camera tilted, freeing the view of Chen Ji now that Datie’s bulk was out of the way.

A gondola hung from the drone, packed with a pot, veggie and meat boxes, and right in the middle, squeezed among the heaping ingredients, sat an orange-and-white tomcat in aviator goggles—looking utterly badass.

{YO——! Too cute!!!}

{Drones work like this?!}

{Cat riding drone to save the day!}

Chen Ji waited for the drone to land, then scooped up System Cat. “What are you doing here?”

[Didn’t you tell me to come?!] System Cat’s face was all question marks.

Chen Ji: [Act for the stream.]

System Cat got it instantly. It flipped out of his arms, leaped gracefully to a rock, and played dead. Chen Ji resumed unloading the ingredients as if nothing happened.

{No way—Bro’s firing up hotpot?!}

{That much food! Why’s deep woods life this gourmet? Unfair!}

{Actually, this is peak logic.}

Chen Ji got to work. Luckily, most things were ready-to-go; the hassle was just building a campfire. System Cat had smartly packed plenty of firestarters. Once the flames crackled, Chen Ji fetched water from the stream in the pot, tossed in the soup base packet, and unpacked the boxes of ingredients one by one.

Viewers watched him bustle solo.

{Bro’s hands move like lightning…}

{Bro gives total househusband vibes!}

{I need a bro like that!}

Mid-chat, someone piped up: {Something white on the far bank… eyes playing tricks?}

{I saw it too… maybe a hopping rabbit? White animals are rare.}

{Wild rabbits aren’t white unless snow hares.}

As debate raged, the barrage froze—then erupted:

{Holy shit! Datie! Bro! RUN!}

{Fuck! RUN!!!}

The white creature from the woods revealed itself: a massive white tiger padding gracefully to the stream. It drank deeply, then lifted its head and fixed its gaze on Chen Ji and Datie before striding toward them.

{Holy shit, run!!! Why the hell is there a tiger!!!}

{Help! Will calling the cops even work?!}

{Is bro an idiot?! How’d he miss a tiger that huge?!}

The White Tiger crept closer to Chen Ji, its body sinking lower with every step. Anyone who had ever watched a wildlife documentary knew this was the classic hunting stance. In a flash, Chen Ji turned around—and spotted the White Tiger.

{We’re done for. Feels like at least one of us is dying today…}

Chen Ji stared at the White Tiger. The creature silently straightened up into its normal posture, looking every bit the aloof and arrogant beast as it coldly regarded him.

“Xiangxiang, come here!” Chen Ji called.

The White Tiger lumbered over with its head held comically low, obediently dipping down further to let Chen Ji ruffle its ears a couple of times.