Lin Zhi found Song Mian in the library on the third floor.
Song Mian sat on the sofa reading a book with a very pink cover. When he heard footsteps, he calmly closed the book and placed it face down beside him. Lin Zhi wasn’t focused on the book. He squeezed in next to Song Mian, rubbed his hands together, and said sincerely, “I shouldn’t have said your rabbit was fat.”
Song Mian agreed, “You really shouldn’t have.”
Lin Zhi’s nose tingled, and he lowered his head. “You were so pitiful back then.”
Song Mian instantly guessed what had happened. Since he’d sent Uncle Sun to keep Lin Zhi company, Lin Zhi would definitely have pried some gossip out of him if he wanted to.
Song Mian’s lips curved slightly. “Feeling sorry for me?”
Lin Zhi nodded. Before Song Mian could say more, Lin Zhi covered his face and flopped dramatically onto the other end of the sofa, his voice choked up. “But I feel even more sorry for myself!”
Song Mian: ?
Lin Zhi kept his face buried in the sofa cushions. Song Mian had no choice but to walk over and squat beside him, puzzled. “Zhizhi?”
Lin Zhi didn’t move.
Song Mian tried again. “Baby?”
Lin Zhi’s muffled voice came through. “We’re done as friends. I won’t agree to getting certified either. Go find a rabbit to marry instead!”
The Romance Survival System sighed in the same helpless way as Lin Zhi: [sigh.]
Song Mian’s eye twitched. “What did Uncle Sun tell you?”
Mentioning it made Lin Zhi even more aggrieved. He looked up, his eyes red as he glared at Song Mian. “And here I thought of you as a brother, always wanting to treat you well. You’ve done so many outrageous things to me, but I never blamed you. I even thought we’d keep being brothers in the future. But what did you do? You treated me like a stand-in for your rabbit! What kind of weird fetish is that?”
“You rich people are terrifying!”
The more Lin Zhi thought about it, the scarier it seemed, and he hid his face again.
Song Mian’s expression grew complicated. “Zhizhi, you misunderstood.”
“No misunderstanding at all.” Lin Zhi now had it all figured out. “You had such deep feelings for that rabbit, and I have similar eyes. First come, first served. If I’d come first, it would be my stand-in. But I came later. Now you’re even taking rabbit classes with ulterior motives! No wonder everyone said you were cold back in freshman year. How did I just stick to you and become friends? It wasn’t my charm at all.”
Lin Zhi felt even sadder thinking about it.
“System bro, is this the upright, moonlit Male Lead you talked about?” Lin Zhi even questioned the Romance Survival System in his mind.
The Romance Survival System sighed: [Host, what you’re saying sounds reasonable, but I believe the Male Lead wouldn’t be that low. No one that low could be the Male Lead! Snap out of it. Even if you don’t trust Song Mian, trust the Male Lead from this book!]
Lin Zhi didn’t buy it.
The unconvinced Lin Zhi soon felt his head being patted. He shook his head to dodge Song Mian’s hand, and Song Mian withdrew it.
Song Mian didn’t push Lin Zhi further right then. Instead, he said softly, “You’re you. Where’s the stand-in? Zhizhi, back in freshman year, wasn’t it you who stuck to me too much? If I really saw you as a stand-in, would I have ignored you at first?”
Lin Zhi actually took it in. He really had been clingy. Easy to placate with soft ears as always, Lin Zhi lifted his head again. He rested his chin on his hands, gazing into Song Mian’s dark eyes, and asked earnestly, “Really?”
Song Mian: “Yeah, I don’t have that kind of twisted hobby.”
Lin Zhi sincerely countered, “You do.”
Song Mian: “…..”
Song Mian pinched Lin Zhi’s cheek threateningly. “Think I have weird hobbies? Do yours count more? Should I bring up what you’ve done?”
“That was a mission!”
Song Mian ignored him. “What mission? You still did them.”
Lin Zhi: “sigh.“
Wait, no.
“Anyway, about me. Do I have charm?”
Song Mian: “Yeah, you do.”
Lin Zhi’s mood improved a bit. Then he asked the deadly question: “Between me and the rabbit, who’s the white moonlight in your heart?”
Lin Zhi stared intently into Song Mian’s eyes, ready to catch any idiot-look flicker.
With a straight face, Song Mian said, “You. Rabbits can’t talk, but you can. And everything you say is music to my ears.”
Lin Zhi narrowed his eyes. “Really? You really think I talk nicely?”
Song Mian held back a little. “Not everything.”
Lin Zhi: “sigh.“
Lin Zhi climbed off the sofa and stood up. “I’m leaving.”
Immediately, Song Mian blocked him.
Lin Zhi pushed, but Song Mian stood firm at the door. He reached out, encircled Lin Zhi, and leaned down slightly, eyes lowered. “You’ve asked me. Now it’s my turn.”
Lin Zhi was wary. “What do you have to ask me?”
As he spoke, Song Mian’s voice carried a hint of delight. “Are you jealous?”
Lin Zhi denied it. “Who’d be jealous of a rabbit? I’m straight.”
Song Mian raised an eyebrow and cupped Lin Zhi’s face with both hands. “You are jealous.”
Lin Zhi met Song Mian’s eyes directly, uncharacteristically a bit guilty.
Lin Zhi lowered his head and hugged Song Mian.
Song Mian was surprised. “Zhizhi?”
Lin Zhi’s face flushed red as he sniffed Song Mian’s clothes. “It’s the pregnancy. I like the carrot perfume you spray.”
Song Mian: “……I didn’t spray any perfume.”
The topic derailed just like that. Lin Zhi looked up innocently. “Maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten enough.”
Song Mian started to say something but stopped. He patted Lin Zhi’s head. “Eat more then.”
Lin Zhi: “Yeah! Move aside.”
Song Mian: “……”
Lin Zhi ran off with a satisfying answer!
But then he couldn’t resist coming back. Right in front of Song Mian, he flipped through the pink book on the coffee table.
The title was How to Hug a Straight Guy.
Lin Zhi’s eyes widened in disbelief as he looked up at Song Mian. “You… you have books on everything? Why are you reading this?”
Song Mian coughed lightly. Facing Lin Zhi’s gaze openly, he said, “You call yourself straight, so I have to read stuff like this.”
Lin Zhi… slunk away in defeat.
Back in his bedroom alone, Lin Zhi shook his head, put the book out of his mind, flopped onto the bed, and searched on a certain app: [How to tell if you’re gay].
The Romance Survival System was pleased: [Host, are you finally facing reality?]
“Not really. Just proving I’m straight. I don’t want to lose an argument to Song Mian and change the subject.”
The Romance Survival System stayed quiet and watched along with him.
Lin Zhi found a post and summed up the comments: Gays were guys with no desire for women, who liked handsome guys, called girls “sisters,” and wore white socks.
Lin Zhi analyzed himself: He’d spent all his money on himself, so he hadn’t dared have desires for women. That was just lack of funds, not real lack of desire!
He didn’t like handsome guys!
He had called girls “sisters,” but that was what his iron-straight bro Tong Xu taught him. To get close to girls, go with the local customs and call them sisters.
White socks. Lin Zhi glanced at his own socks.
Damn!
White socks!
Lin Zhi set down his phone and went to find the actual gay Song Mian again. He ran into him at the third-floor stairwell and blocked his path. Before Song Mian could react, Lin Zhi lifted the hem of his pants.
Then, in disbelief, Lin Zhi stumbled back. He muttered, “Why are you wearing white socks too? Song Mian, you’re gay.”
A vein throbbed on Song Mian’s forehead. “Zhizhi, what are you doing now?”
Lin Zhi shook his head vigorously.
“No, I don’t believe it!”
Lin Zhi ran off again. As he headed down the stairs, he doubled back to Song Mian and warned fiercely, “You’re not coming to find me, right? Stop following me. I need my personal space.”
Song Mian: “…….”
Lin Zhi went back.
He searched [Ways to confirm you’re straight].
Summing up the comments, the conclusions were: Macho attitudes, blunt and rude speech, falling for every girl he saw…
Lin Zhi’s eye twitched. That was just stinky straight guy behavior? He wasn’t that bad.
After half a day with no good posts, Lin Zhi made his own: After pondering, he asked a simple question: [Is curiosity about a same-sex friend normal concern?]
The app’s traffic algorithm quickly brought a comment.
[When you ask that, it’s already not normal concern.]
Lin Zhi frowned tightly, clearly unsatisfied with the reply.
Soon, a private message arrived: [I’m a veteran fujoshi, read countless novels. If you have troubles, I can analyze for you.]
No need.
A moment later.
With his face bright red, Lin Zhi typed: [Yes, we’ve kissed, but he forced it on me. Slept together, but it was out of necessity. We’re still in contact—he’s my bro after all, and I can’t leave him right now. The reason’s hard to explain.]
[It’s not jealousy. We’ve been friends for years, but I found out he only hung out with me because I look like his pet. That’s gotta make me mad! Not mad anymore, not fully placated either—just realized I’m not a stand-in.]
[I’m curious about him because he’s my friend!]
Soon, the user [I’m the Dog of Bro-Sis] replied:
[OMG, the sly gay guy pretending to be straight is thriving!]
[Two questions: When he kissed you, did you feel repulsed?]
[When you did it, did you feel disgusted? Like, disgusted but still going through with it?]
Lin Zhi thought for three seconds and didn’t reply.
He was a pregnant husband and needed rest. Lin Zhi peacefully closed his eyes.
The Romance Survival System’s electronic voice blared in his mind: [Lin Zhizhi, reply to that message quick! Don’t pretend nothing happened.]
Lin Zhi’s mind went blank.
[Lin Zhizhi! Your brain’s active—don’t fake sleep!]
Lin Zhi opened his eyes, sat up on the bed, and grumbled annoyedly, “I still haven’t gotten Song Mian to hire someone to teach me pregnant husband stuff.”
The Romance Survival System’s piercing words were completely ignored by Lin Zhi.
Song Mian really did hire a prenatal health education teacher for him.
She was a sister in her thirties who spoke very seriously to Lin Zhi, and of course, he listened intently too—especially during the diet section.
“In the first month, focus on diet: more high-quality protein and fresh veggies. No junk food.”
Lin Zhi’s face grew solemn.
Yesterday, when Song Mian returned from campus, he’d brought fried chicken legs. Chicken legs were high-quality protein, but fried ones probably weren’t, right?
“Care for and pay attention to your partner. That way, when issues arise, she’ll communicate with you right away. Early pregnancy brings lots of sensitive thoughts—you need to observe your partner closely.”
Lin Zhi snapped back. “My partner communicates with me?”
The teacher smiled. “Yeah, your wife is pregnant, right? She didn’t come to class, but you did. You’re a pretty good husband.”
Lin Zhi was slouched over the desk, so he was the husband, huh.
“Also,” the prenatal teacher warned gravely, “Best to avoid sex early on. If you must, be gentle.”
Lin Zhi’s head jerked to the side. “Got it!”
By five in the evening, she’d covered all the early pregnancy basics. After seeing the teacher off, Lin Zhi quickly finished dinner and dashed back to his bedroom, locking the door.
Even Uncle Sun couldn’t help muttering, “Zhizhi only ate that little?”
Song Mian looked up. “Did you say something about the rabbit stand-in?”
Uncle Sun chuckled innocently.
Song Mian’s tone cooled. “He’s sensitive right now. Don’t mention that stuff.”
Uncle Sun nodded innocently. “Got it, Young Master.”
Song Mian rubbed his brow. One or two of them, always like this.
Hiding in his bedroom, Lin Zhi was messaging Tong Xu.
Lin Zhi: [Can you recommend your gay friend to me? Don’t say who I am—just that I’m a troubled straight guy.]
Tong Xu: [What’d you do at Song Mian’s to have an awakening?]
Lin Zhi: [sigh. Long story. Just hook me up.]
Tong Xu quickly shared a contact named [Lonely Zero].
Tong Xu: [Told him you’re a troubled straight guy. No chit-chat needed—just ask.]
Lin Zhi was touched: [Thanks, bro!]
After adding him, Lin Zhi skipped any pleasantries and went straight in with one message: [After being straight for 20 years, would you really turn gay just from kissing a guy?]
Lonely Sunday Zero: [Is this guy your friend?]
Lin Zhi: [Yes.]
Lonely Sunday Zero: [If you can kiss, you’re already gay. Have you gotten fucked yet?]
Holy shit! Still so direct.
Lin Zhi typed for ages, wavering between telling the truth and lying, when Lonely Sunday Zero’s next message popped up: [If you can still be good friends after getting fucked, it just means you’re this: thumbs-up.]
Lin Zhi typed curiously: [Why?]
Lonely Sunday Zero: [You seem like a straight guy with troubles, but you’re actually a scheming gay. Pretending to be good friends just to get fucked again.]
Holy shit!
Lin Zhi’s face flushed red as he fired back immediately: [No, really not!]
Lonely Sunday Zero: [Looks like you have gotten fucked, huh. Isn’t that straight-up gay? What are you hesitating for? The fact that you can even ask this means you’re already shaken. Has Tong Xu asked around if he’s straight? It’s the 21st century—no one’s getting drowned in a pig cage for liking men. You’re Lin Zhi, right? And the guy you’re talking about is Song Mian? Coming out to Song Mian—what’s there to hesitate about?]
Lin Zhi suddenly felt steam rising from his entire body. His hands trembled as he sent: [Not Lin Zhi!]
Lonely Sunday Zero: [My lips are sealed, I won’t tell. Is Song Mian good in bed? He looks like a premium top. I’m a 0.5 leaning bottom—too bad all I meet are bottoms. When will I run into a premium top like Song Mian? I’d love to hook up with him once. You look pretty good too, Lin Zhi. Can you top? I don’t mind a short top.]
Lin Zhi’s worldview shattered once again under the gay onslaught. He… he’d opened the door to a whole new world.
Lin Zhi tried to stay polite—this was his only gay contact!
His hands shaking, Lin Zhi typed: [N-no! Neither I nor Song Mian! Go find someone else.]
Lonely Sunday Zero: [What a shame. Spinning pig sticker.]
Lin Zhi’s head buzzed.
Why was this pig wearing a floral skirt and dancing?
