Chapter 11

Lu Wenyuan actually hadn’t expected Lu Qingyuan to agree without a second’s hesitation.

He had originally thought that, given the two kids’ relationship, Lu Qingyuan would agonize over it for at least half a month. After spending more than half a year together, shouldn’t parting be a reluctant and bittersweet affair? Why wasn’t this at all what he imagined?

It seemed a bit like a cold war.

For example, a while ago, Chen Annan had practically set up camp in Lu Qingyuan’s room. But these past few days, he had been hugging his little blanket and retreating to Lu Wenyuan’s bedroom again.

For another example, Lu Qingyuan also refused to let him look at his picture books, saying only, with a cold face, “Mine aren’t good. Go look at your ‘Little Bro’s’.”

Chen Annan talked back, completely baffled. “Little Bro brings me different picture books every day. And I promised to go play at his house.”

This one sentence seemed to have poked a very sensitive spot in Lu Qingyuan. He immediately bristled, letting out a thin snort, his tone so cold it was chilling. “If he likes you so much, why don’t you just go live at his house? What are you doing, staying in mine?”

The June weather was hot. Chen Annan’s face flushed red—whether from the heat or not, it was hard to say. He opened his mouth, a tiny droplet of sweat rolling down his forehead. His mouth opened and closed, but in the end, no words came out. He just silently hopped off his chair, went back into Lu Wenyuan’s room, and closed the door.

The cartoon characters on TV jabbered on endlessly, their noise grating on the nerves.

Lu Qingyuan heard sounds from the room, but his gaze remained fixed on the animation. He didn’t watch for long before finding the little characters too noisy, and simply turned the TV off.

It was finals week, and Lu Wenyuan was very busy. There was a lot going on at the university, and he was getting off work much later than usual. Chen Annan waited and waited. Unable to wait for his uncle, he slumped his face against the table, staring blankly at the patterns on the wall, wilted and listless.

Normally, he’d be reading picture books at this time. But for the past few days, Lu Qingyuan wouldn’t let him have any. This left Chen Annan with nothing to do. It wasn’t that he had absolutely nothing to do; it was just that Lu Qingyuan’s one sentence had left him moping the entire day, incapable of doing anything else.

From that day on, they completely stopped speaking to each other. They were no longer good brothers, nor even good friends.

Usually, Chen Annan digested his emotions very quickly—it was mostly just a matter of sleeping it off. But this time, he was truly sad for a very long time. By the day Lu Qingyuan was sent off, they hadn’t even said a single goodbye to each other.

Lu Qingyuan had always been cold as ice. If Chen Annan didn’t take the initiative, it was like actively severing the relationship.

No matter how busy Lu Wenyuan had been before, not noticing, he could certainly sense something was very wrong between the two kids now.

On the way home, he bought Chen Annan a small ice cream cake. Chen Annan kept his head hung low, showing no signs of happiness.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Lu Wenyuan didn’t know the backstory. He assumed it was the matter of sending Lu Qingyuan to Beijing that had the child upset.

He had been managing to hold on, but having someone suddenly ask him about it brought all the hurt he’d been hiding these past few days to the forefront. Now, someone was finally paying attention, and his heart immediately felt ten times more wronged.

Chen Annan bit his lower lip, trying to hold it in. He held back until the rims of his eyes turned red. His lower lip trembled from biting down. He looked like a little dejected rabbit.

Lu Wenyuan instantly knew that their fight this time was quite serious.

He pulled out a tissue to wipe Chen Annan’s tears. “Come now, my little darling, let me see. What’s happened to make our little one so upset?”

In the end, Chen Annan still didn’t say the reason. A child living under someone else’s roof has a sensitive and fragile heart. Though the adults showered him with affection, it was still someone else’s home, with a layer of separation as if from another’s womb. Chen Annan usually loved to act cute and tattle, but those were all trivial, inconsequential matters that Lu Wenyuan could indulge. But if it touched on anything fundamental, Chen Annan didn’t know what would happen.

Lu Qingyuan’s words had genuinely wounded Chen Annan’s small sense of self-worth.

Chen Annan missed his mother. He wanted to go home.

Since he refused to say, Lu Wenyuan didn’t press him. He never forced anything out of a child.

At night, as they slept, Chen Annan’s face was pressed against his uncle, an old scarf hugged in his arms. The old object held a coolness that didn’t belong in summer, its chill slowly warmed by his body heat.

Using the faint light filtering in from outside, Lu Wenyuan told Chen Annan the story of Pippi Longstocking.

His uncle’s voice was low and gentle. He rested his head on one arm, the other hand freed to gently pat Chen Annan’s back, like a comforting rhythm.

The summer night breeze was expansive, lifting one side of the curtain, which billowed in the shape of the wind.

Lu Wenyuan rested his chin on the top of Chen Annan’s head and said evenly, “Sometimes, Uncle wonders, what exactly should I do to make you feel that I love you too?”

Chen Annan didn’t fully grasp his meaning. He was nestled in Lu Wenyuan’s arms like a little doll. “Is Brother very annoying?” he asked.

Chen Annan pursed his lips. His heart was still aching. He wanted to say ‘not annoying,’ but he just couldn’t get the words out.

“He is cold, and his words aren’t pleasant,” Lu Wenyuan said. “Uncle and Auntie divorced early. Back then, Brother was about your age.” As he spoke, he extended a hand and measured a distance in the air.

“A child leaving their mother is always sad, with grievances they have nowhere to air. They feel they can’t explain things clearly to Dad, so they keep their worries bottled up inside. Holding onto those little thoughts, they eventually lock up their inner world, not letting anyone in anymore. A child like that is very pitiful and very lonely.”

As Lu Wenyuan spoke, his eyes looked towards the faint light outside the window. “Uncle was very afraid he’d end up like that. So, in raising him, I was a bit indulgent.”

He gently squeezed Chen Annan’s small, slightly plump arm and continued slowly. “Now, Uncle is also afraid you’ll end up like that. Afraid you’ll feel wronged. Afraid you’ll have little thoughts and feel like there’s a barrier between us, unwilling to speak up, and end up closing off your own heart.”

Chen Annan tilted his head up to look at him. The moonlight outside the window was like lake water, rippling onto Lu Wenyuan’s brows and eyes, shimmering like waves. It washed away the traces of age on his face, leaving behind a sense of clarity and gentleness.

Dazedly, Chen Annan felt that if his father were still here, he should be just like this.

“Cub, Uncle loves you very, very much. Just as much as he loves Brother.” Lu Wenyuan pressed his cheek against the top of Chen Annan’s head and said tenderly, “My love for you will only be more than your mother’s, never less.”

His uncle’s embrace was very warm. Enveloped by this warmth, the old scarf sandwiched between them gradually took on the crisp, clean scent of laundry detergent that clung to his uncle.

He buried his face deeper and spoke softly. “Actually, he’s not really that annoying.”

Annoying wasn’t the right word at all. But Lu Qingyuan’s careless remark had made him feel like an object that could be discarded at will. That feeling of not being cared for made Chen Annan very scared, very insecure.

Lu Wenyuan listened carefully to the reason for their fight. As he listened, a laugh escaped him. He gave Chen Annan a piece of advice.

Chen Annan’s round, big eyes widened. “Won’t Brother get angry?”

“It’s fine. Think of it as a cure for his bad mouth. He won’t talk to you like that again next time.” Lu Wenyuan’s chest vibrated with a chuckle.

At the root of it, the two kids falling out like this was entirely because Chen Annan had gotten himself a ‘Little Bro’ outside.

Children don’t have a deep understanding of possessiveness. They simply think that if we two are good together, then it can only be us two. What’s the meaning of secretly finding some ‘Little Bro’ on the side?

On a deeper level, Lu Qingyuan felt Chen Annan’s actions were a betrayal. Especially since Chen Annan kept bringing up this ‘Little Bro’ again and again. What kind of ‘brother’ was he, anyway? Was he there when Chen Annan got pushed down? Was he there when Chen Annan was sick?

He’d been bought off by a few lousy picture books and some lousy cream puffs?

Lu Qingyuan lay on the spacious bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.

Summer in Beijing was different from Nanjing. Without the cover of vast, continuous trees, even the moonlight was softer and brighter. But the wind wasn’t as gentle as the south’s. It was hot, like roasting someone over a furnace.

Hearing her son turn over again, Xiao Qingxiang asked, “Can’t get used to the bed?”

“No,” Lu Qingyuan said.

His mother, naturally perceptive, added,, “Then you have something on your mind?”

“No,” Lu Qingyuan denied.

“You might be able to fool your dad like that,” Xiao Qingxiang said.

Lu Qingyuan agonized for a while, then finally spoke. “I have a friend.”

Xiao Qingxiang glanced at him. Afraid his mother might misunderstand, he emphasized, “It’s my friend, not me. Recently, a little brother came to live at his house…”

He explained the whole situation in detail. Xiao Qingxiang was silent for a moment before saying, “You feel the little brother doesn’t care about you?”

Lu Qingyuan repeated, “It’s really not me.”

“…” Xiao Qingxiang said nonchalantly, “Oh. Then Mom will give your friend a piece of advice.”

Lu Qingyuan leaned closer. After hearing his mother whisper a few words in his ear, he said with shock, “That’s not really a good idea, is it?”

“Don’t look at the process, look at the result. See what he’ll do in the end,” Xiao Qingxiang said.

.

“The process is more important than the result. You need to see his attitude towards this matter,” Lu Wenyuan said.

Chen Annan poked his head out, half-understanding.

Lu Wenyuan chuckled lowly. “Alright, time to sleep.”

“Did Brother already fall asleep?” Chen Annan asked.

“Good children are all asleep by this hour,” Lu Wenyuan said.

Chen Annan let out a tiny gasp of surprise and quickly shut his eyes, not daring to make another peep. By the time Lu Wenyuan woke up the next morning, the child had already crawled on top of him, lying on his stomach and sleeping, his soft little face pressed against his uncle’s chest, showing no sign of discomfort.

The two children were at completely opposite ends of the country, each harboring their own little thoughts. Two weeks passed without any contact. The adults didn’t interfere.

Every evening, Lu Wenyuan would make a phone call to Lu Qingyuan, asking how he was doing in Beijing.

Children find novel environments exciting and can become attached to them. Lu Qingyuan said he liked it there very much and had made some new friends.

Chen Annan lay with his head on his uncle’s lap, watching Tom and Jerry. Tom was hilariously comical to the playful music. His eyes were fixed straight on the TV screen, but his ears were secretly perked up.

Lu Wenyuan had the phone on speaker. Father and son chatted and laughed for a while. Suddenly, a childish voice came from the other end: “Brother, come on, come play with me!”

Chen Annan’s heart lurched. His movements stopped.

“I’ll say a few more words to Dad, then I’ll come play with you,” Lu Qingyuan said.

Lu Wenyuan let out an “Oh,” his voice carrying a smile. “You’re out there being someone else’s Brother. Don’t forget, we still have a little one at home.”

Lu Qingyuan didn’t mention Chen Annan. He only said, “The kid’s just five years old. Pretty cute. He’s my mom’s friend’s child. I just play with him for a bit every day since I don’t have much to do.”

Five years old. Cute. Play with him every day.

These few words exploded in Chen Annan’s ears, reverberating. They stirred up a tremendous wave in his heart. His round eyes instantly opened even wider. Little beads of sweat appeared again on the bridge of his nose. He rubbed his nose, his heart aching from the heat.

“It’s fine. You go play with the little one,” Lu Wenyuan squeezed Chen Annan’s chubby little tummy and winked at him. “Dad was just teasing you earlier. In a couple of days, I’ll be sending Nannan away anyway. It doesn’t matter if you remember him or not.”