Chapter 28

Little kid Chen Annan was completely oblivious to the whole business of growing up. He loved nothing more than sticking by his Brother’s side. Lately, however, they had no choice but to separate.

Winter vacation had just arrived, and his vocal teacher was taking him to another city for a youth singing competition. It was organized by a TV station, supposedly to celebrate the Olympics.

The competition used a round-by-round elimination system, filtering upward step by step. Chen Annan had already passed the preliminaries and the first round. Now he was going for the finals. The TV station would make it into a program to be broadcast during the New Year holiday. The vacation ratings should be quite good.

Winter vacation was short to begin with. This trip meant he’d practically only be back when school started again.

Knowing this, Lu Wenyuan was overjoyed. He immediately bought loads of holiday gifts and distributed them to colleagues and neighbors, telling everyone to tune in to Channel 7 at 7 PM to see his Cub perform on stage.

Chen Annan just had one small regret. He had originally wanted Brother to come with him. But senior high academics were hectic. Lu Qingyuan couldn’t spare the time; the school even organized extra classes for the winter break, so he couldn’t go. And Lu Wenyuan also had work he couldn’t leave at the moment, so he couldn’t go yet.

On the other hand, Xie Xi, because his brother worked at the TV station, managed to get a staff pass to accompany them. He was going with Chen Annan.

The flight was booked for tomorrow. Chen Annan was curled up asleep on the sofa. Lu Qingyuan nudged him, telling him to go sleep in the bedroom. But Chen Annan just twisted his head slightly, found a comparatively more comfortable position, adjusted his head on the cushion, and curled his legs up too.

In the end, Lu Qingyuan fetched a thick fleece blanket from the bedroom and covered him with it.

Chen Annan quickly wrapped himself tightly in the blanket and hummed contentedly twice.

It was raining outside. Winter in Nanjing always seemed to bring rain, and this year was no exception. Through the window, one could see, within the boundless grey-black void, rain threads dense as lines under the burning orange-yellow glow of the lights.

Lu Qingyuan packed Chen Annan’s change of clothes, his Abebe [T/N: baby slang for comfort object], and the old scarf he’d worn since childhood into the suitcase. Besides these, there was also a heap of miscellaneous milk and snacks. If Chen Annan couldn’t adjust to the food in another city, this stash would be enough to last him until he got home.

Only after everything was neatly and methodically packed did Lu Qingyuan sit back down on the sofa. Chen Annan seemed to sense the familiar warmth. He shifted his head, pillowing it on Brother’s thigh, then grasped Brother’s hand, holding it tightly.

The two slept like this for a few hours. Lu Qingyuan’s head rested against the sofa back, tilted slightly upward.

When Chen Annan opened his eyes again, the sky was just starting to brighten. Squinting blearily, it took his vision a while to focus on Lu Qingyuan. Then he slowly sat up.

Hearing the movement, Lu Qingyuan also woke. “Sleep a bit more. I’ll wake you when it’s time.”

Chen Annan, still half-asleep, slowly shook his head. “It’s so cold.”

Lu Qingyuan helped him wrap the blanket tighter. “Then I’ll turn the air conditioning up a bit more.”

Chen Annan didn’t let him go. He rested his head on Brother’s shoulder, then tucked his hands between Brother’s knees, murmuring softly, “Fifteen days apart… will you miss me?”

Lu Qingyuan said, “It’s not like you’re not coming back. Why would I miss you?”

“…” That was not the answer he was hoping for at all. Chen Annan turned his face away and ignored him.

Lu Qingyuan didn’t say anything either. They sat in the darkness for a long time. After a while, he took Chen Annan’s hand again and held it to warm it.

“The weather up north is colder than Nanjing. It’s supposed to snow heavily the days you’re there. The lowest temperature will be minus ten degrees. Remember to wear more layers when you go out. Don’t take off your coat until you’re somewhere with heating. I’ve packed your Snoopy and scarf. Don’t kick off the blankets when you sleep. Your medicine is in the small pouch.”

“Got it.”

The clock hands ticked softly on the dial. They sat from the sky having light to the light gradually flourishing. Before he left, Lu Wenyuan made Chen Annan’s winter favorite—Pickled Vegetable and Rib Soup. The pickled vegetables were homemade. After all these years, Lu Wenyuan still liked making these himself.

Inside the small pickling crock, the vegetables were pressed down firmly with a green stone. After fermenting for a time, when brought out again, they’d carry a damp, salty, savory aroma.

For the first time, Chen Annan went alone to an unfamiliar city. After a few hours’ flight, a designated bus came to pick him up. Their accommodation was also a suite pre-arranged by the TV station.

Xie Xi was already there waiting for him. The moment he saw Chen Annan, he immediately dashed over, throwing an arm around his good buddy. “Man, I’ve been waiting for you forever! What took you so long? I was so excited last night I couldn’t sleep at all! You hungry? Let me treat you to a meal. My brother says the food the TV station provides is terrible—swill! Mistreating us contestants.”

Xie Xi’s older brother, Xie Huai, was also there. Seeing Chen Annan, he smiled at him. “Long time no see, little friend. You’ve grown quite a bit taller.”

Chen Annan was indeed taller than he had been in elementary school. But compared to other junior high kids, he wasn’t very tall. He grew relatively slowly. Xie Xi, who used to be about the same height, was now half a head taller than him.

Chen Annan greeted him as well. Xie Huai added, “Want to go out and wander around after you eat? Once your teacher arrives tomorrow, you’ll have training sessions. Won’t be much time for fun.”

Chen Annan nodded and went out with Xie Xi.

The north was truly cold. Unlike the damp cold of the south, the air here was so dry it felt like a spark could set it alight. However, the sky was the purest blue and white. Every scene, every object, was brimming with a sense of boundless vitality. The majestic, magnificent buildings printed against the blue-white sky were even more brightly colored.

Following the reference guide his brother had sent, Xie Xi led Chen Annan to try some local specialties. The two wandered randomly along the streets, finally agreeing they were bored, and unanimously decided to head to an arcade to play video games all afternoon.

At night, utterly exhausted, they returned to the hotel half-dead. The air conditioning was on in the room, but it blew uncomfortably. The hot air was too dry; after a while, their mouths and throats felt parched. Xie Xi simply ran out to buy cold drinks.

Chen Annan didn’t dare have any, afraid the alternation of hot and cold would make him catch a cold.

Xie Xi very thoughtfully brought him back a cup of hot milk tea, then proceeded to devour four popsicles in one go himself. Immediately after, his stomach rebelled. One fart after another, enough to be smelled for miles. In the end, near death, his brother dragged him to the hospital for an IV.

Chen Annan first made a sympathy call to his good friend, confirming the guy wasn’t seriously ill before going in to take a shower.

Just out of the shower, the warmth still clinging to him, he received a video call from Lu Qingyuan.

The video call quality these days wasn’t very good. Faces were practically a bunch of pixelated blocks, very blurry. Yet seeing Brother’s indistinct face still made Chen Annan very happy.

“What are you doing?” Through the earphone line, Lu Qingyuan’s faint voice traveled from far away, accompanied by a rustling sound like clothes rubbing.

Chen Annan held the phone up, found the best angle he could manage under the light, and said to his brother, “I just got into bed. Spent the whole afternoon playing with Xie Xi. We ate Eight-Treasure Tofu, Beef Knuckle Bone, Shrimp Noodles with Gluten…”

He listed off everything he’d eaten today like naming dishes, and reported everything he’d played today one by one, rambling on. Lu Qingyuan simply watched the screen and “Mm”ed, without it being clear if he was actually listening.

On the tiny phone screen, Chen Annan’s pajamas weren’t properly on. The shirt had slipped down one shoulder, revealing a shallow collarbone.

Probably because he’d just showered, his hair hadn’t been dried in time. Strands curled slightly in small ringlets. He sat cross-legged on the bed, looking very well-behaved.

“I start training tomorrow. Xie Xi’s brother says there won’t be much time for fun after this. It might get really busy.”

Lu Qingyuan caught the wrong focus. “Xie Huai went too?”

“Mm-hmm.” Chen Annan said. “Xie Xi came with his brother. His brother is hosting this show! Isn’t he amazing?”

“Oh, very amazing,” Lu Qingyuan said, his voice devoid of emotion. “I’m hanging up. I need to keep working on my problems.”

“No, no, don’t,” Chen Annan couldn’t bear to hang up. He said softly, coaxingly, “It’s been almost a whole day since I saw you. I miss you a lot.”

This kid never stinted on expressing his feelings. His clinginess made all the intimacy between them seem instinctive, a habitual closeness, just like two puppies huddling together for warmth. Neither thought anything was strange about it.

Lu Qingyuan had no choice. He propped the phone on the table, angling the camera at his face—though it was the deadly chin-up angle.

“When can I see you?” Chen Annan asked.

“Are you not looking at me right now?” Lu Qingyuan said.

“I still miss you.” Chen Annan sighed, self-pityingly melancholic. “Does Uncle miss me?”

Why was he busy asking about someone else during this entire phone call? Lu Qingyuan said, “Then call and ask him.”

“Forget it. Anyway, if Uncle misses me, he’ll call.” Chen Annan compensated, unwilling to hang up on Brother.

A single phone call could cling stickily for over two hours. Having finished his work, Lu Wenyuan returned and noticed talking sounds still coming from the bedroom. It was truly strange. His son, normally, if ten words could be reduced to two, would absolutely never say three.

He pushed the door open a crack and teased, “Yo, having a marathon phone session here? I almost thought you two had been separated for over ten hours.”

Lu Qingyuan ignored his dad. His phone was scalding hot. Looking at the battery, nearly empty, he couldn’t help but say, “You’ve been playing all day. You have training tomorrow. Shouldn’t you rest well? Talking so much.”

And indeed, there wasn’t much to say. How many interesting things could happen in a single day?

Chen Annan had shifted from sitting to lying on his stomach on the bed. A small blanket covered him. He clutched a Snoopy plush in his arms. The phone lay on the blanket. Facing the camera, a hint of a double chin emerged. His lips were also slightly pouted.

“But Little Lu Brother… I want to hear your voice.”

“Then what should we do, Chen Annan classmate?” Lu Qingyuan asked.

Chen Annan shook his head. “Dunno.”

Both fell quiet for a moment. Chen Annan placed the phone beside his pillow, listening to the ambient noise on the other end—the scrape of a chair on the floor. After another moment, the rustle of clothes drew near the receiver again.

Lu Qingyuan’s breathing traveled along the earphone line, across thousands of miles, landing beside Chen Annan’s ear, carrying that sense of peaceful ease he felt every night when they slept leaning close together.

Then, Chen Annan heard the sound of a guitar, accompanied by a low, soft humming voice.

He suddenly sat up and looked at the phone video. There was Brother’s image.

In the blurry video, the young man’s gaze wasn’t directed at the camera. The fringe of hair slightly falling over his brow covered his eyebrows. He held a guitar in his arms, his palm sweeping slowly over the strings.

Lu Qingyuan sang a very old English song, probably a popular tune from the 80s or 90s. Once widely known, now rarely heard.

If I had to live my life without you near me

The days would all be empty

The nights would seem so long

With you I see forever oh so clearly

The gentle melody, accompanied by Lu Qingyuan’s slightly husky voice, came through that thin earphone cord. He actually didn’t play very well. He got a few chords wrong. As for the singing—even less needed to be said. Chen Annan felt not a single word was on key.

Lu Qingyuan had been tone-deaf since childhood. His singing could drift off to Siberia. He had no musical talent. Even after practicing for a long time, his guitar playing could still make people retreat. Even Lu Wenyuan wouldn’t listen, let alone Xiao Qingxiang.

Yet now, separated by that tiny screen, in the pitch-black night of a strange city, the warmth of the phone scorched the skin, softening even the heart.

He didn’t know when the phone screen had gone dark. The screen clearly reflected Lu Qingyuan’s brows and profile. He sat on a stool, the faint light in his eyes coming from the desk lamp to the side.

It was a song from the 80s. Lu Qingyuan had practiced it for a very, very long time. Calluses had formed on his fingertips. As they swept across the guitar strings, they made the melody, in the silent night, deeply moving.

Hold me now, touch me now

I don’t want to live without you

Nothing’s gonna change my love for you

You ought to know by now how much I love you

…