Yu Wan had always cared deeply about the gazes of others.
She never spent much time analyzing herself. In school, she studied frantically until late at night, all so that when others asked about her grades, she could casually reply, “I didn’t study much and didn’t do anything special.”
She reveled in the envious gazes of those around her.
From childhood to adulthood, Yu Wan had always lived at the center of everyone’s attention.
Her parents enrolled her in dance classes, and she smoothly joined a dance troupe. With her excellent appearance, she quickly stood out among the dancers, gaining opportunities to participate in major competitions and events. Gradually, she built a reputation and gathered fans.
She lived in a glamorous world, surrounded by the daughters and sons of wealthy families who came and went.
—But she came from an ordinary family.
Whenever she returned to her parents’ home and saw their ordinary, unremarkable lives, she felt deep disgust.
Why couldn’t her parents try harder?
After living for decades, they remained utterly ordinary people. The most they could do for her was send her to dance classes, scrimping and saving to pay the annual fees.
She wanted to live under everyone’s gaze.
But her family became her greatest obstacle. She didn’t dare let anyone know her real family situation or meet her parents. She had to work hard, rely on herself.
She had to pretend, befriend people from higher social circles, learn professional rhetoric, package herself as a young lady from a wealthy family. She fabricated an entire identity, deceiving others and even herself, until she almost believed it.
After joining the dance troupe, Yu Wan met her boyfriend from back then.
Her parents didn’t approve of their relationship.
“We’re not from the same circle,” her parents said. “There’s no need to pretend or cater to them. You’ll only suffer!”
Yu Wan didn’t want to listen.
Her parents had come from the countryside through exams. They might have excelled in the college entrance exam or some selection test, but once they entered society and work, they blended into the crowd.
The level they stood at destined them to only see the lives of people at the same level.
But she didn’t want to be ordinary.
When her parents disapproved, she stopped going home.
Until one day, a car accident took their lives.
The moment she received the call from the hospital, Yu Wan let out a long sigh of relief.
She was free.
Free from this ordinary, humiliating family.
She pretended well.
She grieved, she sorrowed, she cried her heart out.
—Perhaps at first it was seven parts genuine and three parts performance. But when she realized that crying, grieving, and gritting her teeth to appear strong drew everyone’s gaze, made everyone focus on her and notice her…
This was far easier than practicing desperately, pushing forward, climbing upward, and turning herself into something dazzling.
That seven parts of sincerity completely dissipated.
During that time, Yu Wan discovered she might have NPD—narcissistic personality disorder.
Some kind of personality disorder? It didn’t matter; it was unimportant. How wonderful this was—she was unique in her own eyes and everyone else’s.
But soon, Yu Wan suffered the first major blow of her life.
Her boyfriend at the time saw through her facade and discovered her true nature. He couldn’t accept it and decisively broke up with her.
Right after the breakup, Yu Wan found out she was unexpectedly pregnant.
Yu Wan was stunned at first. She was afraid; she didn’t want the child. She went to the hospital to abort it.
But the moment she lay on the operating table, she regretted it.
In the end, she chose to keep the child.
Having a child meant a new identity and even more attention—the status of a pregnant woman naturally drew more care.
She molded herself into the victim of the relationship.
Unwilling pregnancy, unwilling breakup, health issues preventing abortion. She was the victim, a strong mother.
Because of the pregnancy, she paused her work as a dancer and started filming Vlogs, recording her life. More and more people followed her.
She enjoyed such gazes.
The pregnancy went smoothly, with little morning sickness or other reactions.
—Until after ten months, she gave birth to the child and was left with sequelae.
She couldn’t control her bowel movements. She hired a caregiver. In front of her own camera, she kept herself impeccably clean, but maintaining her dignity meant enduring daily humiliations—being flipped over, exposing her most wretched, ugly side to the caregiver.
She returned to the dance troupe. During a competition for a crucial performance slot, her skirt got wet.
Pale yellow liquid dripped down the hem. So many people in the audience, so many eyes.
The colleague who had always clashed with her laughed on the spot, then pretended to fuss over her with concern, offering all sorts of advice. In the end, the slot that belonged to her went to that colleague. Even her teacher told her, “Go back and rest for a while longer.”
In reality, no one targeted Yu Wan.
That so-called mockery was just the colleague’s attempt to lighten the mood and divert attention so she wouldn’t feel too embarrassed. The teacher fought for her to get leave, hoping she could recover her health.
But Yu Wan didn’t see it that way.
She thought she had lost face, that everyone was mocking her, that all the concern was veiled sarcasm. No one noticed her emotions, no one soothed her, no one cared about her.
—Everyone was watching her joke.
Yu Wan quit the dance troupe and poured all her attention into the child.
She had the sequelae because of the child, lost her dignity because of the child, quit the troupe because of the child.
How could the child not repay her?
But she thought too simply.
Children were the most terrifying creatures in the world—they cried, made noise, their wails piercing straight to the eardrums.
And when the child cried, everyone blamed her. She wasn’t good enough, she didn’t know how to care for the child, she couldn’t soothe it.
She tried to maintain her image as a great mom, posting baby photos online every day, filming Vlogs. But she faced netizens questioning her mistakes in videos, and shocked looks from medical staff at the hospital: “How can you lack even basic common sense?”
She wanted to use the child to gain more attention.
But because of the child, she faced more and more doubt and belittlement.
The child grew bit by bit.
And she found herself growing pale, haggard. She slept poorly, avoided going out, stayed tense. Any hint of doubt about her made her redirect the anger onto the child.
Why did I give birth to you?
Why didn’t I abort you?
Why do you make me face these doubts?
I gave birth to you, raised you, gave you life—shouldn’t you repay me??
She invested massive time and money sending Yu Xi to various training classes, teaching him skills, filming videos of him, recording everything.
—An excellent child was her face, her calling card.
Her approach was right.
Yu Xi was outstanding, and more and more people followed her, asking for advice.
She acted like a teacher, an expert, guiding everyone who inquired.
She was a good mother, an excellent educator.
Until one day, Yu Xi came in second.
It was second place by a tiny margin.
This was perfectly normal, but some people loved to snipe coldly online.
[Your parenting isn’t that great after all, huh? Still got surpassed.]
The sarcastic comment that should have drowned in the replies caught Yu Wan’s eye. When she got home, she broke down.
“Why is this happening? Why couldn’t you beat others!!”
Yu Xi looked baffled. “But the margin was tiny, and it’s normal. I made a mistake this time; I won’t next time. Why scold me?”
He dared to talk back!!!
He refused to admit his mistake?!
That was the first time Yu Wan broke down, the beginning of countless breakdowns to come.
She fixated even more extremely on Yu Xi, refusing to lose face herself, and certainly not allowing him any mistakes.
But the more she focused, the less excellent he seemed.
Yu Xi got first in grades, but someone else excelled in dance.
Yu Xi topped dance assessments, but someone else won high prizes in competitions.
Yu Xi won first in competitions, but someone else became famous early, earning millions per event.
Yu Xi attended events, built fans, and saw his fees rise, but someone else was born into the spotlight, their starting line being others’ finish lines after exhausting efforts.
Yu Wan stared at Yu Xi, looking ahead, finding him lacking in every way.
She felt she was going mad. No matter how hard she tried, it wasn’t enough. Her child was too inferior.
She had sacrificed so much!
One day later, she started seeing a new man.
No, at her age, it wasn’t dating—it was getting acquainted.
The man had a good family background and was decent himself. Affluent environments always produced superior children.
She compared his child to her son and felt more humiliated.
How did others do it?
Why was her child always inferior?
Yu Wan couldn’t figure it out.
She had given so much, lost so much—why wasn’t her child outstanding like others?
Lately, her son had been disobedient too, not talking to her, always staring with cold eyes.
Would her grown son turn out like this?
She had devoted everything. Her gaze was fixed on him. For this thing, she quit her job, couldn’t dance anymore, poured all her investments into the child. Why did it disappoint her so?
Every time she locked eyes with Yu Xi, Yu Wan felt she was going insane.
She hated it so much, she truly hated it.
She had lost everything for the child—why did she end up with nothing?
In her resentment, a hint of sadistic pleasure even emerged.
She saw Yu Xi gradually withdraw from others, isolate himself, obey her every word and demand unconditionally. Only then was she slightly satisfied.
But for a while, Yu Xi changed, becoming uncontrollable.
He grew happier, found new goals, wanted to study abroad, actively prepared exams and materials.
Her child was trying to break free from her control.
Just then, she received a long-awaited competition invitation.
Her life seemed to hold new hope.
Her son was ruined; she could rely on herself.
If Yu Xi went abroad with her, wouldn’t he drag her down? Keep leeching?
Had she birthed a son? Or a life-draining Fate Soul.
She was so tired.
She rejected the school’s admission notice for Yu Xi and withdrew all materials.
“Little Xi, I rejected the school for you.”
“I’ll go; you stay.”
“Let’s release each other.”
“I can’t take it anymore.”
“I can’t save myself, and I can’t save you.”
“Little Xi, Mom doesn’t want you anymore.”
She left without attachment. Her competition went smoothly; she won awards, returned to the stage. Once again, she had everyone’s attention. She disguised herself as a gentle, empathetic teacher, basking in the spotlight, feeling dazzling again.
—But it wasn’t enough.
She wanted more people to see her, notice her, focus on her.
But she had made an enemy overseas with influence, who could cut off her path abroad with a word.
She couldn’t stay.
Coincidentally, the doctor diagnosed her with an illness.
It could be cured, but she needed to return home—China had more advanced treatments then.
—Perfect.
Her child had become famous.
She could develop back home.
Her illness, her son—both would be her new springboards.
She would gain even more attention.
Sure enough, after one live stream, her name flooded the hot searches countless times.
#Yu Wan Yu Xi Mother#
#Yu Wan#
#Yu Wan and Yu Xi Relationship#
#Yu Wan Yu Xi Discord#
#Yu Wan Single Mom#
[Whenever I hear Yu Wan and Yu Xi, I feel their relationship is special! Sure enough, mother and son!]
【Someone who could raise a child like Yu Xi must be excellent herself!】
【Aaaah, so elegant, so intellectual, so gentle! I hope I can become like Yu Wan in the future!】
【Isn’t the point that there’s conflict between Yu Wan and Yu Xi? What happened between them? Yu Xi doesn’t seem to accept her at all!】
【It’s just a mother and son—how bad can the conflict be? Besides, if there’s any fault, it must be Yu Xi’s. How could someone as wonderful as Yu Wan ever wrong him?】
Yu Wan walked out of the hospital, her high heels clicking against the ground.
Passersby recognized her and raised their phones to snap photos, whispering among themselves.
“Hey, isn’t that Yu Wan?”
“Did she come to visit Yu Xi?”
“Oh my god, she’s so beautiful!”
“If only I had a mom like Yu Wan!”
“Why doesn’t Yu Xi get along with her?”
“I hope I look as good as Yu Wan when I reach her age!”
Yu Wan savored the voices around her, basking in the flash of cameras. She pulled open the car door, got inside, waved to the crowd, and the vehicle drove away.
Liang Shuo closed the diary. He stared blankly ahead, his eyes red-rimmed.
Yu Xi leaned against the window, tilting his neck back. One hand gripped Liang Shuo’s waist as their pheromones intertwined. Those scorching eyes were gentle to the point of lethality.
Everything was about to change.
