Chapter 6: The Fourth Day of Starting to Confirm My Wife

◎True Names Revealed◎

With the Military Female Insect Contestant joining, the whole planet became far more orderly.

And my life as an insect became far less so.

We’re both transmigrators, so why do other insects get to have romance that practically breaks down their front door, while I’m the one who nearly broke into someone’s house and still have no romance?

If I weren’t currently the only Male Insect on this planet, I’d suspect I’d transmigrated into the wrong character sheet.

And yet none of these Female Insects treat me any differently!

“Leader, I found a little glow-in-the-dark trinket. Want to come take a look?” It was a Star Pirate Female Insect who looked vaguely familiar but whom I couldn’t place.

“Report merchandise to Sid.”

“Oh.”

After once again upholding my philosophy of never thinking, never working, and firmly living off a sugar mama, I decided to do some field research: what kind of Male Insect do the Female Insects of this world actually like?

But asking adult Female Insects directly felt too suggestive, so I decided to target the children!

There weren’t many kids on the planet, just five or six, and all of them Female Insects.

Two of them had permanent scars on their faces, reportedly from being beaten by their Male Parent.

This… how was I supposed to ask them anything now?!

I may be an insect now, but I can’t be that heartless!

All I could do was expressionlessly hand out the Fruit Candy I’d worked so hard to make, the candy I hadn’t even gotten to eat more than a few pieces of myself.

The candy offensive works in any era. Before long, the kids had adopted me into their games.

Kid Bro Number One: “Today it’s my turn to play the Female Parent, and you play my Male Child. This is your older brother, and this is my older brother.”

Me: Fine, sure.

I watched Kid Bro Number One and Kid Bro Number Two roleplay as two single Female Parents, furiously pretending to hunt down imaginary enemies, then wiping nonexistent sweat from their brows and clocking out for the day.

Evil stirred in my heart, and I decided to let them taste the hardships of adulthood.

The moment Kid Bro Number One stepped across the doorway marked by a tablecloth, I said: “Female Parent, I want to start dating.”

Kid Bro, who had expected the next scene to be dinner, froze.

Just as I assumed he was about to correct me for deviating from the script, he thought it over with the seriousness of someone doing homework and replied, “That’s okay, sweetie, but you have to find a Female Insect who treats you well.”

Kid Bro pondering so earnestly was too cute. I couldn’t resist teasing him: “Don’t all Female Insects treat Male Insects well?”

“It’s different.”

Kid Bro’s almond-shaped little eyes brimmed over with my reflection. “You have to listen to the voice. Everyone says your name differently. My name sounds the most beautiful when my Female Parent says it.”

“Sergio.”

Kid Bro said my name once. “It has to sound ten thousand times better than when I say it.”

Then he gave me a bashful little smile, the scar his Male Parent had carved across his face fluttering like the lines of butterfly wings along with his laughter.

Please, everyone, bow and address this Kid Bro as Kid’s Papa!

Afterward, the kids crowded around me, asking why a Male Insect would name himself “Guardian.” Weren’t Male Insects supposed to be the ones being protected?

“Because the purpose I was made for is to protect people.”

“People? What’s that?”

“Beings like you. The hope of the future.”

I hoisted Kid’s Dad up by the armpits, and he beamed: “That’s so low. My Female Parent throws me way higher.”

I really don’t understand you Zerg!

Still, thanks to the kids’ classroom, I learned that the indispensability of Male Insects in this world lay in the fact that without a Male Insect’s Pheromones, Female Insects would spiral into Mental Confusion, go mad, and eventually die.

And the Pheromones only worked if the Male Insects gave them willingly. Hence the Male Insect’s status, or rather the Male Insect’s mood, was placed on a very high pedestal.

From there branched out the background I already knew: Male Insects could torment Female Insects for amusement and face no punishment whatsoever.

But I found it a little strange. Maybe I’ve read too many novels.

After all, “Pheromones” and “Mental Confusion” look like two puzzle pieces that don’t fit together just from the names alone.

After waving goodbye to the kids, I spotted the Military Female Insect Contestant standing outside the playground. He seemed to have been watching me for a while.

I surreptitiously smoothed down the hem of my clothes, wrinkled from sitting on the ground.

Could it be that watching me play with the kids had stirred up all manner of tender feelings in him, and he’d fallen for me?

True to his sword-like, valorous personality, the moment the Military Female Insect Contestant saw that I’d noticed him, he strode straight toward me.

Oh? Confessing already? Then what about the Star Pirate Contestant?

The Military Female Insect Contestant said, “What you said doesn’t match what Phoenix told me.”

Phoenix? Who?

Ohhh, so that’s the Star Pirate Contestant’s name.

Little Phoenix. It does suit his red hair.

I couldn’t help asking, “What did he say about me?”

The Military Female Insect Contestant: “Ambitious, a master strategist, skilled in both pen and sword…”

Oh, too kind, too kind. So the Star Pirate Contestant praises me this much behind my back.

“Sneaky, treacherous, power-hungry, kills chickens to scare the monkeys, a philanderer…”

Hold on. Who is that?

How does the list of insults have one more word than the list of compliments?!

The Military Female Insect Contestant’s expression was deadly serious, and it conjured flashbacks of my Homeroom Teacher, making me tense up involuntarily.

The Military Female Insect Contestant: “But you seem different from what he described. You don’t seem to understand the Female Insects’ situation at all.”

The Homeroom Teacher continued his lecture: “I’ve met Male Insects like you before. You have a certain heroism that sets you apart from other Male Insects, and you think of yourselves as pioneers, different from the rest. But this road is full of hardships you know nothing about. Are you truly prepared to walk it? It is a dangerous road.”

Whatever road you’re talking about, it’s definitely not referring to my wedding march down the flower-strewn aisle.

Besides…

I said, “I’m not a Hero. If I became a Hero, it would only be because I was the one who took the final step. The ones who came before me are the true Heroes.”

In my last world, everyone called me a Hero.

But I knew I wasn’t. I was merely the one who completed the final step.

“People? Are the Heroes?”

“Oh, should I have said Heroines instead?”

“Who said anything about that?!” the Military Female Insect Contestant snapped, rare for him to break his steel-plate expression just to snark at me.

His features softened. “But I understand what you mean now.”

How did you start understanding too?! My PTSD is about to flare up!

“I misjudged you. I thought you were the kind of Male Insect who deliberately put on airs to seem different from the others, courting the Female Insects’ attention so you could appear before them as a savior and bask in their admiration.”

I felt a little guilty. Was that a dig at me?

The Military Female Insect Contestant: “I never expected you to have such high awareness.”

Awareness?

Aren’t I just an ordinary Love Brain?

I said, “What was your name again?”

The Military Female Insect Contestant: “Payne. Why?”

Nothing, nothing. I only asked so I could kick you out of the contestant pool.

You’re too much like the Dean of Students. You scare me.

I can’t stay on this planet anymore. Time to pack up and run away from home.

Crouching in Sid’s vegetable garden, scoping out whether there was anything worth stealing: “So where would I find a Female Insect whose heart is set only on Male Insects?”

Sid, busy felting: “The hospital.”

Huh?!

“Besides Military Female Insects injured in war, most of the ones lying in the hospital are there either from fighting to catch a Male Insect’s attention, or from being abused by one.”

Runaway mission: CANCELED!

I set down my little bundle and picked up my candy jar instead.

The Merchant Insect Contestant: “Where are you going?”

“To conduct health education on proper dating values for minors.”

Kid’s Papa, no early dating allowed!